Sunday, November 21, 2010

Desperate..not so housewives

This week in the news there seem to be an extraordinary amount of divorces. Eva Longoria (From Desperate Housewives) and Tony Parker (NBA player) have announced their divorce.

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman (Music Executive) have also called it quits.

I know that this is not terribly surprising in Hollywood but for some reason, it is really disturbing to me this time. I think because Eva and Tony got married in July of 2007 which is dangerously close to my August 2008 wedding. Also, Christina and Jordan got together 5 years ago which Anthony and I did as well. I think it just cuts too close to home.

I mean, if you read anything in the news at all or watch Ellen, like I do, there are obvious reasons for these marriages ending. Infidelity is always the word we hear thrown around in the rumor mill of Hollywood, however, is that easier than saying "we just don't get along?" Does it seem more socially acceptable to say that someone cheated or was seen with someone else? I secretly wonder if anyone actually cheated and if there is just the issue of marriage being incredibly hard. I sure didn't know it would require this much work when I got married.

I remember being single only a few years ago and praying to God saying things like "God, if you just bring my husband, everything will be alright." I can't believe I actually uttered those words and mostly I can't believe how gullible I was. I should note that in my opinion I have a very good marriage. I love my husband very much and appreciate him while also feeling incredibly loved and appreciated. I would still say that Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Marriage is a collage of things I never expected at all in life. I never realized how selfish I was until I was married. I never realized how anal retentive and how much of a perfectionist I was until I was married. I never realized how incredibly stubborn I was until I was married. Marriage is like a holding a mirror up against the content of your character and sometimes what you see is worse than one of those scary Bloody Mary Horror movies in the 80's. I was not pleased to really truly see myself in marriage.

I wonder quite frequently if that is the reason so many marriages fail. I think it is hard to see oneself as you truly are. I think it's hard to see all of your fears, failures, and weaknesses displayed daily by watching someone you love be disappointed. I think it is super easy to be single and think about all of the ways that you will love your spouse and then the marriage comes and you realize that the things that you thought you would be good at, you fail miserably at daily. You learn that your expectations of what it would be like to be a husband or wife are vastly different from what your husband or wife thought you would be like. You learn that the person that matters the most to you and is closest to your heart, can make you homicidal by leaving their socks in the same place over and over and over and not considering that you are the one picking them up and there is no sock fairy.

I say that after doing 1 and 1/2 years of premarital therapy. I know some who get married with no more than a couple of months of dating and expect to not have a moment of disillusionment. I am not trying to dump on marriage or even to make people not want to be married but it is vastly different than dating and there really is no way to know what it is like until you are married. I don't care if you have lived together before marriage or is different. I say that and feel sad today that marriages are ending around me right and left. Not just in Hollywood but in my friend's lives. It is hard to see people break up when you got married around the same time. It is hard to imagine for me being able to stay married without feeling that my vow to God was important. I vowed so many things to Anthony and to Jesus and letting them down is just not an option.

All of this to say today...I am sad about divorces...Hollywood or not, they are marriages and they bring grief with their ends. Stay married people...I bet it gets easier! :)

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