Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Interview went great! Thanks for prayers

Hey everyone! I just got out of my interview about a 1/2 hour ago from the home loan firm place. It went very well. The man I interviewed with is a Christian and is totally nice. We had a nice interview and it looks good. He has a few more people to interview however and that might be more qualified. I have no idea in that realm. I found the position very interesting and thought it would be challenging to me which is always a plus. It seemed that we hit it off and he seemed impressed with my personality and experience.

I have no knowledge of the home loan business but I learn very quickly and would like to learn about it since everyone one time or another looks into buying a house. I think it would be a good experience for me in the time of grad school just to learn and make some $$$. He also mentioned that the job would involve some bonuses which is always a good thing since I am looking to start a nice little savings account.

An update on grad school is that Vanguard does not take applications for Clinical psych in the spring so I won't be applying until fall 2005. I was wishing to be in school in the spring but I just look at this as God's will and totally will be fine with the Fall. This gives me some time to pay off bills and be prepared for the work load of school and work again. Things are much better in the eating area since I am so busy right now. Please pray that I stay busy so that my health will be ok.

I am excited about the next few days. Tomorrow I am going out to lunch with friends and spending the day with one of my favorite boys. I am stoked about that. Later on this week I am also taking Jaylie to Downtown Disney for an outing so that should be fun. Please pray everything goes as planned and continue praying about this possible job I might have! I will find out Thursday! Keep me in prayer people and thank you so much!


Monday, August 30, 2004

Need prayers blog-world!

Hi everyone. Thanks for stopping in for my hit and miss blogging. I have been out of work since Tuesday at the library so I have only been online to check email and try to look for jobs and the such. I am hoping that Richard gets my internet configured in my room soon so I don't have to drive to the internet and I can start working on my web-page further.

Please be praying because of a few things. First of all, I have a job interview tomorrow at 2:00 p.m. It's an assistant job at a Home Loan Firm and would be very ideal. It gives me the hours and $$ I need for living and meeting my goals. I also need prayers for this weight loss battle. I have noticed since not working, I eat when I am bored. I just eat and eat if I have nothing else to do with myself. I need this job for more than money. I need it for sanity and health.

Please just keep praying and I promise that when internet is more readily accessible I will be blogging daily again and of course working on the web-page. Have a beautiful monday all and ~Shalom~

Friday, August 27, 2004

wow, it's been awhile

Sorry to my blogging public. I stopped working at the library on Tuesday and since then I haven't even been on the internet to check email much less blog. I am really having a hard time finding a job to take over the library position and that's making me very nervous. I could really use your prayers right now as I am very nervous about meeting my needs. (BILLS)

My weight loss endeavors were abruptly injured last week with a weigh in of 226 which was 2 lbs up. I was so nervous and it really hurt me in the sense of motivation and determination but I am hoping to at least lose those 2 this week. I am weighing in tomorrow morning but not sure I will be able to get on the internet. I will tell you all how it's going though I promise.

Tonight I am going to hang out with a close girl-friend of mine. It's really important that we spend time together and talk as it's a very crucial time in my personal and spiritual life and hers too. Please pray that I keep my head on spiritually as things are coming to a very hard impasse right now.

I need to get off as my time today is limited. I am going for a RUN on the beach. Yes, I do run and it's exhilirating and absolutely calms me at the same time. Have a great day all and ~Shalom~

Monday, August 23, 2004

Life is a good thing..but different

Hi everyone. I am experiencing my next to last day at the library today and that is an interesting thing. I am going to miss the place but to be quite honest, I feel like God is sincerely moving me on. I love the library and have literally just LOVED my time at Vanguard as a whole but I think for at least a semester, God is going to take me new places and do new things with me. I have had a great couple of days just trying to figure out what God is doing with me and hoping to see more and more each day.

I went out with a friend last night and had dinner and God is starting to heal me in that area because this "friend" and I have had a sort of falling out. I am grateful for his friendship and am praying for even further development in our friendship. There is healing there for sure. I am really enjoying my friendships lately and I am just so blessed in that area.

Heather and I have this great idea to start having dinner nights. We are going to have one night a week where we all get together and one of us will make dinner and we will have a "family" dinner so to speak so we can keep our friendship good and our conversation great. We are hoping this will draw us all close and really help us to have a good time together. If any of you are reading this and want to be involved in our dinner nights, drop me an email and we will include you.

Well, my day has been pretty uneventful. After work I have to head over and order my closet doors from Home Depot that Joel is putting in, mail a few payments off, get some gas, and then off to Balboa Island for a run. I am tired but I need some endorphins for sure. Thanks for stopping by everyone and ~Shalom~

Sunday, August 22, 2004

A whole new perspective

Good evening everyone. I hope that your Sunday was relaxing and as much of a growing experience as mine was. Today I have been a very busy girl but also have learned so much about me and about others. I ended up going out with some friends last night and after watching Josh scrimmage in soccer at Vanguard, I went to a bachelorette party for a bride who I don't know. We went because we were invited through some people and when I got there, Hannah was there as well. Almost immediately I realized how happy I was to see her. Although I haven't blogged a whole lot about Hannah, she is very special to me. She is really a phenomenal woman of God and someone I trust with my heart and to know my deepest darkest sins. That is saying a lot as mine can get pretty dark. Hannah has been more special to me in a short time than a lot of people were that stayed a great deal. Anyway, she invited to go to Rock Harbor (a church here in So. Cal) with her and her family the next morning. I decided to do that being that I viewed it as a divine intervention into my life.

