Monday, January 31, 2005

Honest people make me smile

Yesterday I had the distinct privelage of going on a date with my friend. We had a great time. I was able to share a meal, laughs, and a walk around spectrum with him. We had great conversation, great laughs, and numerous other pleasant times. I found out that the overall characteristic that I am looking for in a partner/friend is HONESTY. Honesty is terribly underrated. A lot of people view honest people as rude or obnoxious and often refer to them as blunt...but I think that's falsehood. I think it's refreshing to find someone who isn't afraid to be themselves and is proud of their uniqueness. I know we all have flaws and we all have things we shouldn't be doing but least some are honest about their selfishness or their desires.

I am really tired of a world that uses God to get to others. I am tired of a world that uses lies and flattery to get somewhere very easy to get to with honesty. Be smart people! I mean, it's entirely easier for me to be attracted to someone who is brutally honest and genuine than superficial and fake. I am completely disgusted by these kind of interactions.

One of the most important men in my life, is a man of great honesty. Many people feel he is crass, abrasive, arrogant, and rude and maybe he is? I don't know. I don't view him that way. I look at him and think, "I wish I could be half that honest with others and myself!" He is someone who is very truthful with me in telling me when I am being wrong, stupid, or stubborn. He is also the same person who will come rescue me in a bad place, talk me through large amounts of tears, and bring me medicine if I am sick. This friend is one of the only friends I have had who is so multi-faceted. I didn't really start this post talking about him, but oh well..he fits the mold.

My other friend, who is new, is the one I went out with last night. He is adorable, sweet, funny, creative, and completely honest. For that reason, I can't help being hugely attracted to him. It's so nice to be attracted to someone and really be attracted to THEM because that is exactly what you get. I am hoping that I am displaying the actual woman that I am. I want to be authentic and genuine in all of my interactions. Now, I should note, there is a difference in being authentic and genuine and just plain rude. There is also a difference in telling people the truth and disclosing to much about yourself and opening yourself up to hurt.

We all must be very wise and guard our hearts above all else. We must forge forward knowing that we are doing the right thing by being ourselves but also present the best self that we have. I am not encouraging anyone to go out and tell everyone exactly what they are feeling or what is on their plate so to speak. I am asking you to be authentic in all of your interactions.

I challenge everyone reading this to be yourself (completely) for one day! It's absolutely refreshing and it will bring other people around to be themselves as well. You will find out the people you truly admire and love through this experience. For that matter, you'll find out who admires and loves you!

Well, I should get going because I have a "meeting" today but I hope you all have a great day and enjoy my learning and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 30, 2005:

1. I have a good time with certain people and I am so thankful for them in my life.

2. There is the cutest shirt at Urban Outfitters that I really want that says "Hoosier Daddy..Indiana" --Isn't that awesome???

3. There are certain exercises that I found out about yesterday that burn a lot of calories.

4. Tupac Resurrection is a great documentary and I really liked it.

5. I never thought I would really get into novels but I have been enjoying them a lot lately.

Thankfulness January 30, 2005:

Thank you to Steven for a great night. It was nice to have a date with someone who makes me laugh and listens. I had a great time eating with you, sitting and listening to Jewel (ha ha) with you, shopping for just the right gym shorts, among the other great parts of the night. I really do appreciate your friendship and my life has been different since you entered it for sure. Thanks for a great time! :) Thank you God for a good friend!


Sunday, January 30, 2005

It's none of your business

Hey everyone! I know that the title of today's blog sounds catty and to be honest, it is! I am having problems with people getting into my business recently and hurting me with lies and horrible opinions. Well, I don't know that opinions can be horrible but you know what they say about them. I ended up not making my journey to San Deigo today to hang out with Kev. It ended up that Kev and I are going through a misunderstanding and I did not have the desire to go down there.

Yesterday I had a hard day learning new things and what people think of me. I found out I really do have a great friend in a person that I viewed as only a surface friend and I have a few relationships with people that I need to get rid of. It's crazy how people will treat you even though you have done them NO wrong. Oh well, that's life and the saddness I was speaking of yesterday. I heard from Heather today and I miss her so much. I am sure you all know that my friends, Heather and Josh, went to London for the semester. I am already missing them so much and their great friendship. I am learning how much they both meant to me.

I have been bad the last few days on exercise since I ran out of my free gym membership on Thursday. I have went 2 days with no exercise. I am so bad if I don't have something I am paying for or a place to go to keep me accountable. I really want to lose this weight though so I need to get serious. I have to be honest, I am in a state of a sorta depression right now. I am sad about a few things. I am sad that I don't have enough income, sad that Jarrid is sad, sad that Joel is hurt, sad that Britt is sick, sad that I haven't hung out with Joel in over a month, sad that my "friend" hurt me, sad that I don't have a boyfriend for V-day, sad that I have so many surface relationships with men, sad, sad, sad. I am just going to hold tight to the fact that God loves me and loves the people in my life and things will pan out. It's so hard when things look so bleak.

This week I am going into full force, find a job mode while not getting myself so stressed. I have to remember that God is Jehovah Jireh, my provider because He has never let me go without. I have plenty of friends praying for me and I know that God will intervene through their prayers! Anyway, I am pretty stressed right now but trying to remember that stress is nothing but lies from the Devil and will kill, steal, and destroy! I have to be relaxed and know God is God!

Overall, these are my thoughts for the day. I love you all dearly and if you haven't taken a gander at all the new pages on my web-page, check it out at It's a blast!

Well here are my learning experiences and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 29, 2005:

1. I am a woman of character and I will not stoop to catty things to get vengence.

2. I am going to start being discrete about my personal business.

3. I am glad I have steven as a friend, he is one of the best!

4. I love to read and forgot how enjoyable it is when I lost track of it.

5. People really do get very close to their abusers and it's hard to walk out on someone you believe in.

Thankfulness January 29, 2005:

I am very thankful for my friend Steven. Steven stands up for me, makes me laugh, affirms me, makes me feel good, makes me feel wanted, and is completely and utterly honest. I am thankful for his presence in my life for whatever season he is here for. I am thankful for his strong position in my life and the way he has impacted me on a personal level. I am thankful that I am not "falling in love" with him but rather happy loving him as my friend!

~shalom~ all and God bless~

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Gosh, life is sad!

Well ya'll it's Saturday again and for me that is weigh in day. This week I maintained which is a plus although I would have rather lost since I worked out every day at the gym! Oh well, I have to deal with the fact that my body is different than everyone elses. Let's see what has happened since I last wrote. Well, this weekend (Sunday) I am heading down to San Deigo to spend some time with my new friend, Kevin. He is awesome and I plan to have a lot of fun. I am going to go to church with him. Yesterday I spent the day catching up with some things, web-paging, talking with friends, reading books, and relaxing. I decided that this weekend was a weekend of relaxation before I get back into a stressful mode of finding a job even if it's flipping burgers in the day time. I am really in need of a second job so I have to go full force, although I thought that was what I was doing.

My kidneys are getting healthier by the day. I am feeling much better and hope that this week will be a week to lose some weight since the infection seems to be gone and other factors seem to be clearing as well. My blog title is life is sad because I have learned that life is really sad and you just have to deal with that. First of all, my friend Jarrid's brother passed away last week. It was horrible and he was very young and I just was able to talk with Jarrid yesterday and it was such a sad conversation and I love Jarrid so much that my heart literally is hurting for him. Also, Joel hurt himself and everyone knows how much I love Joel. Also, a professor from Vanguard passed away from Cancer and you have to wonder about things like that. Also, my little sister is really sick right now with her lungs and they think mono so I don't know, maybe I am just a little stressed at the people hurting in my life.

Yesterday I also made a huge step and terminated my relationship with Jaylie, the little girl that I was mentoring. My life has thrown me some curveballs recently to the point of me not being able to invest very well in another needy human. I love her so much and it was sad to let her go but I have resolved not to be another person in her life that has disregarded her or abandoned her. I am going to keep in touch and try to be a constant in her life in a more removed way. Overall the world is filled with saddness, yet today I find myself at peace with it. I am going to spend my day just walking at the beach, reading a good book, cleaning my room, doing laundry, preparing for my trip tomorrow, doing self maintenance, and relaxing. I have a lot on my mind and even more on my plate but I can handle it.

Well, here are the last few days learning and thankfulness. Enjoy and I love you all! ~Shalom~

Learning January 27, 2005:

1. Just when you start to worry, just relax and your worries will stop happening!

2. Some people have a hard time having a serious discussion.

3. I love time with a certain boy even if I shouldn't.

4. Thursdays are such a good feeling day to me.

5. It feels good to see Christopher get a good grade and see his self-accomplished smile!

Learning January 28, 2005:

1. I got through a hard time pretty effectively recently and learned I have been growing up.

2. Christopher loves my scrambled eggs and said he could eat them everyday!

3. I love working on my web-page. It's so much fun!

4. I like family pictures, they make me feel close to my family.

5. I love Jarrid so much it hurts me sometimes!

Thankfulness January 27, 2005:

I am thankful for a semi-serious discussion I had with a certain male in my life. It felt good to know he was questioning the same things I was. It felt good to know that I had passed his mind and it might someday work out. WHo knows...I am thankful for the discussion nonetheless.

Thankfulness January 28, 2005:

I am thankful that Jarrid is able to talk to me. I am thankful that he trusts me with his inner heart and knows I love him greatly and would never hurt him. I am thankful that he really is a part of my family and that he has been given to us so greatly. I am thankful that God viewed it necessary for me to meet Jarrid Davis and share his life. I am thankful that God removed him from the situation he was in, in such a way that he lives a clean life and a productive one. I am proud of Jarrid and thankful for who he is regardless of his circumstances. I love you dear boy and thank you God!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Why do I love Thursdays?

