The odd life of Erica Lewis

We were watching a movie as a family the other night and it totally had me thinking about spiritual implications. The movie was Disney's The Odd Life of Timothy Green. Here is a brief gist of the movie

An infertile couple plants their hopes for a child in the garden, and receive an unexpected gift when a young boy emerges from the soil claiming to be their son in this enchanting comedy drama from Academy Award-nominated writer/director Peter Hedges (What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Dan in Real Life). Jim (Joel Edgerton) and Cindy Green (Jennifer Garner) are struggling to accept the fact that they will never conceive a child of their own when, one night during a thunderous storm, a young boy named Timothy (CJ Adams) comes knocking at their door. In time, the prospective new parents and their curious neighbors discover that the most amazing things can happen just when you least expect it. 
~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

So, anyway the component of the movie that caught me was that little Timothy grows leaves on his legs. These leaves are unable to be removed and are a constant source of annoyance and shame in the various parts of the movie. I don't want to spoil the movie by telling you more so just know that he and his parents did not like showing the leaves as they were not normal. I started to think...what are my spiritual leaves? What are the things that I would rather just push my socks up over and hide from the world around me to look more presentable. What are the sins in my life that take over me and are shameful. Here is what I came up with. I think Timothy had around 6-8 leaves so I've listed my top 5 leaves here

1. JEALOUSY: I am jealous of almost anyone at any given time. I am jealous about people's lives like having children when I wasn't, getting married when I wasn't, vacationing when I wasn't...etc. It is embarrassing to think that I have to be all concerned about getting what I want when others are being blessed. I have so many blessings in my life and here I am..looking around. NOT OKAY. A leaf I would like to pluck right out!
2. JUDGEMENT: I am one of the most judgmental people when it comes to certain attitudes and behaviors. I have a hard time understanding ignorance, intolerance, injustice, etc... and so I sit in my "high and mighty" chair and look at THOSE people and how badly they behave and think of how much better I am. NOT OKAY!
3. SELF-IMPORTANCE: It is hard for me to believe that people aren't thinking about me all the time. Therefore, I care WAY too much what others think of me. The truth is, they are probably thinking about themselves as well. It would be ideal to shift my focus and possibly see things I could help others with.
4. WORRY/ANXIETY: It is hard to stand in faith and be strong when you are worrying about every single facet of your life from how you are going to get all of the groceries in under budget to making sure you meet every single goal of your daily agenda TODAY. I am a perfectionist and I was once told that what lies between reality and perfection is anxiety because perfection is never reached. Wise words!
5. PROCRASTINATION: I am the worst at doing things I need to do when I need to do them. This is attached to that whole perfectionistic thing. If I can't do it perfectly, I often don't want to do it at all. This includes things that are important to my survival like taking diabetic medication and treating it properly and exercise. Both of these things require consistency and are a paced thing and because I can't be perfect right out of the gate, I just keep pushing it to tomorrow. All this does is feed my 4th leaf of worry/anxiety.

These are just 5 of the things that came to me as I watched this movie. By the way, great movie. Great idea, concept, and lessons. What are your leaves? What would you love to be able to just pluck right out of your life. 

The day of silence

So I did it, I completed my first no media Thursday. Granted, it was the 4th of July so much of my evening was spent outside with friends BBQ'in and watching fireworks anyway but I know I would have been consulting my Iphone and being kind of rude, had I not been fasting it. I had some errands to complete yesterday so it was interesting to not have my Iphone to use my notes, calculator, etc.. and have to do things the old fashioned way. I had to write on pieces of paper to note what I wanted to blog about in the future, jot down phone #'s, and had to use an old school calculator for tallying my grocery budget. Interesting! These did not have spiritual implications per say but they sure did show me how dependent I am on my technology.

Through the day while I drive, I usually pop my Ipod into the car and listen to it on shuffle while I go to various stores and commute home. Since, to me, that seemed just like filling up the silence, I decided to leave the radio/Ipod off yesterday and use commute time to pray with Max. He was probably napping but I don't negate the effects of prayer on his life. I really felt like I was able to spend time with God and ended up singing praise to him instead and that felt even better than that shuffle option.

One challenge I have to note is that I did not spend as much time in my Bible as I had hoped. Okay, let's be honest.,..I didn't crack my Bible open yesterday. If I want to grow, I want to be honest. I read a book from the library and it was so good I ended up reading the entire book before bedtime. I wish I could feel that passionate about scripture. That is my prayer for next week's media fast...I want to dig into the scriptures and really get my heart excited about learning more about Jesus. I need to connect with those characters more than the characters in my fiction thriller. Anyone else have trouble with various types of media and their life with Jesus? If so, what have been your strategies for checking in with Jesus more than your Facebook?!

--E--

Media & Me

So the unthinkable happened on Friday morning when I woke up. I immediately grabbed my Iphone and found that I had no wifi signal. I thought that maybe I was just in a bad part of the house but I got to the desktop computer and SAME THING! Panic ensued almost immediately. No, I do not work from home, I did not have an appointment where all of the details were online...I was just freaking out because that is my "break time" each day. I am a stay at home mama these days and that means my days are full of laundry, dishes, cleaning, organizing, and baby Max care! These are all fine and dandy but we all need breaks throughout the day. My breaks are mostly things that require a wifi signal like blogging, Facebook, reading blogs, and watching my Netflix. In saying that, the way that I felt through the whole day on Friday was sort of ridiculous. These are my confessions...

I literally probably restarted the wifi a total of 25 times throughout the day hoping that a re-start would make everything better.

I suddenly viewed sitting down and reading my current book what I had to settle for today. (GASP)

I did not view the time that I put into doing crafts that day as a break but rather as more work that I did not want to do.

I almost cried when my husband got home and figured out the wifi issue and I was able to get online again and rejoin the world.

How sad right? I was so disappointed in myself after Friday and realizing that it was such a powerful influence in my life. I am still proud to say that Max's needs always come first and my breaks happen while he is sound asleep. How long will that be true though? Am I going to continue to have this problem when he is bigger and needs more of my attention and less naps? I decided that this has to come to a stop now so I am going to be fasting from ALL media one day a week starting next week. Here are the fasting guidelines and what day I am going to be fasting. It is going to be really difficult for me to do this but I also want to be closer to Jesus, closer to Max, and not dependent on something outside of Jesus that much!

-- ALL media includes Netflix, Iphone, Internet, Email, Blogs, Tablet, Games, any music that is not praise and worship

-- Time that I would be doing these things (or desire to do these things) I will either spend with Max doing something with him or in time with Jesus, since the main focus is being more centered on Christ and learning this for motherhood.

-- Media fast will start at 12:00 AM on Thursday Morning and continue until 11:59 PM Thursday night.

I will be letting everyone know through my blog how these experiences are and what God is teaching me. I am excited to get alone with Jesus...and Max of course.

Are you TOXIC?

I was browsing CNN today and came across THIS ARTICLE about Facebook. I will start by saying that I am an avid Facebook lover for the most part. I have been on the site since it first starting gaining popularity several years ago. I use the site for various things like keeping in touch with out of state friends, promoting my blog and writing, and even helping our home based business with Scensty. I thought I would break down my thoughts on the article here. Here is the gist of the article in my words. They have broken down Facebook users into 8 TOXIC categories and talked about who they "really are" after describing their Facebook personality. Here are the 8 categories they have created and a brief synopsis of that category. After that, I will talk about how I feel about these categories (as a therapist) and how I view those Facebook users on my own page.

1. The Showboat

The article describes these people as the ones who post pictures of their awesome travels and achievements. They go on to say that these people are most likely living a lie and posing to be happy when they really aren't.

