Monday, October 27, 2008

Home sick ..on my way.

It's been 10 long months since I have seen my family. That is unheard of for me as I usually head home twice a year and this year I am only getting one visit most likely. Last year I went home three times, one of them was not for pleasure but my nephew and step-mom's funeral so I would prefer not to go home for those such events. This time I am headed home to see my older sister get married. Happy times are always a better time to go home. On Friday I gain a brother in law and I get to see my family too which is great. I really miss them. I don't often have a hard time living so far away but around the beginning of September I began to feel pain.

I think this comes from growing up attending the Persimmon Festival back home and being around for my sisters' birthdays, my mom's birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas and well into New Years. This time of year has me really missing the falling leaves, the snow, the christmas lights, and actually being COLD sometimes instead of living on the south side of hell, AKA Anaheim. I wish I could say that Anaheim has proven to be my dream home but it just hasn't. Anthony and I are neither one in our dream spot here but that also doesn't mean Indiana is either. I just miss my family! If my family lived here, I probably would go back to Indiana here and there but never to stay. It just wasn't my cup of tea.

I am very excited to head to Indiana tomorrow morning. I am also excited to see Hilliary get married and find her happiness. I am also happy to see Britt and my mom and meet Britt's new boyfriend. There is a lot going on back home and it will be good to be there for a few days. I will be there for 4 days and will squeeze everything I can into those 4 days. I might blog while I am there but I can't assure that so until then, have a lovely week and Happy Halloween!


Monday, October 20, 2008

Let me talk to my husband first?

Ok, so I am one of those people that thought I would never say "Let me talk to my husband first" but lately I am noticing I am that girl. It's so hard to agree to go and do things with friends nowdays without checking the husband/wife schedule. The other night a well meaning colleague asked me to attend "happy hour" and I was totally taken aback as to how I responded immediately with "Let me talk to Anthony about that." I think this is probably pretty normal to shift immediately into the responsible wife but I was astounded that it came so naturally and to be honest, felt a little bit lame.

I was always so sure that I would keep my fierce independence when I said vows and I would just "do as I wanted." Oh how marriage has schooled me! Anthony has never asked me to clear things with him nor have we even discussed this matter but somehow I had an engrained response that said "Erica, you must check with your husband regarding this matter." Now, I should note, there are things that I do not check with Anthony on. I do not ask Anthony to make coffee dates with friends on my own time. I do not check with him on what girls I befriend or even what I do while I am at school but when there is a chance that an event could break into married time...I seek counsel from my gorgeous husband.

Did anyone else experience this immediate need to be wifely and seek counsel? I really pray that someone understands me. Give me an Amen if you relate! :)


Friday, October 17, 2008

Insomnia is not my friend.

I can't figure out what is going on in my world. I haven't been able to sleep lately. I seem to take hours to get to sleep and when I finally do get to sleep I do not stay asleep. This totally sucks. I have a huge day today filled with teenage clients, a WAIS administration, and then I still need to function in order to be a wife, driver on the road, and a diabetic. This may sound like NOT a big deal, but it is. I am running on empty in my world but my brain won't let me just rest. I layed awake for about an hour and 1/2 tonight as my husband snored his cute little self to pieces. I then finally got to sleep and woke up again promptly at 4:00 am and layed in the dark tossing and turning and thinking until 4:32 when I gave up and got out of the bed to go into the living room and prepare for my day. I hate this! What is going on? Anyone have any ideas as to why my sleep is so interrupted and brief? This is so frustrating.

I need to sleep so I guess I have to wait until this exhausting day is over and I hope I can just shut my brain down!


Sunday, October 12, 2008

More every day.

Today I had something really weird happen. Anthony went up to Fontana in order to celebrate his brother Paul's birthday with him. I decided I would stay in Anaheim in order to study but really because I think he needs that time with his brother and I wanted Anthony to be able to give his full attention to that. This morning Anthony and I went out shopping in order to pick up a few things for Hill's bridal shower but also decided to go the shoe store and see if there were any nice heels for Hill's wedding. We ended up finding two very hot pairs of shoes on clearance for 70% off equaling $30.00 for two pairs of name brand shoes. It was awesome. Even more awesome was that I seriously just love time with my husband.

We then headed home so Anthony could go up and meet his brother for lunch. Anthony dropped me off and I wanted to run after his car because for some reason I already missed him. I spent the next 10 minutes crying because I missed him so badly. I am usually not like this at all. Anthony works sometimes 10-15 hours a day and I am away from him entire days while I am in school but for some reason there was a saddness in him being off work and I wasn't going to be with him. Let me add here that Anthony invited me and wanted me to go with him and I chose not to. I knew that he needed that time with his brother and there are a few other reasons that I will not blog about. Either way, I had not experienced that intense of an emotion about him leaving before and it felt odd.