I have been thinking on (not praying about) leaving my current church. I just don't quite feel right about attending there and haven't really found my niche. Now I know that should have signaled me to pray about it but that would require me to be living a life where I could approach the throne of God. I know that I don't sound like I live this crazy sinful life but I assure you, I do. I have a lot of things that God is starting to work on in me and I am happy about that. So, I atttended Rock Harbor this morning with Hannah and her family. It was absolutely amazing. Now, the preaching wasn't spectacular, the music wasn't concert level, the seating was uncomfortable, and quite honestly the parking SUCKS...but God was there. I felt like I was being fed more than I had been in a year or more. I was so excited to be there and even more excited to go back next Sunday. I haven't been able to share this with Hannah or tell her that she had a hand in God's plan for me but I have defintely found a church that I am interested in and wishing to go back to.

Now, onto the message that the pastor spoke about. Man, I have to share this with my blogging audience because it's one of those things where God shows you something about yourself and you almost want to tell people because you are afraid you'll continue it if you don't get a hold on it. The sermon was about Commandmant # 9. This commandmant is actually the one about false testimony and normally this is a great "lying sermon." The pastor didn't use it as a lying sermon but completely put a spin on it and talked about how we use false and/or true testimony to injure other's names. I am infamous for this. I know if you guys are my friends you are aware that I am a gossip who injures other's names. Now, most of the time my stories are true because people share things with me or I somehow find out but just because they are true...doesn't mean that they should be shared. I am ashamed of my behavior in the past oh.....23 years and I am hoping to live my 24th year differently. I am very excited about stopping this behavior that literally disgusts me. Have you ever just realized who you are and completely are sickened. That's me today. BUT....I have God's grace and the ability to work on this and start over.

My forum today is to ask all of you (and I do mean ALL of you) to forgive me. I know I have said something to you or about you that would be in this realm of sin. Please forgive my ignorance and selfishness and help me by calling me on things like this. I know I am generally a more fun person when I have a story but I love God too much to put my popularity over my love for Him. Thank you for helping me out and thanks for reading this. I know it was heavy today! Love you all much and ~Shalom~

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Totally bummed out...life is sad right now

Hello everyone. Thanks for stopping in to my blog but I am warning you that life is throwing some curve balls right now and I am kinda sad for others and myself. I found out yesterday that my friend Heather's mom has a brain tumor. They said they could actually remove it with surgery so please pray for a safe recovery for her although she is a spiritual giant and I just know that God is going to take care of her no matter what.

Today (in a smaller scale drama) I got on the scales to find myself 2 lbs heavier. I know that last week was kinda weird because I lost 4 lbs so I was unsure if maybe I would gain a little this week and sure enough, I did. It really bummed me out and got me feeling nervous about ever meeting my goal. I was so sad that I literally had a breakdown with my friend Joel. I am just worried that I might not ever make my goal because of my metabolism and disease. I am just not taking that as an answer though and I am going to just push through and hope for the best.

I am really considering applying for graduate school in the spring. That wasn't the original plan. The plan was to sit out at least a year and try to pay some bills off before grad school but I am feeling the pull to get the Masters done. My other goal is of course to get my finances figured out and I am seriously trying to be obedient in all financial aspects.

Well I have plans tonight with my friend Heather. We are going to watch Josh play soccer so I should get going and go home and have some dinner. Tomorrow I have plans with another friend and I am working on getting my computer up and running again at home so hopefully there will be no break in the blogging just because of not having a computer available. I promise that tomorrow I will update the web-page in all of the aspects that it needs updating in.

I should note on here that I just called Heather's mom to tell her I was praying and loving her and she seemed really upbeat and doing well. She seems to be very positive in God's power and also in the Dr.'s knowledge. Thanks so much in advance for any prayers you direct her way. Have a great day all and ~Shalom~

Friday, August 20, 2004

Haven't blogged for a few days...missed you

Hi everyone. Thanks for stopping by today. I haven't blogged for a few days and to tell you the truth, I missed the blog world. It is a release for me to blog every day. The last few days have been especially stressful as I have had Chris and had to organize my life around his. I also had so many errands to run that it has been crazy and hectic. I am praying that I seriously learn a routine soon and feel structured. I certainly don't feel that way yet. I am feeling rather worn out and pretty confused as to what my life will bring from here.

I haven't gotten a new job yet for the school year with Chris so I really need your prayers. Hopefully something will come through though and I will be blessed by whatever God brings me to. I also just want to say how much I know that God has placed me in a place just like this where I can be happy and content no matter where he takes me.

Life is going pretty well. My health is really great and I am doing pretty well on the weight loss trek. I weigh in tomorrow so keep posted on that news. I haven't been quite as good this week as last week but I am certain that God will bless my efforts. I am going tonight for a walk on the beach after dinner so that will be nice and productive for my health. Also, it's great for my emotional stability as it's nice and peaceful there.

Today I had the opportunity to look over some of my passions, values, and desires and I learned so much about me today by just talking with a respected mentor. It's interesting to find out things about yourself.

Well, I am so glad you stopped by and I am sorry I don't have more entertaining news for you. This weekend will be an interesting one. Joel is coming over tomorrow to repair things around the house for me. (I love that man) and Sunday I am going out with a friend so please keep me in prayer for my heart to be in the right place. Thanks everyone and have a great day. ~Shalom~

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Today was a blur.

