Monday, June 21, 2010

Twenty Things I wish I knew at Twenty!

So I was incredibly inspired tonight by a blog I read at Mighty Girl and thought I would do my own list of things that I wish I knew at age 20. I am coming up on 30 in a hot second and it is starting to make me be very insightful and think about what I learned during my 20's and how it shaped who I am at 30. By the way, August 9th is the big day and gifts should include things to dry tears like handkerchiefs and things to comfort like chocolate and coffee. Honestly though, I am kind of excited about 30. There is something about getting older that makes me really hopeful for the future. I am looking forward to having children, spending time with my awesome hubs, and creating the best career ever in my 30's. Now, onto the lessons I feel I wish I would have known sooner. Feel free to comment and let me know what you wish you would have known at 20, 30, 40, etc... I would love all of the 30's advice I can get...Enjoy...

1. It doesn't matter how bad you look in the photo/video; take them anyway: We all look stupid about 95% of our lives. That is completely ok. I think that looking back on your life is so important and seeing the crazy hair do's and more importantly don'ts and being able to make fun of your sister's Bon Jovi look alike fringe jacket is completely priceless.

2. Savor every single moment of time with your grandparents: I miss my grandma and grandpas so much and realize that those moments seemed to fly by. If I could go back and savor more of that time and get all of the wisdom that I feel I missed, I would be one happy chick.

3. Eating healthfully is always the best thing: When I was in my early 20s I don't think I ever thought about cholesterol, sodium, fat, etc...I just ate what tasted good to me and man do those pounds pack on and then one day you hit 30 and realize that your metabolism is like an imaginary friend; goes away right when you need it never to be seen again.

4. Don't ever be sorry for following the rules: I used to be so embarrassed that I am a rule follower. When everyone else would do things when the teacher wasn't looking, I really wanted to join in because I felt dorky for thinking that was wrong. Now, I am the teacher. Don't do things when I'm not looking! I love rules and rules are meant for order and they are not for the faint of heart. It is much easier to do what you want than what is right.

5. Don't allow people into your life that enjoy hurting you. I have done some serious clean up over my 20's of people who claimed to be a friend to me but really enjoyed talking behind my back or creating stories that were interesting or painful. I have learned that if someone even remotely likes to hurt you, they are NOT A GOOD CHOICE. They may be fun, exciting, friendly, interesting etc...but honestly, it won't end well.

6. Family is so much less about blood and so much more about unwavering support. I am incredibly lucky to have family that I absolutely love but I am also lucky to have friends who I adore. I have great in laws and even though many of the people I call family look absolutely nothing like me, I am one lucky girl to have them. Mom, Dad, sisters, aunts, uncles etc...are great but I really appreciate those that choose me!

7. Depression is serious business and don't ever be afraid to admit that you are. For years I battled bouts of serious depression and never gave it a second glance. I would keep getting up, going to classes, or functioning well below my ability. Today, I realize I am depressed, cry it out, get help, and walk on enjoying my life while I kick depression in its ungrateful teeth.

8. Grieve your losses. Really grieve them. There is NO way around them. When I was 19 I lost my grandpa and spent the next 8 years literally in heart breaking pain trying to run away from it. Last year I lost my child and walked through it with grace by doing what came naturally...putting my head under the covers, wailing like someone was beating me, and screaming that it wasn't fair. I still miss my little one but I feel better every day unlike before.

9. There is absolutely no substitute for a good marriage. Marrying Anthony has been the best thing I ever did FOR myself. He balances me, helps me, loves me, supports me, and is my best friend through life. Waiting for him was so smart and not settling for anything less than exactly what I wanted made all of the difference.

10. Sex is PERSONAL. This is such a sacred topic and to share it with others when the one you love is the only one it belongs to is completely nasty and distasteful. I am no prude...but that is Anthony's treasure.

11. Las Vegas should be enjoyed it small doses. There is absolutely no person in the world that really can enjoy more than 2-3 days of Las Vegas. Sleep is so important and filling your lungs with the noxious gases of the casino is really not something you can do for more than 36 hours. Enjoy and go home.

12. Weddings are far less important than vows. I was engaged many moons ago and many know that he cancelled our wedding 1 day (Yes, he is a douche and yes I said one freaking day) before the ceremony. Looking back, I don't care. Thank God that he did because I got my Anthony out of it whom I married under neath the Vegas sign in none of the nonsense that encompasses "bridezilla's of today" and let me tell you what....EVERY single day...I love being married. I have friends who spent thousands both on their wedding and now their divorces.

13. Premarital therapy should be required by law. I spent 2 years with Anthony before we got married and 1.5 of those in therapy together and I found out things in that room that would aid me in my marriage for years to come. I have probably yet to find out all of the benefits of what happened in those sessions. Yes, I am biased but therapy works.

14. It isn't easy to get pregnant. Dear 20 year old Erica, first of all lose some freakin are going to be 30 one day and it won't be pretty. Secondly, do not think that when you meet your awesome gorgeous hubby and get married that you will one day come home and say "Let's have a baby" and then you will have awesome passionate baby making sex and then the stick will turn pink. What will happen is that you will try diligently for 6-7 months to make a baby while not really enjoying it because it should not be work and then after you give up and get out of grad school with your stressed out will then get pregnant!" There are only 12 opportunities in a year to get pregnant...get a grip... it takes time.

15. Being a mother is the hardest thing you will ever do. I got pregnant last year and ended up losing my child after the first trimester ...the "safe" one was over. It broke my stinkin heart. I loved that child from the moment of peeing on the stick so losing it was like losing my own heart. I was a mother from day one. I will always be a mother and I do not have more respect for anyone over good mothers. I salute you!

16. Marriage is hard when its easy. I say this to 100% of my clients and I mean it. I am married to the nicest man on the planet and he still drives me crazy. He is sweet, kind, compassionate, a great husband and father, and yet...being married is still REALLY HARD WORK. Don't rush the journey to marriage. Enjoy the singleness and then dig your heels in and enjoy the difficulty of marriage.

17. You will never be perfect! Nuff said.

18. There are men out there who think that women who eat are sexy. Yes there are tons of men who prefer skinny and fit and athletic but there are just as many who like thick thighs, big booties, and a great sense of humor and confidence in who they are.

19. Do what you love, even if you feel like you look stupid doing it.I love to dance and I am pretty stinkin good at it...and I avoided it for years because of my weight. That is a stupid choice on my part. Do what you love always!

20. Honesty is the sexiest thing in the world. Knowing that I don't have to doubt my husband's words is everything. I make it a point that he never have to doubt mine either. When you are young you lie a's stupid. Just be honest. It is seriously absolutely sexy!

The end! Help me readers, what have you learned!!!

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