For some reason, Thursdays are one of my favorite days. They always feel like relieving! I always feel like there is so little of the week left and it makes me feel calm. It makes me feel like I am on the downhill portion of a walk. Well, it is interesting since they call Wednesday ..hump day. It makes sense, since I always feel like I have gotten over the hump! It's not like my weeks are very stressful right now. I am not very busy just due to only having the nanny job right now. I basically take Christopher to school in the morning, hit the gym, spend my day cleaning up the house or doing things for Richard, job hunting, talking to friends, and then pick him up from school and I work until about 8:00 at night. At that point, I might talk on the phone for a bit, pick up a book and read, watch a movie, go out, and usually hit the pillow pretty early since I have been working out a lot.

Yesterday I got to talk to Joel and we haven't really talked a lot lately since he has been out of town forever. We haven't hung out since January 4th and that wasn't even a hang out since he picked me up from the airport when I got back from Indiana. I miss my boy! Anyway, I talked with him briefly yesterday and found out he injured himself snowboarding up north. He fell on his left side and bruised tissue and isn't feeling so great. Please keep him in your prayers for a quick recovery because let's be honest, you can't keep Forbes down! He is a waiter so this could really bother him at work. Just please pray as my heart is burdened for him.

I haven't heard anything from any of the jobs I have applied or interviewed for. I am getting a bit discouraged but you know, I have to trust that God has perfect timing. I am wondering if this is my clue to get going on Grad School and take the time to get my education knocked out. I am not sure the plan at this point and I have lost a little of my footing with some crisis areas but I am sure to figure things out in a month or so.

In other news, today was my last day on my guest pass at 24 hour fitness. I love that place. I have decided to join them as soon as I get a paycheck and can take care of the processing fee and then the monthly dues. I am nervous as I really want to join and be active there. I want to go everyday and work on my body. I have to pray that things will work out and I will be able to join them this next pay period. I hated spending my last day there this morning. I really want to just be a member and have a good time! Oh well, sacrifices are needed some times. Yesterday I had to go and spend the money I would have joined with to get a new tire on my car. It was pretty shot and I am planning a day trip down to San Diego this weekend and I MUST have a good working car for the drive.

I am going to San Deigo this weekend to spend a day with my friend Kevin. He is precious and I can't wait to hang out with him. It will be a fun day. We are going to church together at Kevin's church and going to a church picnic. We are also attending sunday school and hopefully just chilling and learning about each other some more! Kevin is a gem and I can't wait to spend some time with him. Something to look forward to!

Basically that is what is going on in my life. I hope you are all doing well and make sure and email me with updates on your life if we haven't talked or give me a call! Have a blessed day and ~Shalom~ (below are learning experiences and thankfulness)

Learning January 26, 2005:

1. The day that Adolfo proposed was exactly 4 years ago. I got through the day without even thinking about it. I am so proud of myself!

2. I like to walk on the treadmill with an incline. I can almost feel my butt getting stronger and my thighs getting tough!

3. The Bat signal has never been so funny!

4. It doesn't feel good to feel unwanted. I would like to be wanted all the time.

5. People really have a hard time with compliments. I think we should all work on saying thank you and remembering that people mean what they say nicely about you!

Thankfulness January 26, 2005:

I am thankful that I heard from Joel. I am also thankful that he is ok from his injury and not hurt even worse. I am thankful (like he is) that when he fell he didn't break his glasses (because he left his contacts in LA) and that he didn't break his Ipod which is so important to him. I am thankful that Joel is alive and well and he is still in my life. I am thankful for the moments I have Joel. He is precious and a blessing to me! Thanks God for this beautiful man!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Catch up-- Jan 23, 24 and 25!

Hey everyone. Sorry I have been M.I.A for the last few days. I have been busy with job interviews and mostly just down. Here are my learning and thankfulness to catch up:

Learning January 23, 2005:

1. One of my favorite things is picking Christopher up and spending an hour in the car with him on the way home

2. Music really is the reason I have a good time sometimes

3. God is amazing and draws me to him no matter what I do.

4. After 6 days of great workouts, a 7th day requires some rest --- God had something going there!

5. I would recommend seeing the movie Jersey girl with Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, and Liv Tyler...(and it's awesome because George Carlin is in it)

Learning January 24, 2005:

1. Steven really is a lot of fun and I find out new things about him every time we hang out.

2. I have grown up a lot in the last week!

3. It's interesting what taking a huge step will do for your self-confidence level.

4. My new friend Kevin has a great heart for children and I admire that.

5. There is much to say for a man who will give of his own time and teach little ones!

Learning January 25, 2005:

1. Physical exhaustion almost feels good.

2. Richard is a great father and makes so much sense when disciplining Chris. I am learning what a father looks like.

3. Jason is a great friend because of his honesty level. Sometimes it kills me, but it's good. Just like Joel, I will have to get used to it.

4. The movie Bounce is just great! What a great film with Affleck and Paltrow.

5. I might be slowly falling in love with Ben Affleck. I used to hate him but these last two movies I have seen, have made me into him. He is white...can you believe it?

Thankfulness January 23, 2005:

I am thankful for my spiritual gifts. I have the spiritual gifts of affirmation, intercession, and discernment mostly but there are a few others. I am really happy to have these gifts because although sometimes I need affirmation...I am great at giving it and making others feel good about their strengths. I never blow smoke up someones rear end but I Certainly tell them when I am impressed with them. God has trusted me with some great spiritual gifts and I just wanted to take this time to thank him!

Thankfulness January 24, 2005:

I am thankful for feeling beautiful when I am not the most perfect female. I can currently look in the mirror and see the beauty that God made. I can see the good qualities in myself and I can see the improvements I have made physically. I can finally see that I will be a great wife and mother (thanks to a friend and his spiritual gift) I can see the person deep down that really is there. Thank you God for a glimpse of the me that you see!

Thankfulness January 25, 2005:

I am thankful for 24 hour fitness. I am thankful that Jason (my rep.) is the coolest guy ever and has made me feel at home at the gym. I love going to 24 hour fitness and working out for an hour or so. I love the way I feel when I leave and the way I feel welcome when I am there. I love walking/jogging on the treadmill and pushing myself to new levels. I love that even if I don't lose a pound, I am getting healthier. I am thankful that health and fitness have become a priority to me!

Have a great day ya'll and be thankful and learn something!

Hanging in the balance

Have you ever woke up in the morning just scared at where you lie? I have! Have you ever wondered what is to come of you? I have. Have you ever thought that maybe your life was just a game of russian roulette? I have. I am feeling all of these things today! I am in a very interesting mood with all of the million things going on in my life. I have so much on my plate but really nothing at all so plenty of time to think about it. As you all know, I am currently seeking out a second job. I have been to a few interviews and posted my resume in a million places and called on jobs in the classifieds and so far, nothing. I have to trust that God has a perfect plan in all of this suffering but I am having a hard time seeing it.

On other news as well, you are all probably aware that Adolfo and I have almost been apart a year. As the big day approaches I realize to myself that it's not only a year from losing a person I loved very much but also Valentines Day. There is a saddness that reigns over this day for me like no other. I don't have a person to spend my V-day with so it's just me and the books. I know that's pathetic and maybe I should get a date for V-day but something inside of me is so sick of dating people that only feel a CHEMISTRY with me physically. Yeah, well you can feel that with anyone! Gosh, I am so angry on this topic!

I can't wait for the man that God has for me because he must be great for all the heartbreak and waiting I feel like I am going through. I know that a lot of people go through heartbreak and waiting and they get through it just fine to find Mr. Wonderful on the other side. Something inside of me is telling me that he just isn't out there. Men want a woman who is weak willed and small it seems. I don't mean small in size because my weight isn't the issue. Men want someone who can't be the way I am. I am so strong and so much to handle that many people just feel a physical or friendship connection with me and could never love me. It's disturbing and starting to make me sad and depressed.

I always open up really well on this blog and kinda throw my heart out there but I feel like if I don't say what's on my mind, I might explode. There is so much going on in my heart and mind right now. I can't even describe some of the pain that is coursing through my body and heart. I have met a lot of people recently that are really good people but are people that have that physical or friendship connection with me and nothing else. I know this sounds horrible but I have ENOUGH guy friends! I love my boys and am growing to love these 2 new boys but seriously, I have enough! I really need to get back to focusing on building strong female relationships.

I am horrible at female relationships and some of you know why. It's a really hard thing for me to trust females and if you are a female in my life, you are exceptionally lucky that I trust you. If I didn't trust you, you wouldn't have this blog address! For those of you females out there reading this, I love you very much. Thank you for the friendship that you provide me. It's good stuff!

So, at this point in my life, here is the plan. I always have a plan but this plan isn't my plan. It's God's! I am going to start over on this quest for meaningful female and male relationships. I am going to stop focusing so hard on finding Mr. Right and start appreciating the men in my life and what they bring to my life. So what, they don't love me romantically...almost all of them LOVE me! I am going to stop letting anyone see the physicality and make them get to know my heart. If they don't want to know my heart...get to steppin! I am going to stop having meaningless conversations with people who don't love or appreciate me. I am going to start focusing on my stability in God and become the beautiful woman of God that I used to strive for and continue making myself more and more focused. I am going to fall in love with the only man worth my time right now, JESUS CHRIST!

To all of my guys; here is my note to each of I sit and ponder life...

Joel: You are amazing and I gave you my heart so long ago. Thank you for being my every need in a friend. You are always there for me and I won't forget it. I love you dear boy!

