Hello everyone. For the past almost 3 months I have been going through painful pruning. I have not written in my blog nearly as much because I have been so busy and kind of going through things alone. I wanted to write today about the growth experiences that have been happening through this time and how amazing God is through it. I thought I would update just every facet of my life at once so that you can read the portions you are wondering about. Here goes...
Counseling: I am currently seeing a therapist and it's going wonderfully. We have been working together for about 2-3 months and it has been a very interesting experience. We are currently working through the fears of applying and going to grad school, weight loss, and family stuff.
Work: I am currently working 3 jobs and applying for a 4th. My first job and most important to me is being Chris' nanny. I have been with he and Richard for a year and almost 4 months. I have really enjoyed it with the exception of a few small details. There are always opportunities for me to exercise boundaries in that I am practically raising Chris. There is also the issue of Chris being 12 years old and going through a very rebellious stage. He is still way better, in my opinion, than most kids though.
I also am working at Rock Harbor (one of my churches) in the Nurture ministry. This is a child-care/teaching position where I teach and watch 3-5 year olds on Tuesday mornings during the mother's nurture meeting. This is one of my favorite days of the week because the kids are so adorable, fun, and they teach me more than I ever expected to learn.
My 3rd job is Vanguard's library again. Elizabeth (Circulation Supervisor) recently had a baby (Rand) and they needed me to come in to cover their short-handedness. I am basically just doing periodicals and covering where they need me.
The 4th job is a job that would be more permanent because I really love the idea of it. I am interviewing on November 8th if you would like to pray for me. It's a position at Newport Mesa (my other church) and the actual title is "Elementary Director." There is a lot to that job title but it seems very good for me and would really allow me to be involved with ministry in a real and tangible way.
Grad School: I am not that far into the application process. I have gotten a few tasks completed and currently am feeling overwhelmed. I wrote my personal statement a few weeks ago and it is in the editing process. I am working this weekend on my resume/curriculm vitae. That should be one of the easier tasks but I always make things harder than they need to be. I also will be working on the actual filling out applications process because that is something I have put off because it is so monotonous. Anyway, all of my applications should be submitted by January 1st and I should make a decision by April. Please continue praying over this step in my life.
Small Group: I am currently attending a small group on Friday nights and we are doing a book on the spiritual disciplines. I am learning that these things are crucial to my walk with the Lord. My small group is great because the people that make it up are amazing people who I bond with individually in different ways. I am so excited to see them on Fridays!
Church: I am currently still attending both Rock Harbor and Newport Mesa and loving both. I am involved with ministry, serving, classes, and various other things at both. I am loving that each new day brings a new opportunity to grow, change, and be molded at these great churches. I love the people at both churches and find myself growing in female relationships like I never have.
Romance: hmmmm...this one is always an interesting topic, isn't it? Well, I have been out of the dating game for 2 and 1/2 months now and it's powerful to see how my heart has changed. I have started really putting only good and holy things in my mind so that I don't have disrespect for men and/or myself. I only watch movies that are above rated R, same with TV, and no music that glorifies premarital sex, degradation of women, etc... I am really picky about what goes in right now. Also, I am getting to know a young man whom I am very interested in but allowing God to do all the foot work. If this is the man I am supposed to be with for my entire life, he will feel the same way I do and he will pursue me as well. I am not going to put my hands in things any further but rather hold on very tight to God's hand and know He has His best for me at heart. This man is a very nice, sweet, caring man and I am hoping to get to know him further in the coming days, weeks, months, etc... and God will do the rest! Please pray for me and said man! :)
Friends: My friends seem to all be doing rather well. I think they are all growing by leaps and bounds in their spiritual lives and those that are a constant in my life right now are people I can trust and respect. I am growing deeply in one of my female friendships and it's really helping me to become a better person. I am loving that I feel I can trust a girl more than my guy-friends now and I am growing in faith in God bringing the RIGHT females into my life. I am lucky to have a lot of women who really love me and support me!
Family: I really don't know much about what's going on with my family, other than they are all still in Indiana and doing the same things. Britt is working on finishing her first semester in college and she is not having that great of a time. I think that she eventually will find her niche in life and be fine, but until then, she is discouraged. I am trying to head home for the holidays but money is tight so I am hoping that will pan out.
Overall, this is my life. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the fall months. Since this will probably be the last time I write before ...Happy Halloween! I am not really doing anything special for Halloween except enjoying the night of cute little people dressed up in cute little costumes. Have a great one and I love you all dearly! Give me a call if we haven't talked.
~Erica~
Friday, October 28, 2005
Saturday, October 22, 2005
The questions before I speak....
So I was watching an episode of my favorite day-time reality series, "Staring Over" and there is a girl named TJ on there who says things a lot of times that are inappropriate and in turn, creates chaos in her world as well as not connecting with others. This led her life coach, Rhonda Britten to give her an assignment that before she speaks AT ALL...she must ask herself the following questions...
1. Is what I am about to say NECESSARY?
2. Is what I am about to say TRUE?
3. Is what I am about to say HELPFUL?
4. Is what I am about to say KIND?
This led to think about my own speaking behaviors. I am not really the person who says mean things or abrasive things to people but I am the person who says inappropriate things. I am going to start practicing this exercise of asking myself that until I become more conscious of my mouth and the damage it does. I have been reading a lot about being a godly person and godly people are never those that speak out of turn. I am really hurting this week about a million things and I really think one thing that would help is for me to clean up my speech. I want so bad to stop being a big mouth!
Help me Lord!
~Erica~
1. Is what I am about to say NECESSARY?
2. Is what I am about to say TRUE?
3. Is what I am about to say HELPFUL?
4. Is what I am about to say KIND?
This led to think about my own speaking behaviors. I am not really the person who says mean things or abrasive things to people but I am the person who says inappropriate things. I am going to start practicing this exercise of asking myself that until I become more conscious of my mouth and the damage it does. I have been reading a lot about being a godly person and godly people are never those that speak out of turn. I am really hurting this week about a million things and I really think one thing that would help is for me to clean up my speech. I want so bad to stop being a big mouth!
Help me Lord!
~Erica~
Friday, October 14, 2005
Rejection and other sore subjects.
I have decided today (not that I didn't know before) that rejection is literally my biggest fear. I think it's the fear of most people and moreso women. I have been experiencing it a lot lately and it hurts so badly. Some of it is due to my life changes I have made but more often than not, it's due to my appearance. I think that's really horrible that we are so judgmental as a culture and we cannot accept someone because of their size, shape, looks, or personality. Just saddens me. I am not saying that I have been pursuing a bunch of people and they have said "No Erica, you are fat and ugly, we can't go out or be friends." That isn't exactly how I mean rejection. I am not being quite that literal. I am just noticing how often it is that someone "loses interest" in me or something when something better comes along.
I should note as I write this, I am not depressed or upset today but rather realizing something about God's love. Isn't it great that he doesn't reject us at all. He doesn't care if we have blonde, brown, red, or green hair. He doesn't care if we have blue, green, brown, or red eyes. He could care less what we weigh, how tall we are, or what brand of clothing we wear. He just loves us so much ...unconditionally. I am so happy to know in this world of rejection and pain, I have a God that loves me and you do too.
Now that I have preached a bit, a quick update. I have been super busy lately and really had no time to blog and I have missed you my blogger public. It's Sunday now and I am completely tired from my weekend. I think the weekend is supposed to be about rest but mine for the next few months are going to be hectic. It's ok though because it really is a blessing to be able to take on some new responsibilities.
All is well with me as I work hard to get into Grad School, lose weight, and most of all further my relationship with my Heavenly Father. God and I are doing excellent. I am feeling closer and closer to Him daily and I am pumped about all of the things He is doing in my life. Please keep praying because your prayers are working! Grad School is going ok. I have one giant step out of the way and working on a second one. I have an information meeting this coming week for one of my schools so it might change or make up my mind. I could really use your prayers for time management to be able to get everything in by January.
Weight loss is going awesome as well. This week I lost 3 lbs to take me back down to 247 lbs now. I had to kind of start over last week due to my excessive binging and laziness for a few months that made me gain quite a bit of weight back. I am excited now that I am back "on the wagon" and working hard. I owe a lot of that to my friend Heather who is encouraging me in my weight loss battle.
Friendships are hurting me lately and I am trying very hard to understand what is happening and what God is doing in each of them. I have one friendship that has REALLY grown though and that's a blessing for sure. No romance news because I am still on dating break and will be for at least 1 more month. I have no desire to get involved with anything right now but growth so I am doing well.
I wish I had more time to write but I must get to the grocery store so we won't starve this week! Have a great week ya'll and keep in touch!
