Thursday, September 30, 2004

God is still God!

Good evening everyone. This Thursday I still feel pretty yucky and medicating myself to completion. My phone is programmed to ring every time I need to take some medication and it literally rings like I might have friends. Today has been an ok day. I went to work most of the day and tried to stick the day out. I ended up having to go home about an hour early just because I couldn't keep my eyes open. Luckily my boss, Gary, is the best and totally understands my health concerns currently. Gary is such a blessing to me and I find that God teaches me something new every single day that I am employed by him.

Christopher is doing well also. He is reading "number the stars" right now which is about the persecution of Jewish Danes. It is really interesting and he is liking it a lot. He doesn't usually enjoy reading so this is a huge thing for him. One of my huge goals upon having Christopher in my life is to make sure that reading becomes a pleasant experience instead of a burden.

My life is improving daily and I certainly see the hand of God in everything that has occurred over the last year. This last year of my life has been a very difficult one as well as the best one I have experienced in a long time. I have gained healing over things that I thought I would never be able to heal over and I have completely been obedient to God in areas that I refused to before. I really appreciate that God brought some really great people (namely one) into my life to speak truth to me.

This amazing thing went down yesterday upon me leaving work to go to the doctor. My co-worker, Leslie, has a 16 year old daughter. She called and was in a terrible accident where she honestly should have died and ended up just having a broken foot and some cuts and bruises. The amazing part of the story is that the boy that was driving the vehicle was not a Christian until yesterday. God is pretty amazing and I think even unbelievers can find magic in the fact that something so horrific can bring someone to grace.

I am going to start writing every day in here about something I learn about myself. This blog is not only for the public but it's also a great tool for me to kind of spit out some things after a long day. I think that I learn so much in my life and I am always looking for the experience that God wants me to gain. Growing always produces growing pains BUT I love that God cares that much.

Today I am struggling with perfectionist tendencies. For those of you who really know me well, you know that I expect myself to be perfect at everything and if I am not, I get very worried and anxious. Well, God has clearly been trying to slow me down. First of all, I got a flat tire which literally slows me down but also slows me down on another level. I had to reach out to those I know to help me because I had no knowledge of what to do in the case of a flat. I know that I come from a car family but I have never been in the position nor been taught how to deal with it. Also, I am really sick and that requires me to slow down my fast paced life out here.

Today I was speaking with my boss about this quality of mine where I feel inadequate if I have to ask how to do anything. This is absolutely an absurd way to live. This is really counterproductive because I am always going to be short of knowlege. I can't possibly know everything, however, I can learn EVERYTHING. I need to come to the conclusion that I owe myself a "grace period" (as Gary called it) where I give myself time to learn things. I just entered into the world of home loans only 4 weeks ago. I don't know everything yet and to be quite honest, I have to ask a lot of questions. This shouldn't anger me or frustrate me but it does. I feel so stupid and so inadequate when I don't come to work knowing everything. I realized today that this quality of mine can destroy a potential learning experience as well as the self-esteem it would grant to those who have an opportunity to teach because they DO know.

I am learning today that I need to ask for help. Whether that goes with changing a flat tire, finding out what doctor to go to for cheap medical help, or learning how to put a loan package together. This concern of mine parallels with my spiritual life in that I need a spiritual mentor. I am going to be praying for a older (at least 30 years of age) female to mentor me. I would love it if you all would extend your prayers to this as well. I need a woman in my life who is living Proverbs 31 and is proud of it. I need a strong female who is willing to invest her energy, prayers, affirmation, and accountability to my life. This is what I have learned about myself today.

I am going to go and have some prayer time as I am very unrested right now in this acknowledgement. Please continue to pray for me and I will be praying for you as well. I would encourage anyone who is interested to start blogging because it is terribly therapetuic and educational. Have a wonderful evening everyone and ~Shalom~

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

sick & miserable

Hello everyone. I come to you today in dire need of prayer. I have really bad bronchitis and I feel yucky! I have been feeling badly for a few days and today I decided to go the URGENT care and get some medical treatment. I don't have medical insurance so normally that would be a terrible thing. I actually got really blessed and found a doctor who gave me samples and treated me for only $35.00. I am on meds and should be getting better soon. Until then, my life is difficult with all that is going on.

Yesterday was much like a nightmare. I had a flat tire yesterday and there was another $30.00 unexpected cost. I got it taken care of but not without a morning of frustration. I am glad to say that I was able to spend my evening with my FAVORITE person though. I went to Joel's house and we hung out and it was great. We watched a movie that was an emotional trip so I was pretty distraught by the time I left though. We watched "Man on Fire" or something like that with Denzel. It was good.

