The Miracle Child

Last night I decided to stay in the house and enjoy a few items that make my night pleasant. Those items are a strawberry cosmopolitan wine cooler, kettle corn, and a movie. I had all these movies in my closet that Heather's mom had let me borrow before she passed that are G or PG-13 rated. I enjoy a good animated feature so I popped in "Joseph; King of Dreams." If you aren't aware, that movie is based on the story of Joseph in Genesis. You know, the guy with the coat of many colors. So, I sat in my bedroom eating my kettle corn, sipping on my cooler, and watching Joseph go through some pretty hard trials. I started to think about how my story parallels that of Joseph's.

Now, this is not to say I am a "Miracle Child" or have a coat of many colors or that I have saved an entire land from famine. None of those things are true. The thing that I can see in me though is that what "they" meant for evil, God meant for good. Everyone that reads my blog is fairly aware of the childhood that I endured. Most also know that I am fairly resilient and have done things with my life that one should be proud of. You would find it sad to think that I really don't see the accomplishments as much as I really should.

There is a scene in this movie where Joseph sees his brothers again for the first time. He is angry and just wants to punish them for the things that they did to him. In this moment, he doesn't think about his accomplishments, his new family, or even his new position as 2nd to Pharaoh but just wants to retaliate and spew his anger. How many times could I relate to those feelings? Over a million I am sure!

Right after he punishes one of the brothers by putting him in jail, accuses another of stealing from him, and overall just messes with thier heads...he is finally ready to embrace them and forgive them and realize what God's plan was. In my life, it's very hard for me to just forget and embrace the abuse that was inflicted on me as a child. Joseph was sold into slavery! Why can't I understand that if God made good out of that situation, he can also make good out of mine?

I think that one of the hardest things to accept in my life is that my parents really can never love me the way that I envision parents loving their children. They won't love me the same way that my mentors love their children or the same way my friends parents love them. It's so frustrating to feel that way every single day of my life and realize that for the long haul, I am mostly alone. Then I realize....we are all alone on this journey. We are all individuals searching for the big plan or the main purpose in our lives.

I believe with everything in me that I am one of God's miracle children. I believe that although he didn't stop the abuse that was inflicted on me, he loved me nonetheless and planned to use it to not only bring others healing but to bring me success, hope, and a future. I have decided to put a verse to my calling in God and how much he wants from me in the field of psychology and it is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

After watching the emotional and amazing transformation of Joseph's story, I am reminded that it isn't just an animated feature. It is reality. It is written on the pages of Genesis in scripture. It is a fact that he was abused, sold, left for dead and completely used his hard times to create beauty, passion, and prosperity for an entire land. I am moved and inspired by Joseph's story today. It's sad that I had to be reminded with the animation instead of the words in scripture but God will take the lesson anyway I get it.

I am ready to start storing up my grain and bringing my "land" some prosperity. Thanks for reading my lesson for today. Hopefully we are back to having our eyes open and learning things at every turn. Have a great weekend and God bless you all!

~Erica~

My last weekend and on to this one!

Hey everyone. Today is Friday, Thank God and everything that is holy! This week has been a long one of new projects, new responsibilites, and new emotional trauma. The blogger website has been acting up for a few days so today is my first opportunity to write about my very relaxing weekend *last weekend* and a few other choice topics. First of all, let me tell you how we have a porta pottie in our front lawn. I know that is random but there is a good story here.

We are in the middle of a huge landscape project of our entire front lawn, driveway, etc... and it is a mess. We have been under construction for 2 months and it looks like it's going to be even longer as our yard is a giant dirtpile. I have spared you the carnage but since the porta pottie has a purpose in this story, I have included a picture below. I have noticed that people use porta potties in people's yards. I have had two different people come into my yard and help themselves to our facilities shall we say. Isn't that strange. One of them is a very close neighbor. Why isn't this man attending his own bathroom I wonder? The other was a teenager walking through. I have no idea what these people are thinking when they meandor into my yard to use our toliet *in our yard* Oh my..anyway, here is the pic!

Ok, so anyway, last weekend was my only weekend in June that I would truly be able to relax and enjoy so I did just that. On friday night me and Heather went to deidrichs just to kick back, have some Joe, and apparently listen to some mexican music. There was a live little band in there creating some fun tunes while we enjoyed our Mayan Mochas. Here are a few pics from that.

Here is Heather thinking hard about life...

Here is one of the overall environment and a small peek at the band in the corner.

This one is special. This is my Mayan Mocha and the plate which one held the delectable Raspberry white chocolate Crumble cake or something like that. YUMMMMM!

Ok, so on Saturday I went over to Heather's house and we went swimming. Yes, I enjoyed a relaxing day in the pool with Heather and a few other loved ones and we had a blast. Most of my day was spent with the cutest 3 year old that you could ever know and enjoying our attempt to not be scared of the water. It was a lot of fun until some stupid girls *teenagers* decided to drop the "F" bomb in front of cute little Jayden. NOT OK! I told them so though and man, I hope I wasn't that disrespectful to elders and my environment when I was younger. I can guarantee you I wasn't!!! Oh gosh, I am officially old to have just ranted about that.

On Sunday, I went to church, crown class, and then enjoyed the day with Heather shopping at good old thrift stores where there was some cool finds like the cool brown pumas I bought and a great Gap bag. Yes, did good for my $20. I love finding great buys and feeling like I am getting something new when I am not really. Budgets stink!

This week has been ok. I spent one day with my favorite guy friend Oscar. Here is a picture of him (cute as it gets).

I have severed some bad situations and spoke my mind and have been getting ready to be in Hannah's wedding. Oh man, this weekend is her bachelorette party and it's so weird to see one of my own totter off to the marrying field yet again. When is it my turn? Oh, I need to give up on that dream. Next weekend is her wedding so that is why my last weekend had to be relaxing with all I had to do the rest of June.

Also, big news, my friends *Carrie & Paul* are coming out to visit the last week of June for a few days and I couldn't be more excited. I love them both and it will be great to see them and have a little home come to me! I love you guys and I am stoked!

Anyway, to end my post. Here is a face I have been making a lot lately...I am exhausted and overwhelmed and just frustrated at the world around me. This face says "SHUT UP!"

Goals and aspirations ...indeed

I sit today in awe of how much stress is going on around me and how I used to get all caught up in the conflama! Conflama = Confusion and Drama. I don't engage in it anymore. My house has been pretty hectic the last couple of days with Chris and his being 13 years old. We are having so many problems with him lying, cheating, not completing assignments, bailing out, etc... and it's so frustrating. I should start by saying that Chris is very much ADHD and a lot of these behaviors stem from that but a great deal also stem from good old puberty I am sure. I have a very hard time remembering my junior high years and it's very hard for me to empathize with Chris a lot of the time.

Today a friend of mine was also involved in losing a great deal of money by robbery. I am so sad for him and really feel horrible about his loss but I also can't engage in his anger or frustration. I used to think that being a great friend was allowing yourself to get 100% pulled into the mess and I have learned that living stress and drama-free is so amazingly better for everyone involved.

I have so many goals and aspirations in my life that I recently recognized that I have to get back on track with them. I have to really dig deep and decide what it is that I want and start to really pursue that. Some of them are going to be harder than others. Some of them I can't control and some of them I can. Some of them are realistic for now, others are realistic for later. Mostly they are all important to me and need to have some attention directed toward them.

Lately I have allowed my vision to be fogged. I have allowed others to get in the way of my real desires and also have allowed the things I can't control to control me. I have a tendency to get into those places and never let go but now I am recognizing that and trying my best to turn my gears toward the life I want for myself. I decided to blog my top 5 desires today and really make a committment to me to start to make steps daily toward those 5 goals and blog/journal on them daily or almost daily.

Erica's 5 big desires:

1. To become a successful therapist/professor/writer/etc... *to be successful in my psychology career*

2. To be a healthy individual in every aspect *Spiritually/Physically/Mentally*

3. To have great relationships with family members *if possible*, friends, and romantic interests

4. To become completely financially independent in the sense that I have no outstanding debt and pay my bills on time and in full.

5. To become a wonderful wife, mother, and overall woman

These are goals I should be moving toward every single day in some way and that is my new focus. I have so much to live for..I need to start doing it.

I love you all!

~E~

My Memorial Day post!

Hi everyone. I didn't have time to write yesterday as we were in the car for 6 hours coming back from Nor-cal. I spent the weekend up north so it was eventful and also quite sad. Heather's mom passed away on February 19th so a lot of the weekend was spent in remembrance of her. It was a great weekend either way. We were able to go out on the boat with friends and really relax and enjoy our time. I thought I would write about two people who I really respected and who have passed on today in honor of Memorial Day.

The first one is my grandpa, Bus Briscoe. He was the most amazing man I have ever known and truly showed me love in a way that I never knew it before. He was honorable, hard-working, smart, and sweet and made me into the woman I am today. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even eaten somtimes. I love you and miss you papa!

The second one is Heather's mom, Sherrie Short. Yesterday we were able to go and visit Sherrie at her gravesite and spend a bit of time there. Here a few pics of that

Sherries Grave

Heather at Sherrie's Grave

Sherrie was like a second (or first really) mom to me. She really cared about my life, prayed for me, appreciated the good things about me, and encouraged me in all of my endeavors. Even moreso, she was an amazing Christian woman and phenomenal mother to my friend. We miss you Sherrie!

