Friday, October 14, 2005

Rejection and other sore subjects.

I have decided today (not that I didn't know before) that rejection is literally my biggest fear. I think it's the fear of most people and moreso women. I have been experiencing it a lot lately and it hurts so badly. Some of it is due to my life changes I have made but more often than not, it's due to my appearance. I think that's really horrible that we are so judgmental as a culture and we cannot accept someone because of their size, shape, looks, or personality. Just saddens me. I am not saying that I have been pursuing a bunch of people and they have said "No Erica, you are fat and ugly, we can't go out or be friends." That isn't exactly how I mean rejection. I am not being quite that literal. I am just noticing how often it is that someone "loses interest" in me or something when something better comes along.

I should note as I write this, I am not depressed or upset today but rather realizing something about God's love. Isn't it great that he doesn't reject us at all. He doesn't care if we have blonde, brown, red, or green hair. He doesn't care if we have blue, green, brown, or red eyes. He could care less what we weigh, how tall we are, or what brand of clothing we wear. He just loves us so much ...unconditionally. I am so happy to know in this world of rejection and pain, I have a God that loves me and you do too.

Now that I have preached a bit, a quick update. I have been super busy lately and really had no time to blog and I have missed you my blogger public. It's Sunday now and I am completely tired from my weekend. I think the weekend is supposed to be about rest but mine for the next few months are going to be hectic. It's ok though because it really is a blessing to be able to take on some new responsibilities.

All is well with me as I work hard to get into Grad School, lose weight, and most of all further my relationship with my Heavenly Father. God and I are doing excellent. I am feeling closer and closer to Him daily and I am pumped about all of the things He is doing in my life. Please keep praying because your prayers are working! Grad School is going ok. I have one giant step out of the way and working on a second one. I have an information meeting this coming week for one of my schools so it might change or make up my mind. I could really use your prayers for time management to be able to get everything in by January.

Weight loss is going awesome as well. This week I lost 3 lbs to take me back down to 247 lbs now. I had to kind of start over last week due to my excessive binging and laziness for a few months that made me gain quite a bit of weight back. I am excited now that I am back "on the wagon" and working hard. I owe a lot of that to my friend Heather who is encouraging me in my weight loss battle.

Friendships are hurting me lately and I am trying very hard to understand what is happening and what God is doing in each of them. I have one friendship that has REALLY grown though and that's a blessing for sure. No romance news because I am still on dating break and will be for at least 1 more month. I have no desire to get involved with anything right now but growth so I am doing well.

I wish I had more time to write but I must get to the grocery store so we won't starve this week! Have a great week ya'll and keep in touch!


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