Hi everyone. How is everyone doing this fine Tuesday. I am hoping this finds you all doing well and healthy. My day was absolutely the busiest I have seen in weeks. Today we went to kidnap the R.A.'s for breakfast for floor moms/sisters. We had a great time and our R.A. is super nice and very organized. I like her a lot. It looks like it's going to be a fun first year in Floor Moms for me. We have a lot of fun stuff planned and I am looking forward to it. Later in the day I worked and had lunch at Heather's house with the library girls. We had a great time chowing down on salad and pizza and of course chatting about things that aren't appropriate. It was a great time.

Overall I worked all day and took a mid day nap and that's about all that happened. Oh well, I guess it was a boring day for me but either way, a good one!

Love you all and ~Shalom~

Monday, August 16, 2004

Happy Monday everyone!

Hey everyone. It's Monday again so that means a clean, fresh start for a week. I know that is looking at it pretty positively but when you have had a long day like mine..you have to do something. I got up this morning and headed to work for some of the day. I had to get home for lunch at 2:00 and then back to work until 4:30. We (me, Pam, Heather, and Judy) all went over and decorated our table for the kidnap the RA breakfast tomorrow morning for floor moms. We did a really good job and our table is quite festive. Our floor's theme is "Dream Team" so it is all patriotic and sporty. Pretty cute if you ask me.

After work I had to go and pick Chris up from the Boys and Girls Club. He was especially ADD today and almost made me insane. I was making dinner and he was playing Mario party and literally reciting every sound the game made and yelling "OH BABY" at the screen when he would win a mini-game. Parenting is looking like less and less of an option these days. ha ha I made some grilled steak, corn on the cob, and peaches for dinner so it became apparent when Chris sat down at the table that he has braces. I forgot when making corn on the cob so he really couldn't eat that. Oh well, he didn't complain. After that his dad got home and took him to see Bourne Supremecy. It looks good and I am sure they will have fun. They need father/son time anyway!

My day is going to have to end early tonight as I have to be up at literally 6:00 am for that breakfast. I am not so stoked about that. I am not quite that much of a morning person. I am really good around 7-8. My goals for the rest of the evening are to bust out some book jackets, talk to a friend or two, work out, and get to bed relatively early. Tomorrow's goals are to find some jobs to apply to, work out my financial situation for the month, send some mail out, work out, and spend some time with the Lord. I have been neglecting my walk lately. I really need to get it together. I really need to learn priorities and fast.

Things are going alright but I am learning that I focus too much on the future instead of keeping my goals in mind. I need prayer to remember the comittments I have made and stick to them. I am really hoping for some drive lately. Please keep praying for a new job as it's my last week at Vanguard. Thanks everyone and ~shalom~

Sunday, August 15, 2004

A relaxing Sunday with treats!

Hello everyone and I hope your sunday is going well. Mine was excellent. I started out my day with a phone call from a friend so that always makes me happy. I then went into work for a little bit and then took Jaylie bowling in the afternoon. This is a good place to ask you all to pray for little Jaylie. She is the little girl that I mentor and she is going through some hard times. I won't be specific on here but she is attending Royal Family Kids Camp this coming week. This camp, in case you aren't aware, is a camp for abused and neglected children. She will be attending and will have a counselor all to herself. This is very important for her as she is really in need of some help right now. Please be praying for Jaylie if you are someone of prayer.

Bowling was a ton of fun and I bowled two great games at 154 and 142. I am not usually that wonderful of a bowler but I was on fire. After bowling I went home and grabbed some lunch and then back to work for an hour or so. I then got a phone call so I talked for a while and then I decided to treat myself to a night out at Old Spaghetti Factory. I love the Spaghetti factory so I was very excited about that. I have to put some words in for OSF right now because they messed up my dinner and I was already at home so I decided not to drive back over there. I ended up calling them and just explaining the situation and they are sending me gift certificates for dinner for two. You have to appreciate a business that corrects their mistakes gracefully. They will forever have my business!!

In other news, I worked until late last night and then got a call from my favorite boy. I love talking to him so that is always a treat. I overall had a great day and am starting this week with new focus. I am trying to realize that my goals right now are serious and important. I need to remember the three goals; weight loss, financial independence, and grad school. Those are the focus of the week and I will write about how those things are going throughout the week. I called on the two jobs I have applied for today and still hearing nothing as they are taking their time. Please pray that God comes through with something soon. I am concerned.

I have Chris some of the week this week so please pray that I will reach him in some way and I can learn him better. I am really pretty nervous about cooking dinner for the two of them a lot. I am not a bad cook but I am still a female who worries about pleasing her audience. Oh well, I am just belly aching at this point.

I wanted to take this time to say a few things to some people. Happy Anniversary to Carrie and Paul last Thursday. I forgot to blog about it but they have been married 4 years! Carrie is my friend from Indiana (from High School) and she is a phenomenal woman with great kids and a wonderful husband. God has blessed her so much and is going to continue to ..I am sure of it. Also, a congrats to Heather Barrington as she now officially has a companion. I don't like to be stupid and say "YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND" but Jason and Heather are officially a couple. I am so happy for her and very excited to meet Jason. I had to blog about it because some day..this blog will be famous. ha ha

Have a great day all and thanks for stopping in ~Shalom~

Saturday, August 14, 2004

My day was beautiful

Hi everyone. Thanks for stopping in to my blog. It's a gorgeous Saturday in Southern California. Today was a big day for me as Cavie got her eye fixed. As stated earlier in the blog, I was in a car accident and a mean vicious girl hit Cavie and caused the headlight and blinker to come out. The blinker was destroyed but the headlight wasn't. Either way there was a big gaping hole where the headlight panel use to be. Today I went to the wonderful people at Carsmetics in Costa Mesa, California and had them repair the light. It looks so much better and it didn't do a whole lot of damage to my wallet either. I am so happy to have Cavie back as a whole and now all I need to do is get some rubbing compound and work out some of the black paint on my car and get those tiny dents taken out. It's not a huge deal so I am just happy because it could have been so much worse.