~E~

Just all kinds of stuff

Hey everyone, this post is going to be a hodge podge of different things that have been going on in my life. You all know that I was responsible for taking care of a certain turtle this past week and I wanted to finish up Arnold's photo shoot first. He is magnificent and although my time with him is through, I think we bonded. Here are the last photos of him so you can enjoy!

Here is Arnold as I presented him with a rose, my gift to my little guy.

Here is Arnold digging in to his delicacy.

Almost done....

When he is done eating, he basically just turns and walks away! Ha ha

So my week with Arnold went very well and he really relaxed me and I think made a point about my life and slowing things down a bit.

This week I have also started reading a book called "Women who love too much" at the suggestion of my therapist. It's really good so far and I am enjoying it. I really think I needed to read it. This weekend was filled with fun stuff and unexpected events. On Friday I did something I have needed to do for some time. I had a relaxing evening at home for the most part. I ended up studying with Heather at Denny's for a bit but mostly just stayed home and chilled.

Saturday morning was a great surprise as I got to have breakfast with a great guy and we went to Tower Records together also. We had a good time although our time was short. I completely honor the moments he has and really respect the time he puts into me. Later in the afternoon, I supervised the installation of our new marble living room floor. It is absolutely gorgeous and I hope you all get to see it. Thanks to David and Enrique for doing such a marvelous job!

Saturday night, Heather and I had a great dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory (one of my personal favorites) and then headed to a Karoke bar to watch her friend Mike compete in a contest. He did a great job and really put effort into his performance. Some of the performances were really funny. Mike did "Shameless" by Garth Brooks and wore a cute cowboy hat with I sported at one point in the night. (See below)

Sunday was filled with Church, a personal finance class, lunch at the Olive Garden with a friend and then off to work. Richard is out on business this week so it's my personal duty to care for Chris and the home. I am excited to have some time to run things a bit but also I really appreciate when Richard is around. He is such a great boss!

Tonight I got to see Hannah and she seems to be relatively calm even though her wedding is not even a month away. I am in the midst of finishing up details of being a bridesmaid for the first time. I had a fitting for my dress this week, will order shoes on the first, will plan out all other things and be happy happy happy for my friend!

Overall, things are really going well. I am learning more every day to be myself and let people love me for me! I have much to offer to the right people in my life. God has such a distinct call on my life and it's time I lived worthy of that calling. Have a great day and I hope you enjoyed the blog and pix!

~Erica~

Arnold, the calendar turtle

Gosh he is cute...enjoy

Here he is on the move and man is he speedy for a turtle.

Here he is eating his yummy lettuce close up!

And far away....

And finally..smiling for the camera (yes I am obsessed)

He makes me smile so much. Today was an interesting day in my growth. I tried on my dress today for Hannah's wedding and I am getting excited about being able to put on feminine clothing and not feel out of place. I am hoping I will feel 100% confident at some point but today was huge because I reached about 40% confident. Yipeee...I am becoming a girl.

~Erica~

My New Boyfriend Arnold

For those of you who didn't read my last post, first of all, Shame on you! Secondly I am tortoise sitting this week for friends of mine who own a beautiful tortoise named Arnold. He is my new boyfriend. I figure it's a great relationship because he is always glad to see me, comes with a home, and eats out of the palm of my hand, literally! I am in love with him peeps! I thought I would tell you all that I have spent a day with him and he's amazing and that I will be seeing him again today and that I have decided to add pix of him today! Enjoy his hottness!

Here he is first peeking his head out of some greenery to say hello!

Here is one where he is eating a beautiful rose and thinking of me! lol

Have a great day everyone!

~e~

Erica's adventures with Arnold

Hi everyone. I hope you are all doing well this beautiful Saturday. I have had a very eventful day considering my life is pretty boring 99.9% of the time. Today in Southern California it is so beautiful that I got myself a cute little sunburn which usually isn't my cup of tea but oh well. I am very happy with how the day went and all of the healing and changes God is bringing about. This morning I went to an event that I might not have attended a few years ago because of lack of confidence. I know you are all thinking..."Erica, not confident?" but it is so. I went to hang out at a Fireman's Pancake Breakfast to meet up with a friend of mine (kind of a blind meeting) and it went very well. We, heather and i, stayed for about 3 and 1/2 hours and we enjoyed our breakfast, a live band *lol*, and the company of some attractive Fireboys! YAY!

All of this ended at about 1:30 when we got on the freeway to get to Anaheim for Hannah's bridal shower. If you all know Hannah, she is marrying the best man in the world for her, Aaron on June 17th. I am honored to call myself a bridesmaid in this beautiful wedding. The shower went very well and it was really great to see Hannah get excited about her big day. Overall it was a great time and included chocolate covered strawberries which are my personal favorite!

Things in my dating life could be better but you know, you have to date a billion frogs before getting your prince sometimes. I have dated my fair share of really great men and really big frogs and let me tell you..I will be so grateful when I finally meet my prince. Until then, I am having fun with some frogs..I prefer if they are turtles though.

Speaking of turtles, my life for the next week is going to be so exciting because some friends of mine are going out of town and have asked me to ...yes...you guessed it...turtle sit. They have a tortoise and I get to take care of him while they are gone. I am stoked! His name is Arnold and he is amazing. I am very excited and will probably write about our adventures over the next week.

Well, I should close this post and put some lotion on my horribly burnt cleavage..yep, bad place for a burn. I love you all and thanks for stopping in.

Much love to you!

~Erica~

An officer and a gentleman

This post isn't about the movie from the 80's with Richard Gere so no fear for those of you who got a little nostalgic. Today I am writing about the new man in my life. Most of you know that I have been single for approximately 2 years with the exception of a few weeks in February that don't even deserve my attention. I am still very single but at the point in my life where I truly appreciate it and what it did for me. I have learned so much through this singlehood that I could never have learned attached to a man. I am now ready to be in a relationship of some sort and just really enjoy it at the pace that it happens. I think before I was always in a hurry and it made things really rough. I know that I have done my fair share of bad relationship acts and so have the other men in my life but that is over. Today, I am enjoying my dating relationship and really appreciating the man in my life.

I am not going to spend a whole lot of time talking about the man I am dating just because he is a police officer and must maintain a certain degree of discretion but I will say this...He is amazing. He is kind, gentle, passionate, driven, successful, organized, loving, protective and my personal Mr. Fixit. I call him a variety of names but most affectionately...Officer Hottie and Officer Dreamy! I am proud to be dating him and it is simply that...a very happy Dating relationship.

I am enjoying my acceptance into graduate school and just having a personal celebration every single day. I want to just mention also that two of my very good friends, Heather and Josh are graduating this weekend from Vanguard University with their Bachelor's Degrees. Heather's is in Liberal Studies and Josh's is in Business so I am proud of them and know that they will go far.

I guess that is the news for now. I have started a new process with my therapist and I will open up a bit about that once we are into it. Have a great day and hug a policeman today! :)

~Erica~

The light at the end....

For a while in my life, I have been walking through a dark tunnel. It's been over the past couple of years of remaking myself and really trying to be someone I can be proud of entirely. I can't say yet that I am proud of everything I do but then again, who can? My life is starting to take more shape as I try to deal with some of the bigger boulders in my life. I did a post some time last year when I started a book on boundaries where I talked about my boulders in life. My boulders are those issues that are huge and I needed help carrying them until they are more manageable. Most likely I will always struggle with these boulders but they will be much easier for me to handle.

I have come to a place where my main boulders are my family, my weight, my finances, and my personal relationships. I have worked on each of these boulders extensively and there is much improvement but really they are taking more and more shape as the more recent days have passed. My family and I have really established kind of an understanding. I have boundaries that are in place that can't be moved. I know that my family never REALLY intended me harm but because of our past, the levels of boundaries have had to change. My weight has been a struggle for years and it is slowly being less and less of one each day. My finances is something I have just started to work with and feel very proud of the steps I have taken to be a financially responsible young woman. Personal relationships are obviously not something you can master in a day or even in a lifetime because people come in and out of your life but I am doing much better with females and dare I say...males.

The big news that I want to share on here even though most or all of you will know already...is that I was accepted into Graduate School on April 21st. I am so very excited about attending at Vanguard and starting my life as a Therapist. I spent some time last night deciding my schedule and clearing my day off with Richard and it looks like everything is a go. I am nervous about finances for it but God is good and always provides for my needs.

I am also enjoying the company of a certain male these days and that is going very well. I am appreciating him and learning about him. It's nothing serious or anything and I am going turtle slow as usual so life is good.

Well, I should get going and attend to my 4 billion tasks for the day. Have a great one and be blessed!

~Erica~

A new found respect for Policemen!

I love the police. They are great aren't they. Nuff said!

~E~

Seeing the best in people.

So I am going to write about good qualities in people even when there seems to be some things askew as well. I know this guy, we'll call him "Big Bird" for the sake of keeping his identity secret. He is laughing right now because that is a great name for him! Anyway, he has done some questionable things in my life even to the point of hurting me but something keeps him right inside my heart. He is the sweetest, most genuine, adorable person I have ever known. I adore so many things about him that I thought I would write him a little LOVE letter today and make it public so he knew I was serious!

