So here I am. I am a graduate student in Clinical Psychology. My head is spinning and my heart is racing and my eyes are tired. I have had more reading in one week than I think I had in my whole undergraduate career which is just overwhelming. My profs are really great and the people in my cohort are exceptional as well. I am blessed beyond measure but tired beyond repair.
Dr. Phil was stinkin amazing and I had such a great time going with Anthony. Things in my life are great but busy. I pray I will make time for ERICA through all of this. Updates soon!
~e~
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
The next phase
Hello everyone and Happy Sunday to you. I hope this sunday finds you healthy, well, and having a restful sabbath. For the last few days I have been in relaxation mode and loving it. I am coming up on my first week of Grad School and I am getting nervous, excited, challenged, motivated, driven, and mostly prepared. Wednesday will be my first class and I only have one until next week. I have Clinical Foundations I on Wednesday and luckily it's with a professor I had as an undergrad student so I am fairly familar with her at least. I have decided that Blogging will need to become a more regular part of my life again as I chronicle what is happening with one of the hugest phases of my life.
My birthday was absolutely magnificent and I spent it with people I love dearly. My friends and I gathered at Dave & Busters and just had a great, fun night together. I was truly blessed to spend it with people who love and care about me and people who are so much fun. Anthony and I just celebrated 2 months together on Friday. We have had a great first 2 months and are really enjoying the relationship and all of the peaks and valleys it creates. I think we are learning a lot about each other and ourselves through this newness. He is spending the weekend with his family and enjoying their company since some relatives of his are in the country from Germany.
On Thursday of next week I get the privelage of going to a taping of the Dr. Phil Show and it couldn't come at a better time the day after I begin graduate school in Psychology. I am so excited about this and it was one of my birthday gifts from my wonderful, gorgeous boyfriend. Work is going very well as Christopher and I start up our 8th grade year together. I am learning all of the things I missed while being a 12 year old idiot and not listening in classes. I found out I know way less about history than I wish to.
My friends are all moving in different directions and doing marvelously. I find they are more and more amazing every day of my life. My friend Nick from Indiana is actually leaving Sept 5 or 6 for Iraq to serve another couple of months in the marines. He was in iraq last year as well and is being sent back. His son Calvin just celebrated his first birthday so I would really appreciate your prayers for Nick to be safe and strong while he is in Iraq.
My family are doing ok but my mom is still recovering from a recent stroke so she needs your prayers to be able to return to work or be allowed disability so that she can survive. My little sister needs prayers for a job while my older sister has just begun being a caregiver for some mutual friend's children. She is making a little money at least to be able to meet her needs. I am so proud of the changes and steps she is taking to be independent.
Today I am heading down to San Diego with Heather to visit her brother, his wife, and their kids. I love her neice and nephew so I am very excited to see them. I was going to spend the day just chillin at the house but it seems I have an opportunity to get out and enjoy my friend so I am jumping at the chance. Tonight I am heading to church and out to starbucks so that should be great and then I get to see my wonderful boyfriend again! :) I miss him already!
Things here are changing and wonderful. Some of that is anxiety ridden and other parts I am just trying to enjoy. There are many changes and many new goals but God has always been here to push me and take me through the hardest journeys of my life. Here goes nothing. Have a great week and I will try to write on here more often.
All of my love,
~e~
My birthday was absolutely magnificent and I spent it with people I love dearly. My friends and I gathered at Dave & Busters and just had a great, fun night together. I was truly blessed to spend it with people who love and care about me and people who are so much fun. Anthony and I just celebrated 2 months together on Friday. We have had a great first 2 months and are really enjoying the relationship and all of the peaks and valleys it creates. I think we are learning a lot about each other and ourselves through this newness. He is spending the weekend with his family and enjoying their company since some relatives of his are in the country from Germany.
On Thursday of next week I get the privelage of going to a taping of the Dr. Phil Show and it couldn't come at a better time the day after I begin graduate school in Psychology. I am so excited about this and it was one of my birthday gifts from my wonderful, gorgeous boyfriend. Work is going very well as Christopher and I start up our 8th grade year together. I am learning all of the things I missed while being a 12 year old idiot and not listening in classes. I found out I know way less about history than I wish to.
My friends are all moving in different directions and doing marvelously. I find they are more and more amazing every day of my life. My friend Nick from Indiana is actually leaving Sept 5 or 6 for Iraq to serve another couple of months in the marines. He was in iraq last year as well and is being sent back. His son Calvin just celebrated his first birthday so I would really appreciate your prayers for Nick to be safe and strong while he is in Iraq.
