Friday, October 28, 2005 day at a time

Hello everyone. For the past almost 3 months I have been going through painful pruning. I have not written in my blog nearly as much because I have been so busy and kind of going through things alone. I wanted to write today about the growth experiences that have been happening through this time and how amazing God is through it. I thought I would update just every facet of my life at once so that you can read the portions you are wondering about. Here goes...

Counseling: I am currently seeing a therapist and it's going wonderfully. We have been working together for about 2-3 months and it has been a very interesting experience. We are currently working through the fears of applying and going to grad school, weight loss, and family stuff.

Work: I am currently working 3 jobs and applying for a 4th. My first job and most important to me is being Chris' nanny. I have been with he and Richard for a year and almost 4 months. I have really enjoyed it with the exception of a few small details. There are always opportunities for me to exercise boundaries in that I am practically raising Chris. There is also the issue of Chris being 12 years old and going through a very rebellious stage. He is still way better, in my opinion, than most kids though.
I also am working at Rock Harbor (one of my churches) in the Nurture ministry. This is a child-care/teaching position where I teach and watch 3-5 year olds on Tuesday mornings during the mother's nurture meeting. This is one of my favorite days of the week because the kids are so adorable, fun, and they teach me more than I ever expected to learn.
My 3rd job is Vanguard's library again. Elizabeth (Circulation Supervisor) recently had a baby (Rand) and they needed me to come in to cover their short-handedness. I am basically just doing periodicals and covering where they need me.
The 4th job is a job that would be more permanent because I really love the idea of it. I am interviewing on November 8th if you would like to pray for me. It's a position at Newport Mesa (my other church) and the actual title is "Elementary Director." There is a lot to that job title but it seems very good for me and would really allow me to be involved with ministry in a real and tangible way.

Grad School: I am not that far into the application process. I have gotten a few tasks completed and currently am feeling overwhelmed. I wrote my personal statement a few weeks ago and it is in the editing process. I am working this weekend on my resume/curriculm vitae. That should be one of the easier tasks but I always make things harder than they need to be. I also will be working on the actual filling out applications process because that is something I have put off because it is so monotonous. Anyway, all of my applications should be submitted by January 1st and I should make a decision by April. Please continue praying over this step in my life.

Small Group: I am currently attending a small group on Friday nights and we are doing a book on the spiritual disciplines. I am learning that these things are crucial to my walk with the Lord. My small group is great because the people that make it up are amazing people who I bond with individually in different ways. I am so excited to see them on Fridays!

Church: I am currently still attending both Rock Harbor and Newport Mesa and loving both. I am involved with ministry, serving, classes, and various other things at both. I am loving that each new day brings a new opportunity to grow, change, and be molded at these great churches. I love the people at both churches and find myself growing in female relationships like I never have.

Romance: hmmmm...this one is always an interesting topic, isn't it? Well, I have been out of the dating game for 2 and 1/2 months now and it's powerful to see how my heart has changed. I have started really putting only good and holy things in my mind so that I don't have disrespect for men and/or myself. I only watch movies that are above rated R, same with TV, and no music that glorifies premarital sex, degradation of women, etc... I am really picky about what goes in right now. Also, I am getting to know a young man whom I am very interested in but allowing God to do all the foot work. If this is the man I am supposed to be with for my entire life, he will feel the same way I do and he will pursue me as well. I am not going to put my hands in things any further but rather hold on very tight to God's hand and know He has His best for me at heart. This man is a very nice, sweet, caring man and I am hoping to get to know him further in the coming days, weeks, months, etc... and God will do the rest! Please pray for me and said man! :)

Friends: My friends seem to all be doing rather well. I think they are all growing by leaps and bounds in their spiritual lives and those that are a constant in my life right now are people I can trust and respect. I am growing deeply in one of my female friendships and it's really helping me to become a better person. I am loving that I feel I can trust a girl more than my guy-friends now and I am growing in faith in God bringing the RIGHT females into my life. I am lucky to have a lot of women who really love me and support me!

Family: I really don't know much about what's going on with my family, other than they are all still in Indiana and doing the same things. Britt is working on finishing her first semester in college and she is not having that great of a time. I think that she eventually will find her niche in life and be fine, but until then, she is discouraged. I am trying to head home for the holidays but money is tight so I am hoping that will pan out.