2. The Oprah

This is the person, in their estimation, that posts tons of inspirational quotes and pictures, always talks about positive thinking, and always has something great to say about their day. They say that these people really do want to make your life and day better and they are just not really taking into account the real-life problems we all face. (my thoughts later)

3. The Complainer

This person is the whiner who constantly has something to complain about from normal life problems and up. They say that these people use Facebook as their refuge and passive aggressiveness can be prevalent.

4. The Cryptic

These people are the ones who write posts that are ominous and vague but want to get people to respond. The articles says these people are trying to be mysterious but really are just drama queens.

5. The Professional

This person is the one who uses their page to promote their business, increase their professional profile, etc... The article says that these people are really just professional minded and do not know how to clarify the boundary between professionalism and social life.

6. The Crusader

This person is the one who always has a cause from battered animals, donating blood, or a political stance. The article says that they are really feeling powerful and influential by posting it on Facebook but in reality, when they don't have an audience their causes fall flat.

7. The Scenester

These are the people that know all of the upcoming openings, go to every event that's happening, and always are where it's at! This articles says that these people ultimately just want you to join in and are harmless.

8. The Perennial Parent

This person is the one who views everything through a parenting lens. Every status is about their kids, every picture is of their kids, and everything they do has to do with kids. They go on to say that these people drive people crazy with their ongoing family journal.

Ok, that is the articles take on these people so I thought I would rant a little about my views on the Facebook toxic people and who they are to me. I decided while reading through this article that I would not only define my own Facebook toxic people but also go ahead and label myself as one of the above or more than one of the above to take responsibility for my own Facebook behavior. Here we go..Erica's 5 Toxic Facebook types

1. Passive Aggressive Polly

This is the person who posts things about their personal business on Facebook but does it in such a way that it doesn't name names or specifically state what a person did. For example: "Feeling like maybe I should just be alone for a while because clearly my friends and family have forgotten I exist" I feel like it would be a lot more effective to just go to the person you are unhappy/angry with and tell them what they did. It makes you look petty and immature to post it on Facebook so that they can see your emotion. Have a genuine relationship with someone, it is quite nice!

2. B*tch and Moan Myrtle

This goes along with the article's "complainer" but this one for me is so aggravating. This is the person who never says anything remotely positive and complains about some of the most amazing blessings in life like being pregnant, having children, and having a job when there are so many out there who are struggling. I do not feel like it's always a bad thing to express dissatisfaction, pain, or frustration but when every post is a complaint...I'm over it and certainly block myself from seeing your negative nonsense. I see this person as the perpetual victim and often times I feel like they have gotten themselves into most of the situations that they are complaining about. Most of them don't feel like horrible situations but simply consequences.

3. Family Drama Mama

This is the person on Facebook who constantly has family drama with their husband, children, or extended family members and they literally fight via status. It is always entertaining and it's like a bad news story. Although you are horribly disturbed, you just keep watching. To me, I love when that person gets in a huff when an outsider comments and they say something like "This is a family issue so please stay out of it!" Are you serious, you put your "family issue" in a public forum. Expect feedback!

4. Hypocrite Henry

I am one of those people who know A LOT about other people. It goes with the territory of being a therapist that people use me a little to sort through their problems or issues. That means, I know their dirt. I love when people who are going through something really hard or battle or struggle with an issue get on Facebook and act like they don't. They quote scripture at others, talk about world issues as if they have all of the answers, and don't show a bit of fruit or acceptance for other's struggles. It leaves a very bad taste in my mouth and probably one of my least favorite Facebook folks!

5. Know it all Ned

These are the first ones on my list to get deleted. These are the people who take a stand on every single status and the stand is usually very one sided and ill researched. These are also the people who put up ignorant racial posts, political posts, religious posts, etc... without a single shred of knowledge of the issues at hand. They are often foul jokes about people in authority positions, verses in scripture taken out of context, and my favorite....weighing in on something that they have never personally went through but KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT! Yuck...Delete!

Now..which toxic Facebook users from the article do I exhibit traits from...these:

The Showboat: I used to post tons of pictures of awesome places and things we did when we had more money and less responsibility. I no longer have that life because I am a stay at home mama and we are on one income. I will say this, I like my life more than I did then. It was just what was going on for me at that point. I don't genuinely have a crappy life though. My life is extremely happy and full and is in every financial bracket that I've been in (since being married to Anthony)


The Cryptic: I absolutely NEVER put my VERY personal life onto Facebook so I do use somewhat cryptic posts to ask for prayer. I try to not disclose other people's information unless they are okay with it and I don't tell a lot of things about my life on there because it's dangerous. I kept my pregnancy secret for almost 4 months due to a previous miscarriage so some of the posts during that were cryptic. I think that this is just me being discreet and remembering that I have almost 1,000 friends on there which means there are differing levels of friendship and relationship to consider.

The Professional: I do use Facebook to promote my blog and our Scentsy business. I do not post about Scentsy every day but I certainly try to do it frequently. A lot of our friends are customers so it is an easy way to share new products and promotions. Also, I promote my tutoring services on Facebook often because people use their page to find tutors and babysitters so I know that people are looking. My blogs, I make no apology. I love to write and I get NO MONEY from it. For me, it's a joy to write what I think, feel, and get opinions and feedback from others.

The Perennial Parent: This one is new to me so I'm not sure how to navigate it. I have only been a mom for 5 months but I do almost post a picture a day of Max. Some of this is due to him having several family members and us having a lot of close friends out in California who love to get updates and see pictures of Max. Also, I waited for a LONG time for this sweet boy and I'm celebrating him all the time. To people who are annoyed by his sweet little face..I say block me! I don't care! By the way, I am not annoyed by your children at all. I love seeing families being happy together!

Ok, everyone..so are you Toxic? I'm curious!

NO MO DOMA

So today in the news, there was a monumental decision made. The Defense of Marriage Act, the law barring the federal government from recognizing same sex marriages that were legalized by the states, is unconstitutional as ruled by the Supreme Court today in a 5-4 vote. This morning, I woke up to a barrage of posts on my Facebook about this issue and they went drastically one way or the other. Some folks were on the side of the Supreme Court and were very excited about having their own marriage recognized, having a loved one's marriage recognized, or just seeing further equality in our country. The other side of people were those that feel that this decision is leading the country down a sinful path and we are tolerating sin in a way we haven't before. I am sure you are all chomping at the bit to hear what Erica is going to rant about today. Maybe you'll be surprised.

I think that everyone who reads this blog already knows I am a Bible Believing, Loving Jesus continually..Christian. I also am a lover of people because my Bible tells me to be Christ-like. I am far more concerned about being like Christ than worrying about who is getting married and who isn't. I wanted to argue a further point today in the body of Christ. Anthony and I were discussing this issue over breakfast this morning and it never ceases to amaze us the people who are so one sided and completely blind to their own issues. This morning, a friend of mine on Facebook, who I know VERY well put some very judgmental and hateful things on their status. It pretty much was just a post about how spiritual and righteous they are and how very grieved they are that our country has made this decision and given permission to sin.

Without even arguing about what is sin and what isn't...let me just note that the minute you are born, you have the permission to sin. God gave us FREE WILL and we have to choose to love him by our obedience. It is not as if the federal government has to give us permission to do something. Ever wonder why our jails are full? It certainly isn't because the federal government says it is okay to kill people, steal from others, or victimize children. Those things I am completely comfortable saying ARE SIN and people do them, with or without the federal government okaying it. Those things are also illegal or punishable by law. It sounds sometimes in these kinds of posts, that people forget the difference between sin and illegal activity. IF you believe that practicing homosexuality is a sin.....do you also believe it should be punishable by law? It is an interesting question to ask yourself.

