Friday, April 11, 2014

They say truth hurts, but so do un-truths

Every time I am sitting around with friends and we start talking about "Pet Peeves," I can never think of one. I mean sure, I don't necessarily love when people pop their gum or click pens but it also doesn't drive me wild with anger or make me want to lash out irrationally. One thing that I realized yesterday is that I do have a Pet Peeve and it's strong. It makes me livid with anger and it makes me feel completely overwhelmed with weakness, pain, hurt, and disillusionment. It is when someone inadvertently or directly decides that they know exactly who I am without really ever interacting with me. I have a few statements to make because it is part of me taking care of myself:

You don't know me if...

-- You know my family.
-- You have married a man who is black.
-- You have had a miscarriage.
-- You have diabetes
-- You are overweight.
-- You are family.. (you might know me but not just because we are related)
-- You are a therapist.
-- You knew my grandparents.
-- You know my father (Heck he doesn't really know me)
-- You know my mother
-- You know my sisters
-- You know my family! (repeating is necessary apparently)
-- You know my husband
-- You read my Facebook status' every day
-- You see my son in pictures.
-- You read my blog (sorry...but not everything is blog material)
-- You have heard stories!

Now, how someone is known is by spending time with them, asking them questions about their beliefs, feelings, attitudes, and allowing yourself to take them in. Developing a "KNOWING" of another person is not just from a handful of interactions, a few Facebook posts, and opinions of others. We should have all learned by now in seeing the craze of celebrities and paparazzi (not at all claiming to be a celebrity) that we can not always trust what we see, hear, and read. To be honest, I think the only way you can trust your opinion of another is by actually engaging with me, developing a relationship, and then making that decision.

Yesterday this happened to me. Someone unloaded all of their "facts" they had gathered on me based on Facebook status', other's opinions, and of course....they have actually talked to me twice face to face and one of those times was literally about 1.5 minutes long. The other was at a dinner after a funeral. In my view, those are not enough to gather an entire personality profile and judgment on anyone. However, this person had no problem calling me names that were horrible (hypocrite) and deciding that they knew everything they needed to know to form a full opinion of me. How sad!

This is what I have decided since yesterday, shame on me if I ever do this again to another person. I am 100% positive that I have and shame on me for that. I won't be doing it anymore. I will base my opinions on another based on the content of their character which I will only know after trying to know them. I am tired of renewing my sense of worth after someone tears me down without knowing a single thing about me besides who my family is and what others have said. I am angry and I believe I am justified in that anger.

If you don't have the time to actually know, please don't take the time to give me your report card. I didn't even attend your class!! LEAVE ME ALONE!

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