~Erica~
I should note as I write this, I am not depressed or upset today but rather realizing something about God's love. Isn't it great that he doesn't reject us at all. He doesn't care if we have blonde, brown, red, or green hair. He doesn't care if we have blue, green, brown, or red eyes. He could care less what we weigh, how tall we are, or what brand of clothing we wear. He just loves us so much ...unconditionally. I am so happy to know in this world of rejection and pain, I have a God that loves me and you do too.
Now that I have preached a bit, a quick update. I have been super busy lately and really had no time to blog and I have missed you my blogger public. It's Sunday now and I am completely tired from my weekend. I think the weekend is supposed to be about rest but mine for the next few months are going to be hectic. It's ok though because it really is a blessing to be able to take on some new responsibilities.
All is well with me as I work hard to get into Grad School, lose weight, and most of all further my relationship with my Heavenly Father. God and I are doing excellent. I am feeling closer and closer to Him daily and I am pumped about all of the things He is doing in my life. Please keep praying because your prayers are working! Grad School is going ok. I have one giant step out of the way and working on a second one. I have an information meeting this coming week for one of my schools so it might change or make up my mind. I could really use your prayers for time management to be able to get everything in by January.
Weight loss is going awesome as well. This week I lost 3 lbs to take me back down to 247 lbs now. I had to kind of start over last week due to my excessive binging and laziness for a few months that made me gain quite a bit of weight back. I am excited now that I am back "on the wagon" and working hard. I owe a lot of that to my friend Heather who is encouraging me in my weight loss battle.
Friendships are hurting me lately and I am trying very hard to understand what is happening and what God is doing in each of them. I have one friendship that has REALLY grown though and that's a blessing for sure. No romance news because I am still on dating break and will be for at least 1 more month. I have no desire to get involved with anything right now but growth so I am doing well.
I wish I had more time to write but I must get to the grocery store so we won't starve this week! Have a great week ya'll and keep in touch!
~Erica~
Monday, October 10, 2005
Winston, you'll be missed
Some of you that read my blog might remember a post I did in July that had a dog on it that said "I love Erica" in a thought bubble. Well, that was Winston, Josh's dog. Winston had to be put to sleep on Monday of last week and I am just devestated with that. I am sad that it had to come to that. The little guy was ill and had a torn ACL as well so it makes sense but he will be sadly missed. I felt like I had to blog about how sad it is for me to lose any animal, even if it isn't mine.
Winston: It was good to know you buddy and times were fun! R.I.P little guy
Yes, I seriously just did a pet memorial. Live with it or don't log on! :)
I love you Josh and sorry that your doggy is gone!
~Erica~
Winston: It was good to know you buddy and times were fun! R.I.P little guy
Yes, I seriously just did a pet memorial. Live with it or don't log on! :)
I love you Josh and sorry that your doggy is gone!
~Erica~
Thursday, September 29, 2005
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!
Hello lovely blogging public. Today is a great day..not because I have had some enormous financial blessing, not because of some great thing I have received but something even bigger to me. There is peace that passes my understanding today regarding my life and future. I am happy to be alive and even happier to know my Lord and Savior. I realized today that my first instinct has become to seek His face on matters that confuse me. My first instinct is to ask Him to remove confusion, anxiety, worry, and bad thoughts. I am growing more in Him and that excites me.
I also have great news regarding Christopher. His blood work came back today and he is NOT diabetic. I couldn't be happier for him, his parents, and myself. Now, you will find out that this was a learning experience for me...which I will talk about a little later! Christopher was very scared that he would be told he had diabetes and for that matter, so was I. I prayed about it of course asking God to make the verdict No but I also prayed that Chris' heart would be prepared either way. I remember when I was diagnosed and how difficult that process was and is still today.
You may ask what I learned through this, and I'll tell you and be completely honest. When I became diabetic (or at least found out), I was only 16 years old. I was very rebellious in nature and continued to be until ...well..let's be honest, TODAY! Yesterday when Chris came home from school we still didn't know if he was diabetic or not. He then told me that he had eaten pizza at school and SODA. That is a big diabetic no-no. I was livid. I began to explain to him the severity of putting sugary soda into your body IF you are diabetic. He was stunned at my great concern and completely apologized about it and I quickly forget his disobedience and began to think of my own.
For the last 9 years of knowing I am a diabetic, I have been the worst diabetic anyone has ever seen. I have continued eating whatever I want most times. I did give up soda immediately and never went back but that is the only area of diabetes I have been completely obedient in. I am ashamed to say this as my body is the temple of the H0ly Spirit and me hurting myself is hurting God and those that love me. I was really mad at myself for not understanding the magnitude of this disease and how badly I treat my body. I am hoping that this was the wake-up call I need to start ACTING like...not just being..a diabetic.
Thank you all for your prayers for Chistopher. We are surely turning this blessing back to PRAISE! Things are good and I continue to seek God on the many things I find confusion in. I am working this week on Grad School, weight loss, and mostly finding how to get closer to my Father in Heaven! I hope you are all well and please contact me if we haven't talked recently. I love you all to pieces!
~Erica~
I also have great news regarding Christopher. His blood work came back today and he is NOT diabetic. I couldn't be happier for him, his parents, and myself. Now, you will find out that this was a learning experience for me...which I will talk about a little later! Christopher was very scared that he would be told he had diabetes and for that matter, so was I. I prayed about it of course asking God to make the verdict No but I also prayed that Chris' heart would be prepared either way. I remember when I was diagnosed and how difficult that process was and is still today.
You may ask what I learned through this, and I'll tell you and be completely honest. When I became diabetic (or at least found out), I was only 16 years old. I was very rebellious in nature and continued to be until ...well..let's be honest, TODAY! Yesterday when Chris came home from school we still didn't know if he was diabetic or not. He then told me that he had eaten pizza at school and SODA. That is a big diabetic no-no. I was livid. I began to explain to him the severity of putting sugary soda into your body IF you are diabetic. He was stunned at my great concern and completely apologized about it and I quickly forget his disobedience and began to think of my own.
For the last 9 years of knowing I am a diabetic, I have been the worst diabetic anyone has ever seen. I have continued eating whatever I want most times. I did give up soda immediately and never went back but that is the only area of diabetes I have been completely obedient in. I am ashamed to say this as my body is the temple of the H0ly Spirit and me hurting myself is hurting God and those that love me. I was really mad at myself for not understanding the magnitude of this disease and how badly I treat my body. I am hoping that this was the wake-up call I need to start ACTING like...not just being..a diabetic.
Thank you all for your prayers for Chistopher. We are surely turning this blessing back to PRAISE! Things are good and I continue to seek God on the many things I find confusion in. I am working this week on Grad School, weight loss, and mostly finding how to get closer to my Father in Heaven! I hope you are all well and please contact me if we haven't talked recently. I love you all to pieces!
~Erica~
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Happy Birthday to my Toots and other matters...
19 years ago, God blessed me beyond measure. He brought a little girl into my life who was to forever be my best friend. She was not my best friend at first but the dreaded little sister who took my spot as baby! I had been the baby for 6 whole years and I wasn't giving up without a fight. We had many years of being distant to say the least. Then, one awful July day I learned that I would never again take her for granted. She was there for me in one of my darkest moments and was my confidant for days and weeks after and eventually became my best friend today and forever. Today is my little sister Britt's 19th birthday and I am so happy that I was blessed to be able to have HER as a sister! Happy Birthday Toots!
Last night, one of my favorite boys in the world had a great victory for himself and I wanted to acknowledge that too. Josh McCall, one of the best men to ever walk this planet (Hambone) scored his first college goal in soccer! WOW! I am so proud of you Josh and I am amazed at the man that you are and continue to be! It's great being triplets with you and toots!
I wanted to also ask for prayer for Christopher today. We had some blood work done on Friday of last week and today it came back that he had a high blood sugar and this creates room to believe he might be a diabetic. To all of you who just gasped, I know! We are going tomorrow morning to get him tested with a fasting blood sugar in order to determine whether he is or not. Please pray he isn't. From someone who understands, I would hate that for Christopher.
In other news, my friend Heather B. is getting married this saturday! I am so excited for her and I can't imagine how her last week of being single is affecting her. It must be crazy! My friend Jarrid got married this past Saturday and since he is on his honeymoon, I haven't heard from him but I am sure it went wonderfully!
Life with me is going well. My therapist and I have decided that it's time to get back in the ring and start fighting for what I want again. This means continued closeness to God, weight loss, and a career in psychology. Weight loss and Psychology have recently taken a back seat to a greater battle but I think it's time to get back in the game and really work hard. I would appreciate your prayers for strength, endurance, and time management.