Later in the afternoon I got to hang out with my best guy friend in the world, which we all know is JOEL! We had a good time just going to Home Depot and having lunch together. In case you wondering why Home Depot, there are two things in my house that need repaired in my downstairs abode and Joel is fixing them for me. I have a closet door that the track is broken and I need a new medicine cabinet. Either way, those are the things that need done and Joel is such a good friend to want to help me. We went to price supplies at Home Depot and I totally loved it. That is a great store ladies. If you have never been in there, it really isn't that bad. I have found that I really like hardware stores now and auto parts stores. I really like the idea of fixing things myself and/or watching Joel fix them (wink wink) Either way, It was a fun time at the Home Depot. We went and had some subway for lunch and I had this salad that was really good but it took me an hour after eating it to realize that they forgot my chicken! I was pretty astounded that I paid $5.29 for some greens. Oh well, move on Erica!

It was amazing because this morning I got on the scale and I was 4 lbs lighter. I don't know if that is particularly healthy or not but I am so stoked about being 224 lbs now and not 336 so I am ok with it. I am hoping for a 2 lb weight loss each week so that was huge for me. I covered 2 weeks in one. I know that won't happen very often so I am kinda marinating in it today. Overall, doing really well with the weight loss and dreaming of being in a bikini when I am done. Don't worry all, you'll see because I will wear it to the grocery store, in the snow, etc... Just kidding

My night was pretty uneventful except for I met a new interesting person. I am meeting some really great people lately and God is defintely opening doors for me to understand my strengths. I am just being patient for his perfect timing and perfect people to come into my life. By perfect, I don't mean flawless...I mean right for me. Anyway, a big thanks to Joel for a great day with him and a big thanks to everyone who is praying. Still looking for a second job so keep the prayers going. Have a beautiful day all and ~Shalom~

Friday, August 13, 2004

Friday --full of things to do

This friday has been packed with things to get done. This morning I had to take Chris to the Boys and Girls Club but his mom has him for the weekend so I guess I have some time to myself. I then had to go to the bank, take a shower, do laundry, and get to school for a floor moms event. We built these survival kits today that are for the new students so that they will feel welcome on "welcome week" imagine that. We had some fiasco with not enough erasers and bandaids and it was funny.

After that I chilled with Heather in her office most of the afternoon looking at her new laptop and hearing all about her life. I love that girl, we keep each other going for sure. After work I headed to Sears portrait studio to get my photos I took a while back. They were really good and I am excited about them. There is a page on my web-site with the pictures so make sure and stop by and see them. They are under the heading "Erica's Sears Photo Shoot."

After Sears, I went over to Borders to do some damage with a giftcard I got from Markita for my birthday. I ended up buying a new workout dvd that is a hip hop dance aerobic workout. That should be fun for me and get me dancing again. I also bought a planner (how mature of me) and I got a friend from Texas a Newport Beach postcard. He'll like it I am sure as it makes Newport Beach look like paradise. Oh well, isn't it?

After Borders I went by Target to spend my other giftcard from Heather. I had used about 1/2 of it developing some pictures the other day but I had enough to buy a new cd so I got the Twista cd. If you don't like rap you probably don't know who that is. I really love the cd and it's fun dancing music. I like something like that to drive to.

After all of that shopping maddness I came and worked for a while, worked on the web-page, and now I am blogging and going home. I haven't heard from the new interesting boy today but I am sure all is well. I am really excited about the rest of my weekend. I am hanging out with Joel tomorrow afternoon, Jaylie on Sunday I think, and getting Cavie fixed. Please pray for me for finances as it's going to be a tough month.

I would advise everyone to stop in to the web-site as I added literally 7 pages of new stuff. I also updated celebrity of the week, song of the week, movie of the week, and musician of the week. They are all fun places to check out so please stop in and make use of all of my work. I guess that's all I have to say for the day so everyone have a great day tomorrow and take care of yourself. If we haven't talked ...give me call. ~Shalom~

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Having kids is officially hard

How is everyone in my blog land doing today? I am doing well but this day has been absolutely busy busy busy! I have Chris at the house right now so it's been scheduling conflicts all over the place. Today was grocery shopping day so it has been crazy for sure. I have decided that having kids is really one of the hardest jobs in the entire world. Being a therapist is going to be easy compared to this. I find myself thinking about him in the day and hoping he is making wise choices, eating well, and he's not sad. I worry about him constantly. I love the boy! I really do.

Some of you know me well enough to know I have really struggled with the idea of having children. I have always feared that I lacked a sense of maternal instinct. I have always felt that I didn't really have much of a "motherly" attitude and really found children unnecessary in my life. I have always liked them on the surface whether it be in babysitting or school or whatever but never thought I, myself, would really like the job. Well, I am here to tell you that in ways that little boy is changing my mind ...in others...not so much.