My family are doing ok but my mom is still recovering from a recent stroke so she needs your prayers to be able to return to work or be allowed disability so that she can survive. My little sister needs prayers for a job while my older sister has just begun being a caregiver for some mutual friend's children. She is making a little money at least to be able to meet her needs. I am so proud of the changes and steps she is taking to be independent.
Today I am heading down to San Diego with Heather to visit her brother, his wife, and their kids. I love her neice and nephew so I am very excited to see them. I was going to spend the day just chillin at the house but it seems I have an opportunity to get out and enjoy my friend so I am jumping at the chance. Tonight I am heading to church and out to starbucks so that should be great and then I get to see my wonderful boyfriend again! :) I miss him already!
Things here are changing and wonderful. Some of that is anxiety ridden and other parts I am just trying to enjoy. There are many changes and many new goals but God has always been here to push me and take me through the hardest journeys of my life. Here goes nothing. Have a great week and I will try to write on here more often.
All of my love,
~e~
Saturday, August 05, 2006
The countdown is on.
Hey everyone. Today is only 4 days until I turn 26 years old and last night I was close to a meltdown. I think there are some issues with what I "think" I should be doing or have accomplished at 26 years old. I think that sometimes I forget all that I do have and focus on the things that I do not have. Examples of these items are a husband and a child or children. Today I decided that I am going to make some resolutions for my 26th year. These are things I wish to accomplish and establish for myself before I turn 27. Some of them will be small and relatively easy to accomplish while others are completely difficult and are a personal struggle. For your viewing pleasure...
1. Lose 30 lbs
2. Follow my diabetic plan complete with medications, doctors, specialists, etc...
3. Clean up my eating habits
4. Finish 1 year of Grad School and do it well.
5. Establish a healthy dating relationship with Anthony and treat him with respect.
6. Really commit to a church as "church home" and attend as often as possible.
7. Read through the Bible yet again.
8. Make prayer a daily commitment.
9. Pay of all debts in collections.
10. Get a secured credit card and start repairing credit.
11. Pay back people who have been there for me through financial crisis.
12. Realize how much I have at 26 and not what I don't have.
13. Exercise my body at least 3 times a week.
14. Actually study for tests, assignments, projects, etc...instead of pushing until the last minute.
15. Make my mental health a top priority.
16. Take advantage of health/dental/vision insurance and take care of me!!!!
17. Keep organized, don't let paperwork stack up.
18. Work on my domestic skills (cooking, organizing, etc...)
19. Make a few repairs on my car.
20. Have a date with me once a month equaling 12 at least by next birthday!
~E~
1. Lose 30 lbs
2. Follow my diabetic plan complete with medications, doctors, specialists, etc...
3. Clean up my eating habits
4. Finish 1 year of Grad School and do it well.
5. Establish a healthy dating relationship with Anthony and treat him with respect.
6. Really commit to a church as "church home" and attend as often as possible.
7. Read through the Bible yet again.
8. Make prayer a daily commitment.
9. Pay of all debts in collections.
10. Get a secured credit card and start repairing credit.
11. Pay back people who have been there for me through financial crisis.
12. Realize how much I have at 26 and not what I don't have.
13. Exercise my body at least 3 times a week.
14. Actually study for tests, assignments, projects, etc...instead of pushing until the last minute.
15. Make my mental health a top priority.
16. Take advantage of health/dental/vision insurance and take care of me!!!!
17. Keep organized, don't let paperwork stack up.
18. Work on my domestic skills (cooking, organizing, etc...)
19. Make a few repairs on my car.
20. Have a date with me once a month equaling 12 at least by next birthday!
~E~
Monday, July 31, 2006
New challenges, dreams, and hopes
So in just 9 days I will be 26 years old. I think I always believed that by 26 I would be married and be a mama. There is a saddness that hangs over this birthday because I am nowhere near being a wife or a mother yet. I am a girlfriend and it's hard for me to even say that I am good at that. I adore Anthony and I care deeply for him but I am always scared of the next step and always unsure of my abilities to be a good woman. The things I did in my last relationship made me ashamed to be me. This year is certainly different. My relationship with Anthony is so much healthier than any I have ever had. He looks at me and I melt. He deserves my respect, therefore he gets it.
