Thursday, June 27, 2013

Are you TOXIC?

I was browsing CNN today and came across THIS ARTICLE about Facebook. I will start by saying that I am an avid Facebook lover for the most part. I have been on the site since it first starting gaining popularity several years ago. I use the site for various things like keeping in touch with out of state friends, promoting my blog and writing, and even helping our home based business with Scensty. I thought I would break down my thoughts on the article here. Here is the gist of the article in my words. They have broken down Facebook users into 8 TOXIC categories and talked about who they "really are" after describing their Facebook personality. Here are the 8 categories they have created and a brief synopsis of that category. After that, I will talk about how I feel about these categories (as a therapist) and how I view those Facebook users on my own page.

1. The Showboat

The article describes these people as the ones who post pictures of their awesome travels and achievements. They go on to say that these people are most likely living a lie and posing to be happy when they really aren't.

2. The Oprah

This is the person, in their estimation, that posts tons of inspirational quotes and pictures, always talks about positive thinking, and always has something great to say about their day. They say that these people really do want to make your life and day better and they are just not really taking into account the real-life problems we all face. (my thoughts later)

3. The Complainer

This person is the whiner who constantly has something to complain about from normal life problems and up. They say that these people use Facebook as their refuge and passive aggressiveness can be prevalent.

4. The Cryptic

These people are the ones who write posts that are ominous and vague but want to get people to respond. The articles says these people are trying to be mysterious but really are just drama queens.

5. The Professional

This person is the one who uses their page to promote their business, increase their professional profile, etc... The article says that these people are really just professional minded and do not know how to clarify the boundary between professionalism and social life.

6. The Crusader

This person is the one who always has a cause from battered animals, donating blood, or a political stance. The article says that they are really feeling powerful and influential by posting it on Facebook but in reality, when they don't have an audience their causes fall flat.

7. The Scenester

These are the people that know all of the upcoming openings, go to every event that's happening, and always are where it's at! This articles says that these people ultimately just want you to join in and are harmless.

8. The Perennial Parent

This person is the one who views everything through a parenting lens. Every status is about their kids, every picture is of their kids, and everything they do has to do with kids. They go on to say that these people drive people crazy with their ongoing family journal.

Ok, that is the articles take on these people so I thought I would rant a little about my views on the Facebook toxic people and who they are to me. I decided while reading through this article that I would not only define my own Facebook toxic people but also go ahead and label myself as one of the above or more than one of the above to take responsibility for my own Facebook behavior. Here we go..Erica's 5 Toxic Facebook types

1. Passive Aggressive Polly

This is the person who posts things about their personal business on Facebook but does it in such a way that it doesn't name names or specifically state what a person did. For example: "Feeling like maybe I should just be alone for a while because clearly my friends and family have forgotten I exist" I feel like it would be a lot more effective to just go to the person you are unhappy/angry with and tell them what they did. It makes you look petty and immature to post it on Facebook so that they can see your emotion. Have a genuine relationship with someone, it is quite nice!

2. B*tch and Moan Myrtle

This goes along with the article's "complainer" but this one for me is so aggravating. This is the person who never says anything remotely positive and complains about some of the most amazing blessings in life like being pregnant, having children, and having a job when there are so many out there who are struggling. I do not feel like it's always a bad thing to express dissatisfaction, pain, or frustration but when every post is a complaint...I'm over it and certainly block myself from seeing your negative nonsense. I see this person as the perpetual victim and often times I feel like they have gotten themselves into most of the situations that they are complaining about. Most of them don't feel like horrible situations but simply consequences.

3. Family Drama Mama

This is the person on Facebook who constantly has family drama with their husband, children, or extended family members and they literally fight via status. It is always entertaining and it's like a bad news story. Although you are horribly disturbed, you just keep watching. To me, I love when that person gets in a huff when an outsider comments and they say something like "This is a family issue so please stay out of it!" Are you serious, you put your "family issue" in a public forum. Expect feedback!

4. Hypocrite Henry

I am one of those people who know A LOT about other people. It goes with the territory of being a therapist that people use me a little to sort through their problems or issues. That means, I know their dirt. I love when people who are going through something really hard or battle or struggle with an issue get on Facebook and act like they don't. They quote scripture at others, talk about world issues as if they have all of the answers, and don't show a bit of fruit or acceptance for other's struggles. It leaves a very bad taste in my mouth and probably one of my least favorite Facebook folks!

5. Know it all Ned

These are the first ones on my list to get deleted. These are the people who take a stand on every single status and the stand is usually very one sided and ill researched. These are also the people who put up ignorant racial posts, political posts, religious posts, etc... without a single shred of knowledge of the issues at hand. They are often foul jokes about people in authority positions, verses in scripture taken out of context, and my favorite....weighing in on something that they have never personally went through but KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT! Yuck...Delete!

Now..which toxic Facebook users from the article do I exhibit traits from...these:

The Showboat: I used to post tons of pictures of awesome places and things we did when we had more money and less responsibility. I no longer have that life because I am a stay at home mama and we are on one income. I will say this, I like my life more than I did then. It was just what was going on for me at that point. I don't genuinely have a crappy life though. My life is extremely happy and full and is in every financial bracket that I've been in (since being married to Anthony)

The Cryptic: I absolutely NEVER put my VERY personal life onto Facebook so I do use somewhat cryptic posts to ask for prayer. I try to not disclose other people's information unless they are okay with it and I don't tell a lot of things about my life on there because it's dangerous. I kept my pregnancy secret for almost 4 months due to a previous miscarriage so some of the posts during that were cryptic. I think that this is just me being discreet and remembering that I have almost 1,000 friends on there which means there are differing levels of friendship and relationship to consider.

The Professional: I do use Facebook to promote my blog and our Scentsy business. I do not post about Scentsy every day but I certainly try to do it frequently. A lot of our friends are customers so it is an easy way to share new products and promotions. Also, I promote my tutoring services on Facebook often because people use their page to find tutors and babysitters so I know that people are looking. My blogs, I make no apology. I love to write and I get NO MONEY from it. For me, it's a joy to write what I think, feel, and get opinions and feedback from others.

The Perennial Parent: This one is new to me so I'm not sure how to navigate it. I have only been a mom for 5 months but I do almost post a picture a day of Max. Some of this is due to him having several family members and us having a lot of close friends out in California who love to get updates and see pictures of Max. Also, I waited for a LONG time for this sweet boy and I'm celebrating him all the time. To people who are annoyed by his sweet little face..I say block me! I don't care! By the way, I am not annoyed by your children at all. I love seeing families being happy together!

Ok, are you Toxic? I'm curious!

1 comment:

Jonesy said...

I would much rather see a "Perennial Parent" posting pics of their kid(s) every day than some adult posting pics of themselves wasted in a bar. It's just not cute to be proudly announcing and documenting your drunk self when you are a parent or even just an adult with no kids! I post pics mostly of what we do as a family just because it helps me remember the events better, I have a lot of out of state friends and relatives and if my house burns or computer crashes, I still have pics! But I do know a few people who do post the pics to "Showboat".