My jobs are going wonderfully, spiritual life is growing, friends are great, and family is getting better. Please pray for Britt as she has decided she wants to make Vanguard her home next year! WOO HOO..GO LIONS!
Anyway, have a great week and thank you for stopping in and caring about my life. If you have anything I could pray about, email me at erica_king80@hotmail.com anytime!
God bless you all!
~Erica~
Last night, one of my favorite boys in the world had a great victory for himself and I wanted to acknowledge that too. Josh McCall, one of the best men to ever walk this planet (Hambone) scored his first college goal in soccer! WOW! I am so proud of you Josh and I am amazed at the man that you are and continue to be! It's great being triplets with you and toots!
I wanted to also ask for prayer for Christopher today. We had some blood work done on Friday of last week and today it came back that he had a high blood sugar and this creates room to believe he might be a diabetic. To all of you who just gasped, I know! We are going tomorrow morning to get him tested with a fasting blood sugar in order to determine whether he is or not. Please pray he isn't. From someone who understands, I would hate that for Christopher.
In other news, my friend Heather B. is getting married this saturday! I am so excited for her and I can't imagine how her last week of being single is affecting her. It must be crazy! My friend Jarrid got married this past Saturday and since he is on his honeymoon, I haven't heard from him but I am sure it went wonderfully!
Life with me is going well. My therapist and I have decided that it's time to get back in the ring and start fighting for what I want again. This means continued closeness to God, weight loss, and a career in psychology. Weight loss and Psychology have recently taken a back seat to a greater battle but I think it's time to get back in the game and really work hard. I would appreciate your prayers for strength, endurance, and time management.
My jobs are going wonderfully, spiritual life is growing, friends are great, and family is getting better. Please pray for Britt as she has decided she wants to make Vanguard her home next year! WOO HOO..GO LIONS!
Anyway, have a great week and thank you for stopping in and caring about my life. If you have anything I could pray about, email me at erica_king80@hotmail.com anytime!
God bless you all!
~Erica~
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The journey is long and hard but so rewarding.
Hello everyone. I haven't written for a while so I thought today would be a great day to do an update. Life has been interesting for the last couple of weeks. First of all, I would really appreciate your prayers for two families. The first family are my neighbors and their names are the Chaumburgs. One of the family members (Gary) actually took his own life on Thursday of last week and I really would just like to continue praying for the family in this devestating time. Also if you could all lift up a family from back home (Indiana) that would be great also. Their names are the Ozechowski's. This is a family I have known since I was about 12 years old. They actually attend my church back home. Michele (the wife) passed away on Tuesday of this week. I am not sure the facts yet so I don't know what kind of situation we are looking at but it doesn't look good as she was facing some serious problems. Mostly lift up her husband John and her daughter (3 years old) Autumn to the Lord and just pray that they are taken care of right now.
Things in my life are a bit mixed and complicated but I am pushing through. Overall it's been a month since I decided to rededicate my life to the Lord and get serious about obedience. I put one huge sin to the front of my mind and started fighting it the way I had never tried before. That is complete dependence upon God. I have since learned amazing lessons about really depending on God and the peace that it brings. When I was trying to fight this sin on my own, I was exhausted and completely unable. Since I took my hands off of it, it hasn't been easy but it has been peaceful as I wait on the Lord for my strength.
Things are going pretty well and I am working hard on some things while taking a distinct break from others. I have been exhausted with a few tasks in my life for some time and haven't allowed myself adequate rest. Now is the time to focus on the important tasks and leave the others to the Lord while doing as He pleases. Below are updates on all of the facets of my life and I hope you use my stories to help you get closer to your Father in Heaven.
Spiritually: I am still going strong in my spiritual disciplines by attending both Rock Harbor and Newport Mesa weekly. I am involved in children's ministries at both churches. I do Rock Harbor on Tuesday mornings for the Nurture ministry and then Newport Mesa on Sunday mornings during the 11:00 service. I have joined a small group in Huntington Beach and starting this Friday we will be meeting every week to discuss spiritual disciplines. I will write more about this once it actually starts up tomorrow. I am also starting a class at Newport Mesa on Sunday nights starting in October. It is a class called "Change Your Life" and is geared toward a book by Becky Tirabassi. I am also meeting with a friend every Tuesday night for accountability time. That has proven to be a very growing time for me. Overall, I am learning that intimacy with my father happens in all of these situations; my alone time with Him, my ministry opportunities, and where I am being discipled as well. My battle against my major sin that I have been writing about has been going great. I have had a few setbacks but overall I am really coming against it. Please continue to pray for my spiritual growth.
Health: I would love to report that things have changed drastically in this area but they just haven't. I haven't lost any more weight and really haven't been great with eating and/or exercise. I have worked out here and there and certainly don't binge eat anymore but I am still running to food in emotional highs and lows as well as with boredom. Diabetes seems to be doing well. I haven't had any kidney problems since May so that is a very positive thing. I just recently got over a cold and I have been just exhausted since that. I am really hoping it's not mono or something so please keep me in prayer for a complete healing. I would also appreciate prayers for strength so I can get back on my weight loss plan. I have rested from this facet of my life for a bit to give myself some time to get used to my new life with God. It's time to get back to work.
Job/Career: My job with Christopher is going well. Chris seems to be doing a lot better in school except for a few disciplinary problems here and there. We are trying to get a perfect dose down for his medication and really learn organization skills. I have been really enforcing organization because that is the key to Christopher being successful. He is working hard at Karate and Piano. He really enjoys both and excels at them. He should be testing for his Blue belt soon in Karate so keep him in your prayers. Miss Hannah does a great job with him in piano and he nevers gives me any problems with practicing. My main focus right now is giving 110% of me into this job so that I am impacting Christopher in every way and also impacting Richard at the same time.
My new job at Rock Harbor is really cool. I haven't had time to really write about it but I work for the Nurture Ministry on Tuesday mornings. I basically maintain the "big kids" classroom while the women are in the nurture meeting. Nurture is a place for moms to get together and encourage one another and just be renewed every week. I have the privelage of keeping their children (ages 3-5) and teaching them about Jesus, playing with them, etc.. and it's blessing my heart. I have learned so much just in the two weeks of doing this awesome job.
My upcoming job at Vanguard is getting exciting for me. I am returning to my beloved O. Cope Budge Library just temporarily from the months of October--December (possibly January) and will be working in the department of circulation. All of you probably know that I spent my two years at Vanguard working there and loved it and all of the people involved. It will be good to be back in that environment just for a bit. I start on Oct 8th so please keep praying for me.
My plans to attend Grad School are still really a big goal for me. I would really like to be in Grad School by Fall 2006. I have to be honest, I have taken a break from this preparation as well. I am nervous about it and really feel led to take breaks here and there and just trust God. I am applying to several schools and also having to take the GRE and all of these things are supremely expensive and overwhelming. I would appreciate all prayers that you could direct my way for these awesome challenges.
Friends: My friends are all doing great and it's great to see them growing and changing into the men and women that they need to be. I don't share anything personal on here about them but defintely want to share in their celebrations and prayer requests if possible....
Josh: Has a game tonight for the Vanguard Lions Soccer team and another one on Saturday at home. Please call me if you want to go on Saturday and watch my boy play some serious defense! Josh is in his senior year at Vanguard and seeking God's direction in every area of his life. Please keep him in your prayers and also pray for the soccer team as there are many on there who don't know the Lord.
Joel: Joel is seeking the right job schedule and working on Grad School as well. Seems to be doing great and is totally being shaped and molded. It's great to see this! Just pray for direction for him through Grad School and getting the right jobs going.
Heather: Heather was baptized two weeks ago at Corona Del Mar and rededicated her life the week prior to that. Please continue to pray for Heather as she starts her life over for God and seeks direction and wisdom through it. Also, keep her family in prayer as they have had a few battles lately to face...health and finances.
Hannah: Doing great and is growing by leaps and bounds. Keep her and Aaron in your prayers for direction (Aaron is her boyfriend)
Carrie: Please pray for Carrie and her family (Paul, Hailey, and Riley) as they face a potential danger in their environment. Also, please pray for her family as they have recently gone through a death and several of them need God in a real way. Also Hailey has started preschool (awwwww...) and she needs your prayers for continued growth and love of school. Riley is getting so big and eating everything in sight (ha ha)
Jarrid: Jarrid gets married to Sarah this weekend. I am so freaked out that he will be married. Please pray for provision and health in the marriage as well as a great wedding day.
Heather B.: Will be getting married next weekend to Jason. Pray that all things come together and for their peace and joy on their wedding day. Also, obviously...just a healthy happy marriage.
Pam: Received her Masters in Library Science and is currently seeking a librarian position. Keep praying that one opens up for her!
Nick: My friend Nick just got home from serving in the U.S. Marines in Iraq a few weeks ago. He has a new baby, Calvin Michael Pridemore, and is able to spend time with his family...(Merry his wife and Calvin). Please just praise God for his safe return and pray for little Calvin as he starts his life.
Romance: HA HA HA ...maybe I shouldn't laugh but this is an area that God will have to own because I want no part of it anymore. I am doing fine and growing content with being alone and it's really great. I am to the point where if the man isn't God's best for me...I would prefer not to know him. I know that sounds harsh but after a few heartbreaks ...I am over it!
Family: My family are doing ok. My mom and dad seem to be doing alright but could use your prayers in their jobs and satisfaction in them. My sisters (Hilliary and Tasha) I have no clue but Britt is in her freshman year of college and is planning to transfer after this year. She is considering Vanguard so please pray because I want her to do what's great for her but I am pretty happy with the idea of her being close to me! She is thinking of a career in music education, ministry, etc... She basically isn't happy unless music is in her life is some way. She also has been leading worship at her church youth group so pray for her in that area.
Well, I guess that's the update for now. Sorry it's been a while but things have been busy and hectic. I appreciate your reading today and I am so happy you stopped in. Much love to all of you and please let me know how I can pray!
~Erica~
Things in my life are a bit mixed and complicated but I am pushing through. Overall it's been a month since I decided to rededicate my life to the Lord and get serious about obedience. I put one huge sin to the front of my mind and started fighting it the way I had never tried before. That is complete dependence upon God. I have since learned amazing lessons about really depending on God and the peace that it brings. When I was trying to fight this sin on my own, I was exhausted and completely unable. Since I took my hands off of it, it hasn't been easy but it has been peaceful as I wait on the Lord for my strength.
Things are going pretty well and I am working hard on some things while taking a distinct break from others. I have been exhausted with a few tasks in my life for some time and haven't allowed myself adequate rest. Now is the time to focus on the important tasks and leave the others to the Lord while doing as He pleases. Below are updates on all of the facets of my life and I hope you use my stories to help you get closer to your Father in Heaven.
Spiritually: I am still going strong in my spiritual disciplines by attending both Rock Harbor and Newport Mesa weekly. I am involved in children's ministries at both churches. I do Rock Harbor on Tuesday mornings for the Nurture ministry and then Newport Mesa on Sunday mornings during the 11:00 service. I have joined a small group in Huntington Beach and starting this Friday we will be meeting every week to discuss spiritual disciplines. I will write more about this once it actually starts up tomorrow. I am also starting a class at Newport Mesa on Sunday nights starting in October. It is a class called "Change Your Life" and is geared toward a book by Becky Tirabassi. I am also meeting with a friend every Tuesday night for accountability time. That has proven to be a very growing time for me. Overall, I am learning that intimacy with my father happens in all of these situations; my alone time with Him, my ministry opportunities, and where I am being discipled as well. My battle against my major sin that I have been writing about has been going great. I have had a few setbacks but overall I am really coming against it. Please continue to pray for my spiritual growth.
Health: I would love to report that things have changed drastically in this area but they just haven't. I haven't lost any more weight and really haven't been great with eating and/or exercise. I have worked out here and there and certainly don't binge eat anymore but I am still running to food in emotional highs and lows as well as with boredom. Diabetes seems to be doing well. I haven't had any kidney problems since May so that is a very positive thing. I just recently got over a cold and I have been just exhausted since that. I am really hoping it's not mono or something so please keep me in prayer for a complete healing. I would also appreciate prayers for strength so I can get back on my weight loss plan. I have rested from this facet of my life for a bit to give myself some time to get used to my new life with God. It's time to get back to work.
Job/Career: My job with Christopher is going well. Chris seems to be doing a lot better in school except for a few disciplinary problems here and there. We are trying to get a perfect dose down for his medication and really learn organization skills. I have been really enforcing organization because that is the key to Christopher being successful. He is working hard at Karate and Piano. He really enjoys both and excels at them. He should be testing for his Blue belt soon in Karate so keep him in your prayers. Miss Hannah does a great job with him in piano and he nevers gives me any problems with practicing. My main focus right now is giving 110% of me into this job so that I am impacting Christopher in every way and also impacting Richard at the same time.
My new job at Rock Harbor is really cool. I haven't had time to really write about it but I work for the Nurture Ministry on Tuesday mornings. I basically maintain the "big kids" classroom while the women are in the nurture meeting. Nurture is a place for moms to get together and encourage one another and just be renewed every week. I have the privelage of keeping their children (ages 3-5) and teaching them about Jesus, playing with them, etc.. and it's blessing my heart. I have learned so much just in the two weeks of doing this awesome job.
My upcoming job at Vanguard is getting exciting for me. I am returning to my beloved O. Cope Budge Library just temporarily from the months of October--December (possibly January) and will be working in the department of circulation. All of you probably know that I spent my two years at Vanguard working there and loved it and all of the people involved. It will be good to be back in that environment just for a bit. I start on Oct 8th so please keep praying for me.
My plans to attend Grad School are still really a big goal for me. I would really like to be in Grad School by Fall 2006. I have to be honest, I have taken a break from this preparation as well. I am nervous about it and really feel led to take breaks here and there and just trust God. I am applying to several schools and also having to take the GRE and all of these things are supremely expensive and overwhelming. I would appreciate all prayers that you could direct my way for these awesome challenges.
Friends: My friends are all doing great and it's great to see them growing and changing into the men and women that they need to be. I don't share anything personal on here about them but defintely want to share in their celebrations and prayer requests if possible....
Josh: Has a game tonight for the Vanguard Lions Soccer team and another one on Saturday at home. Please call me if you want to go on Saturday and watch my boy play some serious defense! Josh is in his senior year at Vanguard and seeking God's direction in every area of his life. Please keep him in your prayers and also pray for the soccer team as there are many on there who don't know the Lord.
Joel: Joel is seeking the right job schedule and working on Grad School as well. Seems to be doing great and is totally being shaped and molded. It's great to see this! Just pray for direction for him through Grad School and getting the right jobs going.
Heather: Heather was baptized two weeks ago at Corona Del Mar and rededicated her life the week prior to that. Please continue to pray for Heather as she starts her life over for God and seeks direction and wisdom through it. Also, keep her family in prayer as they have had a few battles lately to face...health and finances.
Hannah: Doing great and is growing by leaps and bounds. Keep her and Aaron in your prayers for direction (Aaron is her boyfriend)
Carrie: Please pray for Carrie and her family (Paul, Hailey, and Riley) as they face a potential danger in their environment. Also, please pray for her family as they have recently gone through a death and several of them need God in a real way. Also Hailey has started preschool (awwwww...) and she needs your prayers for continued growth and love of school. Riley is getting so big and eating everything in sight (ha ha)
Jarrid: Jarrid gets married to Sarah this weekend. I am so freaked out that he will be married. Please pray for provision and health in the marriage as well as a great wedding day.
Heather B.: Will be getting married next weekend to Jason. Pray that all things come together and for their peace and joy on their wedding day. Also, obviously...just a healthy happy marriage.
Pam: Received her Masters in Library Science and is currently seeking a librarian position. Keep praying that one opens up for her!
Nick: My friend Nick just got home from serving in the U.S. Marines in Iraq a few weeks ago. He has a new baby, Calvin Michael Pridemore, and is able to spend time with his family...(Merry his wife and Calvin). Please just praise God for his safe return and pray for little Calvin as he starts his life.
Romance: HA HA HA ...maybe I shouldn't laugh but this is an area that God will have to own because I want no part of it anymore. I am doing fine and growing content with being alone and it's really great. I am to the point where if the man isn't God's best for me...I would prefer not to know him. I know that sounds harsh but after a few heartbreaks ...I am over it!
Family: My family are doing ok. My mom and dad seem to be doing alright but could use your prayers in their jobs and satisfaction in them. My sisters (Hilliary and Tasha) I have no clue but Britt is in her freshman year of college and is planning to transfer after this year. She is considering Vanguard so please pray because I want her to do what's great for her but I am pretty happy with the idea of her being close to me! She is thinking of a career in music education, ministry, etc... She basically isn't happy unless music is in her life is some way. She also has been leading worship at her church youth group so pray for her in that area.
Well, I guess that's the update for now. Sorry it's been a while but things have been busy and hectic. I appreciate your reading today and I am so happy you stopped in. Much love to all of you and please let me know how I can pray!
~Erica~
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Growing so much.
Well, I am just stopping in to do a little update for those of you who keep track of me via blog. I started a new job today at Rock Harbor where I am teaching little ones about Jesus while their mommys are in a Nurture meeting. I am excited that I got hired to do this and it was such an amazing blessing. It is precious to have those little ones around so much. They are ages 3-5...so cute! Anyway, God is really opening up doors for growth for me and teaching me new skills, ideas, and really pushing me to the next level. Keep praying if you don't mind...I still have a little cold and really could use some healing in my body and heart.
I hope you are all well and God is moving in your lives.
~Erica~
I hope you are all well and God is moving in your lives.
~Erica~
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Grrrrr say the lions!
I just wanted to stop in and post tonight and say Congratulations to my Vanguard Lions! Josh McCall (my best guy-friend) and the rest of the men's soccer team defeated Chapman tonight at home! It was great and Josh had a few nice saves! It is always good to see a victory for the Lions. GRRRRR Hambone (my affectionate nickname for Josh)
~Erica~
~Erica~
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Really Trusting God
Trust is a tricky word. It is used so often that I think we often lose sight of it's meaning. One of Webster's definitions of trust is "Total confidence in the integrity, ability, and good character of another." All of the definitions after that one basically play on the same ideas. Today I was considering trust in God. I am going through a situation in my life where trust is so important. I have to trust that God is going to provide the things that I need and comfort and protect my heart through this. I can't go into great detail but just know that when you pray for God to help you trust him, he's going to give you ways to see his follow-through.
I was thinking about this today. If I ask God to help me trust him with my whole life, he is going to have to show me things that look hopeless and then come through with a vengence. Yes, I think that is God's character. I have been through enough hopeless situations in my life to know by now that God is trustworthy, yet it is still a hard area for me. The situation I am facing right now is a situation of the heart. I feel like I am in for a huge heart-break really soon and I have to trust that God knows what He is doing and has my best interest at heart.
As I think about this today, I realize that this is the closest I have ever been to my God. I have never been able to really ride out a storm with him but only pretend to. I am in a place of complete surrender to Him and I know that He is with me and for me. I am trusting Him, for the first time.
Today I could use your prayers for my heart and my strength. I am very weary from a rough battle and I could use some rest. I also am beginning to get sick with a sore throat and possibly a cold so if you could just pray for healing, I would appreciate that. I wanted to take a moment to thank a friend too, Heather, you have been really changing lately and I am happy to see God's work in you. Thank you for allowing Him to work towards the healing of me through you! I am grateful!
Well everyone, have a great day and trust Him, because we can stand confident in his integrity, ability, and good character! God bless you all!
~Erica~
I was thinking about this today. If I ask God to help me trust him with my whole life, he is going to have to show me things that look hopeless and then come through with a vengence. Yes, I think that is God's character. I have been through enough hopeless situations in my life to know by now that God is trustworthy, yet it is still a hard area for me. The situation I am facing right now is a situation of the heart. I feel like I am in for a huge heart-break really soon and I have to trust that God knows what He is doing and has my best interest at heart.
As I think about this today, I realize that this is the closest I have ever been to my God. I have never been able to really ride out a storm with him but only pretend to. I am in a place of complete surrender to Him and I know that He is with me and for me. I am trusting Him, for the first time.
Today I could use your prayers for my heart and my strength. I am very weary from a rough battle and I could use some rest. I also am beginning to get sick with a sore throat and possibly a cold so if you could just pray for healing, I would appreciate that. I wanted to take a moment to thank a friend too, Heather, you have been really changing lately and I am happy to see God's work in you. Thank you for allowing Him to work towards the healing of me through you! I am grateful!
Well everyone, have a great day and trust Him, because we can stand confident in his integrity, ability, and good character! God bless you all!
~Erica~
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Waves of Mercy
Have you ever felt like you are literally swimming in God's mercy? I sure do today. I have been completely helped and blessed for two whole weeks today. I gave up a huge sin in my life 2 weeks ago and it has changed me seriously. I feel waves of God's mercy and grace and forgiveness. It is truly amazing and I am excited.
Last night I did the unthinkable. Many of you know that I have serious difficulties in developing strong healthy female relationships. Most of my dear friends over the years have been male. In saying that, I decided to step out in faith and attend a "girls night out" at my church last night. It was very good for me and completely faced several of my fears head on. I was able to connect with a few women and get their information in order to "hang out" sometime. I also felt led to ask one of the older women than myself to pray for me and with me about my sin life.
I confessed my sin to her and just allowed her to speak into my life in every way possible. I was open to hear and knew God was there with us. I was truly blessed by the prayer and felt God's provision in it. This event strengthened my heart and life and completely brought me to a new place of femininity.
Many prayers lately have also been answered which is great and I can see God working in my friends, family, and others. Tomorrow is my first day in Children's ministry and I am very excited to see where God takes that. I am also getting excited for my small group game night on Friday, my women's luncheon on Saturday, and my accountability dinner with a GIRL friend on Tuesday. I have many growing opportunities coming up and I would encourage you to stop in and see where God is taking me.
I wanted to take a moment and congratulate Vanguard University Men's Soccer Team for a win last night at Biola! Great job guys! My favorite boy...Josh...plays on the team so I am very happy about this. Also if you could say a prayer..they play again tonight! Also, please be in prayer for my little sister's step-mom Cathy. She has been very ill and needs healing! Thanks everyone and hope that your weekend is blessed
~Erica~
Last night I did the unthinkable. Many of you know that I have serious difficulties in developing strong healthy female relationships. Most of my dear friends over the years have been male. In saying that, I decided to step out in faith and attend a "girls night out" at my church last night. It was very good for me and completely faced several of my fears head on. I was able to connect with a few women and get their information in order to "hang out" sometime. I also felt led to ask one of the older women than myself to pray for me and with me about my sin life.
I confessed my sin to her and just allowed her to speak into my life in every way possible. I was open to hear and knew God was there with us. I was truly blessed by the prayer and felt God's provision in it. This event strengthened my heart and life and completely brought me to a new place of femininity.
Many prayers lately have also been answered which is great and I can see God working in my friends, family, and others. Tomorrow is my first day in Children's ministry and I am very excited to see where God takes that. I am also getting excited for my small group game night on Friday, my women's luncheon on Saturday, and my accountability dinner with a GIRL friend on Tuesday. I have many growing opportunities coming up and I would encourage you to stop in and see where God is taking me.
I wanted to take a moment and congratulate Vanguard University Men's Soccer Team for a win last night at Biola! Great job guys! My favorite boy...Josh...plays on the team so I am very happy about this. Also if you could say a prayer..they play again tonight! Also, please be in prayer for my little sister's step-mom Cathy. She has been very ill and needs healing! Thanks everyone and hope that your weekend is blessed
~Erica~
Thursday, September 01, 2005
It is getting harder.
Hello everyone. I hope all is well in your neck of the woods. Things here are going pretty well. My sin-issue is getting harder as the days progress but I am learning to stand on scripture, prayer, and the help and support of my team of great people. I write emails, make calls, and pray all day in support of me getting through this and becoming the woman I need to be. I guess I will start by giving you a quick update on me.
Things are about the same in my life. I am working on preparing for Grad School and getting applications filled out. I have just started the research portion of this and am setting up appointments with directors, campus tours, and class visits. That should be interesting as God makes it clear where I will be going. I am also preparing for the GRE still and need prayers for the actual testing and financial part of that.
Health wise I am not doing so well. I have not been very faithful in my eating or exercise plan. It's so hard to fix these old habits for me and I am seriously frustrated with it. I would also appreciate prayers in this area of my life as I really want to lose these excess pounds. I long for the desire to come back to work out and eat well. I am so focused right now on my more serious problems that I am weary and it's hard to work on a million things at once.
My social calendar is filling up with church activities and ways to meet great new people. This Friday I am going to a girls night out event and Saturday and Sunday are filled with church activities and renewing experiences. I am excited because my small group starts soon and so do the classes for women at my church. There are so many great things to look forward to. I also started (this week) an accountability dinner every tuesday night with a friend. It was great and I can see us both growing through it.
The title today is "It is getting harder" because my sin life is getting harder. It has been almost 2 weeks since I have been involved in this sin life at all or even close and it's so hard for me. I am to the point where it's rearing its ugly head and asking me to come back. Please pray with me that I will stay grounded in the Word and prayer so that I can withstand the pressure.
I love you all and thank you for reading and for your prayers
~Erica~
Things are about the same in my life. I am working on preparing for Grad School and getting applications filled out. I have just started the research portion of this and am setting up appointments with directors, campus tours, and class visits. That should be interesting as God makes it clear where I will be going. I am also preparing for the GRE still and need prayers for the actual testing and financial part of that.
Health wise I am not doing so well. I have not been very faithful in my eating or exercise plan. It's so hard to fix these old habits for me and I am seriously frustrated with it. I would also appreciate prayers in this area of my life as I really want to lose these excess pounds. I long for the desire to come back to work out and eat well. I am so focused right now on my more serious problems that I am weary and it's hard to work on a million things at once.
My social calendar is filling up with church activities and ways to meet great new people. This Friday I am going to a girls night out event and Saturday and Sunday are filled with church activities and renewing experiences. I am excited because my small group starts soon and so do the classes for women at my church. There are so many great things to look forward to. I also started (this week) an accountability dinner every tuesday night with a friend. It was great and I can see us both growing through it.
The title today is "It is getting harder" because my sin life is getting harder. It has been almost 2 weeks since I have been involved in this sin life at all or even close and it's so hard for me. I am to the point where it's rearing its ugly head and asking me to come back. Please pray with me that I will stay grounded in the Word and prayer so that I can withstand the pressure.
I love you all and thank you for reading and for your prayers
~Erica~
Monday, August 29, 2005
Come to me..all who are weary
For some time I have been completely weary. I have been tired of trying to change myself, work on things, fight broken relationships, health, etc... I have just been WEARY. Well, I came to the point where I could no longer handle my own life and decided to take God's advice and come to him..since I was weary.
I have started relying on His power, His strength, and His virtue..since mine always fall short. I am excited about the new developments in my life and I am looking forward to all that God has for me to be.
Updates: I joined a small group today and I am very excited about that. I am getting involved in children's ministries, women's ministries, and serving opportunities. I have a new counselor that I am starting with soon and that should be good. I also am trying to plan for the upcoming holidays and work on finances. Mainly life is good because I am taking it one breath at a time.
Have a great day and I am praying for you all!
~Erica~
I have started relying on His power, His strength, and His virtue..since mine always fall short. I am excited about the new developments in my life and I am looking forward to all that God has for me to be.
Updates: I joined a small group today and I am very excited about that. I am getting involved in children's ministries, women's ministries, and serving opportunities. I have a new counselor that I am starting with soon and that should be good. I also am trying to plan for the upcoming holidays and work on finances. Mainly life is good because I am taking it one breath at a time.
Have a great day and I am praying for you all!
~Erica~
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Children and what I can learn from them.
Today I had a meeting with Gabe, the man at my church that heads up children's ministries. It was a very nice meeting and I found out that the church (one of them) that I have been attending is very good about leading children to the right place. Upon that acknowledgment, I have decided to give of my time on Sunday mornings to serve the children at the church. I am going to be working within the 1st grade class (this is my favorite age).
This is a project that has many facets that will really lead me to where I need to be. First of all, I will be learning with them since I didn't grow up in a Christian home. I think a lot of these lessons are things that people assume that I know since I am 25 years old but I just don't know the character of God the way it is taught in Sunday School. I wasn't raised in that environment at all. As a matter of fact, my mom was a practicing Satanist for 10 full years of my life. She isn't now and is actually a believer and that is a good thing.
The second reason for Children's ministries is that I have a pull on my heart for children. I have recently realized that one of my largest dreams is to be a mama. I of course want to be a mom when I am love with a man who will be the father. I want to be a mom when I can properly care for a child (financially and emotionally). I am not in any rush but it is one of my nearest and dearest dreams. This means that I get to invest in the life of children and speak truth to them that will literally revolutionize their lives.
The third reason I want to do Children's ministries is quite simple really. I need to keep my head out of my sin life. I have a very real and pervasive sin life. I have a hard time keeping away from it unless I am otherwise occupied in things that cannot co-exist with it. I can't tell children on Sunday morning to honor God, respect Him, obey Him, and treat themselves with respect if I don't do it Monday through Saturday. I AM NOT a hypocrite so therefore..I must change my tune to do this ministry.
I am getting very excited about the many areas that God is taking me into and how much I am growing into the woman I SO want to be. I appreciate your prayers and continually pray for all of you. Please continue to pray about this sin area as well as the new places God is taking me. If you could also lift my friend Jarrid up in prayer that would be great...he is getting married in about a month and needs some things to fall into place. Also my friend Heather is getting married in October and also needs some details to fall into place, please lift she and Jason up in prayer. Also, congratulations to Nick and Merry Pridemore (dear friends) as they just welcomed their first child into the world. Welcome Little Calvin!
Have a great day everyone and thanks for stopping in!
~Erica~
This is a project that has many facets that will really lead me to where I need to be. First of all, I will be learning with them since I didn't grow up in a Christian home. I think a lot of these lessons are things that people assume that I know since I am 25 years old but I just don't know the character of God the way it is taught in Sunday School. I wasn't raised in that environment at all. As a matter of fact, my mom was a practicing Satanist for 10 full years of my life. She isn't now and is actually a believer and that is a good thing.
The second reason for Children's ministries is that I have a pull on my heart for children. I have recently realized that one of my largest dreams is to be a mama. I of course want to be a mom when I am love with a man who will be the father. I want to be a mom when I can properly care for a child (financially and emotionally). I am not in any rush but it is one of my nearest and dearest dreams. This means that I get to invest in the life of children and speak truth to them that will literally revolutionize their lives.
The third reason I want to do Children's ministries is quite simple really. I need to keep my head out of my sin life. I have a very real and pervasive sin life. I have a hard time keeping away from it unless I am otherwise occupied in things that cannot co-exist with it. I can't tell children on Sunday morning to honor God, respect Him, obey Him, and treat themselves with respect if I don't do it Monday through Saturday. I AM NOT a hypocrite so therefore..I must change my tune to do this ministry.
I am getting very excited about the many areas that God is taking me into and how much I am growing into the woman I SO want to be. I appreciate your prayers and continually pray for all of you. Please continue to pray about this sin area as well as the new places God is taking me. If you could also lift my friend Jarrid up in prayer that would be great...he is getting married in about a month and needs some things to fall into place. Also my friend Heather is getting married in October and also needs some details to fall into place, please lift she and Jason up in prayer. Also, congratulations to Nick and Merry Pridemore (dear friends) as they just welcomed their first child into the world. Welcome Little Calvin!
Have a great day everyone and thanks for stopping in!
~Erica~
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I never even noticed...
I never even noticed how bombarded we are by immoral behavior everywhere we turn. I am talking about billboards, tv, movies, music, and even today as I drove my car by the back bay...a woman almost completely naked..running. Now I know it's hot here in Southern Cali but come on people...wear some clothes. I am not saying that tv, movies, or music are immoral in and of themselves but some of the things we watch and listen to..oh my gosh. I am guilty of this as well. I have been known to purchase quite a bit of music that I would NEVER let my children listen to.
I was thinking about my sin life and how much of a struggle it is and what kinds of things I might be doing to "feed" it. My music, movies, and tv came immediately to my head. I put so much junk into my head...what else could possibly come out of me?! I have decided to only put in, what I wish to come out of me. I think that is a great way to live in general. I am only holding myself to this so no worries that I am watching what you are doing all the time...just me!
I need prayer people...please pray!
~Erica~
I was thinking about my sin life and how much of a struggle it is and what kinds of things I might be doing to "feed" it. My music, movies, and tv came immediately to my head. I put so much junk into my head...what else could possibly come out of me?! I have decided to only put in, what I wish to come out of me. I think that is a great way to live in general. I am only holding myself to this so no worries that I am watching what you are doing all the time...just me!
I need prayer people...please pray!
~Erica~
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
I need to talk.
So my title tonight is "I need to talk" because I really do need to. There is something in my life that has literally shook me to the core. Everyone that ventures onto my blog probably has a sin in their life (if you are Christian, you acknowledge these as such) that really permeates your being. Everyone probably finds their sin life rather embarassing, private, and completely sacred to you. You might step out in faith and confess to some people in your life but my guess is..they get a censored version. I am not going to get on the internet and post my deepest, darkest sin life and expect it to be some clarifying, wonderful experience. I think that would not only be really awful for me, but rather unsafe as well. I am going to write about this sin life though and how it has ransacked me and left me stranded.
There is a moment in time where you realize that something is not right. There is a line in (lyrical genius) John Mayer's "Why Georgia" that says "Am I living it right?" That is a question that I had to come to on Saturday of this past week. I am going to mark that day as a transforming day. Something horrific went down in my sin life and I learned quite possibly the largest lesson that I have ever learned while here on planet Earth. My sin life actually came out to the surface and showed its despicable face. I was tormented by it and completely taunted as it ran circles around me and had a sing-song voice saying "we finally have you for good" over and over. It's not a funny scene although it may sound like it.
For years (11 + to be exact) I have danced with this sin, romanced it, honored it, justified it, and married it. It is now time for a divorce. I am claiming irreconciliable differences. My God (Jesus Christ) lives inside of me and so does this sin. They are having a hard time living in the same house and the stronger tenant (J.C.) has started working on evicting the other one. Someone is getting voted off of this island and it certainly won't be the God of the universe. It's time for me to live for one God and one God only.
It's always easier to get a clear picture when you aren't in the middle of the painting yourself. I took a moment on Sunday (the day of reckoning) to really step outside of myself and hear my friend confront my sin. Because the sin had become evident in me on Saturday, I had to be honest and forthright and completely vulnerable to someone I think is the most godly man I know. I heard him loud and clear and chose that day..whom I would serve!
Today is Tuesday and it's not easy to start your week thinking about the radical changes that have to take place in a life of disease and destitution in order to find health. Sunday was easy to play because I felt so horrible, it wasn't even an option to delve into this sin. Monday was about the same because guilt and shame have a long shelf life. Today is a new day and my sin is rearing its ugly head again and seeing if I will pay attention to it. Well, I am not. I have decided to make steps to beat this sin with God's help and support and well...let's be honest...He'll have to do it!
I have started by writing up a contract with me and God and a friend. It's a list of guidelines that will help keep me on the path to healing. I have also chosen to start working with memory verses so that I am armed in this battle. I have went to this battle not only weaponless but completely naked! (I am not even kidding) It's time to take my weapons and walk on. I am not going to go to the enemy's camp however and dance in front of the door and say "You can't get me!" That's ignorance so this plan is going to make sure that I am as far away from this sin as I can get!
In saying all of this, I hope that you all take a step back today and confront that monster that is stealing from you, changing you, and deciding your fate. Take your power back through the big J.C. Below is my weekly memory verse..which I already memorized! :)
1 Cor. 10:13
No Temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man, and God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with that temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
I will find victory in this through HIM! Please be praying and again, call me if you feel led to discuss this further. I could use all of the support I can get. Have a great day!
~Erica~
There is a moment in time where you realize that something is not right. There is a line in (lyrical genius) John Mayer's "Why Georgia" that says "Am I living it right?" That is a question that I had to come to on Saturday of this past week. I am going to mark that day as a transforming day. Something horrific went down in my sin life and I learned quite possibly the largest lesson that I have ever learned while here on planet Earth. My sin life actually came out to the surface and showed its despicable face. I was tormented by it and completely taunted as it ran circles around me and had a sing-song voice saying "we finally have you for good" over and over. It's not a funny scene although it may sound like it.
For years (11 + to be exact) I have danced with this sin, romanced it, honored it, justified it, and married it. It is now time for a divorce. I am claiming irreconciliable differences. My God (Jesus Christ) lives inside of me and so does this sin. They are having a hard time living in the same house and the stronger tenant (J.C.) has started working on evicting the other one. Someone is getting voted off of this island and it certainly won't be the God of the universe. It's time for me to live for one God and one God only.
It's always easier to get a clear picture when you aren't in the middle of the painting yourself. I took a moment on Sunday (the day of reckoning) to really step outside of myself and hear my friend confront my sin. Because the sin had become evident in me on Saturday, I had to be honest and forthright and completely vulnerable to someone I think is the most godly man I know. I heard him loud and clear and chose that day..whom I would serve!
Today is Tuesday and it's not easy to start your week thinking about the radical changes that have to take place in a life of disease and destitution in order to find health. Sunday was easy to play because I felt so horrible, it wasn't even an option to delve into this sin. Monday was about the same because guilt and shame have a long shelf life. Today is a new day and my sin is rearing its ugly head again and seeing if I will pay attention to it. Well, I am not. I have decided to make steps to beat this sin with God's help and support and well...let's be honest...He'll have to do it!
I have started by writing up a contract with me and God and a friend. It's a list of guidelines that will help keep me on the path to healing. I have also chosen to start working with memory verses so that I am armed in this battle. I have went to this battle not only weaponless but completely naked! (I am not even kidding) It's time to take my weapons and walk on. I am not going to go to the enemy's camp however and dance in front of the door and say "You can't get me!" That's ignorance so this plan is going to make sure that I am as far away from this sin as I can get!
In saying all of this, I hope that you all take a step back today and confront that monster that is stealing from you, changing you, and deciding your fate. Take your power back through the big J.C. Below is my weekly memory verse..which I already memorized! :)
1 Cor. 10:13
No Temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man, and God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with that temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
I will find victory in this through HIM! Please be praying and again, call me if you feel led to discuss this further. I could use all of the support I can get. Have a great day!
~Erica~
Cleaning up
Doesn't it feel great to have a clean house? I love walking into my room and seeing my bed made, every picture frame in place, no stacks of things around, and the vacuum marks still in place on the carpet. Yes, I am a little bit of a neat freak so you would think my life would be cleaned up as well. Well, that's a no. For a while now, approximately 11 years, I have been carrying around this sin life that some people in my life know about and others just assume I have it under control. That is not true. It's pervasive and it seriously stunts every bit of growth in my life. It is ugly and dirty! There is nothing about this that is in order.
I am using this forum to confess my sin (sort of) and tell you that I have made a decision to clean up my life in this area and do anything to get away from this sin. I long to be whole again and stop giving my heart and soul away to it. Please pray with me about this and if you would like to pray with me personally, give me a call. I love you all dearly and hope you are all well.
~Erica~
I am using this forum to confess my sin (sort of) and tell you that I have made a decision to clean up my life in this area and do anything to get away from this sin. I long to be whole again and stop giving my heart and soul away to it. Please pray with me about this and if you would like to pray with me personally, give me a call. I love you all dearly and hope you are all well.
~Erica~
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Creating a new family
Yesterday morning I had a talk with an old friend from Vanguard and really started to speak some things into existence that I hadn't fully realized until that moment. She and I were talking about the loss of family and how it takes more than blood and DNA to make people family. I started to think about what family means to me, what it means in general, and what it looks like. I have been, for some time, searching out a family and a home out of people who do not share my blood or DNA. I have since found that group of people and it continues to grow even today.
When I started this quest of bettering myself and getting to be a healthy woman, I knew I would need help on the journey and be obligated to build a support team. When I chose to do this, I just figured I could go with the support team I already had in motion and be successful. I found out that if you are unhealthy, there is a great chance that the people you are around, are unhealthy as well. The people that were in my life at the beginning of this quest are not here now for the most part. I have an entirely different group of friends and mentors in my life starting in 2001. I made new decisions and stopped allowing people to seek me out, I started to seek them out. I found out that the friends I had in the past were people who needed me and thrived on my unhealthiness as well as I did theirs. It was a world of gossip, drama, confrontation, and pain.
I let go of that world in 2001 by making a huge step to admit to my wrongs, deal with anger appropriately, and start to forgive. Those were the three things that I view as essential to my starting over point. It was hard at first to actually admit to my failures and shortcomings because I was (and am) a very prideful person. I am working on this aspect of myself daily by allowing myself to NOT be perfect. I have found that I need to give myself and others more of a grace period in life. It was also very difficult to let go of my normal response to anger. I used to blow up every time something made me the slightest bit upset. I am now a very controlled and calm person when dealing with frustration, shame, embarassment, hurt etc. I learned that anger was a secondary emotion and often times I just needed to figure out what the real emotion I was feeling was.
Family is something I have never really had but have come to understand just recently. This is not to say I was an orphan or anything like that. I have two parents and three sisters. I had all 4 of my grandparents growing up as well. The thing I didn't have was unconditional acceptance, support, and love. In my family's defense, they didn't learn how to love, support, or nurture anyone before this so they only did what they knew. I know that my family did the best that they knew how to do and since then have come to the realization of how messed up our outlook is.
I completely forgive my parents for the things that they chose in my childhood. I forgive my grandparents for raising my parents to be the way they were. I accept that my family is what it is and it won't change. What I wouldn't accept is that I can't have a family at all. I can have a family but it will not consist of actual relatives in my case. It consists of great female mentors that I have met along my path, amazing men of faith that have been great friends to me, and beautiful women who show me everyday what friendship really is. I am lucky enough to have one sister that really is my sister and friend. Britt is the best and I have really been able to hold on to that relationship no matter what.
I just wanted to take some time today to thank all of you who have become my family in some way. Thanks to Pam,Steve, Heather, Markita, Mel, Mary, Alison, Martha, Randy, Jake, Claudia, Doug, Shirley, Carrie, Paul, Riley, Hailey, Jarrid, Josh, Randy, Sheryl, Sherry, Sarah, Joel, Grandma, Gavin, Hannah, Aaron, Caleb, Nathan, Richard, Chris, Sandra, Kevin, Kahlil, Terrence, Steven, and the list goes on. You have all become my mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and mostly friends. I appreciate the family I never had. It's a great family indeed.
