Friday, June 25, 2010

Pants on the Ground

So last night was date night. Every Thursday night Anthony and I venture out to spend time away from our house doing things that we enjoy. Granted, since he has been unemployed, it has been much more cheap outings and less wine and dine. Last night we went to grab a quick bite to eat and headed to Huntington Beach to take a walk on the beach at night. It was a lovely evening and really nice outside as we strolled down the sand. We decided after a while on the sand to head up to the pier and walk down and back before going home. It was about 10:30 pm by this time.

We were about half way down Huntington Beach Pier when I decided to lean against the railing on the side and look out onto the dark pacific. I always feel really small by the ocean and to be honest, there is a fear in my gut sometimes at how large it really is and how dark it is at night. I still just love the beach and would rather be there than anywhere in California. I noticed when we walked up to the railing that there was a couple about 2 benches down from where we were standing and they were very close together and appeared to be making out. I made that my cue to stop paying attention and focus on my date, the lovely Mr. Lewis.

We stood there talking and looking at the ocean when Anthony said stealthily "Erica, do you see that those people are going to have sex on the pier?" I thought certainly he is overreacting but looked anyway because let's be would. I looked over and the girl appeared to be unbuttoning and unzipping the man's pants. His pants were already riding low on his waist and I quickly turned away and said "Oh my goodness, I think they are!" It was like that moment when you really feel sick to your stomach about the car accident or fight happening but you just have to look because it's our human nature. I looked, and looked again. Each time I did, his pants were coming further off and she seemed to be helping.

Eventually I stopped looking because even from about 50 feet away I could tell that he was completely uncovered in his unmentionables! All of the sudden, they start to come towards us. I thought to myself "Oh no they aren't...we aren't interested!" but they kept walking with his pants clearly down. I then noticed that the girl who was involved was extremely annoyed and yelling at the man to "hurry up before someone calls the cops!" They weren't having sex after all..this man was absolutely ridiculously drunk and showing his penis to the entire world. I looked behind me because I heard the commotion and sure enough, I got a glimpse of everything that guy owned. Based on what I was forced to view, this really should be a SHORTER story if you know what I mean.

So, they kept walking and the girl who was about 5 foot and 100 lbs soaking wet was trying to hold this guy up who was probably the better part of 6 foot and at least 190. She was rolling her eyes and trying to coax him into not only stopping the indecent exposure but walking to a place where he could get home. Right at that exact moment,I heard a sickening thud. The man fell with his pants down face first onto the concrete. OUCH! Part of me wanted to laugh very hard because I figure...he had it coming for making me take part of that tiny debacle and the other part of me felt really sorry for this girl. I started to laugh as soon as they got out of my view and earshot and Anthony and I both started singing "Pants on the ground, Pants on the ground..looking like a fool with your pants on the ground."

Anthony and I both felt very sad for that girl and all I could say was "I would totally break up with him tomorrow." This, first of all, added some spice to our Thursday but also made me very sad to realize that not everyone has a decent, loving, and classy man like mine and the world is really all about excess including myself. I am just glad that chocolate doesn't make you expose your genitals or I would be in trouble!

Never a dull night in California!

I Don't Wanna Grow Up!

I have been thinking a lot lately about adulthood. As I stare 30 square in the face, I have decided I do NOT want to grow up. The last couple of years have been the most "grown up" of my life. I got married in 2008, lost my first child in 2009, and Anthony lost his job in February of this year. It has been a rough couple of adult years. In saying that, I have been looking around at the children in my life and thinking of how jealous I am of where they are.

My biggest worries paired with theirs ends up being a funny parallel.

Money: I worry a lot about Money. I worry if we can pay the rent, afford my medication, keep our cars running, get more clients, get Anthony a new job, etc... when my niece and nephew are only really worrying about when their mommies are going to put more Gerber puffy snacks on their walker tray. ah, the life.

Health: I worry about my blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, sodium, weight, etc... while my niece is worrying that she can't get her toes entirely in her mouth.

