Thursday, July 27, 2006

5 years......hmmmmm

Well it's been 5 years today since my wedding was cancelled and it's amazing how fresh the freakin pain is. I try to think about this day as the day I was "saved" from divorce but I don't think anyone can convince themselves of such when they have gone through such a traumatic cancelling of their dreams! Today I am feeling sad, angry, annoyed, and mostly just really concerned for my future. I try to realize that Adolfo is LONG gone and so is his cowardice. I try to think that this was all for the best. Still, I wake up on July 27th with a pit in my stomach and the need to punch him in the face!

I am sure that he woke up today and went to work with not so much as one thought as to the damage he did 5 years ago. He probably doesn't even remember the day he took my heart and did the Mexican Hat Dance on it. He is probably completely clueless as to who he hurts and how it affects them. I am sure there is some major sports game on today that will distract him from the idiocy that he did 5 years ago. The video games will take away all of the responsibility of hurting another human so deeply. He won't even comprehend today that he STOLE my dreams and a large sum of money!

Today, I am just going to try to remember why I didn't want to marry that man. It doesn't seem to matter that he is not the one for me. I still feel stolen from! Hmmmmm......I need to get over this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow I would have been married for 5 years! What?????? How did I ever think I was ready then when I am not ready now? What was I thinking? I would have been the worst wife to him and the worst mother to our 57,000 kids! These are the positives to not walking down the aisle 5 years ago. I guess today what I should be saying is "Thank you Adolfo!"

Well, I am done crying now!


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