Here are things I love about "Big Bird"

1. He has the most adorable smile I have ever laid eyes on.

2. He has the sweetest touch that God could have given anyone.

3. He is generous

4. He is kind and compassionate

5. He is loving and sweet

6. He makes me laugh (go in there and give her a little Carne Asada)

7. He is very particular

8. He makes my heart melt when he calls me gorgeous or Mami (oh my, did that give him away?)

9. I like how he kisses me goodbye on the phone

10. I like how he cares about my whole life.

I could write a billion things I love about "Big Bird" but overall, I just like that for the most part, his heart is mine! Love ya sweety!

~Erica~

Struggles, hardships, happiness, and growth

I haven't posted since April 7th for a number of reasons. On April 8th, it was 6 years since my grandpa died and I really used that day just to chill and kind of not talk to anyone. I miss him so much and every year that passes really only feels like minutes. The rest of the time since I last wrote was really hard because my family is going through something, I am struggling making ends meet, and people are running in and out of my life. What is going on? I need a repreive. I need to feel happy for more than a nanosecond. Please God, bring me some sanity and help my family!

~Erica~

Baby Steps!

You always hear people say that the best way to accomplish a task or change in life is "Baby Steps." Well I have been giving that some thought. I was thinking about when my little sister, the love of my life, Britt started to walk. Hilliary (older sis) used to sit Britt on a chair and have her get up from the chair and take a few steps where Britt would collapse into whomever's arms were there to catch her. It was the cutest thing with her cute little diapered behind and big blue eyes. (She hates me right now LOL) So anyway, instead of sitting and being sad that my little Britt is 20 this year...I started to think about how that applies to life really!

So the first thing is that Britt had to have a firm foundation (the chair) to start with. I think this is the same with us as people. We have to establish a firm support system or a safe place to fall so to speak. I have done that in my life by surrounding myself with friends and mentors who can support me and come with me on life's journeys and offer a helping hand. This support system has to be people who are in agreement with your personal goals and life plan. It also has to be people who are healthy themselves and want that for you. It has to be people who have no jealousy in your sucesss but just want the very best for you. I have a great chair underneath me! :)

The next thing that I noticed is that Britt had to have a place to start (just getting out of the chair) This is the same in the real world too. You have to have a starting point. I will go ahead and speak about this in terms of my financial plan. You have to start by having a plan of what you want to do. For me it's paying off debts, making a budget, and starting a savings account. Britt just wanted to get off the chair to start and that is what these first steps are all about.

The next thing Britt did was take a few small steps on her tippy toes. (She walked like that for some time before she started running and being a holy terror) Well I compare this to taking a few metaphoric steps in your life and doing it safely. For example, in the financial world, meeting with a financial counselor, taking a class on budgeting, or perhaps seeking wise counsel from your support system.

The last thing Britt did was she fell and she would fall hard into the person's arms directly in front of her. Well, we all fall on the way to our goals. Some of us fall harder than others but nevertheless we all fall. My lesson here would be that we need to be able to fall into our Father's arms (Jesus) when we have fallen and have him help us get back on the chair and take a few more baby steps. I think we get too excited and want to WALK too fast and that is when we have to go back to the baby steps.

I hope you all enjoyed my little story about my Britt Butt today and decided to stop running and take some baby steps to change your life. I certainly am. Here is to a healthy new Erica!!!!

I can't believe my own growth.

Do you ever sit and think about where you have come from? I sure have this last couple of days and really feel proud of myself today. There are a number of areas where I have changed and every one of them is a huge step in the right direction for me. I have certainly had moments of taking steps back, pit stops, and downright falls but overall the last 3-4 years of my life have been times of enormous growth. I should probably note too that in 3-4 years from now, I will think the same thing about these years. I am nowhere near where I would like to be in life but I am at least taking steps to get there.

Well it's Friday and of course, that sounds like Heaven to me! I get another couple of days to sleep in, do things I need to do, relax, read, listen to music, and NOT work. I like weekends but even more than I used to just due to being alone. I used to hate being alone and it sounded like the last thing I would want to do. This weekend, I am excited about just Erica time. I am excited about cuddling up in my bed with the fan on me and reading a great novel or something I have been wanting to get to. I am looking forward to organizing my room and cleaning out my closet. I am looking forward to watching a romantic comedy alone with Kettle Corn. I am looking forward to hanging out with my friend Heather on Saturday and just doing something fun and relaxing. I am looking forward to writing in my journal about my growth. Most of all, I am looking forward to prayer walks and reading my Bible. I am just looking forward to the weekend, period!

I went out with a very close friend yesterday who has been with me over the last 3 and 1/2 years of growth. He and I had some lunch and went for a walk in the park. I can remember 3 years ago when yesterday would have been a whole lot different. I can remember when I would have been a different woman and one that was not in any way healthy! I also remember how much I required of him before and now, it is simply a friendship and it's a good, healthy one. I can go another 3 months without seeing him and hanging with him and I would still feel loved. I have never before been able to feel that.

Also, money is a huge area of growth right now. This week I, for the first time in my life, saved money. I handed some money to a friend to hold on to for me until I have enough to set up an actual savings account and I am so excited about the possibility of becoming a financially healthy woman. I have taken great strides to also pay down some serious debt in the last week. I am proud of myself in these areas. I am seeing a credit counselor for the big stuff next week so please keep praying in this area.

I am really seeing so much growth in myself and feeling great about what God and I have accomplished together! :) I love all that is happening within me and value myself more everyday.

I love you all and thanks for stopping by!

~Erica~

Fatherly advice and how that feels

I have always had my heavenly father and for that I am immeasurably grateful but father figures in my life have not always been a great area. I had one of the greatest grandfathers that a girl could ever have. He was a phenomenal person as well as a wise mentor. Recently God has restored my faith in fathers. Not only am I getting to know a new person who IS a father and a really great one but I also work for a great father and am developing a relationship with MY great father. I am proud of myself and my dad right now. Recently my dad and I had a talk that will literally change the course of my entire relationship with him. I am so happy that we had this talk and although some of the things I heard were disappointing or hard to hear, they were truth and that is what I have always wanted in my life.

This morning I woke up with goals for myself for the day. I was heading to the bank to make a deposit, mailing out some bills, making some decisions, and looking into my options for becoming a good financial manager. I am so proud of the changes I have made just over the last 2 weeks in my financial life. I am going to repair the damage that has been done to me and the damage I have done to myself. This is a huge part of re-parenting myself.

Today I talked with the bank about my options on SAVING money. See that is a concept I have never known about. My family always lived paycheck to paycheck or even worse, credit card statement to credit card statement. Living beyond my means was the only way I knew how to do things. Now, I am living below my means and it's comforting. I like the feeling of saving and I like the idea of actually caring about my future. I want to purchase a house (condo or townhouse) in Southern California and I need to start planning for that part of my future.

The reason the blog's title is about fatherly advice is that I am seeking financial advice from not only MY father but also Richard, my boss. He is very intelligent with his money and I knew he would know the proper steps for me to take to make my money work for me and create a nest egg for emergencies and my future. It felt good to have FATHERS to go to as well as of course, my Heavenly Father!

I am also really hoping that I can learn the discipline of being financially faithful in my walk with the Lord. I have started to get back on track with that and really have a plan of realizing that what is given to me is just that..given to me from Him!

I would ask that you pray that I can stay consistent with my financial plan and figure out how to dig myself out of this hole and become a responsible, financially sound woman! Thank you so much for stopping in and God bless you!

~Erica~

Blogging..not sleeping

Hey everyone. It is literally 4:00 a.m in sunny Cali and I can't sleep. I would go into why I can't sleep but let's just say I wasn't aware that a medication I took had caffeine in it and since I NEVER partake of caffeine, I am wide awake. I have read my bible, journaled, did my budget, and a million other things since I should be sleeping. Oh well, I guess the blog will be the next task.

So I recently made a decision to change some of my financial habits and it is such a rewarding decision. I made the decision that I would spend the very LEAST money I can and start applying every single penny possible to my debt. God has already rewarded me and multiplied what I have. He is so faithful. Why do I forget that at times?

A friend actually gave me a huge monetary gift today and it was not a loan. They were giving it from their heart out of love for me and it was quite touching. I am applying every penny of that money to pay for my car. Cavie will really be mine very soon. Don't worry, the blog will be the first to know! This is such a huge accomplishment as I am the first in my immediate family to purchase a new vehicle myself!!!

I am also noticing that my gas tank is fuller, my bank account has money left at the end of two weeks, and I don't feel as much anxiety when I am being faithful with my finances. I know that God has called me to tithe, save, and pay debts. He has not called me to squander or live a life of disobedience.

I also am happy to report that I am back on the weight loss wagon in a sense. I have not made any eating changes (except no fast food) but for the last 2 nights I have worked out. On Sunday I went and took 2 walks. I took one in the day at the beach and the second one at night on the Island. They were both so great. Today I took a walk on the Island and then worked my arms out with weights. I am proud of myself. I really would like to drop at least a little weight before Hannah's wedding.