I will go one step further and say that if you believe that marriage relationships between two people of the same gender are not recognized, you are punishing them by law. In the same way, maybe we should extend that same regard to all of your sins?! You think? Would you like to be stripped of your rights because you lied? Or maybe because you lusted? Or coveted your neighbors brand new Mustang (wait, is that just me?)
I smell a pharisee! This post is not to argue if homosexuality is a sin or not. It is not a post to decide whether God is okay with these marriages or not. I will not and can not speak for God. It is an issue of equality and compassion. I am called by my faith and my relationship with Christ to be compassionate, caring, loving, and accepting of others regardless of their walk. I am so glad that Christ is all of those to me and loves me EQUALLY even though I fall on my face constantly doing the same things.

Although I am no biblical scholar and certainly don't count myself among the best Christians I know, I love Jesus and I love others. I love all of you in my life. Those that practice heterosexuality, those that practice homosexuality, and those that just practice sexuality. I believe you deserve to have all of the rights that I have. More than anything, I want you to know that Jesus loves you deeply and I don't think you are getting that message if you are hearing that your rights are less than my rights! That just isn't biblical...not to me anyway. Just imagine, this was Anthony and myself not even 50 years ago. Thank God others spoke for us that didn't necessarily want to marry a difference race but believed we had the right to choose who we marry and spend our lives with.

I am done now! Please be kind on the comments. I do not tolerate bigotry in any format! Thanks

--E--

Huh?

So I just posted a blog over at Max Factor about the current news articles pertaining to race. I will keep from writing about those things again but I do have to write about race again this morning. Last night, Anthony and I took Max and my nephew Shawn out to do a few errands. We had to go to Starbucks to pick up something, go to Wal-mart to pick up water, and then we were headed home. Starbucks is our family so it went as always, a pleasant trip. We got to Wal-mart and loaded into a cart and headed back to fill up our water jugs when a lady was coming down the aisle with 6 children. She quickly stepped out of the way and apologized for covering up the whole aisle. Anthony responded by saying, "It's okay, it looks like you have your hands full." She immediately started talking to us about any and everything...but this is what stood out.

She mentioned that all of the children were her grandchildren and they ranged in age from 6 months to 6 years and she had custody of all of them. I could begin by opening that can..but I won't. The next statement is what hung in the air very uncomfortably. She said, matter of factly, "They're mixed too!" I have no idea why this was important to share but I am pretty sure I can guess. I will note that these children were pretty clearly mixed race and I don't think we needed the information. It did not follow the discussion in any way and came completely out of center field. I wish I could say this was the first time this had happened. Rewind to a few months ago

Anthony and I had to take Max to an appointment in Louisville as a follow up. We stopped at the Waffle House by the Hospital to have breakfast as we got there early for our appointment. We found a table and a waitress quickly came over and gave us menus and asked to see our baby. We took the car seat off and she said this, "Oh my gosh, he's so cute. My daughter has a mixed baby!" (insert Erica's confused face)

Why do I need to know that?????? And ready...here it is again

We were having dinner at Denny's in Louisville while Max was in the NICU and this happened. We sat down and the waitress came over to give us menus and greet us. She asked us immediately, did you all have a baby? We answered yes and figured the bags under our NICU eyes were starting to show but she quickly explained she noticed our hospital bracelets that gave us access to the NICU.  She asked to see a picture and of course, we were just days into being parents and so excited to show off our gorgeous Maxwell. She took the phone and put it by Anthony's face and said "He looks just like his daddy!" Anthony responded by saying, "I think he looks a little like both of us. He has her mouth." The waitress immediately shook her head no and said "I know mixed babies and this one looks like you!" WHAT? You know ALL mixed babies! That's amazing.

These are just three examples but almost every time random people meet Max, they tell me about the "MIXED BABY" in their lives! Why? Are they the same person that tell you about their "Black friend?!" Please help me understand why this keeps happening. I don't care about your knowledge of Mixed children and don't imply because you know one, you know Max. UGH. I am tired...so tired!

--E--

Make new friends, but keep the old....

This morning I was laying in bed doing the best waking up I could which usually includes grabbing my iPhone and starting to scroll through the nightly Facebook business. It's not that there is much on there that is pressing and imperative that I read but it gets to me wake up enough in the first 10 minutes or so to get out of the bed and start my day. This morning was like the others, I did just that. I decided this morning to go through some old pictures I have in albums. These specific ones were from my teenage years when I started attending church. Those are some of my favorite times in life because I was new in my faith and loving Jesus was all I had on my mind. Ok, maybe loving another was on my mind too but we WILL NOT be blogging about that this morning.

As I scrolled through old pictures and enjoyed them, I came across a picture of my BEST buddy that made me literally LAUGH OUT LOUD. He always does though! In thinking this, I realized that for me I did not have to put all that away when I turned 18 and moved away. We all went our separate ways and yes we did have a hiatus but that boy is still one of my best friends. That boy married a girl that I love so much. God gave him the exact female that I could love like I love him and not detest like I did some people he dated (Hmmm...wonder which ones?!) That boy had three amazing kids who I adore and pray for daily and always want to know all about their antics. That boy has parents that I still run into and love on me like I'm their own. That boy and his lovely girl are the God-parents for my son. That boy is still one of my favorite people.

I wish I could say that our relationship has matured in all avenues but let's be serious...if you know us..you know I'm lying if I say that. We still laugh at some form of the same things we always did. In saying that, however, it has matured in ways I never dreamed. He is one of my closest confidants who I disclose weaknesses to that only my husband knows. He is the person I go to with my most spiritual of questions, hoping for something that makes sense to me! It always does from him. He introduced me to Jesus almost exactly 18 years before I had my son Maxwell. That day set so much in motion for me. I chose a man to marry who I could laugh with like I do that boy....except that I don't find repulsive! HA!

Today, I was thinking how lucky I am to have that boy and so many other great friends in my life. I am enriched because of people I've been friends with for varying amounts of time. There is that boy going 19 years strong....and many others who I met in college at almost 15 years of friendship now. It's amazing how richly God has blessed me with friendship. Not everyone has these people and certainly not everyone has someone like THAT BOY!

Hey THAT BOY. I did not mention your name because you are easily embarrassed.  Well at least about praise and compliments you are! Thank you THAT BOY. You have enriched my life and keep doing so all these years later. For the love of all things holy though, never go back to dressing that way!

This little song came to my head this morning from girl-scouts (Yes, THAT BOY...I was a girl scout...SHUT UP)

Make New Friends
But Keep the Old
One is silver
The other's gold

You are gold friend!!!

-E-

(picture I have added to this post may or may reflect who THAT BOY really is)

Parenting is a LEARNING experience

Well it's official..I am finding my way around this parenting thing. Max turns 5 months old on June 22nd and I am finally beginning to get my life back to something that resembles what it was before. I should note, I really don't ever want it back to what it was before because being a Mom is awesome. I have learned so much in the short time we have had Max and more than that, I have smiled more than I have in my entire life. He is precious and growing and healthy and well....just a sweet little guy. We are incredibly blessed to have him and not a day goes by that we take that for granted.

I am so happy to be back on my blog as it has always been a place for me to talk things out. Lately there have been so many topics on my mind to rant about, pray about, and talk through. My blog is going to be getting an earful. I guess I should start by what it looks like for me to be a parent finally. Anthony and I went through quite a journey to get to our little Max, although there are others who certainly go through longer and more difficult journeys to have children and some of those couples still don't become parents. We are incredibly grateful to God for the blessing of our little boy. It's almost hard to remember what our lives were like before we had Max. It seems like he has always been here.

