Thursday, April 22, 2010


Today something just came out in me. I normally really struggle with motivation, confidence, and even drive. Most people wouldn't think that of me because of the things I have done in my life but EVERY single step has required me to be extremely hard on myself and fight my most basic instincts. I am tired of that. There is this part of me inside that really doesn't believe I can do anything so I fight against it with everything in me and try to be the person I want to be instead of the one I truly am. I don't like this about myself and have decided to be absolutely different from here on out.

The last few months I have been absolutely determined to accept diabetes and have taken care of myself in the best manner I ever have. That was a huge step. The one today was something altogether different. I LOVE being a therapist and it was my all time goal and dream. I also have these other goals and passions for my life. I want to be a mom. That requires me to be much healthier so I have to be serious about losing weight and getting healthy. I want to be a writer. That means I have to spend time learning ways to use my writing style to be a published writer. I want to learn how to speak Spanish and play guitar. That means I have to discipline myself to practice both things. Mostly, I want to absolutely embrace the fact that I am a woman and want to use my creativity to help me advance in life.

I decided I wanted to go into business for myself in an area that I am interested in. I love decorating my house and believe it is the little touches that make it comfortable, romantic, and HOME. So, I decided the business for me is Party Lite Candles. I want to work with surrounding vendors in all areas of merchandise for woman such as jewelry, cosmetics, hobbies, fashion, whatever and have fun while making money for our goals of having children, a home, etc...I have all kinds of ideas and dreams and I couldn't be more excited to start working on this goal.

I also really want to become an advocate for the cure and treatment of diabetes. Today I signed up for my 3rd walk for diabetes and identified myself as a RED STRIDER which means a walker that is battling the disease themselves. I have pledged to raise $2,000 for the American Diabetes Association and I am pumped to do it. The walk is on October 9, 2010 at Knott's Berry Farm and I am going to form a team and walk for the cure! Team Sweet "E" :)

I would ask all of you that read the blog to consider sponsoring me (even if it's only $10) or if you are in the Southern California area, consider walking on my team and fundraising. I am asking that each person on my team raise only $100. Also, if you are in the southern California area, if you want to host a wonderful candle party that will be absolutely fantastic and get you loads of money in free product...I want to do that too! :)

Again, these things came to me today and I feel just led to get things taken care of. I want to get out of debt, stop being overweight and unhealthy, and change my life and discipline level. I think everyone can relate to that!

I hope everyone else is feeling inspired today!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Things in our house...

Hey everyone. I hope today finds you doing wonderfully and enjoying Spring on its way. Our house has been pretty hectic the last few months and felt like I needed the solace of my blog to get some of it out. Anthony was let go from AT&T on February 22nd officially and we are still in search of full time employment. Anthony has been training recently in becoming a financial advisor but that is a slow process and doesn't pay during the training so we are living entirely on unemployment which is only 60% of his previous income so we have more bills than we have income. So frustrating and stressful. We are trying to just trust God through this time but I would be lying to say there isn't fear over this situation.

I am just now getting over pinching a nerve in my back and it still is a bit creaky some days. I cancelled sessions for a week and for me that means the pain is extreme. Work is going pretty well for me and the clients are steadily increasing which means they are increasing but at a painfully slow pace. Overall, the field is sort of slow right now due to the economy and people being willing to give up their therapy in lieu of things like cable TV. However, I am not going to complain I just need to up my work on marketing and things of that nature.

Health items are going a bit better in our house. I have been back on insulin in a consistent manner for about a month or so and I have never felt better. All infections are gone and I don't feel like junk every single day which is a huge improvement. Its now time to get back to the gym and get on some of this acquired weight. I have gained quite a bit of weight since Anthony and I have been together and although I know that happens, it is so frustrating when I had gotten down to a weight I was darn near proud of in 2006. Now, 4 years later, I am back at ashamed. Who knew?

I can't believe in about 3.5 months I will be 30 years old. I certainly have this feeling of wishing I was further in my life at 30 so today I made a decision to reflect on what I have accomplished in my 30 years and make some goals for my next thirty years.

Things I have accomplished in my first thirty years (1980-2010)

-- I have moved 2,000+ miles away from my original home and established a life for myself the last 8 years.

-- I graduated with my Bachelor's Summa Cum Laude in Psychology and earned the respect of my professors enough to get a recommendation for Graduate School.

-- I got into Graduate School at the school of my choice.

-- I graduated from Graduate School with my Masters in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage/Family Therapy.

-- I was named Commencement Speaker by my peers/professors and was able to speak at my hooding ceremony and felt I did a good job.

-- I got a job in the field almost directly after graduation with a private practice working with my previous professor which makes me feel honored.

-- I met an amazing man and married him and do a pretty good job of loving him day in and day out.

-- I got pregnant with my wonderful child and did a great job taking care of myself while pregnant even though it was rough with diabetes.

-- I handled losing my child with the most grace I could muster and have allowed myself proper time to grieve and long while also realizing that there is life after that loss.

-- I have established a case load with clients who are coming back and paying and that is half the battle! :)

-- I have a pet that I take care of and love to death and don't fear losing her every single day (which if you know me, is a big achievement)

-- I bought a brand new car in 2000 and managed to pay it off and have maintained it to where it is now 10 years old and still runs beautifully at almost 200,000 miles.

-- I have been asked by my boss/previous professor to teach a section of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy at the Graduate Level which is again, a huge honor (starting in August)

-- I have great relationships with my sisters and my neice and nephew who are my passion for life.

-- I work every day to better myself!

My next Thirty Years:

-- Get 3,000 hours of practice in my field so I can test for the license of MFT.

-- Pass the examination for my MFT License and do it with flying colors.

-- Have a child or adopt a child and enjoy parenting instead of viewing it like a burden as some tend to do.

-- Enjoy my husband daily and never take him for granted.

-- Travel all over the United States and into other countries.

-- Give back as much as I can to people in need and show Jesus' love on a daily basis.

-- Find a church I feel at home in and become involved more than I ever have.

-- Develop and keep strong friendships and always feed those relationships well.

-- Take care of my diabetes every day and be ok with it.

-- Lose enough weight to where I am healthy and feel comfortable in my own skin

-- Buy a home that I love and work to make it better daily.

-- Own a mustang. PERIOD

-- Watch my neice and nephew grow up and love them as much as I possibly can.

-- Be able to continue to grieve life's disappointments and losses in a healthy and graceful way.

-- Pour into the people i love as much as possible.

-- End my career with love and passion for it still but the ability to stop when I need to.

-- some all times!

Those are my thoughts on 30 as it grows closer!