I am very frustrated with the schedule right now of having to have him everywhere at one time and making sure everything is done or else. I really need to get together and learn him and his schedule for this to be better. The main thing I am noticing though is that it is completely rewarding and terrifying all at the same time. I mean, he is gorgeous and sweet and he is lovable. I love when he thanks me for something or I notice he is genuinely touched by my love for him. I am really hoping I help him to become the man that God wishes him to be. I really hope that when he looks back on his life, he remembers how much his nanny Erica loved him and that somehow he knows how much I pray for him. I am in love with him. I literally feel close to him already and it's only been about a month and 1/2. It's crazy how fast kids glue to you.

Overall, that was my main thought process today and I decided to share it with you. Now, I know that some of you are mommies and daddies and you know all about this already. I know that some of you are like "DUH ERICA" and think I am stupid for not wanting kids. Others of you are a lot like me. You wonder if you could handle it or if you are cut out for it. I am not telling anyone to go out and have kids if they don't want them but I officially know that if God were to give me children by the process that we all know causes them....I wouldn't be so sad. He is precious and has changed my heart about children.

My day today has been crazy but overall, well. I got an estimate on the cavie to have her headlight fixed today and it is a little steep to get done but she has an appointment on Saturday so I will officially not be illegal on Saturday evening. I am really happy about that as it's crazy not having a headlight. Please be praying that I will get some $$ in order to get the rest of the damages repaired on Cavie. I am sad that she is so bruised up. (Yes, she is a person to me!...don't laugh)

In other news, I am still carrying around my new turtle (his name is Joel). He is absolutely adorable and most of the time lives in my purse but likes to watch me type on my keyboard during the work day. He is great and by far my favorite new turtle. I told BIG Joel that I would carry him around and I don't think he believed me ...but we'll see JOEL! :)

I am still interested in someone new which is exciting to me. I know it sounds funny to update this daily but I lose interest fast. I am not saying I am attention deficit or anything like that but more like I am SO PICKY! I just have all of these standards about what a person is like in a relationship so I am very observant. I will tell you all that this man I met is one of the most interesting people I have met in a long time. He is intelligent, passionate, sweet, FUNNY, and completely down to Earth. I don't know where anything is going for sure because I am a woman of MUCH time but seriously, what a fun time getting to know an interesting man again. (Wait, when did it happen the first time?) ha ha Just kidding, I know a lot of interesting men but they are my guy-friends.

In my two biggest goals of life I have to tell you I have been getting off track. My first goal is to lose this 103 lbs and be healthy. Well, this week I have eaten ok and not exercise at all. I am really mad at myself and totally need to bust out some moves tonight. I have just been so tired and drained and ok...lazy and I haven't done it. My other big goal is to get financially independent and let's be honest, I work all the time so I guess I am doing that. I am really trying and being very frugal with money and that's something I need to learn.

Last night I went out to dinner with Josh for my birthday. He took me to Carl's Jr. because it's somewhere we both like to eat. We had a really great time just chatting and we always learn something from each other. He is a great asset to my life and I appreciate his love and friendship so much.

Big prayer request right now is that I need a second job starting early Sept. I am so nervous that I won't find one so can we please agree to pray together. I need a job bad!!!! I am really hoping for Newport Beach library to call me or this other job that was available for an office position. I am really concerned though and could use some prayer!

Ok, I think I have blabbed enough today but this is a catch everyone up day. This is what's going on with me and I could use some peace and quiet for a few days. This weekend I am planning on getting Cavie fixed, resting by reading some of Atlas Shrugged, and taking Jaylie bowling. Looking forward to bowling since I LOVE IT! OK, well I am out but as always ~Shalom~

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Finally interested again.

Happy Wednesday everyone. I am happy to say I have had a great day today. I met someone new yesterday that really interested me and I am just happy that there are interesting people left in the world. I have no idea what that means to me but either way, it's good to know they are out there. I am pleasantly surprised! I guess today would be a good day for me to talk about LOVE. I know that's a huge word and a lot of you reading it will wonder why in the heck I have chosen today to talk about it. Well, here is why:

I really believe that love is an aquired taste. I have been through a lot in my short life to know that love is real and it's mostly very fragile. There are so many different definitions for the word LOVE. There are so many ways to use the word love too. You can say you love french fries or you can say you love your husband/wife. Either way, same word. I think that's strange. I also think it's strange to say you have fallen in love. I mean, did you honestly FALL in love. NO, you chose to love someone else. On top of that, can we please take our time and get to really KNOW someone before we decide we love them. It's absolutely imperative that we know them in a way that makes certain that we can appreciate the things about the person that they themselves love about them. I have decided that when I decide to love again, it's going to be so great. I will love my man with everything I am and give all I can and I will not regret one single moment, BUT, I will also stop using that word to describe it. Yes, one day I will again say I love you to a man but when I say it, I'll know I mean it.