In just 30 days, I begin my first class in Graduate School. I am so nervous I can barely talk about this without feeling nauseous. I have most things handled with the exception of finances. I have my class schedule, have looked up all of my books on Amazon, have registered, etc... I just need to financially register and purchase my books and a lap top. These are things that I am going to have to rely on God for because I don't have the $1,000 it is going to cost. My dreams are finally going somewhere. My Bachelors felt like such a huge step for the moment and such a small step in the grand scheme of things. This masters degree feels huge to me.
I am just full of thoughts, emotions, concerns, anxieties, etc... today. I am worried about Anthony as he searches for his lot in life. I am worried about our relationship as I start a new phase in my life. I worry about my mom as she struggles to make it while recovering from a stroke. I worry about my older sister as she forges ahead trying to become an adult and do for herself. I worry about Britt as her heart breaks from loss yet she needs to find herself truly in this world. I worry about myself as I start grad school, maintain a new relationship, work 40+ hours a week, attend classes 9 hours a week and try to be a good diabetic.
I just worry! PERIOD. Please say a prayer if you read this. I am stressed.
~e~
In just 30 days, I begin my first class in Graduate School. I am so nervous I can barely talk about this without feeling nauseous. I have most things handled with the exception of finances. I have my class schedule, have looked up all of my books on Amazon, have registered, etc... I just need to financially register and purchase my books and a lap top. These are things that I am going to have to rely on God for because I don't have the $1,000 it is going to cost. My dreams are finally going somewhere. My Bachelors felt like such a huge step for the moment and such a small step in the grand scheme of things. This masters degree feels huge to me.
I am just full of thoughts, emotions, concerns, anxieties, etc... today. I am worried about Anthony as he searches for his lot in life. I am worried about our relationship as I start a new phase in my life. I worry about my mom as she struggles to make it while recovering from a stroke. I worry about my older sister as she forges ahead trying to become an adult and do for herself. I worry about Britt as her heart breaks from loss yet she needs to find herself truly in this world. I worry about myself as I start grad school, maintain a new relationship, work 40+ hours a week, attend classes 9 hours a week and try to be a good diabetic.
I just worry! PERIOD. Please say a prayer if you read this. I am stressed.
~e~
Thursday, July 27, 2006
5 years......hmmmmm
Well it's been 5 years today since my wedding was cancelled and it's amazing how fresh the freakin pain is. I try to think about this day as the day I was "saved" from divorce but I don't think anyone can convince themselves of such when they have gone through such a traumatic cancelling of their dreams! Today I am feeling sad, angry, annoyed, and mostly just really concerned for my future. I try to realize that Adolfo is LONG gone and so is his cowardice. I try to think that this was all for the best. Still, I wake up on July 27th with a pit in my stomach and the need to punch him in the face!
I am sure that he woke up today and went to work with not so much as one thought as to the damage he did 5 years ago. He probably doesn't even remember the day he took my heart and did the Mexican Hat Dance on it. He is probably completely clueless as to who he hurts and how it affects them. I am sure there is some major sports game on today that will distract him from the idiocy that he did 5 years ago. The video games will take away all of the responsibility of hurting another human so deeply. He won't even comprehend today that he STOLE my dreams and a large sum of money!
Today, I am just going to try to remember why I didn't want to marry that man. It doesn't seem to matter that he is not the one for me. I still feel stolen from! Hmmmmm......I need to get over this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow I would have been married for 5 years! What?????? How did I ever think I was ready then when I am not ready now? What was I thinking? I would have been the worst wife to him and the worst mother to our 57,000 kids! These are the positives to not walking down the aisle 5 years ago. I guess today what I should be saying is "Thank you Adolfo!"
Well, I am done crying now!
~e~
I am sure that he woke up today and went to work with not so much as one thought as to the damage he did 5 years ago. He probably doesn't even remember the day he took my heart and did the Mexican Hat Dance on it. He is probably completely clueless as to who he hurts and how it affects them. I am sure there is some major sports game on today that will distract him from the idiocy that he did 5 years ago. The video games will take away all of the responsibility of hurting another human so deeply. He won't even comprehend today that he STOLE my dreams and a large sum of money!
Today, I am just going to try to remember why I didn't want to marry that man. It doesn't seem to matter that he is not the one for me. I still feel stolen from! Hmmmmm......I need to get over this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow I would have been married for 5 years! What?????? How did I ever think I was ready then when I am not ready now? What was I thinking? I would have been the worst wife to him and the worst mother to our 57,000 kids! These are the positives to not walking down the aisle 5 years ago. I guess today what I should be saying is "Thank you Adolfo!"
Well, I am done crying now!