In some ways though, I am learning quite a bit about what is different about being a parent. Here are some learning experiences I have gone through in my first 5 months of being a mommy:

1. I really believed that I had done a lot of work in therapy about my family of origin. As I have mentioned in the blog more than once, I did not come from the ideal home. My Dad was not really around and my mom was less than a stellar parent most of the time. I have spoken to both of my parents about these experiences and we have done the work to talk them out and they know where I stand on how they treated me. There are still painful issues that surround my childhood but again, I know there are several people who had it worse because at the end of the day, my mom was still there and is to this day. She does the very best she can to love me and there are limited things she can do due to having some mental illness and a past of her own. I accept my parent's limitations and the pain they have inflicted both accidentally and purposefully.

In saying that, I am re-experiencing so much of that pain through raising Max and find myself hyper-vigilant in how I am raising him. I don't think this is all bad. I think that it is interesting how we, as humans, have to re-grieve a lot of things in our lives even when we feel like we are done grieving them. For me, I have always grieved, pretty deeply, that I really did not have my biological dad around when I was growing up. Again, this isn't a platform to bash my father for how he did or did not do things. He has to live with the choices he made and I forgive him and accept those choices. However, it is also hard to watch my husband be a fantastic father and think about what I missed by not having one like him. I, however, did have a fantastic grandfather who played that role for me very well. It sure did not stop me from feeling I wasn't good enough for my dad though. I am grateful to Anthony that Max will never feel like he isn't enough...Anthony thinks he is absolutely amazing and spends every free moment he has telling him that!

This part is a bit awkward for me to write but I also feel jealous that I did not have a mother like myself. I feared for so many years how I would be as a mom because my mom, although I still love her, was impatient, yelled constantly, and various other things were not quite right and have been hard for me to overcome. I am amazingly patient, never raise my voice, and pray diligently and work very hard to be the mom I have always wanted to be. I should note here, however, that Jesus plays a huge role in this and the fact that I surround myself with great parents and seek plenty of guidance from them. Also, my role has not gotten quite as difficult since my sweet pea is only 5 months old and still adorable and doesn't talk back. My mom was the mother of three girls and we fought like cats and dogs. I realize that her challenges were different from my own.

2. Another big lesson I have learned from having Max is that he is the answer to one of my biggest flaws as a human being. I have always struggled with being consistent. This goes for all sorts of areas of life. I am a perfectionist so I was the person who would start the school year out with the perfect order and organization and do every word of reading I was assigned, etc....until I burned out and then would crash! I am the sort of person who wants their house PERFECTLY clean and organized and every project takes me way longer than it takes others. This leads my house to always have at least one room that looks like a construction zone. I am the type of person that does everything to the largest degree until I absolutely fizzle out. In having Max, I am having to do things far differently. I can't strive for perfect because I don't have time to be perfect and still give Max the attention and love that he needs. This has led to me being more consistent in everything. For example, since we have been home from Louisville I have been consistent about making three homemade meals a day (as opposed to getting behind on things and caving to eating out and eating poorly), consistent in Max's schedule, consistent in my time with Jesus, etc... It is refreshing to be a person who can let things go to attend to more important things. This is a whole new life for me but one thing I am super proud of as a parent/woman.

3. There is just nothing better for me than praising and worshiping God while holding the sweet little gift he let me borrow.

Life is good. How are you all doing?!


--E--

Day 2: Max's Preemie Clothes

So instead of going to my bathroom (which I should have done) I went ahead on my list a bit today and weeded my son's preemie clothes out of the closet and drawers and started putting the newborn sizes and 0-3 sizes in the closet so that he has things to wear that are current. He has recently outgrown his Preemie clothes and although that pains me, it also makes me really happy to know he is healthy. It was a project that had to jump the list because he needed clothing to wear so although I have not finished the project, I have weeded out all Preemie clothes. I just need to make sure and get all 0-3 clothes into the closets and drawers now. Here is a picture of my progress.

The thing you really can't see in this picture is that each section of his closet has a hanger from a retail store that has a label on the hanger (Preemie, Newborn, 0-3 months, etc...) This helps me to keep the clothes organized and tidy and easy to weed out when he has outgrown a certain size. His drawers are sectioned into these sizes as well. He is able to wear a few of his preemie jammies still so they are in the closet as well. Overall, I feel good about the progress today even if I didn't get the whole project completed. This kid has a great deal of clothes in these sizes!

Thank you for stopping in

E

Day 1 down: Laundry Room

So yesterday I embarked on a 40 day mission to get my life together...or as they called it; 40 days of organization. Since I have been home with Max, my life has literally fallen down around me. We had three weeks worth of mess from coming and going to Louisville and of course, just the normal messes of everyday life piled on behind it. I started and got my laundry room organized and cleaned to my satisfaction so it can become a place of productivity and not just mess. I use this room for a few things...obviously laundry machines, trash can, water cooler, and an area where I put our family calendar and our schedules so that we are always on track. I also put things up on the metal area with magnets like checks needing to be deposited, grocery lists, to do lists, or papers we need to take somewhere. It is a super helpful little organization area. This first picture is of my machines and the beauty of no clothes sitting around folded or not, no mess, just a place to do my laundry.

This next picture is of my organization area. I love this area. A picture of Anthony and Max and their corresponding schedules.

40 days of organization, my first 20 days...

Today I read a post from my sister on Facebook where she was taking a challenge to do 40 days of organization. I am inspired as that is one of my New Year's resolutions to get more organized to maintain my mental health. I told her I would work on my list today so here is my 40 days of organization list and we are going to check in on Wednesdays and Sundays so I think that is when I'll try to get back to the blog to update as well.

I hope this inspires you to get your life organized as well:

Day 1:  Laundry System: baskets, specific loads, what days to run what loads, laundry room etc...

Day 2: My bathroom: clean thoroughly, medicine cabinet, makeup, toiletries, etc...

Day 3: Linen closet: Organize towels, diabetic supplies, and overage of toiletries and household products

Day 4: Max's diaper changing station: Organize diapers, wipes, burp cloths, washcloths, and Max's toiletries

Day 5: Max's clothes: Get Newborn clothes and 0-3 put in closet and store all other clothes, remove preemies as he has outgrown them (YAY)

Day 6: Pantry: Remove any expired canned food, organize boxes and cans, write up list of items in pantry to construct new shopping list & Menu

Day 7: Thank You Notes: Write more thank you notes, get missing addresses, put new gifts on list, and mail off at least 20 thank yous

Day 8: Max's baby book: Fill in missing info from recent doctor's appointments and post new pictures into book.

Day 9: Max's Two month letter: Write Two month letter for family members, print new pictures, and mail packets!

Day 10: Financial Documents: Put all bills together with ledger, Compile a total of debt, and figure out a plan to get working down debts by 2015 more clearly.

Day 11: Important documents file: Create and label a file for all important documents including social security, birth certificates, taxes, etc.... especially Max's new items

Day 12: Scentsy: Clean up Scentsy area for the new year with invoices, create marketing ideas for coming months, and begin mailing list info for existing customers.

Day 13: Calendar: Update family calendar for the months of April and May to include Dr appointments, work schedule, date nights, etc...

Day 14: Refrigerator: Clean out thoroughly and reorganize remaining items to reduce waste.

Day 15: Kitchen Drawers and Cabinets: Reorganize to be more streamlined, get rid of unneeded items

Day 16: Scrapbooking supplies: Organize boxes of embellishments, adhesives, stamps, etc... and paper box (To start Max's scrapbook!)