Jarrid: Is there any way that any man could be stronger? No, I don't think so. Thank you for being my protector and my partner in crime! I love you!

Josh: How I miss you! As you sit in London a million miles from me, I still feel like we are close. Thanks for being in my heart and always telling me what I need to hear!

Jason: You are new to me but precious nonetheless. Thanks for being sensitive yet abrasive, hard ...yet so soft, gorgeous yet such a nerd! I am going to enjoy you! Welcome to my life! Thanks for bringing more of God into it!

Kevin: Again, new, but wonderful. You are an image of godliness and I appreciate that. Thank you for reminding me who I am in Christ! You always make me feel beautiful and for that, I thank you. I am gonna love you soon kid!

and last but certainly not least...

Steven: How special you will always be! I have enjoyed our times together and more so our talks. You are precious and have much to offer the right lady! It's been a blast and we will continue to be friends and connected as long as I breathe! Thanks sweety!

Well, that is my note to my boys that I appreciate regardless if they LOVE me. I need to remember that sometimes the love that my boys have for me, is better than any romantic love could be right now! Thank you guys!

My next post will be the catching up of my learning experiences and thankfulness for the last few days. Enjoy and I love you all ~Shalom~

Sunday, January 23, 2005

A little better today

Hi everyone. I am sorry for the drastic piece of writing that was yesterday's post. I was very discouraged and seriously just wanted to document it because one day I will look back on it, weighing 125 lbs and think, "I did it!" Yesterday I dealt with my saddness in the best way possible. After blogging, I left for the gym and did 3 challening miles on the treadmill. After that I headed home and ate the rest of my pizza because I deserved it and then headed to the beach for another walk, 1 mile at an incline. I feel like I am having the right attitude and that will help me in the long run.

Today I have already been to the gym. I only did one mile as my legs feel all crampy and painful due to the intense workouts I have had this week. Tonight I think I am going to go for a leisurely stroll in Balboa and maybe do a resistance training tape in the comfort of my own home. I love 24 hour fitness and feel like I am going to make a go of this health thing. Basically I grew up in the midwest where being healthy means you only smoke when you're drunk! See, you think I am kidding?!

Anyway, that's me for today. I am kinda frustrated with people today. I find that people are really disrespectful to other people. I choose to be someone who is respector of people. I treat people as I would like to be treated. For that reason, I maintain friendships well. Well, some of my friends are just unthinking and disrespectful. I should note, it's none of you reading this. The person who has wronged me, has no idea about this blog. I am just frustrated with him and hope that now that I have shared my heart with him, he'll know how important it is to respect me and find it a priority in his life. Oh well, I'll get over it!

Anyway, here are my learning and thankfulness for yesterday..enjoy

Learning January 22, 2005:

1. I hate disrespect

2. I really hate when you like someone and the circumstances just don't allow you to be together

3. I really am having doubts that there is a man out there I could marry except the one I think about night and day! :(

4. I love Latin music to run/walk to--it makes me feel sassy ;)

5. I don't like when people settle..including myself

Thankfulness January 22, 2005:

I am thankful for my new friend Kevin. Kevin is a beautiful, intelligent, God-fearing, great man and I am happy to have him in my life. I am not sure what is going to amount out of our relationship but I am sure that I really like having him in my life. He is going to be a huge asset to my character and push me towards greatness which are the kinds of people I really like having around. Kevin is interesting and I can't wait to get to know more about him. Thank God for Kevin and thank you Kevin for blessing me with your presence!

Have a great day everyone and ~Shalom~

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Spinning into a spiral of depression

The horrible thing about being a psych major is that you know when you are screwed up. Today is Saturday and to Erica...that = weigh in day. I got up this morning and I was completely excited to get on the scale. I have worked out every day this week. I haven't eaten perfectly...ok lets be honest, some days I downright ate badly but I had worked out everyday so I was sure I would at least lose 1-2 lbs. Well, NOT!!!! I gained 2 lbs this week. I am so sad right now and I have realized that I am completely done with being obese. It is wrecking my life in about 2 million ways. I have no idea how to live any more in this fat shell. I know this sounds harsh and I am probably the most unhealthy today as I have ever been about losing this weight but I am so frustrated. It's like I work so hard, and achieve nothing. This week I am going to kick this weight's butt but I am warning my blogging public, If I don't ...I am scared of what I might feel like doing.

I have gotten to the point to where an eating disorder sounds like the only way to go. Being diabetic really challenges me daily but moreso when we delve into the world of fat-loss. I have no idea how to make this work. I lost over 100 lbs at one time and now I have gotten to the point where I have to graze on grass and exercise like crazy or I don't even lose one pound. Now a lot of people that I have talked to have mentioned that I am probably gaining muscle since I am running and (says in a whiny voice) muscle weighs more than fat. It's hard to get your very unhealthy mind and self esteem to believe that. In my head, I just say, "Nah, it's the pizza I ate." I feel like at this point that I can't even enjoy food. I don't drink anything but water, I don't eat pork products, I limit my intake of red meat, etc...and yet...I gain weight.

My life is getting to be a huge disappointment. I am going through this trial membership at 24 hour fitness that is keeping me working out daily and then I am joining the gym next week full time so that my body can start to get used to being healthy. I realize that the man goal is for me to be healthy and I am getting there but there is a part of me inside that just wants to look great in a dress or a swimsuit or just to myself. I would appreciate your prayers for my mind right now as it's really distorted and my heart as it is breaking from loss of effort.

I really miss my friends right now because they are all over the place. Heather and Josh are in England, Joel is up north, my other friends are in Indiana, Hannah is always busy, etc...and I am lonely and starving for some encouragement. I am so sad right now I can barely do anything on this blog but complain. Anyway, I will close the post for today since it's getting depressing. Have a beautiful day everyone and here are my learning and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 21, 2005:

1. I CAN do 4 miles on the treadmill even if my body doesn't want to do it.

2. You can't listen to the same cd 3 work out days in a row without getting sick of it.

3. I really like the show "Queer Eye for the Straight Girl" ...I need a makeover!

4. I really miss my friends right now and could use a night out with any of them!

5. I am a good interviewer however it's hard to find the right job!

Thankfulness January 21, 2005:

I am thankful for an interview that I had yesterday that built my confidence a bit. I had an interview with a company that wanted to hire me, however, it wasn't the right fit with Christopher's schedule. Being asked to work there was nice though because it built some confidence in me for the next interviews. I am also thankful because I have a meeting with Kimco Staffing on Tuesday of next week and they think they will be able to find me a receptionist/assistant position in no time. Let's pray that is true. Thank you God for my work skills and making me look good on paper!

People, please pray for me! I need it ~Shalom~

Friday, January 21, 2005

Sitting on the dock of the bay!

Today I was driving to my interview in Anaheim and listening to oldies radio because sometimes I do that. I heard a song that many of us will know and it's by Otis Redding. It was a good old song and topped the charts in 1968. Even though it's an old song, I was amazed at how much it reflected exactly what I am feeling today. Here are the lyrics for those of you who don' t remember this oldie but goodie:

Sittin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time
I left my home in Georgia (Indiana)
Headed for the 'Frisco bay'(Newport Bay)
Cause I've had nothing to live for
And look like nothin's gonna come my way

So I'm just gonna sit on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time

Look like nothing's gonna change
Everything still remains the same
I can't do what ten people tell me to do
So I guess I'll remain the same, yes

Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
It's two thousand miles I roamed
Just to make this dock my home
Now, I'm just gonna sit at the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away

Oooo-wee, sittin' on the dock of the bayWastin' time(whistle)

See what I mean? This is absolutely like my life. I really do somedays just sit on the docks and watch the tide roll in. My life is so beautiful. I should never complain about lonliness cause it can be a pretty picture! Otis Redding sure painted it marvelous. Music moves me.

Anyway, I had that interview today in Anaheim and it was a no go. The job wasn't part time and I really have to have part time with Christopher with me most of the time. I have another job interview on Tuesday the 25th at 11:00 a.m. if you think about praying! I have no idea if this one fits me either. I just know it's a receptionist/assistant type job. I am really frustrated with the whole job searching task. It's so funny how many times I have been through this on this blog alone. Weird huh?!

Well that is my day and here are my learning and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 20, 2005:

1. Just when you think all has failed, just wait..something else will fail :)

2. My Friend Jason is a blast, I love his humor

3. Life hands you some serious blows and it's scary

4. I love my Jarrid and I miss him

5. I kinda miss Steven, can't wait until Saturday!

Thankfulness January 20, 2005:

I am thankful that Jarrid is ok even though his life has been handed a serious blow. I love him so much and I miss him! Jarrid is one of my best friends in my life and I am so thankful for him. I miss you sweetheart and I love you!


Thursday, January 20, 2005

oh how life goes by

Life has been interesting today. I woke up this morning as usual and did all of the "chris chores." I headed to 24 hour fitness to get my workout and talk with a representative about joining the gym full time. I have decided that would be a very beneficial move just as soon as I have the money. I ended up doing 3 miles today and felt so good when I left aside from a giant blister that has decided to live directly on the bottom of my foot. It's ok though, I am a tough chick!

After the gym I came home and started applying to every job that tickled my fancy so to speak. I ended up getting a call this afternoon to come for an interview tomorrow at 11:30 in Anaheim. It's a bit of a commute so it would really have to be worth it for me since I have Chris most of the time and would have to get there in the morning. Please just pray that it fits my needs and schedule because right now, I NEED a job!