Have I mentioned that I am a bridesmaid for the first time in my life in June? Hannah has given me the distinct honor of being one of her bridesmaids. I am amazingly touched and to be honest, surprised. I have never REALLY been close enough to a woman to be in their wedding. I have never had that healthy of female relationships but with God's help, I am growing.

Something pretty disturbing has been going on back home. (I know, you are shocked!) Someone in my life has really held some serious resentment, grudges, or something against me and continues to talk about me as if we are still 16 years old. The sad thing is, I want the very best for this person and want them to really grow and realize that YES...I was a horrible person at one point in my life but I no longer am. I truly pray for them every single day and want them to come to a place where they realize the hurt and pain they are causing not only me but themselves.

Therapy is going really great. I am re-parenting myself on a daily basis and finding that the things I really missed are things that I can work on now and teach myself. I can also get these needs filled in other ways and really develop a healthy relationship with my parents as adults who probably WON'T change.

In sad news, April 8th will be 6 years since my grandfather passed. I miss him so much and as I journaled about him tonight, I realized how much he truly influenced my life. I would appreciate prayers surrounding April 8th and just how I can honor him this year and really grieve him the way that God intends me to. Also, please pray for my family who are all grieving him as well.

Well, I should get off here as I need to be under some blankets but I DO love you all so much and I pray the very most over your lives. Thanks to my special friend who gave me such an enormous gift today. You are precious!

~Erica~

Happy Birthday Sherrie Short

Today would have been Sherrie Short's 60th birthday! I just wanted to wish her a happy b-day here!

~Erica~

The boys are back in town.

Well my long silent week was absolutely glorious and if you all were wondering, I did finish all of the tasks that Richard had placed on his list. That means I called the piano people and scheduled a tuning, took mimi to the vet (see later update), cleaned out the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen, cleaned the linen closet, cleaned the office, picked up dry cleaning, took the garbage out, and the list goes on! I was pretty proud of myself when Richard walked in the door last night.

Speaking of Richard, he and Christopher had completely different views on how the trip went. Christopher thought it was "awesome" and met a special girl from Iowa that he really liked and enjoyed her company the whole trip. Richard on the other hand was exhausted and felt the trip was too much and didn't get enough rest through it. I guess that is the difference in being 13 and being 41.

I am doing ok but really working on a million things in my life right now. I just recently came to the conclusion that I have a real problem with saving money, budgeting, paying bills, etc.. I can't imagine why I have never learned these skills! In saying that, I am meeting with a credit counseling agency on April 6th and trying to figure out how I can work things out. I am also trying to write down all of my debt and start working it all down. My other goal is to start to create a budget. I am sure you are all thinking..yeah Erica..you are 25 ..it might be time. Well, I have been living paycheck to paycheck my entire existence and basically, that's how I learned to be.

Another great concern of mine right now is Graduate School. I turned in my application to the school I REALLY want to attend and now it's a waiting game. I am nervous that I won't get in and then another part of me feels that if God wants me there, I will be there. I have everything to them and the ball should be rolling to start processing my application. I can't wait to find out if this is where I will be getting my Masters degree. Oh my gosh, I am going to get a Masters degree...hopefully

Mimi, our cat, is very ill right now and she is at the vet today and ended up staying overnight. It turns out our precious Mimi has a hernia. She is really struggling with breathing, eating, and everything else necessary in life so when I pick her up today, I will find out the treatment plan.

The weight loss journey has been stalled for quite some time lately. I haven't really worked on it for a while and you can tell as my jeans are tighter, stomach is bigger, and booty is expanding. I seriously want to be at a healthy weight but I need to want it more. I have to start really putting in the work and being consistent. It will probably help that I can't spend a dime since eating out is so bad for me!

Re-parenting myself is going wonderfully. I feel like I have really made some progress since I started doing that. For example, in my financial attitude, my weight loss attitude, and even in my friendships and relationships. I am caring more about myself in order to start cleaning up my life a bit more.

I spoke with my dad on the phone for and hour and 1/2 yesterday and we really had a great talk. He allowed me and even invited me to ask him for some truths that I might need. I did need truths. I needed to know if the abuse I had thought happened, really did. I needed to know if he really wanted me or didn't really care. I needed to know how he felt about time with me as a child. I felt really loved after our conversation and my dad said the things I needed to hear like "Erica, I know you will get into Grad School" and "Erica, I am proud of you!" Those two sentences could hold me for years.

Well, I should get going and pick up meemers. Keep praying for all of the above I have mentioned and my friend Heather as she has been going through a lot and is graduating in May. Life is stressful for her right now!

I love you all so much and God bless you this wonderful Friday!

~Erica~

Organizing!

Do you ever look around and realize that you have let your life get out of control? That's where this post is going today. I woke up today to the house by myself and no actual work until Friday of next week. I was optimistic about this since I have so much to get accomplished. I would love to call this a vacation but it really isn't since I have to work continually to get things done. I have things to do in my own life like finish the application process for grad school, clean my room, get rid of clothes that don't fit, get back into working out, and organize my life. I also have things to do for Richard like cleaning the office, cleaning out the linen closet, cleaning out drawers, getting things done on the house, and the list continues.

Today is Sunday and I always view that as a starting over point. I feel like I really need a starting over point today. I am so behind on everything. I just want to be done with things in the past and start a new chapter. I also am making a decision to talk with a financial counselor tomorrow and meet with my mentor on Tuesday in order to get my budget together. I am really hoping I can learn how to care for myself financially finally.

News in my life is pretty much the same but here are the updates:

Health: I am doing ok but I really need to get into a doctor for diabetes. I am going to try to get on a government program in order to have doctor visits paid for if nothing else.

Work: Off for the week because Chris and Richard and gone but back in action next week!

Grad School: I have an information meeting at Vanguard on Tuesday evening. I am turning my Vanguard Application in tomorrow and possibly one of the other ones. I am ready to go and hopefully God will let me in somewhere.

Family: My family is going through something really hard right now that they sorta asked for themselves but they need prayer!

I hope you are all doing well. Have a great day and God bless you!

~Erica~

The nations capital brings me R & R..sorta

Hey everyone. I hope that this Saturday finds you feeling wonderful and experiencing joy in your life. I am in such a weird place in my life right now. I feel completely motivated yet frustrated. I feel driven, yet terrified. I feel accomplished, yet lost. I am always kind of balanced between these two extremes but not this week...I am one or the other.

The title of today's blog is due to Richard and Chris going to Washington D.C. this week. They left this evening and they are not coming back until the end of the week. This means that I am "off work" for the week. There is a plus side to this and a very negative side. The plus side is that I have time to get MY life together and do projects that get pushed to the back because of work. The negative side is that I am going to lose a great deal of money. Money is not something I am able to lose right now due to the horrible debt that I have gotten myself into.

I am frustrated beyond my limits and really distracted by anxiety and fear. Some days I wonder when my life will ever have an easy place in it. I wonder when I will have a day of happiness or joy or even reprieve from the daily worries. I am worried that if I don't get responsible and take care of things NOW..I won't have a chance to redeem myself

The next week is going to be dedicated to ME!!! I am going to work on my finances, health, organization, and money making strategies. I am going to have to commit to myself for a while! Please pray..I am at my wits end

~Erica~

Cry me a river

I completely admit that the title of this blog is due to me listening to Justin Timberlake right now but it fit my attitude. Last night I just started crying and crying and feeling sorry for myself. I always wake up feeling better but I hate those nights. I decided that I had a moment of feeling hopeless and I'll chalk it up to girl emotions and hope it doesn't come back to stay!

Do you ever feel like your life is NOTHING like you would have planned. My life is absolutely zero % like I had imagined it would be at the age of 25. I am happy about this in some ways like I don't live in Indiana, I have a BA in Psychology, I am going to grad school soon hopefully, and mostly I have tons of great friends. In other ways, I am so sad about the outcome. I am not married, have no children, have bad relationships with my family, and mostly have no financial security right now.

I am sad and happy all at once. This is where I am today so I thought I would write about it.

~Erica~

75% complete..in your face unbelievers!

This weekend I really put "my nose to the grindstone" and got busy on my Grad School stuff. I know that most of the early deadlines have already come and gone but man, I am so proud of myself. I am at least in the deadline zone, even if it isn't the early ones. I have one application to finish up before they are all send-ready. The issue is now an issue of $paper$. I can't seem to make enough to cover all of my crazy situations in life. I will be so happy when I make enough for my bills and not only that...but have my issues from my past paid off!!!

I have been re-parenting myself for a week now and I wanted to share what I have come up with. The two things that have really crossed my mind that I missed so far are Affection and Rules. I know that most people would never wish for rules but I sure would. Affection is so important though and creates a whole different person if you don't have it. I find that I crave affection at every turn because of the way I missed it as a child. I also crave someone telling me the RIGHT things to do.

A lot of people take for granted that their parents say "Brush your teeth" or "Do your homework" That is just a sign of your parents actually caring. I can honestly say that anytime I have done my homework or brushed my teeth it wasn't because I was told to. I think a lot of people don't understand the value of discipline until they never had any.