Day 17: Coffee Stash: Get rid of outdated coffee, organize k-cups, and restock coffee area for daily use

Day 18: TV stand: remove all items not belonging, dust, and organize for use

Day 19: Our Closet: Remove unwanted clothing to donate, Put all empty hangers in laundry room, organize shoes, and dirty clothes areas

Day 20: DVDS: re-shelve all watched DVDS in order, catalog new DVDS and label

March and the resolutions

I haven't written for a bit for good reason. In January I had my son Maxwell and in February I spent most of my days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or adjusting to being a new mommy. I am still adjusting as March began today. I thought today was a good time to update the blog on my New Year's Resolutions for 2013. Surprisingly with all of the big changes in my life, I still feel it is going pretty well. Here are some updates:

-- This year, I want to make a goal to read my bible all the way through again. I have done this in years past and each time I do it, I gain more from the word and the daily discipline of being in God's presence. This year I would like to dig a little deeper and focus more on the language of the times, on word meanings, and focus on where I am at as a mother in the word.

I am happy to report that I am on track to read the Bible through in a year. I used my time at the hospital to sit and read my Bible while looking at my precious baby and now, I read it to him while we are snuggling. This really keeps me focused on the word and also helps me navigate the new responsibilities in my life.

-- This year, I want to find a church in Southern Indiana that I can put roots down in. I would like to find somewhere where both Anthony and I feel at home, has a great children's ministry area, and places for Anthony and I to serve in our faith community with our spiritual gifts. I would like to visit churches in the area with the prayer of God leading this journey and not my preconceived notions of where I should be or what a church should "look like."

This one has been a challenge in the new year. Our Calendar for January had a different church to visit on it each Sunday. Well, God had other plans because I started to have complications in the pregnancy and was required to do several stress tests a week and then was admitted to the hospital in Louisville. Since we have been home from Louisville, we are adjusting to new parenthood and not really getting enough sleep to attend church on Sundays. I hope that we can pick this up in the coming months as Max gets a little older and less susceptible to illness.

-- This year I want to clean up my language, thought life, and critical spirit. Although I am certainly not a trucker in my language, I use far too many negative words, far too many critical words, and spew a lot of ugly at times. This is something I would like to focus on in 2013 and become someone whose fruit is more sweet than bitter and sarcastic.

To be honest, I think this one has gone to the back burner and I needed to dig it back out again. I am not using foul language because I spend 99% of my day with my precious sweet little boy...but I think I still need to work on my critical spirit and negative words. Reading this again reminded me that it needed a booster shot!

-- This year, I want to develop my spiritual disciplines to be something that is far more consistent. I would like to observe my prayer life, quiet time, solitude, church attendance, service, etc... and really focus on getting closer to God in a more consistent way. I want to have far fewer gaps in our conversations and far more moments of reflection on where I am in Him and where I am supposed to go.

The big changes in this year have been my Bible reading and prayer time. I pray each night with Max which helps me keep on track with talking to God period but my own time is growing also because I depend so heavily on God in parenting. I never knew how hard of a job it is and without God, I would be lost in it. I need to still work on Church Attendance (see above) and solitude and quiet time. Anthony and I are working out a schedule for feedings/sleeping/alone time so that we can take care of ourselves, Max, and our marriage. We are a great team!

-- This year, I want to focus more on developing my Proverbs 31 qualities by praying towards that, learning more about that and focusing my other goals on those tenants. I want my relationship with Anthony and Max to reflect those qualities and really see myself make improvements in this area this year.

I do see some improvement in this since Max was born. I have always been entirely career focused and very identified in accomplishments and accolades. This new journey of being a mother doesn't really allow me to focus on that since every day looks the same in terms of accomplishments and it is really hard with virtually no fanfare. It requires me to really look at Proverbs 31 and find my identity and true worth in who I am as a woman of God.


-- This year, I want to make more focused time for Anthony on set days. We have (for several years) observed Married Monday and kept Monday quite sacred and do not commit to other people, projects, work, or obligations on that day. We have slipped a little from this and need to get back on having a more consistent time that is focused on us. I would like to make it better from my end by taking the time to plan every other Married Monday, get really ready for our dates by grooming more appropriately (I know all the ladies hear  me on that!), and silence the cell phone and remind others in my life who "need" me that it is a special time for our family and it is something we are not willing to budge on readily.

Although this looks very different with a new baby in the house, I am proud to say Anthony and I are pulling it off. We do it a bit differently now and that is to be expected. When he gets home at 11, we spend from 11-1 am together and we eat a late dinner, have a glass of wine, watch a movie or relax in some other way. We also still spend Monday and Tuesday having family time including special time for Anthony and I when Max is napping.


-- This year, I want to make a concerted effort to lower our debt that was created during a period of unemployment and has gone on due to the move and several other factors. I would like to focus myself more on spending less on luxuries, making better financial choices, and exercising self control when money gets into our bank accounts. It is easy to build pressure and frustration in marriage when finances are out of control. Anthony and I have been lucky that we do not FIGHT over money but I would like to eliminate all areas of un-needed pressure especially in adding another person to our household and new financial obligations.

I am most proud of this resolution because it was one I have wanted to avoid since 2010 and did a pretty good job of it. Having Max so early required Anthony to take 3 weeks  of work off that was unpaid time. It was a huge sacrifice to our family as we live paycheck to paycheck due to the debt acquired. God was so good and provided not only for our lodging, food, and gasoline in Louisville but also our February Bills since Anthony did not work. Since we have been back, I have opened all bills, logged them into a notebook with account numbers, phone numbers, balances, and what the bill is for and am now working my way through the notebook on calling these places and arranging to pay them off. Many are medical bills and there are a few credit cards due to 9 months of unemployment in 2010. Either way, Anthony and I have a goal to be debt free (with the exception of student loans) by 2015 and buy a family car with cash next year. I am excited to see us have a more financially free life and be better stewards of what God gives us.

-- This year, I want to contribute more to our household by holding up my responsibilities better. I would like to have a real conversation about what would make Anthony's life easier in being a husband, father, and worker. My job as his wife is to be a helper and I would like to start to make those things a priority more than they are now. Anthony is exceptionally helpful to me and sometimes I feel less helpful to him.

I still feel like Anthony is the better helper especially now that Max is here. I have, however, made a schedule that helps us both get adequate rest and also time with Max. Also, I prepare all of the meals, do all of the cleaning, and manage our household finances. Anthony just simply said that taking care of myself and Max is enough help to him. He really is a saint sometimes!

-- This year, I want to focus on keeping our marriage passionate through our first year of being parents. I know that this will prove to be more complicated than it ever has but I would like to make an effort to keep our time together important and focus on our connection daily so that Max sees the parents that created him, ones that are IN LOVE and enjoy each other.

I feel like given the circumstances, we are navigating this quite nicely. I will leave you out of the details ;)

-- This year, I want to help Anthony in regards to meeting his own goals. Anthony would like to start taking college courses and further his education, learn how to play guitar, and really enjoys watching movies. I would like to make it my position this year to encourage those goals, help in any way I can, and participate in ways that would make him more excited about his personal goals.

This resolution is going pretty well. Tonight I am going to file Anthony's Fafsa for him to start college classes in the fall which is a big step for him. Also, I have been watching more movies with him and trying to take the time to be affectionate which is something Anthony really needs.


-- This year, I want  to develop a more consistent relationship with diabetes. I am currently on an insulin pump and that has drastically helped my diabetic control. I need to be more consistent with eye examinations, dental examinations, taking blood glucose daily, eating more regular meals to combat highs and lows, attending all dr appointments and following up with dr's orders, and exercising more for better glucose control.

I am still being hard-core on top of my diabetic care. I am having trouble maintaining my sugars since having Max so I scheduled an appointment with my specialist today and have plans to schedule an eye exam next week. I have also started back to exercising since having Max. It is going to be a long haul to health but I am going to stay on it.