Anyway, so I was thinking today how I hate when people are flakes. Since that is something that disturbs me, I am going to try my best to not be a flake. I want to make sure and keep my comittments. I feel so badly when people don't keep them with me so I am going to strive to do that from now on. My Kidneys are still in a lot of pain today and my goal is to find a clinic that will take me for little or no money. I have no idea what to do about my many money woes except lean on God and just know he will provide for me. He has come through before and he won't stop now. Until then, thank you all for being so sweet and kind to me and offering your help. I wish I didn't have these pride problems to where I couldn't accept help. ARGGG to me!

Well anyway, here are my learning and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 19, 2005:

1. I love to work out so much and grow to love it more everyday

2. Jesus and I have been together and while now and it gets better every year.

3. God's love is the best gift I have ever gotten.

4. God will come through with mercy when you really need it, just hold on.

5. There are friends out there who would offer you the world if they had it. A lot of people love me!

Thankfulness January 19, 2005:

I am thankful for Maureen at Huntington National Bank. My car loan is through this bank and she has been nothing but great to me. She has really allowed me to see the mercy and grace of God and she doesn't even know it. She has helped me through some really hard times and I appreciate her sweet spirit so much. Yesterday she called and shined some light on my rainy day and I couldn't be more Thankful. Thank you God for Huntington but mostly Maureen!

Well have a great day ya'll ~Shalom~

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Happy Anniversary Jesus!

Hey everyone. First of all I will explain my title. Today in history was the exact date that I asked Jesus to be my personal Lord and Savior. It's a very big day for me and Jesus. Please think about us on our anniversary..mostly HIM! :) Anyway, I hope today finds you all doing well. I have had a mixed day on the emotional level and the physical level. This is how the day has gone so far...

I woke up this morning and had a great breakfast of oatmeal. I love oatmeal, it tastes so good to me and always makes me have a lot of energy. I finished breakfast with Christopher and then got ready to go to the gym. I took Christopher to school and then went over to 24 hour fitness. I did 2.25 miles today and felt better than I have in a long time. I left the gym feeling good about myself headed for the bank and the doctor's office.

I got my banking out of the way and headed to this clinic that I know of in Irvine. I got there and signed all of the necesary paperwork and such. I had my urine culture and low and behold, it's not a Kidney Infection (by itself) this time. It's an infection oh but it's paired with Kidney Stones! I am not at all happy about this. This is the most pain I have ever felt in my life. So anyway, she then tells me she can give me a discount price on my meds since I Have no medical for the bargain deal of $85.00. I begin to get tears in my eyes because I already know there is no way for me to afford that. I basically left the doctor's office weeping and deciding that I was going to be in pain for a while. I still have an infection and no antibiotics and have to pass the stones with no medical help. I am very scared at this point and in more pain than I wish to be!

Overall, it's been a crazy day! It's ok though, God is still God and I know that somehow I will be ok and get the meds I need. We'll just have to wait and see how God will do it this time. What doesn't kill me, will make me in unbearable pain right? Is that how the saying goes? Nah, just kidding, I know I will be ok, I will just be going through some serious growing pains so to speak. Anyway, moving on to my learning and thankfulness...

Learning January 18, 2005:

1. Working out twice a day is way better than working out once a day

2. The mornings are a great time for me to be at the gym

3. I actually have a pretty healthy heart when you get down to it.

4. It's sad when urination is the most painful part of your day!

5. Christopher makes me laugh so much and I love him so much it scares me

Thankful January 18, 2005:

I am thankful for the times when I go to the bathroom and don't pass a kidney stone. Those are amazing. It's so sad how we take simple things for granted like painless bathroom visits. I know this is terribly inappropriate to share on my blog but let's be honest, it's a great thing when you are healthy! I am feeling very thankful for the days when my kidneys didn't feel like they were trying to get out of my body! Please keep praying but also thank God for small moments of no pain! Thank you Jesus!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

a little off track

Good Afternoon everyone! I hope this blog finds you all doing great. I have been really busy the last couple of days with job hunting and I had a very huge thing transpire in my life so I have been out of the blogging loop. I am desperate for some source of a second income because my life is in shambles at this point financially. I can't help but feel drastic anger at Gary for laying me off right before the holidays to where i couldn't be in California to look for a new job. It just sucks and I am about to lose everything because of it. I am going to need to be in prayer to even make it through the month successfully. To be honest, somethings gotta give!

The days have been wonderful lately and I have been trying to stay on task with weight loss, eating, exercise, job hunting, grad school, etc.. I feel very overwhelmed by all that is on my plate right now but entirely lucky as well because I know this is only for a season. This morning after breakfast and dropping Chris off at school, I went ahead to the gym and did a mile on the treadmill with an incline. I was pumped afterward and felt like I could do anything. The only present problem is this giant Kidney Infection that I currently have. I am literally in so much pain it's unbearable. I get paid this evening so tomorrow (although I can't afford it) I am going to the walk in clinic and get some antibiotics. Working out is a struggle and I just wish I was healthy right now. I could use some prayer and any mercy you might have at this point. Any resources that anyone has that might help, let me know!

Well, I am pretty much doing ok but really in need. Please keep the prayers coming and any encouragement you might have. Have a wonderful day everyone and here is the 16th and 17th learning and thankfulness:

Learning January 16, 2005:

1. Sunday is so peaceful and everyone should just relax on Sunday. It pays.

2. A walk on the beach can be exciting and pleasant but can also bring the ugliest parts of your past right up in your face.

3. I love Corona Del Mar and the people that walk there on weekends. Everyone is so pleasant and working to get in/stay in shape. it's beautiful

4. I like the way my hair looks straight. It's amazing how much better it feels and looks now that I don't wear it curly.

5. I am really impressed with my weight loss when looking at my before picture. It's so nice to go back and think of how far I have come.

January 17, 2005 learning:

1. Some things that people say are really scary and painful, aren't at all but rather really enjoyable

2. A great friend can sometimes be the best person to change your life

3. A call from Joel still lights up my entire day

4. Martin Luther King Jr. was born on this day and I will always remember that ;)

5. Sometimes the least expected people can be very gentle

January 16, 2005 Thankfulness:

I am thankful today for my wonderful home near the beach. I am happy that I can get in my car for less than 5 minutes and get to a tropical paradise where I can run, walk, chill, read, etc.. and have a great alone time. I am happy that I have balboa and Corona Del Mar to enjoy my life on and see great happy and healthy people. I love living here in Newport Beach and I hope God allows me to live here even longer.

January 17, 2005 Thankfulness:

This is going to be very obscure but I am thankful for a new experience. I am thankful for something big happening in my life with someone special. I am thankful that I enjoyed myself through the endeavor and found much courage in the friend. I am thankful that I have a lot of people that care about me and I have a great support system in life. I am thankful that my life is different but unchanged...still happy! That's it ..nuff said~

Well, I should get going to get Christopher but have a great day and ~Shalom~

Sunday, January 16, 2005

A new week and noone to kill

Good Afternoon everybody. Happy Sunday to you! I am just happy that it is a new week and I love new beginnings. I am so glad God set everything up to have like beginnings and endings like a week. I like that we have 7 days to get things right and then we step it up by having a new week. I think that is how humans need to feel. They need to feel like they have a new, fresh, start! It's the same with the end of a day, the end of a year, and the end of a decade, etc...

Last night I was thinking about how much I have changed in the last year. I have had some serious breakthroughs and have grown into some serious stupidity. Isn't it funny how you can change for the better and the worse all in one huge swoop? It's sad but true. I have gotten rid of really unhealthy behaviors and picked up some new ones. I am frustrated by this but see it as, I am only 24 and I am bound to be stupid in my youth. I am going to be growing smarter every year of my life so I am entitled to some stupidity now. The minute I see that stupidity, I really want to make sure, I am changing and growing from it.

Update on my life is that I still don't have a job. I have posted a few resumes on Jobsummit. com and have looked through the classifieds. I see nothing yet and have heard nothing yet. I am tempted to go and apply at Lane Bryant in order to get the hours I need and also get a great discount on sexy curvy women clothing. It's not a horrible idea. I am also going to call Vanguard and see if I can get the job listings or visit their web-site. I paid that school enough money that they should be able to help me get a job. I am very frustrated by this whole process as I feel that I had a job and someone stole it from me.

I am still really frustrated from yesterday's weigh in but after talking to my mom, she noted that it's probably just water weight and that I have this Kidney infection which could affect my weight. Last night, instead of binging on food to make myself feel better, I went for a 2 mile walk/jog down in Balboa and came back to the house feeling great. I helped Britt with some homework over the phone and got off and fell right to sleep. I was exhausted. I am hoping to work out 7/7 days this week and see some benefit to that. I know my body is getting healthier and stronger no matter what because of my nutrition changes but I can't help wanting to wear a swimsuit this year and get into a really sexy dress. My new years resolutions are going to be embarassing if I don't get some weight off.

I am really trying to focus right now on getting myself healthy in all aspects. I want a healthy mind, body, spirit, etc... I want healthy relationships with healthy people. It's funny how I wake up in the morning still scared to death because I live out in California alone. I find this really scary and I really need to stop being so scared of being alone in 2005. I need to start working on my dreams full force and start being an Erica that I can be proud of. Sometimes I am ashamed at the things I do. But, then again, who isn't?!

Well, I should finish up this blog as I plan to start a new project today. I hope you all have a great day and if you are thinking anything while reading this, write me an email and let me know?!

Learning January 15, 2005:

1. Just when the world looks bleak and terrible, my phone rings and I feel all better knowing it's someone who loves me!

2. Sometimes mom knows the best!

3. Joel is still my favorite thing to hear on the phone. He makes me understand what I am doing and thinking and I love him for it.

4. I have changed a lot this year and I should be proud of who I am instead of discouraged at where I am not.

5. Losing weight is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do in my life. Hands down this is the hardest challenge I have in front of me!

