Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Addicted to sin, not a good place to be.

I read in my Bible today about being a slave to sin and I think in today's language it probably should read being addicted to sin. In the dictionary, addiction is defined as; "compulsion or overpowering urge to use a substance, regardless of potential or actual harm." In saying this, I am addicted to one of my sins so much so that I have to take it to God daily if I am going to stop it for a 24 hour period. How sad as I pray for Self Control God is just hoping I will ask for God Control. I know now that I have no power over this particular thing in my life. I need to recite out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous like "I have no power over ____! It really saddens me to think I have NO control over it but it makes me happy that my God does.

Please agree in prayer with me about my addiction and I hope that you find the place of God Control.


Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Raindrops on Roses, Whiskers on Kittens

Do you all remember that song from "The sound of music" about favorite things? Well lately, I have been thinking about the things that make me Erica. Examples: a great cup of green tea, a blueberry scone, a great book, museums, art galleries, the back yard in a comfy chair on a breezy summer day, softball, skeeball, & Mario Party. Have you ever known someone who got into a relationship and you couldn't tell where she ended and the boy started? Well, now you have. For the last year I have been a girlfriend to quite possibly the most amazing man I have ever known and I have kind of lost myself in that. Don't get me wrong, it's been fun. I have smiled more than I ever have in my entire life and I have felt safe which is something I don't often feel. The problem is, I am starting to miss myself. I am starting to miss working out every day in the mornings before my day began, reading magazines cover to cover to learn something new and interesting, checking out dozens of books a month and burning through them and enjoying every sweet page turn. I love to read, write, play sports, work out, enjoy good food, coffee with friends, and getting to know others. I also enjoy the smell of my boyfriend when he splashes on his cologne and the way he looks in his toolbelt for work. It's a hard mix to be in love with a gorgeous man and miss the things that make you

When Anthony started dating me I was so hardcore about working out I was up to running 2 miles a day. Now I am lucky to get through .5 miles on the treadmill before getting off out of exhaustion. I used to get my nails done and get mystic tans because I took pride in them. Now I live in jogging pants and wife beaters and running shoes. Workout gear for a girl who never hits the gym. I just find that I can't really find myself. I want to sleep the days away just to avoid the things I am behind on. I need to take this weekend and truly catch up with myself. I need to get orgaized, see things, do things, take pictures, take a walk, take a bikeride, frequent the gym, stop for a scone and some green tea and mostly just love on me. I am not taking care of myself.

I want to note here that this is in no way Anthony's fault. It is mine for sure. I am 100% to blame for the lack of me and the over abundance of sloth and laziness and bliss that is my funk. Please join with me in remembering a few of your favorite things and doing them today.

My favorite things:

1. Green Tea at Starbucks
2. A pastry to go with my green tea
3. A walk in the park with my camera.
4. A great book on the lawn chair outside.
5. A great workout at the gym burning 500+ calories
6. Buying a new outfit and loving how it looks on me
7. Tanning and then wearing white to show it off (only mystic...anti skin cancer)
8. Going to target with a friend and browsing.
9. A great talk with a friend
10. A clean room
11. Organizing things
12. A romantic comedy
13. A live sporting event
14. Working for the joy of being good at something
15. Learning Psychology.

I got to get back to the roots! Keep me in your thoughts as I try to escape my funk. Love you all


Friday, July 06, 2007

Be a lady, wait for the flush.

Have you ever been in a public bathroom and because you don't want anyone to hear your unladylike noises, you wait for someone to flush in order to relieve yourself of any noise? I sure have. I was in Target yesterday, waiting patiently for the flush when I realized that God had a lesson for me to learn in this. He continued the lesson today through his word in Romans 2. The lesson I learned yesterday was that maybe we should treat our "good deeds" as those unladylike noises. Maybe we should only do them when there is a flush and noone knows it was us. So often in my life, I toot my own horn. (no pun intended but frickin hilarious) I make sure Anthony knows when I washed his shirt, drove him to work, paid his bills, ran to the store for him or whatever it is my lovely man needed done by his super woman. I never miss a chance to list the amazing tasks that I do for everyone and I certainly don't let anyone go without knowing that I adopted a little girl with world vision from Africa. How sad that I don't want anyone to hear that I am a human with biological needs but I sure don't mind being a big hypocrite and showing my backside as a Christian.

The other lesson God taught me today was in the other direction. How often have I told Anthony that he didn't pick up his clothes just to come back to the house and see pink underwear in the floor, which I know aren't his? How often have I told him to make sure and get up on time just to have my alarm go off 3 times before heaving my lazy giant butt out of the bed? How many lectures has he gotten on thanking me just to go hours without a thank you to the vacuuming of my car he didn't have to do? I am ashamed of my hypocrisy today. I have apologized to Anthony and I really hope that I am going to start seeing myself more realistically soon because I do NOT have it together! I suck!