-- This year, I want to develop a better eating schedule. I eat better than most people do, however, I often skip meals and make myself extra hungry in the evenings. It would be better for me to get back to eating 6 smaller meals per day and focus on nutritionally dense foods. I have improved my eating habits exponentially but there is certainly room for improvement.

Since Max eats 8 times per day and I do about 4-5 of those feedings, I have started trying to eat when he eats. I try to feed him and then when he lays down for a nap, I try to eat something good for me but also eat frequently to keep blood sugars maintained and metabolism up. 

-- This year, I want to develop my exercise habits back. When I lived in California I was very good at making daily exercise a priority due to the beautiful weather. It was considerably easier there. This year, I want to take advantage of having my sister as a walking partner, a willing and supportive spouse to walk with a new baby to take out in the fresh air. Although the weather is bad part of the year, I have multiple sources of exercise available to me and need to develop that habit again.

Most of this year so far was spent on being pregnant, having a baby, and healing from a C-section so I just got back into exercise this week. On Wednesday I did a cardio dance workout and felt like I might die so I realized that I will have to cut it back and start with something lower impact so I can get a whole work out in. When the spring is here, I want to start taking walks with Max and I am going to try to use my time alone to get some more creative work outs in as well.

-- This year, I want to have better sleeping habits. Although I will have a new baby, it does not excuse not taking the time to rest and be rested for his well-being and mine. I need to set a more regular schedule for sleep and take advantage of my husband's offer to trade off getting up with Max and doing the care of Max during the day. I want to take the naps I need, get the rest I need, and not overdo caffeine in order to compensate for rest not gotten.

I have finally figured out (after 3 weeks) how to get Anthony and I adequate rest with Max. I get 6 hours of sleep per night and Anthony gets 5 hours of sleep per night on our new schedule. Anthony has always needed less than me due to diabetes and he pushed for me to have the extra hour but with a new baby, I think 6 hours is doing pretty good. Thank God I have a helpful and supportive husband.

-- This year, I want to keep my home organized and free of clutter in order to make me feel less stressed and more at peace. I am one of those people who feels incredibly anxious in disorder and having things orderly and organized helps my mental and physical health. This year has been a very disorganized year with family crisis, being pregnant, and just adjusting to a new place so I am hoping next year I can develop more stability in these areas.

This one is taking time since we were gone to Louisville for 3 weeks and came back to dust, laundry from the trip, and we had a new baby to take care of. I am trying to get the house back to order and try to organize my time and areas to best suit all our mental health and time management. So far, I am working on it but am not even close to where I want to be.

I will catch up the rest of my resolutions tomorrow since there is quite a list. I hope you are all meeting your goals and having a great 2013. My favorite year yet! :)

Good changes

Hey everyone,

The new year is proving to be a success in terms of resolutions and plans to make things better. Anthony and I listened to a sermon this morning and totally spoke to both of us and we felt really fed and also challenged for changes in our new year/life in general. I spent my day today running errands including grocery shopping and handling things for our baby shower. My awesome friend Carrie is hosting the shower and she has done such a great job preparing for it. I am very excited to celebrate my boy and enjoy a day about him before he gets here!

In the latter part of the evening I went over and had dinner and time with my sister, her boyfriend, and my nieces. It was nice to be around them for a few hours. Now, I am home for the evening and going to make Anthony and I some yummy dinner and tomorrow is date day. I am really looking forward to a day with my husband. I plan to get myself as pretty as I can and just spend the day with him and ignore the rest of the world. I think that is completely healthy.

I have been enjoying my day to day Bible reading in getting through the whole Bible this year. I have loved the trek back through it and learning different things than I have in the past. I am also really enjoying getting my house organized for better stress management and time management. I love the clean smell and organized surroundings that help me enjoy the last few months of my pregnancy.

Anthony and I have also embarked on a "get out of debt" and savings plan for the year and I am excited to be able to report on how much debt we have eliminated and how much savings we have developed each month. Since we do want to pay off debt as much as possible, it means that sometimes the savings won't be as much. Our goal is just to be able to save $1200 by the end of the year and reduce our debt by double that or more. We are hoping for more peace, more joy, more obedience, and more bringing glory to God in 2013.

Tuesday we have two appointments for the baby and Wednesday we have one so we will be updating both the personal blog and Max's blog for family and friends. Hope you'll stop back in to see us. Have a great second week of the new year!

--E--

A little bit of pampering

The 2nd day of the New Year and I got a few things done that had to be done. I went and ran some errands for my mom and spent the rest of the day at home working on various projects including making important phone calls, cleaning up, and organizing. This seems to be the story of my life these days. Max's appointments are scheduled for almost the rest of the pregnancy and we are working towards some new financial goals since we are now down to one income.

Scentsy is going to be a big part of our lives this year and we have tons of goals for our Scentsy business. We are really loving the company and find it very fulfilling to sell products we believe in and build relationships with people who are our customers. I will be doing a few of our Scentsy parties in January and February and we will probably take a break from home parties when Max is born and then kick it back into gear after adjusting.

We find it so fun to do a business together and bring income into our house that doesn't require more time apart. It is nice to be able to do that.

Tonight, when Anthony got home, I was very spoiled to have him rub me down with cocoa butter since my skin is super dry and itchy in pregnancy and he painted my toenails for me. It's good to have a husband who is so caring and nurturing. My 2nd day of 2013 was great and tomorrow my goals are the following:

-- Make a few more important phone calls setting up health care for Max and getting our ducks in a row financially

-- Work more on the house and get ready for our new water heater to be installed.

-- Figure out Coupon deals for the week to save as much money as possible on household needs

-- Make some final decisions regarding Max's room and furniture

-- Enjoy my day and read and watch some pleasurable tv to relax. 

I pray that your third day of 2013 goes well and that are you richly blessed!

Welcome 2013

Well it's officially the year I will be a mommy! Today was surreal waking up and realizing that. I am so incredibly blessed to have my little family and am really looking forward to seeing what God is going to do in 2013.

My resolutions are of the utmost importance and I woke up with them on my mind today. I watched my nephews this morning for my sister and felt a deep sense of love and compassion for them in knowing that I was building that relationship even more in the New Year.

I will be watching my nieces this afternoon as well and look forward to time with them. I learned this morning that my little sister is going through a bit of a crisis and it went right through my mind to pray for her and be available in what ways I could be. I really am praying that God moves my heart in relationships this year.

I am 30 weeks pregnant as of yesterday and every day closer to due date is making me so excited to see my little dude. The plan for today is to see my nieces, run a few errands, work on the nursery and other household chores and then have New Years Dinner with my sister Hilliary and her family and my mama. I want to invite Britt as well so maybe I will see my whole family today :)

Later on in the evening:

New Year's was absolutely fabulous. I was able to see all 5 of my nieces and nephews. Each one of them is so special to me and adds so much happiness and joy to my life. Living in Indiana the last year has been so great because I get to watch them grow and change daily instead of twice a year. I also ran to CVS and was able to get a pack of diapers (after coupons and Extra Care bucks) for FREE. They actually paid me 70 cents to take those diapers off their hands. I love a great deal! This year will really require me to be creative and frugal in that I am officially not working and we are on Anthony's income and Scentsy income for a while. We are not sure yet if I am going to go back to work in the fall or not but that is also not something we can really decide until meeting Max and seeing what the challenge of being a mom and a Type I diabetic will mean for us.

Later in the evening, I cooked a New Year's Meal for my family of Pulled Pork Sandwiches and Cheesy Potato Casserole. We ate at Hilliary's house and watched a few movies and just enjoyed the boys while they played around us. It is always good to take the time to really enjoy your family and be in the moment. We got home around midnight and Anthony and I cuddled up on the couch and watched "X-Men: Origins." My husband is so into Comic Book movies and Superheroes so part of my supporting his hobbies and interests this year will be exposing myself to all of the movies and characters he loves.