Overall, this is my life. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the fall months. Since this will probably be the last time I write before ...Happy Halloween! I am not really doing anything special for Halloween except enjoying the night of cute little people dressed up in cute little costumes. Have a great one and I love you all dearly! Give me a call if we haven't talked.


Saturday, October 22, 2005

The questions before I speak....

So I was watching an episode of my favorite day-time reality series, "Staring Over" and there is a girl named TJ on there who says things a lot of times that are inappropriate and in turn, creates chaos in her world as well as not connecting with others. This led her life coach, Rhonda Britten to give her an assignment that before she speaks AT ALL...she must ask herself the following questions...

1. Is what I am about to say NECESSARY?

2. Is what I am about to say TRUE?

3. Is what I am about to say HELPFUL?

4. Is what I am about to say KIND?

This led to think about my own speaking behaviors. I am not really the person who says mean things or abrasive things to people but I am the person who says inappropriate things. I am going to start practicing this exercise of asking myself that until I become more conscious of my mouth and the damage it does. I have been reading a lot about being a godly person and godly people are never those that speak out of turn. I am really hurting this week about a million things and I really think one thing that would help is for me to clean up my speech. I want so bad to stop being a big mouth!

Help me Lord!


Friday, October 14, 2005

Rejection and other sore subjects.

I have decided today (not that I didn't know before) that rejection is literally my biggest fear. I think it's the fear of most people and moreso women. I have been experiencing it a lot lately and it hurts so badly. Some of it is due to my life changes I have made but more often than not, it's due to my appearance. I think that's really horrible that we are so judgmental as a culture and we cannot accept someone because of their size, shape, looks, or personality. Just saddens me. I am not saying that I have been pursuing a bunch of people and they have said "No Erica, you are fat and ugly, we can't go out or be friends." That isn't exactly how I mean rejection. I am not being quite that literal. I am just noticing how often it is that someone "loses interest" in me or something when something better comes along.

I should note as I write this, I am not depressed or upset today but rather realizing something about God's love. Isn't it great that he doesn't reject us at all. He doesn't care if we have blonde, brown, red, or green hair. He doesn't care if we have blue, green, brown, or red eyes. He could care less what we weigh, how tall we are, or what brand of clothing we wear. He just loves us so much ...unconditionally. I am so happy to know in this world of rejection and pain, I have a God that loves me and you do too.

Now that I have preached a bit, a quick update. I have been super busy lately and really had no time to blog and I have missed you my blogger public. It's Sunday now and I am completely tired from my weekend. I think the weekend is supposed to be about rest but mine for the next few months are going to be hectic. It's ok though because it really is a blessing to be able to take on some new responsibilities.

All is well with me as I work hard to get into Grad School, lose weight, and most of all further my relationship with my Heavenly Father. God and I are doing excellent. I am feeling closer and closer to Him daily and I am pumped about all of the things He is doing in my life. Please keep praying because your prayers are working! Grad School is going ok. I have one giant step out of the way and working on a second one. I have an information meeting this coming week for one of my schools so it might change or make up my mind. I could really use your prayers for time management to be able to get everything in by January.

Weight loss is going awesome as well. This week I lost 3 lbs to take me back down to 247 lbs now. I had to kind of start over last week due to my excessive binging and laziness for a few months that made me gain quite a bit of weight back. I am excited now that I am back "on the wagon" and working hard. I owe a lot of that to my friend Heather who is encouraging me in my weight loss battle.

Friendships are hurting me lately and I am trying very hard to understand what is happening and what God is doing in each of them. I have one friendship that has REALLY grown though and that's a blessing for sure. No romance news because I am still on dating break and will be for at least 1 more month. I have no desire to get involved with anything right now but growth so I am doing well.

I wish I had more time to write but I must get to the grocery store so we won't starve this week! Have a great week ya'll and keep in touch!


Monday, October 10, 2005

Winston, you'll be missed

Some of you that read my blog might remember a post I did in July that had a dog on it that said "I love Erica" in a thought bubble. Well, that was Winston, Josh's dog. Winston had to be put to sleep on Monday of last week and I am just devestated with that. I am sad that it had to come to that. The little guy was ill and had a torn ACL as well so it makes sense but he will be sadly missed. I felt like I had to blog about how sad it is for me to lose any animal, even if it isn't mine.

Winston: It was good to know you buddy and times were fun! R.I.P little guy

Yes, I seriously just did a pet memorial. Live with it or don't log on! :)

I love you Josh and sorry that your doggy is gone!