Sunday, January 16, 2011

How is my life going?

I listen to a lot of Podcasts and I enjoy a lot of self-help ones and things that challenge me to be better. I am constantly in process and find myself continuing to change every single day. Today I was listening to one and the question that was posed was "How is my life going?"

I thought the blog would be a great place to talk about how my life is really going. There are so many areas of life but overall, you have one life. Here is how my life is going...

My life is certainly better than it ever was in my 20's. In my 20's I was disorganized, undisciplined, horrible within relationships, unsuccessful, selfish, a bad friend, and the list goes on. I decided how I would talk about my life is that I would take a moment to describe myself. I have never done this and it feels sort of awkward so goes....

I am a wife. I am the kind of wife that doesn't do everything perfectly. I love my husband very much and value his position in my life. I often fall through on daily tasks but do a decent job of loving him and supporting him through life's trials. I am the kind of wife that never talks bad about my husband to anyone. I seek advice from a mentor couple and other than that, I speak kindly of Anthony and treat him with respect. I am incredibly faithful to Anthony not only in deed but in words and in private. Sometimes I lean back on old habits like speaking harshly or being selfish but in this 3rd year of marriage, I am doing better than I have in the past.

I am a woman. It used to feel weak for me to be feminine and often I would simply avoid that part of my personality. I am not afraid to be a woman anymore. I embrace my girly side and completely love wearing makeup, getting dressed up, selling Avon, and being the feminine part of my home. I love that I am not only in love with jewelry and purses but also have a mind that is intuitive and strong. I embrace my ability to talk through issues and have empathy in most situations easily.

I am unhealthy. I have battled my health for years not just because I am a type I diabetic but also overweight. Over the years, there have been times when I haven't cared what goes into my body or even what my body is going through daily. I now take all of my medications faithfully and see my doctor's whenever possible. I also think much more about what I eat and do. I think consciously about my health each and every day and if you knew where I was coming from, you would be amazed.

I am a therapist. One of the things that makes me who I am is my deep calling and desire to help hurting people. Yes, sure I am also intrigued and amazed by the human condition but overall, I like the look of relief on someone's face when they have been battling depression for years and suddenly they don't want to die. I come from a long line of mentally unhealthy people and for that reason, my heart is burdened. I believe with everything in me that God created me with this purpose in mind.

I am happy. This one has so much meaning for me. My life has been full of heartache, tragedy, loss, and pain....but God has redeemed so much. I am married to the love of my life. I had a short time to be a mother to my son Jamie and lost him while pregnant but some people don't even get weeks. I have a beautiful family that includes a niece and nephew and I love them dearly as well as the sisters who made them. I have a beautiful nephew in heaven who only 13 days here but I still love and look forward to the day I meet him. I am overall satisfied with my life with a desire to always be better.

How is life going? Pretty stinking good...maybe more than I thought when I started this post!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Avon Giveaway

Hi everyone,

I am using my personal blog to give the rules/guidelines for my current Avon giveaway.

Here are the rules:

For every $25.00 that you spend, you will be entered into a drawing only open to my customers for a makeup bag full of over $200 worth of product. There are no limits to how many entries you can have, that is completely up to you. This drawing will be open for Campaign # 3 and # 4 so get your orders in.

** As a special incentive, if you have friends who might like to order, if you get them to become a customer and they only spend $10, you will get two extra entries into the drawing. Make sure and let your friends know that if they put in a $25 order, they will also get an entry!



to shop and get your entries! :)

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Happily Married

If there is one thing that I have learned about marriage in my last 2.5 years is that you can NOT be selfish and happy at the same time. I think I started out in Marriage incredibly selfish and kind of had it in my mind that Anthony's job was to make me happy. I quickly learned that there is no way that works. The marriage that works and is happy is where both people have a servant's heart and want to help the other.

Lately God has really been dealing with me on being selfish. We have had a very hard last year and a lot has changed in our plans for our life. Anthony lost his job in February of last year and everything sort of changed. Our plans to have a child got drastically put on hold and even living in California is up in the air at this point. My dream was to stay in California and try to have a child in the next couple of years. I am not sure what God's plan is but I have learned that my plans are not necessarily in conjunction with His.

Lately, I have really been thinking about my issues that make marriage harder. I am a control freak. Growing up in a home where things were unpredictable to say the very least made me someone who hates change and hates not being in control. I try not to use my blog as a place to blast my parents or tell the world what I think they did wrong. I have learned that parenting is literally THE hardest job in the whole world and so, I will no longer throw stones. I would do things very differently than both of my parents did them but what is done is done.

I also do things very differently in my marriage than I have seen married people do. My grandparents were married for over 40 years, however, it didn't seem that they really liked each other. I think there was love for sure but there was so much ignoring, bickering, and lack of intimacy. In my home, my mom and dad divorced when I was 1.5 years old so I don't remember ever having a nuclear family. My mom remarried when I was 5 and had my little sister so things were very different and chaotic in our house. My dad remarried when I was 4 and had my other little sister and at that point, I felt like I completely disappeared.

The step-parents were worlds apart. My step-father was in my home and had a lot of say in what I did, said, and how my life was. Again, this isn't the place to talk about things that went wrong but I'll just say, they went wrong. My step-mother was one of the most genuinely good people I have ever known. She really treated Hilliary and I like a priority and never tried to be our mother which was paramount to my respect for her. She passed away in 2007 and I truly miss her.

We went through another divorce when my mom and step-dad divorced when I was 16. I mostly saw their marriage in action and what I recall was hiding things, a lack of respect on both sides, inappropriate behavior, and totally forgetting how to parent. I guess for me, I am so afraid if I am not in control that these types of things will happen in my home.

The new year is bringing me new awareness. The number one awareness it is bringing is that Anthony CAN BE TRUSTED. I have known that for the last 5 ish years but somehow it has not translated to my behavior. I think I am beginning to see that God picked him in mind of all that my heart had to go through as a little one.

Thank you Jesus for loving me through this and through my past!

I pray you all are Happily Married! :)

Saturday, January 01, 2011

What is rest?

Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.
Mark 6:31

One thing that has always been difficult for me for a long time is rest. The definition says that it means "a state of inaction." For me, that is the hardest thing to read although I know that the truth is that rest is essential for well being and health. One of my resolutions is to have a daily quiet time and also to do more self care. This year I want to learn how to rest. Today I am going to do just that.

I want to get myself a cup of tea or coffee and sit/lay on my couch in my most comfy pj's for 30 minutes uninterrupted today. That includes silencing the cell phone, not having the TV on, and not getting on the computer. No books either...just rest. A state of inactivity!