The minute I walked away from him today I thought outloud..."I love that man so much!" and I realized just how passionate I am about my husband and how over the last 2 and 1/2 years with him my love has grown enormously and even more so over the last 2 months of being his wife. It's just really strange to realize how head over heels you are about someone when you thought you knew. I don't know, I feel weird today. Enough of this, I might cry again.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Old...yet new.

Yesterday I was at my special studying spot which is no big secret to the world nor is it that great of a find but I study at Starbucks for a couple of reasons. First of all, they have food now so I can get a drink and study through lunch and I don't have to go anywhere new. Also, they have the best music playing in the background so it inspires me to continue studying for some reason. Also, I can't seem to study at my house because there are far too many distractions there like cleaning, watching tv, being on the internet, etc... I don't even take my laptop to Starbucks because I know myself all too well and my awesome study hours would be spent playing Mah Jonng or writing blogs to be honest.

Well, yesterday I was there for about 6 hours studying and then meeting up with a friend and while I was there in the afternoon, they played a cd of entirely Ella Fitzgerald and I remembered how much I like old music. Music used to be about talent. Music used to be about instruments coming together to sound like something inspirational. Music used to be about lyrics that made you understand the writer. As I was listening, I heard an oldie but a goodie...Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered and now that I am older, I think I know what she was talking about. I think we have all been here as women and so I decided to pay tribute today to Ella and her amazing song by posting the lyrics here. Enjoy some older music if you get a chance and if you need me, I'll be at Starbucks!

After one whole quart of brandy
Like a daisy, I'm awake
With no Bromo-Seltzer handy
I don't even shake

Men are not a new sensation
I've done pretty well I think
But this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink

I'm wild again, beguiled again
A simpering, whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I

Couldn't sleep and wouldn't sleep
When love came and told me, I shouldn't sleep
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I

Lost my heart, but what of it
He is cold I agree
He can laugh, but I love it
Although the laugh's on me

I'll sing to him, each spring to him
And long, for the day when I'll cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I

He's a fool and don't I know it
But a fool can have his charms
I'm in love and don't I show it
Like a babe in arms

Love's the same old sad sensation
Lately I've not slept a wink
Since this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink

I've sinned a lot, I'm mean a lot
But I'm like sweet seventeen a lot
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I

I'll sing to him, each spring to him
And worship the trousers that cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I

When he talks, he is seeking
Words to get off his chest
Horizontally speaking, he's at his very best

Vexed again, perplexed again
Thank God, I can be oversexed again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I

Wise at last, my eyes at last,
Are cutting you down to your size at last
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - no more

Burned a lot, but learned a lot
And now you are broke, so you earned a lot
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - no more

Couldn't eat, was dispeptic
Life was so hard to bear
Now my heart's antiseptic
Since you moved out of there

Romance, finis.
Your chance, finis.
Those ants that invaded my pants, finis.
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - no more

Thursday, October 02, 2008

When you wish upon a star...

Lately I have been having a really hard time just feeling unmotivated and sad. Things have been slowing down in life a bit and as things get spirit gets louder. The things that I have genuinely gone through over the past 28 years of life have slowly been making their way around and bringing me back in the quiet. This week I took a bold step on my part and took the week off of school. It worked out better than I imagined and I had the support of my professors and husband in that endeavor. I chose to truly take a step to take care of myself. There have been times in the past where I took the days off but I would do homework, catch up on errands, clean, work, etc.... Not this time! I did what I said I would do. I spend the entire day yesterday with my husband. We had a glorious time. We smiled, we laughed, we bonded emotionally, bonded physically, sparked up some passion, and rode pirates of the caribbean. That's right, we spent 9 hours in Disneyland.

Anthony and I have a special relationship with two locations so far. One is Las Vegas as we have had numerous weekends together there and our most recent weekend involved our wedding day. The other location is the Magic Kingdom, the happiest place on Earth, Disneyland! We love everything about Disneyland. We love watching kids that are so excited with all that is around them. We love watching married people holding hands and sitting in Small World boats together kissing. We love mickey ears, mickey shaped balloons, lanyards and pin collections, and Anthony loves their $6.00 corndogs right off of Mainstreet.

The Magic Kingdom really is that to us..magic. It made the day special, relaxing, peaceful, not stressful, depressing, or sad. I am truly at home behind those gates and turnstiles. I am in a place where nothing can reach me or sadden me. The world is somewhat forgotten while I am in there in my disney gear, holding a bottled water that cost more than a gallon of gas but the perma smile on my face makes it all worth it. I love Disney!!!!