Today I feel like I have to speak about something I am going through. I am really learning to like myself and that is a hard thing for all of us. I have been working on setting up boundaries in my life and really learn to give people the authentic Erica. I am proud of who I am but sometimes it's so hard to think that people might leave my life if I am who I am. I have decided from here on, although this will be painful, I will be working on Erica. I will be trying to get myself together in all aspects. I am really trying to stay focused on my huge priorities now of my spiritual life, my health, my emotional health, my financial stability, and my career. These are the things that are important to me and if I don't get me together, I won't be able to properly share my life with anyone.

Many of you know that I am very broken and having a hard time healing from a broken relationship but at the same time, no one has any doubt as to where my heart is. I really want so much for my life and I have to give myself that right now. I hope everyone is understanding of this and if you are going through something similar, I would love to hear that and know that you are trying to work on yourself too so I can pray for you. Please pray for me through this time of getting to know my Lord and who he made me to be.

Thanks for stopping in everyone and as always, ~Shalom~

Monday, September 27, 2004

The "cut" and other such matters

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog. I am writing today a little under the weather. I am not sure if I have allergies or a cold but I am feeling pretty rough around the edges today. Today my little sister is 18 which is such a huge thing. I paid for her to get her tongue pierced so she is in a little pain today. I sent her flowers at school also and I hate not being with her on her special day. You can view a new page about Britt on my web-site. It's under "Brittany-class of 2005." It's got 3 of her senior pics on there and current news in her life. I am so sad that she is all grown up but also very proud of the woman she is.

The hair cut went really well on Saturday. I got it layered and colored. You can view pics on my web-site on the page labeled "Erica's new Hair." It's not drastically different because I am in a professional field where I need to look nice but I really love the cut and color. I also added a new page on my site called "Erica and Joel friends for a year" where you can view some pics of Joel and I will be updating it for our trip we are taking. We are going on a cruise to Baja next year and we are planning that right now. It's going to be so fun. It's a 4 day cruise and it's just a really great experience. It's to celebrate our graduation (late) and his 25th birthday (in March). I am very excited as I want to bless my friend and thank him for everything he has done.

Life is good other than the whole sick thing. My "wedding day" went fine and I am feeling more and more healed daily. I would appreciate continued prayers for that and for physical healing with whatever is ailing me right now. Also, please pray that the cruise details all work out and also for Joel that he can relax soon as he is spread pretty thin.

Thanks for stopping in today everyone and have a beautiful Monday night


Saturday, September 25, 2004

30 minutes to changed!

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog that has hardly been updated. I have found a way to update it everyday now so you will be hearing more from me. Today is a big day in many aspects. First of all, and most importantly, Joel and I have been friends for a year. I first talked to him one year ago exactly and it was the best decision I ever made. He has helped me through one of the roughest and greatest years of my life and for that, I won't forget him. It has been an amazing year and to you Joel, I owe the best friendship I can give you. I won't ever stop providing that.

Today would also have been my wedding day had I stayed in the mess that I was in. I love Adolfo very much and miss his friendship but let's be honest, there was no love left. I am happy to say yet again, I was spared from divorce. Although that's true, there is a saddness that hangs over this day in the bitter/sweet way. It's a gorgeous day in Southern California so at least I know that it would have been a lovely wedding day.

Today is also a big step for me. I am getting my hair cut today. Now I know that most of you do not view this as a big step but for me, it is. I have NEVER let anyone but my mom cut my hair. My mom is a licensed stylist so it's not as if I have let her do it untrained but either way, I am nervous. I don't know what I am doing with it yet but I am leaving in about 30 minutes, hence the title of today's blog. There is going to be a cut and a color difference so I am going to post pictures on my web-site for those of you not located in the gorgeous So. Cal area.

Tonight Josh has a soccer game so after the "cut" I am going to go and watch him kick bootie and then go out with Heather and Josh later on! I have to take my hair for a night out. So anyway, major prayer requests right now are getting used to my work schedule of about 13 hours daily and also healing more and more each day through the changes that have and are occurring.

My new job at Richmond Home Loan is still really great! I love it there. It's a great environment and really challenges me. Christopher and I are doing well also in the nanny job. He is precious and really rewarding to spend time with. We are on a quest to get him up to reading level and help him academically so I am hoping for some super changes and I know God is big enough. Church is great as I started going to Rock Harbor about a month ago. It's a non-denom. church in Costa Mesa and it's great. I really love the worship and the messages are really challenging me.

I am seeming to maintain friendships well even with all the busy stuff going on and I am hoping to continue that. I am trying to invest in others as they are certainly investing in me. If I haven't talked to you in a while, drop me an email or call! I miss all of you and can't wait to see you again. Home in December for 1-2 weeks (not sure yet) and am looking forward to some great Indy time!

Well, I should get going for the day but I will be keeping this up better now. Have a beautiful Saturday everyone and log in tomorrow to hear more about "the cut"! Also, I might possibly have a picture up on the web-page soon of it too. Have a good one!