Thankful January 15, 2005:

I am thankful for my best friend, Joel. I am thankful that Joel always remembers me and catches up with me. He is a great listener and great at giving me good advice. He tells a great story and makes me feel included in his life. He loves his friends and family with everything he is and would do anything for anyone. He is the most amazing man I know and it's amazing that he is so exactly what I need in my life. He is gorgeous, talented, passionate, driven, focused, determined, loving, caring, nurturing, strong, protective, and the list goes on. Gosh, I hate when someone is always right but I am thanking God that he gets to be in my life. Thanks God and thanks my favorite boy!

~shalom~ All

Saturday, January 15, 2005

He's back!

Today I heard from a friend who has been out to town for about a week. It was like a breath of fresh air to hear his sweet voice and hear his great wisdom. I love when you have a friend who will tell you everything you need to hear and more. I am desperately in need of someone telling me the truth and letting me know what behaviors in my life need to be corrected and what I need to do about them. Granted, I am going to choose for myself and make my own mistakes but either way, I needed to hear his take on it. Joel is one of the best friends I have ever had and it's so nice to have someone really KNOW me. I should note that if my other friends don't know's my fault that they don't. I don't give anyone the parts of me that I give to Joel. I need to work on this but at the same time, it is good that I am limiting those people who are close to my heart.

Saturday has arrived and it wasn't as good as I expected. This last week I really worked on my weight loss goals for the new year. I will admit that I didn't work out everyday like I really need to but I did eat breakfast every day, took my vitamin, drank a ton of water, and watched my intake of food. Even though I made all of those efforts, it should be self -explanatory my need for exercise when I note that I gained 3 pounds. I am really frustrated with this and completely unhappy with myself. I have to get back on track though and just figure it's water weight or a set-back of some sort. I have to be really disciplined this next week in my life overall. I have to have a job by Friday if I want to survive, have to work out, have to kick this kidney infection, and get myself together spiritually. I am in a tough spot right now and could use all of the prayer that you all have to offer.

Because I really need to get busy on some goals for the day, this is the end of the post. Enjoy my learning experiences and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 14, 2005:

1. I could spend all day talking to someone who really interests me.

2. I really like this meal from lean cuisine that is salmon, rice pilaf, and vegetables all in a basil sauce...yummy and healthy!

3. My adidas running pants make my legs look longer ...woo hooo

4. Sometimes I am happiest just sitting in my room, listening to tunes, and looking at pictures of people I love.

5. I am not nearly as interesting as I think I am to some people. I really want to find someone who likes me for me! That is not happening at the current moment!

Thankful January 14, 2005:

I am thankful for my little sister having MSN messenger so we can talk sometimes. I like that I can see her pop on and talk to her for a few minutes and it is always a fun, good chat. She is such a caring, great person and I am proud to be her big sister. I think everyday how amazing she is and although she isn't perfect, I still love her more every minute. She is a gem and I am so happy to have her. I love my lil sis and am so thankful that God allowed her to be a part of my life! Thank you God and thank you britt-butt!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Friday never felt so good

Hey everyone! Happy Friday to you. I am so happy that Friday is here. Not because I have some sort of huge plans or even that I have that much work to do that I need to rest from...but because I like Saturday. Saturday is my favorite day of the week. I weigh in on Saturday and I look forward to not only the clarification that my work paid off but also for a starting over point in my weight loss journey. Overall, this week hasn't been that bad in that I worked out some days, ate well all days, and drank a ton of water. I am hoping to be rewarding not for my ability but for my effort. I am praying that daily!

This weight loss thing is so hard for me. As you all probably know, I am a girl who wants everything yesterday. I have a very hard time with patience as I think that a lot of people do. Weight issues are not solved in a day nor are they even solved in a year. It has taken me a long time to lose the weight that I have and now it's going to take me at least another year to meet my goal. I am finding myself very frustrated with how long it's taking and how obsessed the world is with weight. It is so weird how people want you to accept them when they aren't perfect, yet they themselves don't do that! I am not speaking of anyone in particular but I just know that I am a beautiful, talented, intelligent person who is going to bring much happiness to whomever wants to share their lives with me and they are missing out if they don' t decide to love me before the weight loss....instead of after.

Yesterday I went out with a friend for which I didn't drink coffee but juice. I love that juice that they have @ Starbucks. He is a sweet guy and seriously has a lot to offer the world. He is very affirming of my good qualities and I appreciate that about him. In saying that, I should note here that I have learned a lot about myself in the last few days. It's weird how one person can see you one way and you can see you in a totally different light. It's all about self image and the ways you are disguising your best qualities.

We went for a walk down in Balboa and just chilled and talked and it was a really good time. Also, he drives a sweet new Explorer that I loved taking a little ride in. We had a good time talking and laughing and enjoying getting to know each other better. I learned a great deal about him yesterday and liked mostly everything I learned. Just wanted to note that in here because I know he reads the blog and he will appreciate me speaking of our time together.

Today I am just chilling and job hunting and chatting with friends. Overall it is a good day so far and we'll see how my night goes. Well people that's it for today but here are my learning experiences and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 13, 2005:

1. I really like that juice from Starbucks called C-monster. It has a special way of attaching it's flavor to the inner sanctum of my tongue. (I am officially the weirdest)

2. Being sober (as in a recovering alcoholic) is one of the most fascinating things I have ever learned about. It's great to see someone beat something so hard and yet be on top of the world about it.

3. I literally HATE wrapping presents. I am the advocate of the almighty gift bag.

4. Pizza is better for me without pork products. I am happy to report I ate my first pizza yesterday without sausage or ham!!!

5. There is nothing worse than lying. I hate lies. I am having a hard time teaching the concept of being honest to Christopher and it's the one way he makes me crazy!

Thankful January 13, 2005:

I am thankful for the healthy fear that is elicited in a child when you are disappointed in them. Yesterday Christopher lied about some schoolwork and I immediately took the place of angry but have always tried to use my anger well with him. I began to talk to him about the horrible truth about lies and how they never really sidestep anything. He was listening pretty well and we talked about how it makes me feel to be lied to. He immediately was in tears and I hadn't handed down any punishment or anything like that. Christopher has a tender heart and a sweet spirit and it helped me to know that he loves me enough to not want to hurt or anger me. He will make mistakes and yesterday was by NO means the last lie but I am just thankful for a child's heart that is engaged by their true emotions and they are not good at hiding things yet. There is beauty to that.

Have a great day all and ~Shalom~

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Princess Power

Wow, is it Thursday already? It's amazing how fast the week goes when you do nothing with your day! When you have the small privelage for a few days of being jobless and get to hang around and do fun things, it goes so fast! I hope you are all doing well today and that this blog is not getting to deep for ya. It is getting a little deep for me and I find that I literally throw my heart on the screen day after day trying to search for meaning and learn something about myself. Journaling is such a powerful tool. The title today is about my desire to be the princess of Ericaland. A new friend of mine calls me princess (and I think it's really sweet) and I started to think about how accurate it would be for me. I really do desire after that fairy tale situation where I am the princess and although my life will always have struggle, it doesn't matter as long as I have the love of a prince!

It seems that yesterday was a very interesting day. I have no idea what I would do not having a job all the time. I am pretty much busy from 3:30 on but I get up at like 7 am and just have the rest of the day after taking Christopher to school to do whatever. Lately it has been a little job hunting, meeting some new people, and getting to know people I am interested in. I have little to no money so the options are limited on what I can do. I can't even job hunt effectively because I must conserve gas for my current job. Isn't life grand?

I am not by any means complaining because my life is full of great people, the basic necessities, and possiblities as far as the eye can see. I was thinking today about marriage. Isn't it funny how half the world has been married and noone has really mastered it yet?! I am not about to act like I have some sort of super power that makes me think I will be able to master it either but isn't it crazy? I mean, you would think that in the world there would be someone that has it perfect. There are masters at everything; chess, surfing, mathematics, gymnastics, physics, etc...yet the world is without a master at love. I think that says a lot about love! I think if it can't be mastered...that's because it's the most amazing concept out there.

Maybe I am completely too philosophic because I am starved for love and affection right now but seriously, isn't it a great thing? If there were some perfect world where I could have exactly what I want right now, he would be standing next to me in all of his princely manner and have his hand on the small of my back guiding me throughout life and letting me know he is my strong protector while being vulnerable with me when it matters. I am getting way too sappy in my old age. I am getting to be very femine and interesting in the days that pass a breakthrough!

So anyway, I am always learning and always finding a way to be thankful so stay tuned for yesterdays learning and thankfulness:

Learning January 12, 2005:

1. Silver bars are worth a lot of money. I had to exchange silver bars for Richard and there was so much of it and I thought it would be a couple of hundred dollars at best and it ended up exchanging for a lot more than that. Isn't it a funny world?!

2. I want a Ford Mustang more than I ever have but have officially gained adulthood and realized that it is something I must earn and I am never going to have it unless I do!

3. Finding a job is hard stuff and is a lot like getting back into the dating field. I have no problem with the whole dating field having options but just like jobs, there are few I would actually take and feel worth doing!!

4. I love a late night phone call when I am laying in bed talking to someone who makes me laugh and makes me happy. It makes me sleep like a baby!

5. There is a stinky cold going around that is making everyone all groggy and sick. I hope I don't get it, I take care of myself so let's hope I don't. No medical insurance can be a hard hard thing to live with.