Career: I worry about being the best I can be at my job, helping my clients efficiently, and knocking out my dreams one by one. My nephew is only really focused on getting the box underneath the tv so he can stand on it and be that much closer to woody.

Children: I worry that I will never be ready to have another child, I worry that I will lose more of them before I have one that lives, I worry that maybe I will never have children, I worry that I am getting too old to start on having children, etc..and my niece is just looking around frantically for the pink doggie rattle that she really wants so she can chew on his ear.

Losing Weight: I worry as I work out daily that it won't pay off, I worry that I have destroyed my body forever by being negligent the first 29 years, I worry that I am going to have serious consequences for allowing it. Shawn (my nephew) on the other hand, can't gain weight and eats metric tons of everything he gets handed while wearing every single drop he can all over his face.

Having a breakdown: I worry that all the pain I am in from some losses will all collapse on me and I will be not be able to function. I worry that all of the things that have occurred over the last 30 years will one day be too much and I won't be able to hold it all together. Shawn & Kaylea on the other hand, have no shame....every time their teeth hurt from a new tooth coming through they scream bloody murder and know that their mommies are going to tell them it will be all ok and hand them a cold carrot to munch on. I wish someone would hand me "my cold carrot" somedays.

Life is hard....adulthood is harder....I am going to have more Shawn & Kaylea moments.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Twenty Things I wish I knew at Twenty!

So I was incredibly inspired tonight by a blog I read at Mighty Girl and thought I would do my own list of things that I wish I knew at age 20. I am coming up on 30 in a hot second and it is starting to make me be very insightful and think about what I learned during my 20's and how it shaped who I am at 30. By the way, August 9th is the big day and gifts should include things to dry tears like handkerchiefs and things to comfort like chocolate and coffee. Honestly though, I am kind of excited about 30. There is something about getting older that makes me really hopeful for the future. I am looking forward to having children, spending time with my awesome hubs, and creating the best career ever in my 30's. Now, onto the lessons I feel I wish I would have known sooner. Feel free to comment and let me know what you wish you would have known at 20, 30, 40, etc... I would love all of the 30's advice I can get...Enjoy...

1. It doesn't matter how bad you look in the photo/video; take them anyway: We all look stupid about 95% of our lives. That is completely ok. I think that looking back on your life is so important and seeing the crazy hair do's and more importantly don'ts and being able to make fun of your sister's Bon Jovi look alike fringe jacket is completely priceless.

2. Savor every single moment of time with your grandparents: I miss my grandma and grandpas so much and realize that those moments seemed to fly by. If I could go back and savor more of that time and get all of the wisdom that I feel I missed, I would be one happy chick.

3. Eating healthfully is always the best thing: When I was in my early 20s I don't think I ever thought about cholesterol, sodium, fat, etc...I just ate what tasted good to me and man do those pounds pack on and then one day you hit 30 and realize that your metabolism is like an imaginary friend; goes away right when you need it never to be seen again.

4. Don't ever be sorry for following the rules: I used to be so embarrassed that I am a rule follower. When everyone else would do things when the teacher wasn't looking, I really wanted to join in because I felt dorky for thinking that was wrong. Now, I am the teacher. Don't do things when I'm not looking! I love rules and rules are meant for order and they are not for the faint of heart. It is much easier to do what you want than what is right.

5. Don't allow people into your life that enjoy hurting you. I have done some serious clean up over my 20's of people who claimed to be a friend to me but really enjoyed talking behind my back or creating stories that were interesting or painful. I have learned that if someone even remotely likes to hurt you, they are NOT A GOOD CHOICE. They may be fun, exciting, friendly, interesting etc...but honestly, it won't end well.

6. Family is so much less about blood and so much more about unwavering support. I am incredibly lucky to have family that I absolutely love but I am also lucky to have friends who I adore. I have great in laws and even though many of the people I call family look absolutely nothing like me, I am one lucky girl to have them. Mom, Dad, sisters, aunts, uncles etc...are great but I really appreciate those that choose me!