I will be so ready to say it because I will be waiting until appropriate and mostly, until I know that feeling is legit and not based upon limerance (word I learned in Shirley's classes) It means the "honeymoon period" of 2 years. I also will take things for what they are. I will love the little things like single roses, walks, compliments, photo opportunities, picnics, and all those other things I took for granted before "the ring" came. I will stop looking at a man and thinking to myself "I wonder what kind of husband he'll make?" and start saying "I wonder what kind of man he is?" I need to start re-evaluating the things I take to have value in life. I really do want to someday find that MAN that completes me. I think he'll be so wonderful. He'll be cute (to me), drive a car he loves, know how to fix that car he loves, be musical either in instruments or voice or just a genuine love for music, sensitive and sweet, more than willing to be attentive and romantic, passionate about things he loves and me, completely satisfied with who I am and love that I am so driven and improving on myself, honest with me and push me to greatness, and mostly, he will just captivate my heart by his love (not love for me but in general.)

Overall, these are the things that are going through my head today. You might be asking yourself, "Why today Erica?" and I would answer simply "Just because!" I have really had some thinking to do and I love being challenged to do that thinking and just reflect on things I want. Hallelujah for a clear mind. Well have a great day all and I hope you learned something. ~Shalom~

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Feeling weird today

Good day everyone. Have you ever had a feeling like you might be getting sick or something but you don't feel sick yet? I am having that kind of day. I feel really groggy but not sure what's going on. I waited a really long time last night to eat because it was my birthday and there was birthday stuff going on but seriously, not feeling quite right.

My birthday ended up being glorious. I got home from work and my BEST FRIEND in the entire world came over sporting flowers, a turtle (I am in love), a sweet card, a cd, and a little added bonus suprise after all was said and done. I had an amazing time. Joel was the sweetest kid ever to me yesterday and one day of sweet Joel is worth a whole year of waiting. The turtle he got me is the cutest little guy in the world. He has big green eyes like me. His name is Joel because he has a big head and well....guess that is self-explanatory. ha ha

After Joel left, Heather and Josh came over and I love my sweeties and they spent time with me. Heather took me for some late night tacos and we can't complain with that. It was such a great time and overall the birthday got so much better. I appreciate all of you who wished me a happy birthday and made my day a little brighter. I appreciated all the cards, e-cards, gifts, and mostly your time and thoughts. I find that time = love with me!

Guys, I want to take a moment and just wish two people a happy anniversary today. Today Josh and Heather have enjoyed each other's companionship for a whole year! Please let them know you are thinking about them today if you know either of them! They would be glad to hear from you. They are having a good day so far and Josh is pretty busy but they are going to have a great night I am sure.

Again to everyone reading this, thank you for 24 great years (or however long you have been around). I truly saw your love yesterday and it is exceptional. Have a great evening all and as always ~Shalom~

Monday, August 09, 2004

Today is my 24th!!!

Hello everyone. A big giant Happy Birthday to me today! I have had an ok day so far but it's only 4:00 and I can't say I am not completely disappointed in some of the things that have went down. I had a good morning. My girls at the library took me to lunch and they all were wonderful. I had such a great time eating with them and of course they all were so thoughtful.

My friend Heather brought this giant dragon fly balloon and beautiful flowers over which was so sweet. I was also woke up this morning by a singing Jarrid and that was amazing. I love that kid! Overall things have been decent. I am glad to say my day is over at 5:00 here though and I don't have any birthday plans for the evening so um, yeah! OK, so I have to close this or I might start crying!


Sunday, August 08, 2004

Almost a birthday girl

Hi everyone. I have to be honest with you all, I am completely and utterly bummed on this 24th year. I officially have NO birthday plans tomorrow. I take that back, I do have plans in the day to go to lunch with my library crew. That is a very exciting thing for me because I love my girls (Pam, Heather, and Markita)! This year I am feeling less than prepared for the way my life has turned out. I know that I made a lot of these life changing decisions but ideally, I have no idea where I am going to be next. I have made so many huge choices this last year that I am thrown to the wind, so to speak.

I should note that overall I am very happy with my life. I am happy that I am single again and healthy emotionally. I am happy that I am on my way to my weight goal. I am happy that I just graduated college and am one smart cookie. I am happy that I have a life full of friends who are absolutely amazing people. I am happy that I have role models that are strong intelligent men. I am happy that I have three beautiful women who are priceless to me as friends. I am happy because I am finally developing a positive relationship with my father. I am happy that I have created boundaries this year that have been problems all of my life. I am happy that I have told people things about me this year that have plagued me for many years. I am happy that I am free of the terrible, abusive people that once hurt me daily. I am happy that I have eliminated "friends" who find it necessary to critique everything about me and then say how they love me as a friend. I am happy that I am working for an amazing man with a great kid who I am going to get to influence for the better. I am happy that I have a beautiful house to live in and a warm bed to sleep in. I am happy that I have my sanity through one of the worst years of my life. I am happy that I am not divorced or married at this time. I am happy that I have people I can talk to when my days are hard. I am mostly happy that I now know the kind of person I want to spend my life with.

I know that I said I was bummed but that's why I chose to use this blog today to count my blessings. Upon looking over the last 24 years, I can't help but realize how much God has made of me. I am proud of the woman I am. I am an amazing woman who is strong, honest, dedicated, hard working, loving, passionate, driven, focused, funny, and adorable! I like me and I am glad that 24 years later, I am still kicking!

I just want to take this time to end today's blog with a prayer! I love my God and I am so happy he's in my life this year!

Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for 24 years on this Earth. You have blessed me with so much. I have the greatest friends, family, and environment. You have done immeasurably more than I could ever have imagined. Thank you for my mind to think with. Thank you for the people in my life. Thank you for my good qualities and the bad ones to keep me grounded. Thank you for my health both physical and emotional. Thank you for 6 years with a man I loved and thank you for the years later with a man I will adore! Thank you for freeing me from all that is bad for me. Most of all thank you so much for the people that I love so much. ~Amen~

Guys, let's be serious, if you are reading this I just love you and thanks for sticking with me! You are all so wonderful! This blog is dedicated to you....all of you: Joel, Jarrid, Carrie, Josh, Heather S., Pam, Heather B., Markita, Hannah, Britt, Mom, Dad, Boss, Fazz, Tasha, Dave, and the list goes on. Even you Adolfo! Take care of yourselves everybody and on this Birthday Eve...thanks for the memories! Peace out and ~Shalom~

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Interesting people make for interesting times

Hello everyone. I am happy to report your beautiful blog moderator is 2 lbs lighter today. I weighed in this morning and thank God, I lost 2 lbs more! I am very happy about this and it sure will add some happiness to my birthday on Monday! Things here are going well and I still don't have birthday plans with anyone! I am nervous that I am going to be chillin at home with myself for my birthday. I sure hope not friends! :)

Today I met an interesting boy. Have you ever met someone and thought "could they honestly have this much in common with me?" There is this guy. We'll call him Mike because that is his name. ha ha. He is a psych major @ Northridge, drives a new Honda Civic (fast), thinks that "big" girls can be sexy, (Hallelujah) and has pierced nipples. I know that last part threw some of you off but oh well. Let's be honest, I am interested!

Oh well, I'll keep you all posted on the happenings for my birthday and on from there. Overall things are about the same. Working on getting things caught up and losing weight. I guess that's about it. My birthday is on Monday so that's exciting. I also get to spend Tuesday and Wednesday with Chris so I am looking forward to that. Anyway, I'll write tomorrow as I don't have much to say. Have a great day everyone and ~Shalom~

Friday, August 06, 2004

I'm better..I think

Today is Friday people and I am happy about that. Today is my last weekday before my birthday. I don't know if everyone knows this but I am WAY into my birthday. I always love my birthday. I love that one day is dedicated to attention on ME! I have no idea what is going down for my birthday because I'll find out in accordance to who loves me...but either way I am determined to have a good day and be happy that I am alive and better this year.

Today has been pretty good. I met with Jaylie's therapist today and found out some disturbing things that have been happening in her life so please keep Jaylie in your prayers. I took my pictures this morning to get developed so they will be ready on Sunday but I have to wait until I have money to pick them up which may not be until Monday or Tuesday. I can't wait to get them back as they will be soooo hot with Joel in most of them :)

I really need prayers for a new job. I am done at the library in just 18 or so days and I am nervous about finding a second job to supplement the nanny income. I am really worried about not making enough to live. I have no idea what is going to happen but just be assured I need your prayers! Everything is going well at the library and on Monday my girls are taking me out to lunch. You gotta love them!

Today has been a total relaxed day. We haven't had a whole lot going on or getting done here in good old O. Cope Budge Library. Productivity was at an all time low on my side of the cubicle today. Oh well, it's friday!

Guys, I really miss home right now. I miss my family, Jarrid, Carrie, Hailey & Riley, and of course persimmon puddin'! I am really longing for a week at home. That's all it ever takes for me to get over Indiana. I mean I love it because it's home but I don't want to live there again. Let's all just pray that jobs and money work out so I can spend some time there at Christmas because I don't know how Christmas without my family will feel. I don't want to know. I tried to do that in 2002 and it just didn't work for me.

Well everyone, I love you all dearly and hope that this Friday found you all happy and healthy. Please email me soon if we haven't talked or give me a call on my cell! I love you all dearly and ~Shalom~

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Saddness rears its ugly head

Have you ever had a day where you thought through some things and just got REALLY sad? I am having one of those days. I am really trying to focus on the new, good things in my life but instead I keep thinking about things I have lost. I keep thinking about lost friendships, not being in college anymore, lost people just by moving on, and of course missing my family. I am also thinking about financial matters, my birthday ALONE, and the loss of dreams. I really need a pick me up today and I am not sure what it is going to take.

I am really kinda nervous about the job predicament so that might be the major reasoning for this mood I am in. I am very nervous that I won't find a job in the next two weeks and I will not be ok. I have just recently broken free from having anyone help me and to be completely honest, it feels wonderful. The only problem is, it is very nerve racking when you think you might not be able to handle that. I am just really having a difficult time finding my way right now.

I had a very interesting conversation with my boss last night and it ended up that things are a bit sticky in his life. I am sure that he is going to be ok but seriously, I am worried about his heart and well-being right now. I am not quite sure of everything about him but I certainly am learning more about him daily. Chris still isn't staying with us so I miss his cute little face. I am very excited to start being in his daily life and helping him become a little man. It will be a fun time for sure.

I am hoping my next day in life gets a little more positive as this is kinda sad. Thanks for stopping in and ~Shalom~

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Back home for a while

Good evening everyone! I am happy to report I am back home for a while until Thanksgiving. I am going up to Northern California again @ Thanksgiving to spend the holiday with Heather and her family. I am very excited about getting to do that as I love Heather and her family. I am so grateful to them for having me up the last couple of days. I just came home this afternoon after a great morning ride in the car with Joel. We (meaning me) had such a great time just making memories on the way back. I don't want to speak for him and say he had a great time because he might have been going crazy with me in the car. Let's be honest, I took about 14 pictures of him driving on the way back. I am quite the photo-crazed loon and he is rather photo-genic so the two go hand in hand. I am always pretty inappropriate too so I am sure he felt harassed and treated as an object. Oh well, he liked it ;)

So anyway, I had such a great time in Northern California. I saw a lot of great sites and met a lot of great people. Not to mention the amazing 10-12 hours in the car with Joel there and back. It was a great time! Be sure and stop into the web page to see the photos probably around next week because they will be all developed and loaded up.