Thankful January 12, 2005:

I am thankful for heartfelt compliments. I am thankful when someone tells me I am intelligent or that I have a good heart. I like when someone who doesn't hand out compliments easily can say something that melts my heart. I like when someone notices something about me that isn't surface like that I am sensual or analytical in my mind. I love affirmation and I am thankful for those people in my life who deem it necessary to affirm me. I speak the love language of affirmation to anyone and everyone that I love and sometimes it is good to get it back. When I don't ...I feel starved. Thanks to those of you who you are good with compliments and thanks to those of you who find it difficult but walk out of your comfort zones to make me feel good! Love it!


Wednesday, January 12, 2005

So frustrated with myself

Today finds me in a weird mood. I have this whole weird frustrating problem right now. I can't seem to get truth to go from my head to my heart. I know a lot of things about a lot of things. I know exactly what a healthy behavior is in a relationship and which of my behaviors is unhealthy yet I can't stop them. I shouldn't say can't...but I shouldn't say won't either. I am really trying to focus and keep my balance but SOMETHING is getting in the way. I know what it is ...yet I can't seem to grab it by the horns and make it go away. It's weird, maybe it's the thorn in my flesh and I'll always struggle with it? Maybe?

I am trying to realize what my life is going to be like from this point on. I am working as a nanny of course and to tell you the truth, I love it. I have no complaints about being Christopher's nanny. I love him dearly and enjoy taking care of him. I like watching him find out new things, learn and grow, and force through problems effectively. It builds a lot in me and keeps me grounded in life as well. I think sometimes you have to look over your life and pick out the things that are going right.

I like the fact that I am single. I have been single for about 10-11 months now and I love the life. Now, I don't love everything about it but I love it nonetheless. I like that I choose what I want, that I go where I want, and that I have my options open. The thing I don't love is, I am ready to be loved again. I am ready to share my life with someone in a productive, healthy way. The things I like about being single, are the things I hated about being taken only because I was in an unhealthy relationship. I am ready to be in a healthy, loving, caring, nurturing, fun relationship. I am ready to find a man to hang out with who likes me and appreciates all of the crazy aspects of my personality. You all know, there are plenty of those.

I have been thinking about my personality lately and maybe there is some work to do. I have always believed that who I who I am and if someone doesn't like it, who cares about them. Well, I don't know if that is entirely true anymore. Some of the things in my character, I am not very proud of. I know that I have stuff that I need to work on. I know there are aspects of my character that in no way line up with Proverbs 31. I know that I take a lot of things to the extreme and put myself in immense ..danger.

I need to grow up. Those are the facts! I need to start acting like a 24 year old woman instead of a 21 year old vixen ;) I find myself doing things that I did before I was in a relationship which means that I got into a serious relationship MUCH too young. Now that I have spent almost a year in my adult life being single and watching others around me make mistakes and have fun and all kinds of things...I am thinking more about being grown up in my relationship endeavors.

I am all over the place today on this blog. I think I am just thinking aloud. I am currently going through a really interesting time in my life and I think that is why all this thinking. I find myself in a place where I have never been. More confident about men that I have ever hoped to be, more physically fit than I have ever been in my life, and the most independent I think I have ever been. It's a strange place that I stand today.

Overall, I am happy with my life. I live in a great house, have a great job, make decent money doing something I love, eat 3 square meals a day, drive a great car that I love, have beautiful friends who are so good to me, have a lot of interest in a certain male, talk with people that are interesting every day, have clothes on my back, a great family who supports me daily, and more than anything the love of a perfect and righteous Savior who is always looking out for my best! What more could I want ..right? Well, you would think...

I want a man of God to share my life with. I am out for true love. NO doubt about it. From knowing me might think I am out to play..but I am not! I am out to find that man who can make my heart skip a beat, make me cry with his smile, make me laugh in the depths of despair, make me wish every day would last forever. I just long for the fairy tale. It's too much to ask isn't it? Where has my hope for love gone? Where is it? It is probably shattered on the rocks of way too attractive men who only want to hook up. I can't take this life anymore, it's not what I want and I am putting my foot down!!!!!

Well I should shut up before you all decide never to read this sappy blog again. Here are my learning experiences and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 11, 2005:

1. I love the 30 minutes in the morning when I take myself for a drive after dropping Christopher off at school. I listen to good music, think to myself about life, and drive the beautiful coast of Corona Del Mar Beach. MY life is magical.

2. There was never a sweeter sight than the waves crashing onto the sand from my car the morning after 5-6 days of pure rain. The sun was beaming through the clouds and I could see God in nature like never before.

3. A black man can not join the Klan even if he is half white. My friend made me watch Jerry Springer yesterday because a 1/2 black man was trying to join the klan. It was repulsive. My friend that made me watch it, is black and he was pretty embarassed by the whole show. Is Jerry Springer real?

4. Steven is much deeper than what meets the eye. He has a lot of things to say that is good stuff. I totally earned new respect for him and found him to be quite interesting.

5. Jason is officially stronger than I am and fiestier than I could ever imagine being. I love this stuff about him and find him more interesting by the stinkin' second. Is there anything wrong with me liking someone who can tell me whats up? I mean,I love that about someone. Please be able to be strong with cream puffs need apply!

Thankful January 11, 2005:

I am thankful that Steven feels he can open up to be about family stuff. I am thankful that most of my friends feel safe telling me things. I am thankful that Steven is able to show me a much deeper side of himself and not be so afraid of being vulnerable with me. I am a very caring person and although I make a lot of jokes, I love with all of my heart and am always willing to be a friend and listen. I am so thankful that I have great friends who feel they can share with me. Thanks for the great talk yesterday Steven!


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

I need a job!

Have you ever noticed that you do stupid things more when you aren't busy? I love being busy. There is a great thing about just being completely and utterly busy and then having only a few days off a week. I like the busy life. Yesterday was kinda busy with things to do but I still have too much free time for me. I would like to have a job that takes most of my day and then a great guy to take the rest of it! :) Is that too much to ask? Probably huh?

Yesterday ended up being pretty good. I cleaned out some of Richards office and had Chris in the evening. I made a really great stir fry so I was pretty happy with myself. I love to cook. That is one thing that is completely female about me, I just love to, cleaning, etc... Kinda weird being that I am Erica...but oh well.

Today I am going to hang with a friend in the afternoon, job hunt a bit, and have Chris this evening. I am looking forward to getting to hang out with friends soon. I haven't seen my friends since I have been back. Josh and Heather left yesterday to go to New York for a few days and then they are off to London. I won't see them for several months and I will miss them so much! I talked with Josh last night as he was getting on the plane and we might talk once more before he heads overseas. I am so sad that I won't see him or Heather for that long. Oh well, absense makes the heart grow fonder right?

I didn't do a whole lot last night. My muscles were so sore from the night before that I fell asleep and didn't work out. I feel kinda bad but I will work out tonight and make up for it. Well here are my learning experiences for yesterday and my thankfulness:

Learning January 10, 2005:

1. I really enjoy Vertical Horizon. I bought their cd when they were new and went to see a show of theirs (sister hazel opened up) and I popped their cd in the car yesterday and still love every song on that cd. Whatever happened to them?

2. I like Brown rice better than white rice. I had it yesterday for the first time and noticed the difference. It even tastes healthier.

3. There is a lot that comes with being wealthy. It's amazing how many bills you accrue as an adult.

4. I love living in California regardless of the rain but man it sucks to not see the beach for days.

5. It is never a great idea to wear a Karate Ghi in the pouring rain if it's white. Just a note!

Thankful --January 10, 2005:

I am thankful for random text messages from a sweet boy. I like getting texts from someone I like even if they are just growling about their computer not working. I think it's great to hear "Back in Black" by AC/DC because he is writing me a text. It's amazing how little things make me happy. I am not hard to please. I am trying to remember these small things because one day you forget them and then ...everything gets harder. I am thankful for the small things in liking someone, the texts, emails, instant messages, surprising calls, etc...his laugh, his smile..oh wait...have I continued. Oh well, he knows who he is!


Monday, January 10, 2005

Atlas Shrugged moves on....

Hi everyone. Yesterday was a blur with all of the rain coming down in sheets in California and the whole kidney infection problem. I did really well yesterday in my eating and exercise plan. I ended up working out with Leslie Sansone's Firm Walk which is a workout that is strength training for your arms, legs, and abs. I am relatively sore today which is a great thing! I also drank a ton of water and ate really well. I should be taking a few pounds off this week if I am careful.

I used yesterday to try and get better from my kidney problem. I ended up taking a brief nap and reading a lot yesterday hence the title of today's blog. I am currently reading a book that my friend Joel loaned me after insisting it changed his life. It's Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand and it sincerely does change your life. I am about mid-way through the book after taking a brief break from it over the holidays. It is the kind of book that you have to chew up the meat and spit out the bones though. Ayn Rand is not a Christian author and you have to really examine your own beliefs and kind of sort out the philosophy behind it and apply it to Christianity. This is probably the most thinking I have ever had to do while reading. In saying that, I will remind you...I graduated college with a psych major so thinking was my job for a while. Nevertheless, this is the best thing I have ever done for myself, in reading this book.

Later in the evening I called an old friend that I haven't spoken to in years. Rob and I went to school together since we were very young, graduated high school together, went to church back home together and made a lot of great memories. We haven't really spoken since graduation because Rob went away to the Navy. He ended up getting married and currently has a 5 month old daughter. In saying that, Rob and I have very little in common these days since I have no husband, no children, and am not in the military. Regardless of that fact, I felt like that hour and a half was like we never lost any time. Rob is still the man I know him to be. A man of great character, virtue, strength, and humility. In talking to him, I learned a great deal about what growing up makes a man into. I am very proud of the man Rob has become in his mid-twenties!