We would have liked to get something done on Max's room but we really didn't take the time to do that. I am hoping to get some other cleaning done tomorrow that will help me really show his room attention and begin to get organized for the big day! Lastly, we got some organization done after all when we upgraded my Iphone and cleaned off unneeded pictures, apps, etc... so that my phone is more streamlined for the job of mommying. It is interesting how clutter in every facet of your life really annoys you when you are about to have a child. I have lost emails, pictures, and contacts by not keeping up on my electronics properly and letting clutter in these areas over take me. I have been careful lately not to spend too much time on the computer or social media in hopes of de-cluttering and making my time more valuable for Anthony, Max, and mainly Jesus.

Well, the first day of 2013 has come to a close and I really was happy with my priorities for the day and spending time with those I love. I did my first day of Bible reading and it is always enlightening to begin studying Creation, Jesus' birth, and wisdom books at the beginning of the year. I am so looking forward to my journey with Jesus this year as a mommy/wife/woman of God.

All of my love in 2013

--E--

New Year, New Title, New baby!

It's been a while since I have written on my personal blog for several reasons including but not limited to 1. I am pregnant and that has required me to work and then fall asleep directly after getting home, giving me no time to be creative and assertive. 2. I have been trying to keep Max's blog up to date so that people are aware of what's going on in the pregnancy and with him and that has been the blog I have centered on for the last 7 months....and 3. I haven't had much to say with my placenta brain forgetting every thought that enters my consciousness.

Today, it is December 30th and that means I am gearing up for my annual resolutions. I have always been a firm believer in making New Year's resolutions. I love a fresh start even if it is a Monday and I just want to do better in getting my chores around the house accomplished. I love goals and find that in my life, I have never achieved anything without having a goal in mind and steps to achieve it. Also, I am a psychotherapist by trade and that makes me very centered on measurable progress. That all being said, today's post is about changes.

This year brings not only a fresh year in 2013 but I gain a new title this year, Mommy. I have already accumulated several titles including Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Therapist, Tutor, Wife, Friend, Christian, and now the all encompassing,....Mommy. Some of these titles mean the world to me like Aunt, Sister, Daughter, Wife and then others are things that I love doing and being but they hold much less power for me like Therapist, Tutor, and anything else that is about my own personal achievements. The one that stands above all others and guides all of the other titles is Christian. This year, I am really hoping to focus all of my attention  on resolutions that bring that title into focus more readily.

Another thing that has been a focus in the past is writing several resolutions as well as learning experiences from the previous year. I think that has been very helpful for me in finding out where I am with God, learning about myself, learning about life in general, and gearing up for another year of learning. That being said, I will start today's post with five monumental things I feel that I learned in 2012.

1. I learned that nothing is within my power in terms of life/death. Making a baby is "easy" according to some but in our case it was a journey. I learned that when I gave up my control and fasted/prayed and trusted God that maybe I wasn't going to be a mother at all, I gained peace. I gained peace over my losses and peace over my future.

2. I learned that taking care of oneself is the best gift you can give your husband, your family, and  yourself. Being able to step out of your medical comfort zones and take a leap of faith really does pay off. I was able to commit to the insulin pump in August and my health has been better this year than in the last 17 years of having Type I diabetes.

3. I learned that being pregnant doesn't make me any more special than I was before. When I was watching woman after woman get pregnant and face enormous amounts of jealousy after losing my first child, I was so centered on them being "special" or called. The truth is, this is not a calling or does not make me any more special. My relationship with Christ makes me have worth. My relationship with my husband makes me feel loved. My being created fearfully and wonderfully makes me know that Christ died for me and all others. There is no division line between moms and childless women. We are all in this together and I pray that this learning extends to other areas I struggle in.

4. I learned that where you live has little to do with your happiness level. I used to think because I lived in California, had tons to do, and great weather...that was why I was happy and moving back to Indiana would make me miserable. I have been happier in the last year of my life than any year of my life. I am happy in my family, in my marriage, in my mental health, in my physical health, etc.... It is doing what is good for your soul and your spirit that makes you "Happy!"

5. I learned that the best friends I will ever have are the ones who will embrace my husband and my son as their own family and pray for them, be concerned for them, and always speak kindly of them. Those people will also respect my boundaries and not get involved in ways that are not welcome or give unsolicited advice. They simply pray and support. Thank you Lord for those friends.

Those are my 2012 learning experiences and now onto the resolutions. My resolutions will be broken up into my top five priorities and there will be 5 resolutions under each priority for a total of 25 resolutions for the year of 2013!!! I hope you are making your resolutions and believing you can get them accomplished.

Priority #1: My relationship with Christ

-- This year, I want to make a goal to read my bible all the way through again. I have done this in years past and each time I do it, I gain more from the word and the daily discipline of being in God's presence. This year I would like to dig a little deeper and focus more on the language of the times, on word meanings, and focus on where I am at as a mother in the word.

-- This year, I want to find a church in Southern Indiana that I can put roots down in. I would like to find somewhere where both Anthony and I feel at home, has a great children's ministry area, and places for Anthony and I to serve in our faith community with our spiritual gifts. I would like to visit churches in the area with the prayer of God leading this journey and not my preconceived notions of where I should be or what a church should "look like."

-- This year I want to clean up my language, thought life, and critical spirit. Although I am certainly not a trucker in my language, I use far too many negative words, far too many critical words, and spew a lot of ugly at times. This is something I would like to focus on in 2013 and become someone whose fruit is more sweet than bitter and sarcastic.

-- This year, I want to develop my spiritual disciplines to be something that is far more consistent. I would like to observe my prayer life, quiet time, solitude, church attendance, service, etc... and really focus on getting closer to God in a more consistent way. I want to have far fewer gaps in our conversations and far more moments of reflection on where I am in Him and where I am supposed to go.

-- This year, I want to focus more on developing my Proverbs 31 qualities by praying towards that, learning more about that and focusing my other goals on those tenants. I want my relationship with Anthony and Max to reflect those qualities and really see myself make improvements in this area this year.

Priority #2: My relationship with Anthony

-- This year, I want to make more focused time for Anthony on set days. We have (for several years) observed Married Monday and kept Monday quite sacred and do not commit to other people, projects, work, or obligations on that day. We have slipped a little from this and need to get back on having a more consistent time that is focused on us. I would like to make it better from my end by taking the time to plan every other Married Monday, get really ready for our dates by grooming more appropriately (I know all the ladies hear  me on that!), and silence the cell phone and remind others in my life who "need" me that it is a special time for our family and it is something we are not willing to budge on readily.

-- This year, I want to make a concerted effort to lower our debt that was created during a period of unemployment and has gone on due to the move and several other factors. I would like to focus myself more on spending less on luxuries, making better financial choices, and exercising self control when money gets into our bank accounts. It is easy to build pressure and frustration in marriage when finances are out of control. Anthony and I have been lucky that we do not FIGHT over money but I would like to eliminate all areas of un-needed pressure especially in adding another person to our household and new financial obligations.

-- This year, I want to contribute more to our household by holding up my responsibilities better. I would like to have a real conversation about what would make Anthony's life easier in being a husband, father, and worker. My job as his wife is to be a helper and I would like to start to make those things a priority more than they are now. Anthony is exceptionally helpful to me and sometimes I feel less helpful to him.

-- This year, I want to focus on keeping our marriage passionate through our first year of being parents. I know that this will prove to be more complicated than it ever has but I would like to make an effort to keep our time together important and focus on our connection daily so that Max sees the parents that created him, ones that are IN LOVE and enjoy each other.