Today I am going to finish my last application for Grad School and start reading up on Group therapy. I am thinking it would be beneficial for me to attend Group therapy with other people who have had dysfunctional upbringing. I also have to take Chris to the doctor today for his ADHD check-up. I hope all is well with him and that he has gained some weight. I think it's so important for him to do so right now.

Anyway, I should get going and close this post but I'll keep you up on what Re-parenting teaches me and also on the Grad School progress. At this point, it's a send them and wait and see process!

Have a beautiful Monday!
~Erica~

Re-parenting!

So, my therapist suggested I do an exercise each day in re-parenting. I am not so sure how I feel about this yet. We did it together in my session on Monday and it felt odd and strange to me. Maybe it just felt odd and strange because I don't know parenting. We sat in the dim lighting and I closed my eyes as she said to pretend I had "little-erica" on my lap. She then spoke words of affirmation to "me" as a little girl. Things like "Erica, you are so smart and you are going to be so good at whatever you do." I was so sad inside.

I literally cried through the whole exercise because I realized, I never heard those things. I was never told I was smart, good, cute, beautiful, appreciated, loved, etc... In my house only words of complete destruction were spoken. My job is to re-parent myself and tell myself the things I need to hear! I am so aching inside thinking about this.

Not writing a lot..just wanted to share my exercise!

~E~

Sickness...yuck

This past weekend we had plumbing problems that most people don't see in their lifetime. It has caused some water damage in my room and moreso...mold issues! Mine and Chris' throat are completely not good and we are feeling like junk. Please pray for both of us as we battle some sickness!

~Erica~

It's been so long

My blog has been the least of my worries over the past 2 weeks. Life has been crazy! I appreciate everyone that takes the time to keep up on my life through this blog and really enjoys it or uses it as a prayer forum. Today, I come to you really overwhelmed and completely emotional. I have a million reasons for this to be so but none that I care to write about. Today I return to therapy and to be honest, I can't wait. I need to talk to someone about the feelings that are haunting me and think of some strategies to work through them.

I have completed my GRE now and also filed my Fafsa so a few more steps are down in the grad school process. I am still dragging my feet quite a bit on the applications and that is one of the topics of today's session I am sure. I am struggling with decision making, finances, romance, family, and everything in between. I am hoping that after this giant growth spurt of 2-3 years that God is going to give me a break and let some happiness occur.

In other news, I am slowing becoming even more independent than I once was. I am so proud of myself for taking some steps to further seperate from my immediate family. I love my sisters and they are always going to be a part of my life in some way but there are other aspects where I know I will never be properly cared for.

Today, I am going to close this post up to get ready for my session and talk to some people and I have to pay this guy that is putting our trash compactor in. Have a great day and God bless you all!

~Erica~

Sherrie Short...my tribute

Normally I write in my blog as much as possible and have tons to say but words are somewhat fleeting right now. On Sunday, February 19th at 5:22 a.m. my friend Heather's mom, and someone I loved and respected very much, passed away. Tonight as I sat in Heather's room praying with her and crying over her loss and my own saddness of missing Sherrie...I realized how amazing this woman was. She raised three wonderful children and was an amazing wife to Don but was even more than that. She brought several people to know the Lord, created her own craft business, headed up tons of projects at the church, and was all around loved by EVERYONE that knew her.

As I have spent the last few days with a grieving family, I am completely and utterly amazed by their strength and dedication to their mother and wife. They are all pulling through together and with grace. I believe that Sherrie would have so proud of her family as they make decisions, love each other, and grieve their loss. I am truly proud to have known Sherrie and to continue to know the Short family.

I want to close today's post by writing a little something to Sherrie since I didn't make it here to say goodbye.

Dear Sherrie,

I truly loved you! You have been a mother to me when finding a normal one was hard for me. You have created such a beautiful daughter for me to share my life with. She is so much like you and for that, I am lucky to call her a friend. Thank you for all that you did for me throughout our short relationship. Thank you for showing me an example of godly love and sacrifice. I truly miss you already and this house isn't the same without you! It truly isn't. I will forever hold you in the highest regard.

All of my love and dance it up in Heaven! The shackles are off..and now you may only PRAISE HIM!

~Erica~

P.S. Hug your mamas today!

Raw Emotion

Have you ever been so raw that you would growl at love songs, cry over everything, and just basically feel like putting the covers over your head and not coming out? I am at that exact point in my life right now. I have had a hard couple of days. I have experienced the ending of a relationship that I was really enjoying plus finding out that certain people in my life felt differently about me than I had thought. It's such a hard place for me to be. Yesterday was the totally over commercialized, entirely made up holiday Valentine's Day and I was just plain bitter. I had all of these plans this year to heal and feel whole. I had found a man I wanted to share my special "love day" with and had purchased the appropriate cards, gifts, etc... all to have him give up on me in Vegas and not even communicate with me about it. COWARD is a great word for this occasion.

I am a million emotions all at once; bitter, confused, angry, sad, broken, distraught, stressed, grateful, relieved, scared, livid, perplexed, frustrated, aggitated, annoyed, and mostly just plain depressed. I have had some pretty hard days in my life for sure and this isn't the worst of them but it certainly isn't the best either. I shared my whole world with this boy and he completely threw it in the garbage.

The one thing that completely makes me regret everything is that I opened up with this boy about my greatest love in my life...my grandfather. I trusted him with my deepest, darkest emotion and he completely tossed it to the wind. I fear that I opened myself up more than I ever intended to and it was a mistake. I am going to be so much more careful with who I let in my heart. I am scared that I am going to shut myself off from this and never try to love again.

I made some mistakes with Avery ..that is for sure but the thing I am most proud of is that I took responsibility for my part in it. He took no responsibility at all including not keeping his word in the end. He was a pitiful coward and for that, I am truly grateful to be rid of it.

I also really owe a great thank you to my friend John who willingly took care of me on Sunday when I was scared, alone, and hurt. I appreciate when real friends come through for you. I appreciate my boys who want to kill people for me and for my girls who cry with me.

They say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all and I disagree....I would rather have NEVER loved this man or anything that he was. I am truly sorry for allowing him this deeply into my heart and life. Good bye and good riddance! I am truly raw and sad at this point and I am only blogging to hope it lets some of it out in the open.

~Erica~

hmmm...too good to be true

Yes, if you haven't already heard..this relationship thing was too good to be true. It's over because to be quite honest, I have NO IDEA. It's not good manners to break up with someone and say "it's me..not you!" PLEASE! Anyway, back to the drawing board but I am gonna say this..I trust NO ONE anymore! I hate people today. I hope all of you are ok. I am going to study for my GRE because it's what deserves my time.

~E~

Communication and how much better it is.

As everyone that reads this blog knows, I was in a VERY long relationship at one point in my life and a lot of times, I think it was time wasted but I am learning...it just wasn't. I have learned that the time I spent with Adolfo and the relationship that we had was there for a reason. I learned so much about men, communication, and mostly how to love. I know that with Adolfo I made more mistakes than really should have been accepted but either way I truly learned. Someone in my life recently said that this is where the rubber meets the road. They weren't kidding.

I am a girlfriend for the first time in 2 years and it's true, I really did learn. I am completely confident that much of what I went through with Adolfo is going to serve me well in my new relationship. I can honestly say this is the happiest I have been with a man in 3-4 years so I want to do this correctly. I want to love Avery the way he needs to be loved. I want to pay him enough attention, not be demanding, give him what he needs, and communicate effectively. I think that these things are coming out of me because of growth from old wounds.

Today I am going to compare this to weight lifting. When you decide to start weight lifting, the first of it is painful and makes you sore for so long. You obviously love the pain of weight lifting but try to forget that for this analogy. Anyway, the more you do the weight lifting, the stronger you are. Well, that's the same with this. That first long relationship hurt me and left me very sore. I am so strong now though and I am able to lift more weight than ever. I am able to love better and stronger.

Anyway, I thought I would just jot down my thoughts on growth today so that I can look back in a year and see I have grown even more. I know that I will.

Avery, it's been so fun and I can't wait to hang out with you this week and get closer and stronger together. You are a gem and I am so glad that I can bring anything to this new relationship!

Have a great day everyone and God bless you! Also, congrats to all you Steelers fans...I knew it was gonna be them!

~E~

Superbowl Sunday yet again.

Hello everyone and Happy Superbowl Sunday! Do I care about this day at all? Not really. You see, football first of all isn't really my sport. Hockey is my sport by first choice. I love basketball and baseball too but really Hockey has my heart. Football is a long long way away from even gaining any attention from me. Just recently I learned that my boyfriend's favorite sport is ...you guessed it...football. I have chosen to start learning about it because I don't want to sidestep his interests, however, I am certain that it will never reign supreme over Hockey. By the way, please take a moment of silence for my Colorado Avalanche as they got beaten down by my enemies..the Red Wings! I was so sad so Joshua and I had breakfast this morning to grieve our losses.

Anyway, this post wasn't supposed to be about football or hockey so I will get back on topic. Lately life has been so stinkin great that I can't even comprehend it and I am a bit scared of it. I mean, it's still my life where it has bills, family drama, friend issues, and weight loss struggles but there is a happy cloud sitting over all of it. I know what you all are thinking and yes...I am in love! :)

Avery has changed the way I view my life. He is a pleasant surprise every time my phone rings with Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder. He is the upbeat to everything I do. Just when I get discouraged about something, I think about him and the worries melt away. When I am worried about the GRE, he says encouraging things to make me believe I can do it. When I am discouraged about weight loss, he reminds me of how health is beneficial. He is the sweetness in my days!