So anyway, I also found out last night that my friend Nick is expecting a baby. He and his wife Merry have been married around 5 years now. They are the cutest couple and Nick was my best friend throughout high school. He is an amazing man who went to Central Bible College to get his Pastoring degree and ended up joining the Marines in order to be a pastor to the military! He is someone I am also very proud of.

I also found out just recently that my good friend Brooke is going to graduate in May with her degree in dentistry and will be a dentist! She has many job offers already and is already taking patients successfully! She has always been amazing and succeeded at everything she touches. She is very happily married and seems to have life by the well..."horns."

While I was home I was able to spend time with my friend Carrie who is just this amazing wife and mother who does everything. She works and takes care of the two most wonderful kids I have ever known. She has a great husband and she knows how to love him properly. On top of that she reads a lot, does crafy things, and is still one of the funniest people I know. In all of our walks of life, she amazes me the most!

My reason for saying all of this is, I am so proud of my friends. We have all made a great deal out of ourselves and have strived for more than our background would ever allow us. Many of us grew up with things that might have inhibited our success and just being from Mitchell, Indiana is a huge one. It's very hard to get out of a town where everyone knows you, you love everyone, and it's like one big family in high school. Now we are all moving out and on and doing wonderfully with our lives. This is my salute to all of my high school friends who are just amazing people doing everything they love!

Ok, so anyway, Here are my learning experiences from yesterday and my thankfulness:

Learning January 9, 2005:

1. Nick and Merry Pridemore are going to be mommy and daddy! WOO HOO

2. A tattoo takes about 2 weeks to properly heal.

3. I love Aquafresh Extreme Clean Whitening toothpaste..amazing!

4. Atlas Shrugged is one of the best books I think I have ever read and learned the most from.

5. Jason is a very sensitive and sweet person who I am looking forward to getting to know slowly and naturally. He is one of the most caring individuals that I have ever met!

Thankful January 9, 2005:

I am thankful for old friends. It seems that new friends are exciting and amazing and perplexing all at once but there is something to say for familarity. Talking to Rob was the highlight of my day yesterday because at the end of the conversation he stopped to say "E, I am just so proud of the woman you have become and I would hug you if I was near you." This meant the world to me because Rob knows where I have come from. He knows the ins and outs of my ugly past including things I could not control as a small child. I also remember just how his hugs feel and how enveloping they always were. Rob and I were really good friends so even though everything he says or does isn't NEW and is like coming home. Just like it says in Dirty Dancing (ha ha) "Old Friends are the best" (join hands and hearts and voices...voices, hearts, and hands) ha ha

Well peeps, there are my thoughts. Bask in them or perhaps ignore them..whatever you do with them..enjoy your day and ~Shalom~

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Feeling water logged!

Good afternoon blogging community. Hope this day finds you doing marvelous. I am doing actually pretty good considering the circumstances. My joy finally rests in the Lord. Ok, so the title is "feeling water logged" for a few reasons. If you all are living out in California, you are aware that since I touched down at LAX, it has been raining. I have not seen the sun in days. I was looking forward to coming home and running on the beach and I haven't gotten much exposure to the beach without torrents of rain slapping me in the face. Now, I should note, I really like rain but it is bad for Richard's business, brings gloomy thoughts, and inhibits my exercise plan. I am trying not to complain about it but rather bask in the clean of the Earth. Well, as you can see..I am feeling water logged so I am somewhat complaining. I am also feeling water logged because I am drinking so much water right now. I have a pretty bad kidney infection and no medical insurance so I am trying to water it out of my system. If it doesn't go away in the next week or so, I am going to have to find a way to afford a walk in clinic and some antibiotics. They always just kill me!

I have taken a step today that I thought I would never take and am pretty proud of my behavior. Isn't it funny when you know you are becoming an adult? Kinda scary but humorous nottheless. I chose to tell a certain young man that I was not interested in him because of his aim in my life. It was such a tough thing as he was attractive to me, sweet, and overly focused on me and giving me attention. I am slowly learning the good kind of attention and the poor kind of attention. Overall, God was with me through this decision and I feel better knowing I took those steps to correct it.

Life has been pretty good although a little dark lately. I ended up getting a work out last night regardless of the rain and feel good about that. I am eating well in the new year and obeying as much as possible my new years resolutions. I am proud of the fact that I have made resolutions that are doable and am almost excited for 2006 to see what I accomplish. I know that some of them will even be done this week so you have to be thankful for initiative and all of the things that come with it!

Well, I should post my learning experiences for yesterday and the thing I am thankful to God for ..for yesterday. Enjoy:

Learning January 8, 2005:

1. I watched my first episode of anime yesterday and it was very interesting. The graphics were good, the story line was excellent, and I achieved doing something that I wanted to do. I could easily get to like anime and appreciate it for all that it's worth.

2. The Fender Stratocastor is celebrating it's 50th birthday this month. I should tell you if you don't know, that is the most famous guitar that has ever been made. Jarrid has told me about it but I learned this fact on my very own. Pretty proud of this learning experience.

3. I like lean cuisines personal mushroom and spinach pizza. It's really yummy!

4. When you are really looking, you can see through a person's motive for getting to know you. It's amazing how your eyes open when you think about what you are hearing. I think I am going to attract the right people in the new year!

5. Richard Simmons is still the most annoying creature that ever came to Earth, however, his workouts make me sweat like no others. I love how I feel after "Sweatin to the Oldies" ha ha

What I am thankful for on January 8, 2005:

I am thankful for Christian friends. Christian friends are a novelty that you can't ignore in your life. There are reasons that God says we need to have fellowship with other believers. Last night I was in the depths of despair and questioning God's ability to forgive me or provide for my needs and desires. I wasn't even calling anyone and seeking wisdom but someone called me. Ryan, my new friend, who happens to be a Christian, immediately picked up on my problem and coached me into understanding and remembering God's grace, mercy, and love for me. He told me of things in his life that he had learned, guided me in scripture, and totally helped me to see that what I need might not be what I currently desire after. He was absolutely all that God called him to be last night and I appreciate him and all of my other Christian friends who are willing to stand in the gap for me, guide me and mentor me, and love me with everything that they have! Thank you all for being my friends and thank you God for Ryan at the right time!

Shalom everyone and keep on keeping on in the new year!

Saturday, January 08, 2005


Good afternoon peeps! I hope this day brings you much peace and happiness. As for me, I am not at peace in the least. I have been living outside of God's will pretty badly in the past month or so just because my heart is longing for more. I know ideally it would have been wise to seek after that MORE ..with God but instead I sought it out in attention as always. It doesn't help to be self-actualized sometimes if you don't know where to start to change your bad behaviors.

Last night, I learned a valuable lesson. I can't go into specifics because it would damage another person and their reputation but I can say that I really learned a lot about virtue and concrete caring for another person. Today I sit in complete regret over a lot of behaviors and over a lot of stupidity. I sit thinking about what I want and what I need and see the two coinciding finally. I am trying to be the most authentic person that I can in 2005 and it is becoming increasingly difficult.

God is so amazing and will love you regardless of your actions or words but people, won't! People give up on you and leave you in the trenches. People are flawed and crazy to be honest. People will do things with you and then blame you for them. People will stand in the light of mistake and not deal with it head on. My goal is to deal with everything in 2005 in complete aunthenticity and learn exactly what it is that Erica wants. I am going to list 5 things I want today in order to get myself to reread them and direct my behavior accordingly.

1. I want to be close to God and get as close as earthly possible.

2. I want to be with a man of God who is virtue filled and passionate about his Lord.

3. I want to be cherished and respected and sought after.

4. I want to be a wife and mother some day.

5. I want to be happy and fulfilled with whatever I do with my life.

Overall I am just regretful today and trying to turn over new leaves. As you read this, If I have done anything to hurt you...I am sorry. I am going to try to get myself together because I know my actions affect more than just me. Now for my learning experiences and thankfulness for yesterday...

Learning January 7, 2005:

1. The Ralphs club card makes a world of difference. When grocery shopping yesterday I saved over $80.00 on groceries using it.

2. I enjoy a lean cuisine frozen dinner and they have 3 servings of vegetables in them!

3. Rain doesn't really bother me. I like the way it looks hitting the windshield and how it feels when it touches my skin.

4. I discovered a new artist yesterday named Joaquin. He is incredibly talented and sings R&B. A little like Brian McKnight or Usher--like a mix. Just phenomenal talent though in singing and songwriting.

5. Jason is an interesting new person in my life and continues to interest me every single day. We'll see....

What I am thankful for on January 7, 2005:

I am thankful for my Old Navy giftcard that Carrie got me for Christmas. I really like Old Navy's pajamas and I pretty much knew when I went there yesterday that is what I would purchase. I looked around the store at various items like purses, accessories, jeans, t-shirts, socks, etc....because I am normally not a huge Old Navy Shopper just due to having to have dressier clothing. I finally gave up my stupid search for something else and just dealt with the fact that my love for Old Navy pajamas is stronger than the other forces. I went over to the Valentine's day pajama pants area and picked out an adorable pair of red and white plaid pajama pants (no hearts or candy on them) and a white cami to go with it. I was excited as I went to the check out and got a whole pajama outfit for the bargain price of free thanks to Carrie's gift card. There is hardly anything better than a giftcard when you are broke. Thanks to Carrie for that and to God for letting me get out and enjoy something yesterday!

Well, I should get going but hoping to post again tonight. If I don't tonight...will tomorrow! Have a beautiful weekend everyone and ~Shalom~

Thursday, January 06, 2005

I hate being sick!

