Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Marriage and moods


Lately I have been learning a very hard lesson and I am not sure what exactly to do with it. Today I went to therapy and discussed it for 50 minutes and it still did not seem clear. This is something that I guess I probably knew about marriage but lately has seemed to be more and more real to me. Every time either Anthony and I have a bad day, it ruins the other person's day. Lately life has been pretty difficult with financial concerns, job concerns, family frustrations, and the like and it really shows in the way our home runs. I notice that the moods are really contagious and it is incredibly hard to stay in a good mood if your husband or wife is in a bad mood. When something bothers Anthony it really bothers me too.

This has started to cause some serious problems for me. Not in how much I love Anthony or even how happy I am in the marriage but I have noticed it makes me lose sleep. I have had a hard time lately getting to sleep and staying asleep and I think that I am really worried about Anthony's happiness in life. We both have such a fantastic time together when it's his day off but as soon as he is back to work, I notice his level of happiness is drastically different and I feel so sad and concerned.

It's so weird for me to feel this way because I deal with people's problems for a living and yet, it is so different when it's the man you love. I am used to listening to people for 50 minutes and then walking away and being able to let go of their stuff and get back to engaging in my own life. Anthony is my own life and his happiness is paramount to mine. Anyone that has been married for a while...check in on this and let me know if this is something you deal with and how do you balance your own contentment in life and your mate's lack of contentment or vice versa. It's a really difficult balance when it is not the marriage that is having difficulties. I want Anthony to find happiness in his own identity and profession as well. I am going to keep praying for answers but I would really appreciate any feedback you all have!

3 comments:

Casey said...

I can totally relate to this, from Anthony's side. I am in the same position he is I think. I loathe my job and it affects every other part of my life, including my interaction with Justin when i'm NOT at work. I'm fine on the weekends, but when Monday comes, i'm a beast. I feel horrible but I really dont know what to do about it-being 6+ months pregnant, the chances of me finding another job are nearly impossible, esp with the market being in such bad shape. So, i'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place...

JayneSees said...

I wish I had a solution for you, but I don't yet! All I can say is that I totally relate! The hubs and I really struggle with this as well.

The one thing I will pass along is to remember that just because one of you, or even both of you are having a bad day, it does not mean that the other is fundamentally unhappy with their life or spouse....

and even though we hate seeing the person we love upset, we can't (and shouldn't) always 'fix" it. They've got to be able to process their own emotions.

Despite the bonds of marriage, you are still two separate adults.

With that said, it's still hard!

I wish you guys all the luck and love in the world, and I promise that while it may take awhile to completely sort through, it will get easier to navigate as you get to know each other more and more in your marriage.

Terra said...

Have you been spying on me? :) I, too, have found that our bad moods rub off on each other. Toby is SO unhappy at his job, but the economy has him pinned right now. Those 8 or 9 hours per day seem to be ruling our entire lives.

Like you, I know that this is not a reflection on our marriage or how much he loves me. However, I (again like you) worry about him and want him to be happy in all areas of his life.

Unfortunately, I don't have any answers for you. But I can say that it makes me feel a little better just knowing I am not the only wife that struggles with these challenges...thanks once again for sharing with me/us! :)