Now, you all know that I am not the kind of girl that gets too fluffy about things. I am usually the girl who talks about love very matter of factly and never really feels it. I can tell you that this boy has my heart and I can't wait to spend time with him this coming week. I feel like before relationships stopped me on my way to my goals and dreams. They distracted me in a sense. Avery does the opposite. He makes me want to achieve all of my goals and dreams and makes me believe they are 100% possible. I am so grateful to him for being that kind of man!

Avery, as you read this today, realize how much I appreciate not just our relationship and the romantic part of it. I also appreciate the man you are. I appreciate your sweet personality, your encouraging words, and mostly the fact that you are becoming my best friend. I hope that as we grow together, we can learn more and appreciate more about each other. I am going to learn all I can about you, Kenya, football and whatever else matters to you. You are worth every second of my attention and love! Have a great day today knowing your girl adores you!

Well everyone, I hope I have not grossed you out but have really inspired you toward things that matter. It looks like Erica is coming out of cynicism once and for all! Have a great Super Bowl Sunday and I love you all!

~Erica~

Embracing my female-ness

As I think about a year ago, I think about a lot of things that were so hard for me. I think about how hard it was to realize my family weren't going to change. I think about how hard it was to accept loss of a broken relationship and broken friendships. I think about how hard it was to confront my health head on. Mostly I think of how hard it was to trust females. A lot of you are aware why females have been a struggle for me. Today is a new day and today I trust so many females and feel so happy about that.

I decided to dedicate today's blog to my female friends and all that they bring to my life. These notes are a clear distinction that indeed...my heart is healing.

My Britt Butt: Although you were the easiest to trust because you are my lil sister, I love you more everyday. I am so happy that we are adults together now and that you are becoming such a great person. I pray the most over your life and fulfillment of all of your dreams. You are truly so talented and bring so much to everyone's life that is lucky enough to be a part of yours. I am so sorry about the loss and hurt you have been going through but I love you sweety and I am here "always and forever." I just want to love you baby..I just want to hold you tight (LOL)

Heather: How do I possibly began to summarize all that is our relationship? I think it's a lot like a pheonix..like in Harry Potter. It had to die in order to become the beautiful thing it is today. I appreciate the friendship that has developed and the heart that you have been developing as well. God has really placed His amazing touch on your life and I am truly proud of everything you become day in and day out. I knwo that life isn't easy all the time and I am telling you..this too shall pass. I love you dear girl and thank you for everything. We are a permanent thing and I couldn't be happier about that.

Carrie: Thank you for being the best friend that Indiana could produce. I love you and your girls and your smelly husband. I look at you as an example of what I could be someday in my marriage and family. I can't wait to share my children with you the lovely way you have shared yours with me. I love you Hailey and Riley. Those kids mean the world to me and I thank you for every moment I get with them. Carrie, I love our friendship and how simple and great it is. You are a great girl and I am so lucky to have you.

Hannah: I am so excited that I am going to be a part of the most special day of your life. I am excited that you have trusted me with such an honor. Our friendship has always been pretty easy for me and I appreciate the kind of woman you are and that we are both so completely chill people. Our intensity is always ok to the other person and that is comforting. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for calling me on my crap, loving me when I was unlovable, and being a constant source of humor and love!

Heather Welday: Oh yeah, you have a new last name! I am so proud of calling you my friend. There are times when I think about what kind of person I would like to be and you come to my mind. We have both come from a crazy place and you have truly shined and shown that environments have nothing to do with developed character. A true psychological miracle in my opinion. I love you sweety and I wish you all the happiness in the world and it looks like that is what you are working on.

Pam: I love you like a mom ...you know..a normal one. I appreciate all of the normal things you have brought into my life. Thank you for bringing me medicine when I am sick, looking out for me, and always knowing EVERYTHING. I am so proud of all you have accomplished since I have known you. You are my hero Pam-cakes! I love you dearly

This blog was dedicated to my nearest and dearest females but there are plenty more where that came from...Martha Fellure, Claudia Degelman, Barron Harley, etc...

Anyway, that was beautiful and now I am girled out! To my cute boyfriend, I am enjoying every second we get and thank you for being completely wonderful and loving me for me! :) Have a great weekend ya'll

~Erica~

1 week and my life couldn't be more beautiful

Have you ever made a decision in your life and though..ahhh..yes..this is the right one. I have finally made one of those. For one week of my life I have been sharing all of my moments, hardships, love, strength, weakness, etc with one of the most wonderful men I have ever met...Mr. Avery Lakim Shabazz! There is no way you could find a better man..because one doesn't exist. Ok, maybe that is pushing it but I haven't been so happy for YEARS!

Avery has brought so much happiness into my life in just the short week we have been "official" and I can't tell you how amazing that feels. I wanted to dedicate today's blog to him and just say a few things!

Avery: It's been amazing this past week and I am looking forward to every week ahead of this one. Let's not take one day for granted. It's great when you find someone you are attracted to, respect, admire, and desire. Life is good when you are in it. I love you sweety boy and I can't wait for all that our time together will bring us!

Have a great day ya'll and find love today!

~E~

A beautiful Saturday stroll.

Today has been a glorious day so far although my plan was to be knee deep in GRE preparation. I have not prepared for the GRE in the least but I have enjoyed my Saturday either way so far. Early this morning I got up and fixed breakfast for Christopher, who isn't usually here on Saturdays. I had plenty of time so I made scrambled eggs, toast, and sausage. He stayed here last night because he had an 80's dance. It was a lot of fun for him. So anyway, I drove him to Corona this morning and started my day when I got back with a 2 mile walk around my neighborhood. It was so refreshing and while I treked my way around Eastbluff....I talked to my boyfriend...yes you heard right...boyfriend.

I have decided that it's time to reveal the news completely. I now have a boyfriend and have since Thursday. His name is Avery and he is wonderful. I am really enjoying getting to know him and experience him in a relationship and am truly happy where I am. He is a wonderful man with character, strength, and virtue and that is refreshing as well. I really can't wait to see how it all pans out and what we find out about each other in the coming days. This could be a beautiful thing. The picture below is my man! Isn't he cute?

Now, as I finish writing this blog I have to go and get my rear in gear on GRE prep. I can't put it off any longer. Also, I feel my sugar is probably low right now and let me tell you..that is NOT a bad thing. I have been experiencing days and days of taking insulin and not being able to get my sugar down. This is a good thing. I am going to go and test myself and have some lunch finally. I think that morning stroll may have broke the sugar barrier.

Have a great day as I am today and enjoy all of the things that life brings you. To be truly in love with ones day...is such a blessing after such a hard couple of years. Singlehood...SEE YA!

~Erica~

Erica...updated.

Hello everyone. I am sorry I haven't written for a bit. January has been a trying month for me. 2006 isn't looking all that much better than 2005 but I have my fingers crossed. Overall the main updates have to do with my family in Indiana and my grad school progress. My family has started moving and will be relocating to Bedford, Indiana starting next week. That is a big step for my family as we have lived in Mitchell my whole life. It will be weird to go home and visit and not be in the same town as my Grandfather's grave and my high school and all of the things I am familiar with.

Grad School preparation is going well. I have finally scheduled my GRE for February 17th. For those of who you don't know, that is the Graduate Records Examination. This exam is important to some of the schools I chose and they make a decision based on these scores at times. I am nervous about it but have spent about a year preparing so I am hoping to get a couple more weekends of studying in and go in confident.

I have ordered transcripts, gotten recommendations out, and have almost completed my application packets so things are going smoothly. This coming week I am going to start working on the Fafsa and get that done for financial aid and the rest is going to have to fall into place. I owe Vanguard a little money before they will release my transcripts so that is the next order of business.

This process has required a lot of steps and also a lot of healing in my own life before I could really step out and apply. I have begun seeing my therapist again in the new year and it's going wonderfully. I know that through this process, I will need to be working on my personal growth and strength. I have a lot of things I need to accomplish in order to be a successful and confident therapist.

A few relationships in my life have come full circle and I am working on those. I have a new boy in my life and as of yesterday (Jan 26th) we have decided to be together. That means after 2 grueling years of singlehood, I am finally a girlfriend again. I have resolved in my own mind to do this one completely different. So far, I am doing great but it's only day 2. :)

My health is again a concern but when isn't it? I have started faithfully taking insulin again and it seems it's not the right dosage since I can't keep my sugar at a low enough number. I need to choose a diabetic specialist soon and start a new diet and regime and get serious about saving my own life. I have learned that I need to love myself a bit better through this disease and see if I can manage sugars better.

I am sure there are other things to update but I must get going and start calling around for a doctor that will see a patient without insurance. :(

Have a great weekend everyone and God bless you all!

~Erica~

I'm not telling

Lately I have come to a point where my privacy is of prime importance. I am in a place where my personal life is finally mine. I don't have all of these deep hidden secrets but at the same time, my life is not public property anymore. That feels good to me. I think that is what I needed all along.