Have you guys ever had a time in your life where you just wanted something so bad that it captiavated your every thought? I mean, I want something so badly that I think about it all the time. Now, I know you are all probably thinking it's a boy...but it's not. I have been really desiring to lose the last of this weight. I wish I could say that the "last" of the weight is a measley 10-15 lbs but it's more like 105 lbs. I am worn out from thinking about it and I am tired of seeing the extra weight in the mirror. I know that I have come a long way by losing 106 lbs now but when you have so much to lose, it's just not enough.

I am hoping that all of you reading this will say a prayer for my heart as it's very frustrated in dealing with this weight fight constantly. There are other "things" that I desire after and this weight is getting in the way of me getting those things in life. I want so badly to just take it off like a suit. I just want to wake up in the morning and not see it. I am getting kinda weepy so maybe I should shut up and get over it. Please keep me in prayer if you are reading this. I am doing really well on my eating habits, exercise, and losing the pounds but agian, just not fast enough. Please pray I stay realistic and don't lose sight of the goal. Thanks for stopping by everyone and ~Shalom~

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Meeting the brothers!

Today I met Heather's Brothers Brian and Kevin. They were both really great and completely different. I first of all had lunch with Heather's family and that was fun. Heather's brother Brian is married and has a little boy, John. He is the cutest thing ever. I had so much fun playing with him and eating lunch with him. Heather and I left for Sacramento (around that area) at about 2:00 to see her oldest brother Kevin. Kevin was totally cool and a blast to hang out with. We ended up going to a car show where I saw some pretty nice wheels (pictures on web-site to come) and went to TGIFridays and had dinner. It was a blast and we got along very well.

The day was great but completely exhausted is the word I can come up with. Leave for home early in the morning so must close this post. Look out for tomorrow's post to find out how the road trip home went! Have a great day and ~Shalom~

Monday, August 02, 2004

Northern California for the first time

Hello everyone. Today I am coming to you from good old Livermore, California. I am here seeing Heather. I love my girl and I missed her so much. I got in at about 5 a.m. and it was a great ride up here. I got to come up with my best friend in the entire world...Mr. Joel Forbes. He and I had a great time and made some memories. For all of you who are confused on what that means, I took some pictures. I intend to take some on our way back too. He is adorable and we had such a great time laughing, talking, singing, and oh, listening to so much Garth Brooks ...all of the cds ever made I think.

I will be loading all of my Northern California pictures on the web-site when I have some money to have them developed. Let's be honest, I have $22 to last me until my next paycheck. A little concerned but I have learned it's kinda fun to see how far you can get. All my bills are paid right now and that's good. I am still waiting to hear on a new job to supplement the nanny income when my library position ends so please pray for some leads to come through.

So far Nor. Cal has been loads of fun. I got in and went straight to bed clutching my phone and hoping that Joel got to Redding ok. I was worried about him since he still had about 2 and 1/2 hours after dropping me off. What an amazing man ...that Joel. I found out he was fine but by that time, it was time to get up for the day and do some stuff I had to do. Heather's friend Mike came over to go out to lunch with us. That was a blast because I really like Mike. He is a supremely nice guy! I really enjoy him. We went and had togo's for lunch and then we went to see Heather's friend Sammy. She is also nice and I met her mom.

We left at about 2:00 for San Francisco (Heather, Heather's Mom, Sammy, and myself). I was so super excited about this since I have never been there. It was really great as I got to see some awesome sights. I took some pictures so stayed tuned to the web-site to see what I saw. We ate at this seafood place right on the water and it was great and the whole day was wonderful.

We came back to Livermore and met some of Heather's friends for Ice Cream. I really liked them all. I was so exhausted though that I kinda lost my spunk for the night. In saying that, I need to close this post and get some shut-eye. I am trying to take care of myself and get enough sleep so I think this is going to be it for tonight. The plans for tomorrow are to meet Heather's brothers and unsure of what else. Until tomorrow my friends, ~Shalom~

Sunday, August 01, 2004

We're off to see the wizard...

Hello everyone. As you all know, I am going away for a few days to Northern California to see my friend Heather. I'm really excited about hanging with my girl and getting to see her "neck of the woods!" I am also getting some much needed time with Joel which will be so fun. He is the best! I am very excited about going. I am not sure if I will be able to blog while I am gone so I am going to say I am not. If I should, it will be a pleasant surprise!

Guys, I have to be honest with you, I am a little bit interested in my auto insurance guy. It is kinda crazy but true! He is quite the cutie though. He seems really cool too. We'll see though, it all takes time in my world. Overall, I am just focused on other things right now. I really have to take off from work right now, however, because I still have to go to the bank, go to target, and then go home and eat and pack. I have a lot to do before Joel picks me up. I can't wait to see him! I haven't been able to hang out with him for a while so I am totally looking forward to it.

Well, I am off for the day but keep me in prayer that I stay on task while I am away and mainly for a job to come around when I get back. Please keep me in your prayers loved ones! Love you all dearly! ~Shalom~