Good evening everyone. I wrote earlier about the last few days as I haven't been able to be online with all that I had to do to get caught up with being home again. I have developed a pretty bad kidney infection now and my back is killing me. I am bummed because I hate being sick. It always throws my exercise routine down the toliet. I think I am going to tough it out and work out tonight anyway. I have goals to meet!

Things are pretty great considering I have no second job, a kidney infection, and little to no money! I think this is where you find out what authentic happiness really is. When you can find happiness in the pit of despair, you have arrived. I have a lot of things to get done and I am so tired from having this infection. I slept a lot today trying to catch up but have you noticed that there is no way to do that?

So, to update you on my trip to Indiana, it went well but entirely too long. I have decided that the adequate time period to stay in Indiana is exactly one week. I won't be back there until May though so I will recover before I will have to do it again. California is a great place for me and really does give me all that my heart desires....well maybe not all...but close.

I have been thinking lately about being authentic. I was talking with a friend last night and told him some pretty huge things about myself that I have never told anyone else. I think it's time to share my heart on here. I don't usually hide things but this specific thing ....breaks me. A long time ago in a land far away (1980, Mitchell, Indiana) a little girl was born but was only raised by one parent. My mom raised me virtually alone with the help of my grandparents here and there. Well, she really made it clear that I was to grow up and be independent and never take anything from any MAN! Looking back...that little tidbit of parental wisdom...really messed me up.

I have spent years trying to be the biggest and best Erica that I can be and now all I really want to do is share my life with someone special and be cherished. Don't get me wrong, I really love psychology and it is my passion to the absolute max. I love reading about it, learning it, enacting it etc.. but something in me just wants the dream of having a husband and children. I know you all just had your jaw drop in amazment but I envy people who are in love, married, and have children to raise. I know that a lot of people envy me because I am single, independent, smart, and live in Southern California but there is more to life than all of that.

I was thinking of how if I don't get my mind right, I am going to be a very successful therapist who lives with her dogs. I don't like cats as much as dogs so I picked dogs there. I long for a relationship with a beautiful man of God. I long for someone to look at me with longing and respect coupled together for once. I really want to share my life with someone and stop being so bent on forming some kind of female icon in myself. I really just want to love and be loved.

Wow, vulnerability has officially taken root on the good old blog! So anyway, those are my current thoughts. I have a lot of other current thoughts but I have bared enough of my soul this evening. Now for my learning experiences of the day and of course..what I am thankful for!

Learning January 6, 2005:

1. A kidney infection is inevitable when you NEVER drink Coffee and then have a white chocolate mocha.

2. I have drank right around 4,000,000,000 ounces of water today and I could drink even more because my kidneys are in pain.

3. Texting someone can actually be fun and exhilirating. It's amazing how I feel when a text message comes through from someone special

4. People do want to know me and find ways to see inside me even though I often try to hide the most vulnerable parts of myself.

5. God is always loving me and its in the depths of despair that I feel his love the greatest and it often shows through my friends!

January 6, 2005 thankful....

Today I am thankful for good food. I know this sounds awful being that I am in the middle of a weight loss battle but it will make sense in a minute. I am actually thankful for my basic necessities of life being taken care of. I am a nanny in Newport Beach as most of you know and Richard takes care of my housing, food, cable, internet, utilities, plus pays me! My life is delightful here and he also makes sure and thanks me every day for being a great nanny. I think I am thankful for Richard today. Richard is the best boss and really does care about me and provide a calm and peaceful home for me that I have never experienced. I am happy to live here with he and Chris and I am just so thankful that I have this great job and this great experience. It's overwhelmingly wonderful living here and over and over...I am thankful!!!

Well I should get going but thanks for stopping in and ~Shalom~

Males and what they teach you!

Good afternoon everyone. I have been back in California for a few days but have just been overwhelmed with sleepiness and getting back to normal. I am learning more and more everyday that the best friends you have will tell you the truth and just hit ya hard with it. Last night I was talking with a really great friend of mine for several hours and he just spoke truth to me all over the place.

Lately I have been searching for something...something outside of myself that will make me feel wanted. I have had that all along in my relationship with the Lord but I ignored it. I have been looking for it in a romantic relationship (which by the way, isn't present). I have been selling myself short and looking for someone to find me attractive instead of find me amazing! I have so much to offer in my opinion to the man who finally captures my heart but man is it hard getting to that.

I just met someone new recently and I am highly interested and intrigued at the very least. Sometimes the most unexpected things happen when you aren't looking. When I got back from California I spent the first hour or so back with Joel. He picked me up at the airport and something was just not right. Things are different here. I have changed over the holidays...actually over the last month or two.

I got back to the house and breathed deeply in relief to be here. Drama is plentiful in Indiana and stress even more so. Our cat ended up being in a cabinet so Mimi is safe and sound and well fed. Things here are ok except I do not have a job yet as I just got back. I would appreciate prayers for a new job. Here are my learning experiences for the last couple of days and the things I am thankful for!

January 4, 2005 Learning:

1. I love the smell of Rain and the way I feel when it rains. Rain is like a fresh start.

2. Leaving your home is not the same every time. Sometimes it is like coming home. California is officially my home.

3. I love spending time with Hailey and Riley. I would spend hours riding on fake horses and listening to the Playskool boom box. Kids are great...especially these two!

4. A plane ride is so much better with a great book. I read the whole book Carrie!

5. The guy next to me on the plane remixed techno music with Bennie and the Jets by Elton John and it made me think of Britt.

January 5, 2005 --Learning:

1. 3 hours time difference is substantial and my body sure feels it.

2. California can be just as cold as Indiana and I love it more still

3. The beach never looked so good.

4. Christopher was the best sight on earth in the morning when he came down for Breakfast and smiled when he saw me! I love that boy!

5. My best friends will stay on the phone for 5 hours and tear apart my mixed up logic on love and help me to see the people I should be attracted to!

Ok, here is what I am thankful for:

January 4, 2005:

I left Indiana on this day! I am thankful for Indiana. I am thankful for my friends and family who live there and make it somewhere to go. I am thankful for the endless John Cougar Mellancamp songs, the country roads, mullets as far as the eye can see, and home town hospitality! I am thankful for 24 hour grocery stores, paying after you pump the gas, and being able to go the cemetary and see where the man I admire the most rests (my grandpa) I am thankful for my mama and her cooking, my sisters and their griping, and my friends and their hugs. Thank you all for a wonderful stay!

January 5, 2005:

Last night I was able to chat with someone who I am very interested in. I was able to get to know them better and perhaps start something great up! I just want to let them know I am thankful for meeting them. Be careful as you must but know ...I am turning the pages because I can't stop reading! Thankful indeed

Well everyone, I will most likely write more tonight or tomorrow. Have a great night and ~Shalom~

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

A great night with great friends!

Good evening everyone. Today I have had a great last day in Indiana. I got up today and just kinda chilled around the house until my mom got home from work. We had some lunch and I then went over to the gym with Tasha (my little sister) and Dad. We had a great time working out and I got a great workout in. I did a lot of cardio which means a lot of burned calories. I then went over to Hudsons photography to see my family picture proofs. They are really great! I loved them. When I get them via email I will post them to the web-site so you can all see them. They are absolutely great!

After that I came home and got ready to go out with my favorite girl from Indiana, Carrie. We went up to bloomington to get some dinner at Texas Roadhouse, which is great food. We then went over to Barnes and Nobles and everyone knows I love a bookstore. I got a new book to read on the plane and a new journal as mine is filling up fast. We then headed back home after stopping for some starbucks and then talked in the driveway for a bit. Overall a great night with a great friend. Please pray for Carrie as her family is going through something really tough. I would prefer to keep things under wraps until they know more but please just pray for Carrie and her family overall.

After Carrie left, Jarrid came down and we went for a walk. We walked through town and ended up getting stuck in the rain. We were drenched by the time we got back to my house. One of us more than the other, the one of us who insists on running through puddles. :) I am looking forward to getting back home tomorrow and finding a way to get a new job and be focused on tasks at hand. Overall still doing well on my resolutions. I love California more every day and plan to make the most of living there now more than ever.

Richard called tonight and it ends up that our cat is missing so if you think about it, please pray that we find mimi. She is a cute little thing and we love her very much. She doesn't have claws to defend herself so we are just praying we find her and she gets home safely.

I am just really happy about heading home tomorrow although I will miss my friends and family here. You have to miss people to fully appreciate them though. I will end todays post by telling you what I learned today and what I am grateful for! Have a beautiful day tomorrow and I might post tomorrow's post on Wednesday being that I will be on a plane for about 4.5 hours tomorrow. Enjoy my learning experiences for today and keep praying ya'll! (oh gosh, Indiana has invaded my speech!)

Learning experiences January 3, 2005:

1. Never underestimate a man in sweatpants. Jarrid said this tonight and I thought, "That's witty, I am using it!"

2. There is a beauty to a woman who loves her husband to the highest degree and would do anything and everything to make his dreams come true.

3. It is very fun to run through puddles with your best guy friend and laugh at each other when you are soaking wet from the rain.

4. Jarrid is the strongest guy friend I have. He can lift a lot of weight and is still in great shape no matter what he does or doesn't do.

5. Carrie is a great conversationalist and I have so much in common with her in our ways of thinking. You learn a lot about a person when you bond over dinner!

What I am grateful for on January 3, 2005:

I am grateful that God has allowed me to have Carrie in my life. Carrie is this wonderful woman who is dedicated to her family to the highest degree. She cares deeply about her friends and would give everything she had to be there for you. She took me out to dinner tonight knowing my current situation, brought me great Christmas gifts, and lets me be a part of her adorable children's lives. I love her whole family very much! I am praying for you dear friend and I am so grateful to God for you!

Well have a beautiful day ya'll and ~Shalom~