Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Sin City makes closer relationship to Jesus, says the Tabloid

So Anthony and I just back on Monday morning from Vegas for the weekend. We went to celebrate our 6 month married anniversary and God just really used Vegas to teach me some really important lessons. Things have been hard lately to say the very least. Anthony and I have been "trying" to get pregnant and that is the most anxiety ridden adventure I have ever had. In October when we decided that we wanted to start trying, I was so ready, excited, and completely into the idea. Then a few months passed with no "pregnant" on the pee test and I started to get very sad and down.

Well, when we went to Vegas this weekend it was after finding out that we weren't pregnant for the 4th month in a row. It was after I was 2 and 1/2 weeks late and really started to think it had finally happened. I went to Vegas with an agenda! My agenda was to GET OVER IT and stop wanting something so badly that I can not control. It didn't work. It's like when someone tells you not to think of a pink bunny. What are you thinking about right now? A pink bunny right?

All I could think about all weekend was being a mom since I saw numerous parents carrying children through the casinos with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other and thinking "why not me Lord?" What did I do to not deserve a baby and these people think casinos are kid friendly? As you can imagine it was a hard time.

It was the last day and I was going to bed because I am not one of those cool people who can not sleep! God kept me up all night teaching me about myself and showing me areas I can work on. The one that was brought to my attention so much more than the rest was materialism and having to keep up with everyone else. I live in this way so much and I can't blame it on Orange County, California when I was like this in Lawrence County, Indiana!

I am not saying that the reason that God is not giving me a baby is due to my sin life but...I am saying...maybe I would like to take care of this area first. Just a thought for today!

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