Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Some people are not willing to look at anything

Over the last few days it came to my awareness that I was blamed for something (along with another person) that we had no part in. I know who did the alleged act and I also know that the person it was done to was hurt by it and had a legitimate reason to be but somehow me and my sister Hilliary got blamed. We, however, said none of the things that were accused of us and quite honestly did not give much thought to the situation and didn't have enough time to even care to be completely frank.

I also found that someone I trusted and really thought cared about Hilliary and myself found it necessary to discuss this situation at length and say some really hurtful things about both of us and give their opinion on a matter they knew NOTHING about except from the hurt person. OUCH! I am feeling like I am not sure who to trust and talk to anymore. I am feeling overwhelmed, hurt, and blamed for things that were not in my control.

When I did what I thought best which was to CALL the person who was hurt, apologize for their hurt and not take responsibility for it but understand it (the adult thing in my opinion) that person asked me to lose their number, stay out of their life, and go to hell. WOW is all I could respond because to be honest I have been there for that person when others weren't, have taken a lot of absolutely crazy phone calls from them, and spent a small fortune coming to them when I felt they needed me. I no longer feel any love from this person and although they are hurting deeply, it doesn't give them a right to strike out and hurt others either. I have given enough of my time worrying and caring to be blamed for things I would never do.

I have been accused to being immature now, ganging up on, and caring about things that I have no concern with. I have to give up this one, it just isn't worth the drama for me. I have a lot of relationships in my life that are positive, healthy, and loving and this one is a loss for me no matter how hard I tried to be there and do the right thing. As well as the collateral damage that has been done. This person has gone to others and outright been dishonest about myself and Hilliary. I would like a chance to be told what I did before others hearing something I did.

I guess I am just venting on here now because I have no where else to turn without jumping to conclusions and hurting others myself and I won't do that. I recognize pain, grief, and trauma. I deal with them in my own life and the life of others. I would never negate that. I also speak for Hilliary in saying she has been there and tried as well. We are neither one perfect and we were given not even a chance to be asked what we truly thought before blamed and outright thrown away. I can't say I am that surprised. We have always been second rate to some.

I am sad. My heart hurts. I have lost more than one relationship I thought I had. Now, it's time to do what they asked me to do...lose their number and move on. Sad.

1 comment:

Bridgett said...

I am so sorry, Erica! You know sometimes it's a blessing when we are cut off from individuals like this. It's obvious to those who know you that you wouldn't be anything but caring and supportive of others. I know this wound is deep but I pray that you will start to heal and move forward. I also pray that you will be surrounded by family and friends who will reach out to you and comfort you!
Gentle Hugs,