Monday, September 13, 2004

Monday full of surprises

I feel so blessed today people. I have two great jobs, two great bosses, and great friends and loved ones all around me. Today I received two packages from my friends. They are both wonderful and I am so lucky to have them. I got 5 new turtles today!!! I was so freakin excited!!! Today has been extremely busy but happy! I can't write long today but have a great one everyone!

Friday, September 10, 2004

Away for the weekend

Hi everyone. Thanks for stopping by today. I am so excited that it's the weekend because I need rest from my little Chris. I love him to death but WOW, he is full of energy. The plans for the weekend are rest, soccer game of Josh's, plans with friends, church and did I mention rest??!!! Anyway, this is a short post today just to say that things are ok. I am weighing in tomorrow so please pray that my new busy life has done me good. Have a great weekend everyone and ~Shalom~

Thursday, September 09, 2004

authentic and happy

Happy Thursday everyone. Today is a day of realizing things that I really needed to realize. Lately I have been on a quest to completely renew myself and work on things that aren't quite up to par. The huge thing that goes on in me is that I am not always authentic with people. I try to be what people want me to be instead of who I am and in turn, that's lying. I am really trying to work on that right now and seriously, I am happy doing this. I like who I am. I like that I am strong and funny and mostly, caring. I have found that is my favorite quality about myself, I really do care about others. I think that a lot of times I just need to focus on who I really am and stop caring if people like the fake me or not.

Work is going really well. I am physically exhausted from the new schedule but I know I'll get used to it after a few weeks. Until then, I think I'll just eat well and try to get enough sleep. Chris went for his first Karate lesson last night and really loved it. He had a lot of fun because he loves anything that is terribly violent. ha ha Richmond is going really well also. There are a ton of things for me to learn and do and I really like to learn new things. I love working for Gary, he's a great guy and very patient with my lack of knowledge in Home loans. It's going to be something I am glad that I spent time on.

The plans are right now to work on my application to grad school and keep praying about that. I am not sure where God is going to lead me with two jobs and grad school so we'll see. Also, I am attending a class voluntarily at the time just for the information. It's informative and I think I have learned a little that I hadn't the first time taking it. I am still working really hard on losing weight. I have started to incorporate a nightly run/walk at Balboa Island. It's my relaxing get away time. I really love getting all of my endorphins flowing and trying to lose weight at the same time. Last week I weighed in at 226 so I am hoping for a loss this week as well.

Healing is slowly mine from the big break up. I still have my days but I am working on getting over the things I did to cause it and the things that were done to me. I just want to be ok and healed and forgiveness to be at the head of things. I am also working on healing in other areas and guarding my heart in my new interest. I am making Jesus first and that's been a long time coming. I try to spend my time with God in the morning before work even starts (before I wake Chris up) and just step out on the right foot.

Everything is going rather well and busy. Please keep praying for me that I make it with finances as I was out of work for a week and 1/2. I also need prayers about grad school and healing and of course my future. Thanks for stopping by everyone and I love you all dearly! ~Shalom~

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

New life starts now

Hello everyone. I am writing today and letting you know that I got the job at Richmond Home Loan. It's great and I love working for Gary. He is an awesome man of God and truly makes me want to work well. I have already learned a little bit and really enjoyed my first day. I think it's going to be great but I am so blessed so far for sure.

Chris started school today in his first day of 6th grade. He was so cute this morning trying to make sure he looked good in his new jeans. I adore this little boy and just enjoy his presence so much. Please pray for him because he seems kind of intimidated at his school and has some problems being made fun of. He is precious and I just love the kid.

Overall things are going really well. I have Chris this evening and am making some tacos for dinner and we're going to find him a backpack. Being a mom isn't easy! Ha ha. Later on this evening I am hoping to talk to a really great friend of mine because well...I love him!

Have a great day everyone and blogging will be regular again. God bless you everyone and ~Shalom~

Thursday, September 02, 2004

I'm on fire...a second interview

Hey everyone. I wanted to thank you all for your prayers. I have an interview at 4:00 today. A second one with the Home Loan firm. I am looking forward to it and hoping for the best. My prayers have been consumed with it lately. Thank you all so much for your prayers and especially to those of you who served as references to me in the process!

Life is going well. I have learned a lot in the last couple of weeks. I am very happy to tell you that seriously my spiritual life is on the rise. God and I are getting closer and closer every day and I am maturing spiritually more than I have ever matured before. I am happy about that and finding out so much about God's character and quite honestly MY OWN! (ouch)

I am growing so much in relationships with others and seriously looking forward to that continuing. My main goals continue to be weight loss, grad school prep, finding a new job, getting finances in order, and obviously SPIRITUAL LIFE!!!! Men are no longer a priority except the ones who are already in my life and are my dear guy friends. THey are amazing and I appreciate them greatly!

Well, I must go home and get prepared for my interview but have a wonderful day all and thanks again for prayers! I appreciate them so much. ~Shalom~