7. Depression is serious business and don't ever be afraid to admit that you are. For years I battled bouts of serious depression and never gave it a second glance. I would keep getting up, going to classes, or functioning well below my ability. Today, I realize I am depressed, cry it out, get help, and walk on enjoying my life while I kick depression in its ungrateful teeth.

8. Grieve your losses. Really grieve them. There is NO way around them. When I was 19 I lost my grandpa and spent the next 8 years literally in heart breaking pain trying to run away from it. Last year I lost my child and walked through it with grace by doing what came naturally...putting my head under the covers, wailing like someone was beating me, and screaming that it wasn't fair. I still miss my little one but I feel better every day unlike before.

9. There is absolutely no substitute for a good marriage. Marrying Anthony has been the best thing I ever did FOR myself. He balances me, helps me, loves me, supports me, and is my best friend through life. Waiting for him was so smart and not settling for anything less than exactly what I wanted made all of the difference.

10. Sex is PERSONAL. This is such a sacred topic and to share it with others when the one you love is the only one it belongs to is completely nasty and distasteful. I am no prude...but that is Anthony's treasure.

11. Las Vegas should be enjoyed it small doses. There is absolutely no person in the world that really can enjoy more than 2-3 days of Las Vegas. Sleep is so important and filling your lungs with the noxious gases of the casino is really not something you can do for more than 36 hours. Enjoy and go home.

12. Weddings are far less important than vows. I was engaged many moons ago and many know that he cancelled our wedding 1 day (Yes, he is a douche and yes I said one freaking day) before the ceremony. Looking back, I don't care. Thank God that he did because I got my Anthony out of it whom I married under neath the Vegas sign in none of the nonsense that encompasses "bridezilla's of today" and let me tell you what....EVERY single day...I love being married. I have friends who spent thousands both on their wedding and now their divorces.

13. Premarital therapy should be required by law. I spent 2 years with Anthony before we got married and 1.5 of those in therapy together and I found out things in that room that would aid me in my marriage for years to come. I have probably yet to find out all of the benefits of what happened in those sessions. Yes, I am biased but therapy works.

14. It isn't easy to get pregnant. Dear 20 year old Erica, first of all lose some freakin are going to be 30 one day and it won't be pretty. Secondly, do not think that when you meet your awesome gorgeous hubby and get married that you will one day come home and say "Let's have a baby" and then you will have awesome passionate baby making sex and then the stick will turn pink. What will happen is that you will try diligently for 6-7 months to make a baby while not really enjoying it because it should not be work and then after you give up and get out of grad school with your stressed out will then get pregnant!" There are only 12 opportunities in a year to get pregnant...get a grip... it takes time.

15. Being a mother is the hardest thing you will ever do. I got pregnant last year and ended up losing my child after the first trimester ...the "safe" one was over. It broke my stinkin heart. I loved that child from the moment of peeing on the stick so losing it was like losing my own heart. I was a mother from day one. I will always be a mother and I do not have more respect for anyone over good mothers. I salute you!

16. Marriage is hard when its easy. I say this to 100% of my clients and I mean it. I am married to the nicest man on the planet and he still drives me crazy. He is sweet, kind, compassionate, a great husband and father, and yet...being married is still REALLY HARD WORK. Don't rush the journey to marriage. Enjoy the singleness and then dig your heels in and enjoy the difficulty of marriage.

17. You will never be perfect! Nuff said.

18. There are men out there who think that women who eat are sexy. Yes there are tons of men who prefer skinny and fit and athletic but there are just as many who like thick thighs, big booties, and a great sense of humor and confidence in who they are.

19. Do what you love, even if you feel like you look stupid doing it.I love to dance and I am pretty stinkin good at it...and I avoided it for years because of my weight. That is a stupid choice on my part. Do what you love always!

20. Honesty is the sexiest thing in the world. Knowing that I don't have to doubt my husband's words is everything. I make it a point that he never have to doubt mine either. When you are young you lie a's stupid. Just be honest. It is seriously absolutely sexy!

The end! Help me readers, what have you learned!!!