-- This year, I want to help Anthony in regards to meeting his own goals. Anthony would like to start taking college courses and further his education, learn how to play guitar, and really enjoys watching movies. I would like to make it my position this year to encourage those goals, help in any way I can, and participate in ways that would make him more excited about his personal goals.

Priority # 3: My physical health

-- This year, I want  to develop a more consistent relationship with diabetes. I am currently on an insulin pump and that has drastically helped my diabetic control. I need to be more consistent with eye examinations, dental examinations, taking blood glucose daily, eating more regular meals to combat highs and lows, attending all dr appointments and following up with dr's orders, and exercising more for better glucose control.

-- This year, I want to develop a better eating schedule. I eat better than most people do, however, I often skip meals and make myself extra hungry in the evenings. It would be better for me to get back to eating 6 smaller meals per day and focus on nutritionally dense foods. I have improved my eating habits exponentially but there is certainly room for improvement.

-- This year, I want to develop my exercise habits back. When I lived in California I was very good at making daily exercise a priority due to the beautiful weather. It was considerably easier there. This year, I want to take advantage of having my sister as a walking partner, a willing and supportive spouse to walk with a new baby to take out in the fresh air. Although the weather is bad part of the year, I have multiple sources of exercise available to me and need to develop that habit again.

-- This year, I want to have better sleeping habits. Although I will have a new baby, it does not excuse not taking the time to rest and be rested for his well-being and mine. I need to set a more regular schedule for sleep and take advantage of my husband's offer to trade off getting up with Max and doing the care of Max during the day. I want to take the naps I need, get the rest I need, and not overdo caffeine in order to compensate for rest not gotten.

-- This year, I want to keep my home organized and free of clutter in order to make me feel less stressed and more at peace. I am one of those people who feels incredibly anxious in disorder and having things orderly and organized helps my mental and physical health. This year has been a very disorganized year with family crisis, being pregnant, and just adjusting to a new place so I am hoping next year I can develop more stability in these areas.

Priority #4: Mothering

-- This year, I want to spend as much time enjoying Max's first year as I can. I want to be less consumed with being perfect and more consumed with being with him. I want to learn who he is, appreciate him, pray for him, and learn how to be a good mother to him.

-- This year, I want to take better care of me overall in order to model that for Max. I want to be kind and patient with his wonderful daddy, help him see the love of Christ and make a happy home for him to grow up in.

-- This year, I want to make sure that complaining is far from my lips. I realize that being a mother is the hardest job on the planet but I also realize that people would give their left leg for the opportunity. To constantly complain about being a mother is an insult to those that struggle and spitting on the amazing blessing of Max's life.

-- This year, I want to keep Max's family here and in California well updated on who he is becoming and allow him to have the amazing privilege of having relationships with extended family. I am lucky to have really great family on every side and he is too. It is important they feel like a priority and he gets to know them while they are here.

-- This year, I want to take every opportunity to have family time that I can and keep that time sacred. Anthony and I have already specified time on our schedule that is focused on the three of us and I want to be sure that I am using that time to enjoy my family and not just be productive and busy. Sometimes soaking things up is the best way to appreciate them.

Priority # 5: Family

-- This year, I want to take my older niece and nephew one day per month on a date with Aunt Erica. I enjoy them so much and the younger ones are not yet ready but Shawn and Kaylea really enjoy that.

-- This year, I want to spend more time with the younger nieces and nephews by visiting them once per week and getting to know them more personally.

-- This year, I want to have a better relationship with my mom and sisters by delegating tasks in taking care of my mom better so that I am not resentful, frustrated, and overwhelmed.

-- This year, I want to make more of an effort to be in touch with my in-laws regarding Max and other topics so that we can build our relationship better.

-- This year, I want to help my sisters out more by offering my baby sitting services to them if possible one day every other month for them to get a break.

Okay, these are my goals/resolutions for 2013. My goal is to write on each 1st week of the month and update where I am on these goals and hopefully keep myself accountable for a better and more fulfilling year. You have probably noticed that most of my goals are relationship based and that is purposeful. For years, I have focused on achievements and accolades and this year, I am focusing on what REALLY matters for me and my home. Thanks for stopping and Happy New Year everyone!

--E--

Ranting about Ranting??!!!

Ok is it just me or are people getting really ugly on stating opinions? I am not just talking about the current chick-fil-a/Christian/Anti-gay debate but it certainly encourages some of this rant. It is impossible for me as a believer to back anything that is ugly and demonstrates hatred, anger, or meanness. That isn't because I am a "bleeding-heart liberal" or "ignorant" but because my relationship with Christ makes my heart hurt when I hurt others or treat others unfairly. It is called conviction of my spirit.

Just like my heart aches when I hurt Jesus in other ways like lying, being jealous, engaging in ungodly activities, etc...or....ahem...sin it hurts when I am ugly towards others that God created. I am not sitting here and saying don't stand behind what you believe. It is your right to believe whatever you would like and it is also your right with free speech to state what you believe in written or spoken word. I am speaking more to believers in Jesus Christ here than anyone but....I am quite certain that it is not your right to judge another by being hateful, ugly, or downright cruel to them. There are ways to state your beliefs without causing others to view Christ as someone who condemns them and not someone who loves them deeply and died for anything they might do or engage in that constitutes sin. It hurts me to see the ugliest being believers.

I will not sit here and rant on without saying that sometimes I am ugly. I won't ever let you believe that there are people I don't judge. I judge bad parents,...constantly. I judge ignorant people on a daily basis. I judge Christians that try to take God's place as judge and jury. I also feel deeply convicted about that and try to take this to God daily so that he can change my heart to one of compassion and understanding so that the person may have a chance to learn from me or feel that compassion and in turn feel the love of Jesus Christ.

I try very hard not be ugly and when I catch myself....I repent. I can't imagine saying some of the things that I have seen regarding the current Christian based chicken joint, politics, gay rights, current and past presidents, and the like. Some of things I have seen that have embarrassed me deeply are from "Christians." Please stop doing things in God's name that are just plain ugly and make you look foolish and cruel. It is in distinct opposition to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I would encourage you to choose today whom you will serve....your strong opinions and your need to spew them hatefully at people or Jesus Christ who wishes to see ALL come to know him and to be loved.

Sigh...I am sad today. My heart is heavy in all of this!

Ranted out,

E

Life.

Everything has been pretty crazy in my world lately. My family is going through health turmoil for sure. This has made me think about "life." I have been thinking about how fragile our bodies are and how difficult it is to go through health concerns. On Monday of this week, I woke up to a 102 degree temperature and was feeling totally awful. Luckily I had a doctor's appointment scheduled anyway and found out I had a Kidney infection. Tuesday, my mom started to have hallucinations and I found out that she had an infection in her legs that I didn't realize the severity of. I called 911 that night and she was taken to the hospital to be told she had Sepsis and Cellulitis. On Wednesday we found out that she did not have either of those but actually Staph Infection as well as E-coli in her legs. We also found out that day that her recent Hip replacement (Sept, 2011) had been botched and her femur was entirely crooked and it would need to be redone. On Thursday night I had to take my older sister to the ER because she was having some health concerns as well all to find out on Friday that her health concerns were far more serious than we had thought as well.

My mom was transported to the nearby Nursing home on Friday as well and she is awaiting an appointment with the new surgeon who is going to redo her surgery. Hilliary (sister) will find out next week what is going on and hopefully know her next steps. Overall, I have come to these conclusions this week.

1. When it rains, it certainly pours.

2. I am the one who is "good in crisis"

3. I am grateful for good doctors who care.

4. I love my family and really hurt when they are hurt.

If you all could be in prayer for my family, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading!