Thursday, March 08, 2007

Oswald Chambers is onto something

So I was reading tonight and I came across this quote. Oswald Chambers wrote, "It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God. His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the future." This is something I really needed to read tonight. I am going through a lot of future worry. I know that probably doesn't shock anyone since that is one of my personal struggles...worry. I am learning more and more to really live in the now. I have learned a bit about that in therapy and have come to the conclusion that it really is a better option if I could just get myself to do it. I have a lot of areas that I worry about in my life. Some of these are my spirituality, my health, my career, my job, my finances, my relationships, my future with Anthony, having or not having children, etc...

All of my life I have always just gotten so caught up in the worries that they paralyzed me. Sometimes I would worry so much about an assignment in school that it would lead me to put it off and put it off until it was almost due and then spend hours and hours trying to get it finished at the last minute. I would worry so much about my health I would completely avoid the doctor and in turn have to be rushed to emergency because I wasn't caring properly for myself. I would worry so much about my career I was petrified to even apply for Graduate School and in turn was VERY shocked when I got in, I couldn't even be happy for myself. I have worried so much that I handicap any efforts of getting things done or being good to myself.

With this all being true, I have decided that I need to think differently in order to live differently. I need to be in the now. A great example is in my graduate school endeavors. Since I know about my patterns to become scared and put things off, I have decided to commit to 2 hours of school related work each day. I have also dedicated 1 hour to my health per day. I have also dedicated portions of time to other things so I can live in the NOW and not in the next week.

I just wanted to share that today and hopefully I get some more chances to write. I like blogging, don't get to do it very much with 12-16 hour work days and grad school and an amazing boyfriend. Almost 9 months folks! I love that boy!


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