Friday, August 28, 2009

Growing pains

Lately I have been learning so much and yet have been in more pain that I ever remember being in. We honestly have gotten through the miscarriage pretty well with God's grace, mercy, and healing. We have accepted what is and trust God with the timing of our child and/or children coming into the world. There is still pain but the pain is certainly manageable. Anthony's job also has been something that we have been able to release and trust God with. He was getting all of these notices that his productivity had to be higher or he would be put on disciplinary action and then out of nowwhere he started getting email after email from customers to manager and corporate people telling them how great Anthony's service was. We are so grateful to these people for their time and effort to write those emails when they were not asked to do so.

Just this week it seems like we are getting those straws happening that are rumored to have broken the camel's back. On Wednesday morning, Anthony went out in the morning to leave for work and my car would not start. Anthony's car has been on the fritz for months and we haven't had the money to fix it yet, so we have been relying entirely on my car that, although really well maintained, is 9 years old and has over 160,000 miles. I was not surprised that it needed something done because my car has been amazing to me over the 9 years I have owned it. Every mile except for 30 are miles I put on that vehicle and I have given a lot of energy to it to keep it running well. Lately we have been putting so many miles on it with Anthony's job that I figured normal wear and tear would happen. I started the day with a decent attitude about it and started problem solving. I quickly asked Anthony if a friend from work could pick him up and bring him home if we agreed to pay for 1/2 of his gas for the week. I kept a smile on my face and continued to say how blessed we truly are no matter what goes wrong.

Then, Anthony had a feeling he should check our bank account as we had a bill that needed to be paid. He looked and found that our account was in the red and quickly saw the culprit. We had been charged from the bank that holds his car loan twice. We quickly called them to disput the charge and they said "Nothing can be done" and blamed Anthony for authorizing the payment. They said we should call the bank and contest the charges which would take 30 days to correct. We were stuck! Suddenly the straw just broke that camel's spine....

I began to cry and almost scream how sick of all of this struggle I truly am. I am not by any means ungrateful for anything. I thank God daily for all that he does for us. That I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, food to eat, friends and family who love me etc.... I am grateful that my husband works so hard to keep us taken care of. I am grateful to have friends who are willing to help us with transportation but man...I am worn out!

I feel like such a baby by feeling this way but I feel beat up. I know that there are seasons in life and we are experiencing the dead of winter. I pray that spring is on the horizon because we are so tired. Please keep us in your prayers through this difficulties. Surely there is light at the end of the this tunnel that is not just the headlights of a locomotive! :)

I hope that you are all well. We miss everyone we haven't talked to and I missed my blog lately.

1 comment:

Terra said...

Oh Erica! I can literally feel your frustrations! Believe me when I say we've been there...most months still are. It always seems that someone is more than happy to kick you when you're down. (Sometimes I think they're standing in line waiting to do it!). I had to laugh when I read your statement about the light at the end of the tunnel...that is SO something I would say. And I'm often afraid it IS a locomotive! haha! Hang in there! Always remember they can't get blood from a turnip...and if they want the turnip, well tell 'em good luck!