So, the new years resolutions are going ok. I am working on about a billion things at once. I am working on my personal health, my grad school goal, my debt, and my friendships. I think that this year is going to be so much better because I have my head on for sure in a lot of aspects.

My day today is going to be spent doing errands and appointments today which is a normal run of the mill monday I guess. I will write tomorrow!

Until then, have a great day

~E~

Another day, another goal

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog for the second day running that I have been able to write in it. I have had this blog for some time and I used to just blog to death but I found that I started having an actual life after Adolfo and chose to stop doing so. I am going to be blogging a bit more in it now but only for my own sanity, not to share anything personal and big!

You may be wondering what is going on in my life and I will go ahead and fill you in on the not so personal and not so exciting details. First of all I am still working on Grad School applications and I have been so bad about putting these things off. I have really beat around the bush and it's time to get serious about it in 2006. Today's goal comes from that mega-goal. My dating life is going well. I will not be saying anything about my current relationship on here but that I am enjoying my life and I am doing fine.

My health is not at its best as I have been also putting off weight loss. Not in a huge way like eating everything I want but just not doing all the work that I know will get the job done. Again, it's time to get serious! My friends (as I said yesterday) are all struggling and scattered so I am hoping that in the next month we will see some incline in the news. I am not sure that it is going to happen, but we can always hope and pray.

Today's goal for me is going to be focused on my second major goal of the new year. Getting into Graduate School! I have decided to get all of my envelopes ready today for my applications and make a checklist for each packet therefore creating organization. That doesn't sound like a lot but it's probably an hour task down in the process. Please pray because there are just tons of things that I need to do for Grad School prep. I also need to take the GRE rather soon so please pray for money and time for that. I have applications to fill out, things to write, recommendations to get, fees to pay..etc... and it's killing me to think about everything so one step at a time.

Yesterday my goal was to drink 8 glasses of water and I sure got it done. I wasn't even floating either because I did a lot of stuff yesterday that required hydration. Hurray for me. I am getting closer to being a healthy individual. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Have a great day ya'll and enjoy your weekend. If I don't get to write on the weekend, I'll update on Monday!

Happy Friday!
~E~

oh my..here my life goes.

Hey everyone. Thanks for stopping in today. It's already the 5th day of the new year and I am overwhelmed with new things and tasks at hand. I haven't had a moment to blog since I was in California last. I did take my trip to Indiana and got to see my family and friends back home. While I was home I got a new tattoo which is on my lower back and is a Mustang Stallion with my grandfathers birth and death dates above and below. It's great and healing pretty well. Here is a photo of it.

Marcus my trusty tattoo artist is the one who did it and I have some pictures I plan to load onto my web-site from the tattoo and trip in general. Since being back, I haven't really done much but catch up. I feel like my life has been spent in the laundry room. Who knew you needed so many clothes for 12 days? I also have been spending time with my California people (at least the ones that are around) Most of my California friends are not around right now because they are at their respective homes.

My friends are all having their own struggles right now with family illnesses, impending scary moments, and even car accidents and such. I feel like everyone is really struggling right now. Today, I am just struggling to keep my eyes open. I haven't been sleeping very much and it's taking a toll on me.

As resolutions go, I have decided that I am going to do something a little different this year. I have 4 main goals for my 2006. They are the following....

1. Lose Weight
2. Get into Grad School
3. Pay down debts
4. Be a good friend

These goals will be the main focus of my entire year. I have decided to work on these goals by having 1 daily resolution for myself. Today's (January 5th) is to drink at least 8 glasses of water by midnight. I know that doesn't sound especially hard but to be honest, it's a great health goal for me seeing that water is always good for your body and also flushes fat out of your system. One thing at a time this year.

Anyway, I hope all is well on your front and please write or call if we haven't spoken. I am hoping to use some time this weekend to catch up with folks via phone or email so keep those cards and letters coming!

~E~

Thankfulness!

I just wanted to briefly write and say that I will be starting again on my thankfulness trek! I want to start blogging one thing I am thankful for each day! I think that will help me to keep my head out of my problems. Have a great day ya'll and here is today's thankfulness!

December 18, 2005: I am thankful that I was not injured badly in my car accident yesterday. I am thankful that Cavie was also not injured beyond working condition. I am thankful that I have car insurance and that Cavie will be able to get fixed. I am thankful for my boy who calmed me after the car accident. I am thankful for a great meal out with my boy where I enjoyed a great glass of wine and good seafood. I am thankful for cuddle time and Napolean Dynamite too. I am thankful mostly that I am heading home in 4 days.

~E~

Another date and still liking it

Some of you know that I have been interested in a certain boy for some time. It's been a hard road for us because of some past issues for him but overall, it's been so much fun. Last night we went on another date and it went so well. We had such a good time together just eating dinner and watching Napolean Dynamite. I hardly ever have as good of a time with anyone else besides him. I am hoping I will get to see him one more time before I head to Indiana for 12 days.

Speaking of that, I am so stoked to head to Indiana this coming week. I am looking forward to seeing my friends and family again. I am a little under the weather right now with a cold or sinus problems and yesterday I got into a car accident so I am just ready to pack up my gear and head east. Just so you aren't alarmed, my car accident was just a fender bender but if any of you know Cavie...you know that is so sad to me.

I am also looking forward to the new year and making new resolutions. I know I didn't meet all 50 of my resolutions this year but I worked hard and got a few of them taken care of. I am excited to make new and more reasonable ones. I hope you are all doing ok. Have a great Holiday season and I love you all!

~Erica~

Theres no place like home for the holidays

Hi everyone. I am sorry it's been so long since I have blogged. My life has been extremely stressful for the last month or so. Last week I was given the biggest blessing ever by a very precious family that I love. Heather's family (The Short Family) paid for my ticket home to Indiana. I can't even fathom the kindness and love they showed me by providing me a ticket to be with my family for the holidays. I am so excited about going home and I owe this family all of my excitment and happiness. :)

I just wanted to write really quickly and update everyone on my holiday plans. I am hitting the rolling hills of Indiana from Dec. 22-Jan 3

If I don't write soon..Happy Holidays!

~Erica~

Home for Christmas

I am sitting writing my post today singing "I'll be home for Christmas" at the top of my voice. I am so longing for home. I haven't seen my mom and older sister for 7 months and my little sister for almost 5 months. I haven't seen my dad, step mom, or other little sister for almost a year. It's really hard to be so far from your family and have the fear that you might not get home for Christmas. Money is very scarce right now and with the holidays approaching is not going to get easier. I looked at plane tickets today and even this early, they are already 400 dollars each. That scares me for sure.

I always love Christmas in Indiana. I love the way that Indiana looks with freshly fallen snow on the ground and how it smells like fireplaces and cooking food and people are rushing around all bundled up to get their Christmas shopping done. I love seeing my friends and family and sharing with them and getting to see them unwrap my gifts and know that I love them so much.

I love visiting my favorite people and getting to catch up on old times with them. I love going to the grocery store with my mom to get all of my favorite foods because she cooks them all while I am home. I love the smell of my mom's cooking in our house and going into the kitchen and seeing pans and pans of fudge and seeing some crazy concoction that Hillliary found in a magazine that she created as a masterpiece. (last year was the stocking cake)

I love Christmas Eve with my Grandfather's family where I get to see just a glimpse of him again through his brothers. We all get together and do a gift exchange, potluck, and play cards and just catch up on family news. Then we go home and start to prepare Christmas dinner (me and my mama) and open one gift each. We then watch White Christmas and stay up and then the next day..the magic happens. I love Indiana at the Holiday Season. Gosh, I want to go home NOW!

HOMESICK!!!!

~E~

Enjoying the first stage of attraction.

Don't you love those first few dates of a new relationship? I sure do. I am seeing someone new and it's really a fun time. We have been getting to know each other for a few weeks and I have found out wonderful things in this short time. We had our first date on Saturday (Nov 19th) and have our second one tonight. I am looking forward to it since we have decided to go bowling. I have a good time doing whatever with whomever but he makes things even better.

Life is going alright for me. I leave tomorrow morning to head up to Nor Cal with Heather to spend Thanksgiving with her family. I am looking forward to seeing her family and also just spending a few days supporting Heather through a rough time. I am also just looking forward to getting away from work and responsibilities to enjoy myself. I know that money will be scarce with the holidays approaching but sometimes,...you just have to enjoy your friends and family. Money is not going to matter when it's all over!

Well please pray for my new relationship that has just started and also for safety while we travel tomorrow. I will update everything when I am back. I am also going to be downloading pictures onto my web-site soon of Disneyland and me and my new favorite boy, Aaron!

Have a great day Ya'll

~E~

questions...unanswered.

Hello everyone. Lately life has been interesting and a learning experience to say the very least. I would really like all of you to pray who know my friend Heather Short. Heather was my college roommate and is one of my dearest friends now. Her mom has been battling cancer for some time and has had reoccurences including seizures and tumors. Just one week ago today, her mom was given 2 months to live. We know that God is God and He decides all of our fate but there is a fear that plagues Heather.

Please keep my dear friend in your prayers. This also is leading me to go up North with her for Thanksgiving and not return to Indiana until December. Please pray for her family and for Heather's heart. I love you all and I'll call you all soon!