Verse of the day:

But he is a Jew who is one inwardly and circumcision is that which is of the heart, by the spirit, not by the letter, and his praise is not from men but from God!

Romans 2:29.

(I stand corrected)

Wait for the flush people...and get that log out of your own eye first (my puns are killing me today and yes..I like bathroom humor)

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Faith, you gotta have it.

In the 80's (a very interesting musical decade) George Michael wrote a song called Faith. It was about a girl who was mistreating him and he was trying to get the courage to step away from her and go on with his life and needed "faith" to do so. I took some of the words from it today because I have been reading about faith in the Bible and it applied.

Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

Yes I've gotta have faith...

This verse is clearly talking about a romantic relationship but I paralelled it with my relationship with sin. Sin is my boyfriend at times. I cling to it, go out with it, wear it, have pride in it and then hate being with it after it's all said and done. This verse reminded me of sin because boy does the river of sin become an ocean and it always throws my heart to the floor. And then as the verse progresses it talks about needing someone to hold him. Isn't that what our sin lives are all about. We lie to make ourselves feel or look better, we have sex to fill up a void in our hearts, we eat to cover up our pain or be held for just a moment, we accumulate wealth to make sure we feel safe, secure, and held. Every single time we choose to wait for something more though...we will find HIM. The something more is my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Jesus can fill those voids in our lives. He can make us feel fulfilled like George so wanted in his 80's hit song. This really wasn't to admit my love of George Michael but just to come to awareness of how sweet God's love is. It's amazing that all he asks from us is to have faith. In Romans 1:17 he says that a man (or woman) is righteous only through faith. There is nothing we can do to attain this righteousness but just trust him. I think that's amazing. In this world, to attain any comfort, peace, success, status etc...we have to work our butts off and then hope it holds up. Not in God's kingdom, we just need to abandon all of our reason and simply have FAITH.

Maybe George Michael got it least once. The bathroom incident, I can't support though.


Monday, July 02, 2007

Heading into July fully strong.

Hey everyone, last weeks illness was nothing according to my doctor and it was just a little drainage of the sinuses. He didn't prescribe anything so that's good. I already feel entirely overmedicated. This weekend we went to see this movie at Metro Pointe that was probably the most disturbing movie I have seen since Saw III. It was "1408" with John Cusack. It was a horror/psychological thriller and it was very scary if you ask me. On Sunday, Anthony and I went up to Los Angeles to pick up a check from his Aunt LoLo's house and ended up spending the rest of our day on Hollywood Blvd. We went to the Roosevelt Hotel, which I had never been to and then to the Hollywood History Museum. The museum is housed at the old Max Factor building and to be honest, it wasn't half bad. I don't know if it was worth the $15 we paid in admission per ticket but it was pretty good. They had a whole room practically dedicated to Marilyn Monroe and since I am a huge fan, I loved it.

Other cool items in the museum were the ruby slippers from "Wizard of Oz," the prison set from "Silence of the Lambs," and the actual make up rooms that were used to prepare Lucille Ball, Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe, Lana Turner, etc.. for movies. It was really interesting and they had a lot of interesting little tidbits for people interested in old Hollywood. I am more interested in old Hollywood than the new version of eating disorders that we call celebs. It was pretty fun.

Last night we picked up my favorite take out, The Old Spaghetti Factory and watched a classic "National Lampoon's Vacation." It was awesome and when I went to bed last night, I felt like my weekend was restful and eventful at the same time. This morning I woke up to a to-do list as long as me but with renewed strength knowing I would accomplish all of my goals today. Christopher starts Football camp today and he is continuing in summer school so I have the day open to myself to do the things I need to do. I am really working on being healthy diabetically speaking lately and my blood sugars are so much better and I can't wait to take my next blood test and see a vast improvement in my hemoglobin A1C and know that my overall health is benefiting from it.

In other news, on Saturday I attended a wedding for a person I really respect and like. I was actually the guest of someone else who was invited and I myself was not invited. However, I am really glad that I went to this wedding because it felt REAL. I don't know how to explain that but the love that was shared at this wedding was moving. It made me like weddings again and I was fantasizing about the day I will be Mrs. Lewis. After the wedding, Anthony, Heather, and myself all went to California Pizza Kitchen and had a lovely dinner together. Nothing like my two favorite California people and a wedding to make the day amazing.

Anyway, I should get started on the day and get things accomplished. Off to the bank, gym, grocery store and various other exciting locations. Have a lovely day!