~Erica~
When I started this quest of bettering myself and getting to be a healthy woman, I knew I would need help on the journey and be obligated to build a support team. When I chose to do this, I just figured I could go with the support team I already had in motion and be successful. I found out that if you are unhealthy, there is a great chance that the people you are around, are unhealthy as well. The people that were in my life at the beginning of this quest are not here now for the most part. I have an entirely different group of friends and mentors in my life starting in 2001. I made new decisions and stopped allowing people to seek me out, I started to seek them out. I found out that the friends I had in the past were people who needed me and thrived on my unhealthiness as well as I did theirs. It was a world of gossip, drama, confrontation, and pain.
I let go of that world in 2001 by making a huge step to admit to my wrongs, deal with anger appropriately, and start to forgive. Those were the three things that I view as essential to my starting over point. It was hard at first to actually admit to my failures and shortcomings because I was (and am) a very prideful person. I am working on this aspect of myself daily by allowing myself to NOT be perfect. I have found that I need to give myself and others more of a grace period in life. It was also very difficult to let go of my normal response to anger. I used to blow up every time something made me the slightest bit upset. I am now a very controlled and calm person when dealing with frustration, shame, embarassment, hurt etc. I learned that anger was a secondary emotion and often times I just needed to figure out what the real emotion I was feeling was.
Family is something I have never really had but have come to understand just recently. This is not to say I was an orphan or anything like that. I have two parents and three sisters. I had all 4 of my grandparents growing up as well. The thing I didn't have was unconditional acceptance, support, and love. In my family's defense, they didn't learn how to love, support, or nurture anyone before this so they only did what they knew. I know that my family did the best that they knew how to do and since then have come to the realization of how messed up our outlook is.
I completely forgive my parents for the things that they chose in my childhood. I forgive my grandparents for raising my parents to be the way they were. I accept that my family is what it is and it won't change. What I wouldn't accept is that I can't have a family at all. I can have a family but it will not consist of actual relatives in my case. It consists of great female mentors that I have met along my path, amazing men of faith that have been great friends to me, and beautiful women who show me everyday what friendship really is. I am lucky enough to have one sister that really is my sister and friend. Britt is the best and I have really been able to hold on to that relationship no matter what.
I just wanted to take some time today to thank all of you who have become my family in some way. Thanks to Pam,Steve, Heather, Markita, Mel, Mary, Alison, Martha, Randy, Jake, Claudia, Doug, Shirley, Carrie, Paul, Riley, Hailey, Jarrid, Josh, Randy, Sheryl, Sherry, Sarah, Joel, Grandma, Gavin, Hannah, Aaron, Caleb, Nathan, Richard, Chris, Sandra, Kevin, Kahlil, Terrence, Steven, and the list goes on. You have all become my mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and mostly friends. I appreciate the family I never had. It's a great family indeed.
~Erica~
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Erica's Apologies
First of all, my apologies for being MIA for so long. My little sister got here on August 4th and left last night to go home so I have been super busy and not really accessible. Let me take a few moments to recap her visit, news on me, and then move on with the journey.
Britt's visit was great. It was good to have her around and see her meet my nearest and dearest Cali buddies. She was able to spend a lot of time with Joel and Josh which was my heart's desire. She met a lot of my friends and loved ones and was able to get to know Chris and Richard since she stayed at our house for the full 11 days. We took a ton of pictures and experienced a lot of California things together including but not limited to Hollywood, In-N-Out burger, Downtown Disney, Knotts Berry Farms, etc... I will be posting pictures on my web-site soon. We were able to celebrate my birthday together which was amazing and yes that means I turned 25 while she was here!
Things with me are going well. I feel out of the loop since I have been away from the computer, not doing my normal routine, and haven't really had a moment to record thoughts, feelings, or insights. I did indeed celebrate my 25th birthday on August 9th. I had a little get together at Dave and Busters and then ended the night bowling with my lil' sister and Joel. It was a magical evening and ended up way better than it started. I really felt loved and supported and totally know that my family is not of flesh and blood but rather the ties of friendship!
My weight loss goal has been put on the back burner until now. I am back in the saddle today and hopefully will be on new footing tomorrow morning with my walks. My grad school preparation was also ignored for 11 days so I am back on that today. My goals were basically ignored as I was experiencing a vacation from life. I am now ready and willing to get back in the game. I am a little concerned about a few situations in my life right now and could really use your prayers. My family and I are not doing well (doesn't surprise you huh?) and I really need prayers for the right steps to take. I also have some financial concerns happenings and mostly just really would like to be secure right now. My therapist is also moving away and I am getting transferred from her so that is really sad since there was a real connection between her and I and we were doing good work. I am just needing prayers for the right therapist to come along.
I guess that's all to get you all caught up. I will be posting soon with the next step in my life and how things are going on those steps. I am always working to achieve more and knowing that you all are reading..helps! Have a great day everyone and God bless you!
~Erica~
Britt's visit was great. It was good to have her around and see her meet my nearest and dearest Cali buddies. She was able to spend a lot of time with Joel and Josh which was my heart's desire. She met a lot of my friends and loved ones and was able to get to know Chris and Richard since she stayed at our house for the full 11 days. We took a ton of pictures and experienced a lot of California things together including but not limited to Hollywood, In-N-Out burger, Downtown Disney, Knotts Berry Farms, etc... I will be posting pictures on my web-site soon. We were able to celebrate my birthday together which was amazing and yes that means I turned 25 while she was here!
Things with me are going well. I feel out of the loop since I have been away from the computer, not doing my normal routine, and haven't really had a moment to record thoughts, feelings, or insights. I did indeed celebrate my 25th birthday on August 9th. I had a little get together at Dave and Busters and then ended the night bowling with my lil' sister and Joel. It was a magical evening and ended up way better than it started. I really felt loved and supported and totally know that my family is not of flesh and blood but rather the ties of friendship!
My weight loss goal has been put on the back burner until now. I am back in the saddle today and hopefully will be on new footing tomorrow morning with my walks. My grad school preparation was also ignored for 11 days so I am back on that today. My goals were basically ignored as I was experiencing a vacation from life. I am now ready and willing to get back in the game. I am a little concerned about a few situations in my life right now and could really use your prayers. My family and I are not doing well (doesn't surprise you huh?) and I really need prayers for the right steps to take. I also have some financial concerns happenings and mostly just really would like to be secure right now. My therapist is also moving away and I am getting transferred from her so that is really sad since there was a real connection between her and I and we were doing good work. I am just needing prayers for the right therapist to come along.
I guess that's all to get you all caught up. I will be posting soon with the next step in my life and how things are going on those steps. I am always working to achieve more and knowing that you all are reading..helps! Have a great day everyone and God bless you!
~Erica~
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
We teach people how to treat us
Here is a life law that everyone needs to recognize. We teach people how to treat us every single day. If we allow people to treat us with disrespect, we are literally teaching them that lesson. This life law became really important about a week ago. I was very unhappy in a relationship in my life and how things were going. I felt I was being treated poorly but for some reason, couldn't get that person to stop doing it. I could cry all night, pray about it, and perhaps even show my discontent but nothing was changing. I was reading Dr. Phil's book last Monday when it dawned on me that this life law was at work.
I was teaching this person in my life how to treat me. I was teaching them to hurt and neglect me. After talking with this person about the problem and apologizing for my anger and bitterness, I decided to start teaching them how to treat me. Since then, I have learned that it's imperative that you communicate things to people because they love you and want the best for you and wouldn't want to hurt you. Since this talk and my new way of being, I am completely happy in the relationshp and feel very loved. I was just teaching how to treat me. I have to teach new things now!
I would recommend each of you focusing on the relationships today that you aren't happy in and ask yourself if you are teaching that person how to treat you! I love you all very much and keep on keeping on! My birthday is a week from today and I am so excited to have you all in my life this 25th year! Stay tuned for Erica's Birthday quiz...coming up!
~Erica~
I was teaching this person in my life how to treat me. I was teaching them to hurt and neglect me. After talking with this person about the problem and apologizing for my anger and bitterness, I decided to start teaching them how to treat me. Since then, I have learned that it's imperative that you communicate things to people because they love you and want the best for you and wouldn't want to hurt you. Since this talk and my new way of being, I am completely happy in the relationshp and feel very loved. I was just teaching how to treat me. I have to teach new things now!
I would recommend each of you focusing on the relationships today that you aren't happy in and ask yourself if you are teaching that person how to treat you! I love you all very much and keep on keeping on! My birthday is a week from today and I am so excited to have you all in my life this 25th year! Stay tuned for Erica's Birthday quiz...coming up!
~Erica~
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