~Erica~

The sky is falling

Hey everyone. I hope you are all doing much better than myself. Life has just been an interesting ride lately. Interesting this time is not a positive word either. I updated a few days ago about all that is going on in my life and as I read it today, it's amazing the changes a week can bring. Personally, I have gone through some of the hardest feelings in my life and outside of myself, people I love have been suffering and struggling as well. It's just a hard time I think.

I am going through a lot of things right now that don't make a lot of sense and I could really use all of your prayers for peace.

I can't write a lot today, I am exhausted. Love to you all

~Erica~

Life...one day at a time

Hello everyone. For the past almost 3 months I have been going through painful pruning. I have not written in my blog nearly as much because I have been so busy and kind of going through things alone. I wanted to write today about the growth experiences that have been happening through this time and how amazing God is through it. I thought I would update just every facet of my life at once so that you can read the portions you are wondering about. Here goes...

Counseling: I am currently seeing a therapist and it's going wonderfully. We have been working together for about 2-3 months and it has been a very interesting experience. We are currently working through the fears of applying and going to grad school, weight loss, and family stuff.

Work: I am currently working 3 jobs and applying for a 4th. My first job and most important to me is being Chris' nanny. I have been with he and Richard for a year and almost 4 months. I have really enjoyed it with the exception of a few small details. There are always opportunities for me to exercise boundaries in that I am practically raising Chris. There is also the issue of Chris being 12 years old and going through a very rebellious stage. He is still way better, in my opinion, than most kids though.
I also am working at Rock Harbor (one of my churches) in the Nurture ministry. This is a child-care/teaching position where I teach and watch 3-5 year olds on Tuesday mornings during the mother's nurture meeting. This is one of my favorite days of the week because the kids are so adorable, fun, and they teach me more than I ever expected to learn.
My 3rd job is Vanguard's library again. Elizabeth (Circulation Supervisor) recently had a baby (Rand) and they needed me to come in to cover their short-handedness. I am basically just doing periodicals and covering where they need me.
The 4th job is a job that would be more permanent because I really love the idea of it. I am interviewing on November 8th if you would like to pray for me. It's a position at Newport Mesa (my other church) and the actual title is "Elementary Director." There is a lot to that job title but it seems very good for me and would really allow me to be involved with ministry in a real and tangible way.

Grad School: I am not that far into the application process. I have gotten a few tasks completed and currently am feeling overwhelmed. I wrote my personal statement a few weeks ago and it is in the editing process. I am working this weekend on my resume/curriculm vitae. That should be one of the easier tasks but I always make things harder than they need to be. I also will be working on the actual filling out applications process because that is something I have put off because it is so monotonous. Anyway, all of my applications should be submitted by January 1st and I should make a decision by April. Please continue praying over this step in my life.

Small Group: I am currently attending a small group on Friday nights and we are doing a book on the spiritual disciplines. I am learning that these things are crucial to my walk with the Lord. My small group is great because the people that make it up are amazing people who I bond with individually in different ways. I am so excited to see them on Fridays!

Church: I am currently still attending both Rock Harbor and Newport Mesa and loving both. I am involved with ministry, serving, classes, and various other things at both. I am loving that each new day brings a new opportunity to grow, change, and be molded at these great churches. I love the people at both churches and find myself growing in female relationships like I never have.

Romance: hmmmm...this one is always an interesting topic, isn't it? Well, I have been out of the dating game for 2 and 1/2 months now and it's powerful to see how my heart has changed. I have started really putting only good and holy things in my mind so that I don't have disrespect for men and/or myself. I only watch movies that are above rated R, same with TV, and no music that glorifies premarital sex, degradation of women, etc... I am really picky about what goes in right now. Also, I am getting to know a young man whom I am very interested in but allowing God to do all the foot work. If this is the man I am supposed to be with for my entire life, he will feel the same way I do and he will pursue me as well. I am not going to put my hands in things any further but rather hold on very tight to God's hand and know He has His best for me at heart. This man is a very nice, sweet, caring man and I am hoping to get to know him further in the coming days, weeks, months, etc... and God will do the rest! Please pray for me and said man! :)

Friends: My friends seem to all be doing rather well. I think they are all growing by leaps and bounds in their spiritual lives and those that are a constant in my life right now are people I can trust and respect. I am growing deeply in one of my female friendships and it's really helping me to become a better person. I am loving that I feel I can trust a girl more than my guy-friends now and I am growing in faith in God bringing the RIGHT females into my life. I am lucky to have a lot of women who really love me and support me!

Family: I really don't know much about what's going on with my family, other than they are all still in Indiana and doing the same things. Britt is working on finishing her first semester in college and she is not having that great of a time. I think that she eventually will find her niche in life and be fine, but until then, she is discouraged. I am trying to head home for the holidays but money is tight so I am hoping that will pan out.

Overall, this is my life. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the fall months. Since this will probably be the last time I write before ...Happy Halloween! I am not really doing anything special for Halloween except enjoying the night of cute little people dressed up in cute little costumes. Have a great one and I love you all dearly! Give me a call if we haven't talked.

~Erica~

The questions before I speak....

So I was watching an episode of my favorite day-time reality series, "Staring Over" and there is a girl named TJ on there who says things a lot of times that are inappropriate and in turn, creates chaos in her world as well as not connecting with others. This led her life coach, Rhonda Britten to give her an assignment that before she speaks AT ALL...she must ask herself the following questions...

1. Is what I am about to say NECESSARY?

2. Is what I am about to say TRUE?

3. Is what I am about to say HELPFUL?

4. Is what I am about to say KIND?

This led to think about my own speaking behaviors. I am not really the person who says mean things or abrasive things to people but I am the person who says inappropriate things. I am going to start practicing this exercise of asking myself that until I become more conscious of my mouth and the damage it does. I have been reading a lot about being a godly person and godly people are never those that speak out of turn. I am really hurting this week about a million things and I really think one thing that would help is for me to clean up my speech. I want so bad to stop being a big mouth!

Help me Lord!

~Erica~

Rejection and other sore subjects.

I have decided today (not that I didn't know before) that rejection is literally my biggest fear. I think it's the fear of most people and moreso women. I have been experiencing it a lot lately and it hurts so badly. Some of it is due to my life changes I have made but more often than not, it's due to my appearance. I think that's really horrible that we are so judgmental as a culture and we cannot accept someone because of their size, shape, looks, or personality. Just saddens me. I am not saying that I have been pursuing a bunch of people and they have said "No Erica, you are fat and ugly, we can't go out or be friends." That isn't exactly how I mean rejection. I am not being quite that literal. I am just noticing how often it is that someone "loses interest" in me or something when something better comes along.

I should note as I write this, I am not depressed or upset today but rather realizing something about God's love. Isn't it great that he doesn't reject us at all. He doesn't care if we have blonde, brown, red, or green hair. He doesn't care if we have blue, green, brown, or red eyes. He could care less what we weigh, how tall we are, or what brand of clothing we wear. He just loves us so much ...unconditionally. I am so happy to know in this world of rejection and pain, I have a God that loves me and you do too.

Now that I have preached a bit, a quick update. I have been super busy lately and really had no time to blog and I have missed you my blogger public. It's Sunday now and I am completely tired from my weekend. I think the weekend is supposed to be about rest but mine for the next few months are going to be hectic. It's ok though because it really is a blessing to be able to take on some new responsibilities.

All is well with me as I work hard to get into Grad School, lose weight, and most of all further my relationship with my Heavenly Father. God and I are doing excellent. I am feeling closer and closer to Him daily and I am pumped about all of the things He is doing in my life. Please keep praying because your prayers are working! Grad School is going ok. I have one giant step out of the way and working on a second one. I have an information meeting this coming week for one of my schools so it might change or make up my mind. I could really use your prayers for time management to be able to get everything in by January.

Weight loss is going awesome as well. This week I lost 3 lbs to take me back down to 247 lbs now. I had to kind of start over last week due to my excessive binging and laziness for a few months that made me gain quite a bit of weight back. I am excited now that I am back "on the wagon" and working hard. I owe a lot of that to my friend Heather who is encouraging me in my weight loss battle.

Friendships are hurting me lately and I am trying very hard to understand what is happening and what God is doing in each of them. I have one friendship that has REALLY grown though and that's a blessing for sure. No romance news because I am still on dating break and will be for at least 1 more month. I have no desire to get involved with anything right now but growth so I am doing well.

I wish I had more time to write but I must get to the grocery store so we won't starve this week! Have a great week ya'll and keep in touch!

~Erica~

Winston, you'll be missed

Some of you that read my blog might remember a post I did in July that had a dog on it that said "I love Erica" in a thought bubble. Well, that was Winston, Josh's dog. Winston had to be put to sleep on Monday of last week and I am just devestated with that. I am sad that it had to come to that. The little guy was ill and had a torn ACL as well so it makes sense but he will be sadly missed. I felt like I had to blog about how sad it is for me to lose any animal, even if it isn't mine.

Winston: It was good to know you buddy and times were fun! R.I.P little guy

Yes, I seriously just did a pet memorial. Live with it or don't log on! :)

I love you Josh and sorry that your doggy is gone!

~Erica~