Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I need to talk.

So my title tonight is "I need to talk" because I really do need to. There is something in my life that has literally shook me to the core. Everyone that ventures onto my blog probably has a sin in their life (if you are Christian, you acknowledge these as such) that really permeates your being. Everyone probably finds their sin life rather embarassing, private, and completely sacred to you. You might step out in faith and confess to some people in your life but my guess is..they get a censored version. I am not going to get on the internet and post my deepest, darkest sin life and expect it to be some clarifying, wonderful experience. I think that would not only be really awful for me, but rather unsafe as well. I am going to write about this sin life though and how it has ransacked me and left me stranded.

There is a moment in time where you realize that something is not right. There is a line in (lyrical genius) John Mayer's "Why Georgia" that says "Am I living it right?" That is a question that I had to come to on Saturday of this past week. I am going to mark that day as a transforming day. Something horrific went down in my sin life and I learned quite possibly the largest lesson that I have ever learned while here on planet Earth. My sin life actually came out to the surface and showed its despicable face. I was tormented by it and completely taunted as it ran circles around me and had a sing-song voice saying "we finally have you for good" over and over. It's not a funny scene although it may sound like it.

For years (11 + to be exact) I have danced with this sin, romanced it, honored it, justified it, and married it. It is now time for a divorce. I am claiming irreconciliable differences. My God (Jesus Christ) lives inside of me and so does this sin. They are having a hard time living in the same house and the stronger tenant (J.C.) has started working on evicting the other one. Someone is getting voted off of this island and it certainly won't be the God of the universe. It's time for me to live for one God and one God only.

It's always easier to get a clear picture when you aren't in the middle of the painting yourself. I took a moment on Sunday (the day of reckoning) to really step outside of myself and hear my friend confront my sin. Because the sin had become evident in me on Saturday, I had to be honest and forthright and completely vulnerable to someone I think is the most godly man I know. I heard him loud and clear and chose that day..whom I would serve!

Today is Tuesday and it's not easy to start your week thinking about the radical changes that have to take place in a life of disease and destitution in order to find health. Sunday was easy to play because I felt so horrible, it wasn't even an option to delve into this sin. Monday was about the same because guilt and shame have a long shelf life. Today is a new day and my sin is rearing its ugly head again and seeing if I will pay attention to it. Well, I am not. I have decided to make steps to beat this sin with God's help and support and well...let's be honest...He'll have to do it!

I have started by writing up a contract with me and God and a friend. It's a list of guidelines that will help keep me on the path to healing. I have also chosen to start working with memory verses so that I am armed in this battle. I have went to this battle not only weaponless but completely naked! (I am not even kidding) It's time to take my weapons and walk on. I am not going to go to the enemy's camp however and dance in front of the door and say "You can't get me!" That's ignorance so this plan is going to make sure that I am as far away from this sin as I can get!

In saying all of this, I hope that you all take a step back today and confront that monster that is stealing from you, changing you, and deciding your fate. Take your power back through the big J.C. Below is my weekly memory verse..which I already memorized! :)

1 Cor. 10:13

No Temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man, and God is faithful who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with that temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

I will find victory in this through HIM! Please be praying and again, call me if you feel led to discuss this further. I could use all of the support I can get. Have a great day!


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