Monday, December 18, 2006

Being introspective

Tonight I was sitting in my room reflecting after a good day that turned a bit bad. Today was Anthony's 26th birthday and it went wonderfully. We celebrated with gifts, a movie, a cake, and lunch at Buca De Beppos! We enjoyed some really intimate time together and enjoyed each other's company so very much. We shared some Fettucini Alfredo with chicken, red peppers, and broccoli as well as a sampler of all different kinds of baked pastas and some great fresh bread with olive oil and vinegar. It was an amazing meal with an amazing man. We finished our meal and headed to target to create our awesome greeting cards on the digital picture thing. They are way cute and if you are reading this, you are probably getting a copy. I am very proud of them. We are so happy together and for once in my life, I love back. I am so excited about our future and every step we take together is such a monumental time and an enjoyment.

Later on in the evening, I had someone really violate my personal business. I can't really go into details on here and describe what happened nor who did it, but I can say that I am terribly angered, hurt, and annoyed by this violation. They not only attacked my personal character, my work ethic, and my spirituality but also my relationship with Anthony which is a place where noone is welcome to tread. This relationship is the first thing I have done right in years and I am proud of it, protective of it, and all about being focused on keeping it sacred.

Needless to say, I am a little bit introspective today because when you have a wonderful day, you already just think a lot about your life. I have been thinking about how special it is to be with Anthony. I have been thinking about how amazing it is to look at rings with him, think about the future, and dream together. Also, since this other "event" happened tonight, I have had time to ponder the things about me that this person has attacked. I have been thinking about how I can clean up my character, my work ethic, my spirituality, and my relationship with Anthony. I should say, this person was completely incorrect in their assessment of me but either way, I am hoping I don't reflect any of this. I am really hurting, angry, and tired of this person and their opinions.

Tonight I sat down with my journal and started to think. I wrote down my strengths and weaknesses first. I am really unhappy with many areas of my life just like many people are I am sure. I am also entirely proud of some of the growth that has happened in my life in the last 6 years now. Since a fateful day in my life, I have powered through making changes and really fought against some of the things I was raised in. I have set up boundaries, made good choices, pursued my dreams, accomplished some serious goals, and established a healthy romantic relationship. I want to give myself the credit I am due but some of me is really disappointed in myself and can't stop thinking about the failures that have surrounded all of these successes.

Tonight, I am going to journal a little more and pray over these things so much to see where God wants to take me in this journey. I know I have come far but I really hope there are more places to go. This new year, I am not making resolutions but true and solid goals with steps and plans to accomplish them! I love myself enough to see it and work through it.


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