~e~
Friday, July 14, 2006
Update on life, been MIA for a bit
Hey everyone, Today is catch up day with emails, tasks, friends, phone calls, and the such. I have had a busy few weeks as I have been enjoying my new relationship with my bf. He is great and I am enjoying all the steps that are happening in getting to know each other. Even the growing pains aren't so bad. I have a few new pix that I thought I would share with the blogging public. Here are the pix and the stories behind them.
This first picture is my absolute favorite of the new boyfriend. He is so adorable in it and really looks so sweet.
This first picture is my absolute favorite of the new boyfriend. He is so adorable in it and really looks so sweet.
This next one is of Anthony at his old job. When we started dating he worked at Grauman's Chinese Theater as a tour guide so this is a cute posed picture of him making an announcement.
This picture is of me and Anthony standing high above Hollywood looking down on tinsel town! :)
This last one is a really cute picture of Heather and I shopping before she took off to Russia. See below on Russia details.
So that's my life right now in pictures. Heather left on Wednesday to go to Russia and work in an orphanage. I am so proud of her and her efforts to become all that God wants her to be. Her mama would be so proud!
My birthday is coming up faster than I expected and will be here in just 25 days! I can't believe it..I will be 26 on August 9th!! Wow!
Anyway, I should get going as I have a million and one things to attend to. I hope you are all well and I am praying for all of you!
~Erica~
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Life is sweet!
Hey everyone. Sorry I have been out of the loop for a while with things going on in my life. The last you had heard, I had just been in Hannah's wedding. Her honeymoon went great and they are back and safe. Just last week I had the distinct privelage of hosting my two friends Paul and Carrie in their first ever trip to California. We went to various places and did various things and I hope they enjoyed themselves.
I am now seeing someone very special and it's going very well. His name is Anthony James Lewis and he is absolutely the bees knees! HA HA I am having a great time getting to know him, spending time with him, and being his girl! I am absolutely blessed to share my life with this man. He is a loving, gentle, caring, God-fearing, amazing man and I am so happy about it!
This is a picture of he and I together, in case you are wondering. This is taken on Hollywood blvd in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater. My friend Carrie took it! :)
Anyway, that is what is going on in my life. Work is busy, school in in progress of starting, and my birthday is in about a month! Life is good. I will stop in and post more later. Have a great day everyone!
~e~
I am now seeing someone very special and it's going very well. His name is Anthony James Lewis and he is absolutely the bees knees! HA HA I am having a great time getting to know him, spending time with him, and being his girl! I am absolutely blessed to share my life with this man. He is a loving, gentle, caring, God-fearing, amazing man and I am so happy about it!
This is a picture of he and I together, in case you are wondering. This is taken on Hollywood blvd in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater. My friend Carrie took it! :)
Anyway, that is what is going on in my life. Work is busy, school in in progress of starting, and my birthday is in about a month! Life is good. I will stop in and post more later. Have a great day everyone!
~e~
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Frustration in health care..but pushing through.
Hey everyone. I am proud to say that today marks a week and 2 days that I have been a faithful diabetic as far as shots go. I am so happy for me learning to take care of ME! Yesterday I had a day of hell at the free clinic. So here goes the story...I went there at 12:30 for walk in time because they would not let me set an appointment with it being my first time there. I was there promptly at 12:30 with the knowledge that I would have a 1-3 hour wait. I was prepared for that. At about 4:00 I finally got put into a room to see a doctor. That is 3.5 hours already that I had sat in a hard chair in the waiting room. Oh well, it's free right?
Then, I was in the room for 45 minutes waiting to see any face at all before a nurse's aide came in and did a finger stick and asked for some urine. That led me to another 20 minutes or so of waiting before an actual doctor came in. Then, a nurse practitioner came in and assessed the tests and said that my sugar was high (400 ish) and she needed to do an emergency injection. Well, that took another 20 minutes to get together before the nurses aide did the injection. That puts us at about 5:15 or so. Ok, so after the injection the nurse practitioner came back in and said I should return to the main waiting room to wait for the pharmacy to get my insulin together. She gave me a bag of syringes and lancets and nudged me to the waiting room. I sat in the waiting room forever and finally thought I should take a walk back over to the pharmacy area to find out what the hold up was since Chris was still waiting at school and I hadn't eaten since 10 am. I walked down the ramp just in time to collapse and pass out from low blood sugar.
Finally when I was all back to normal, *after 6 glucose tablets and some juice* I was told that they didn't carry my insulin in there. I had waited for nothing. They said they would have to write me a prescription that would cost me about $50. I argued with them due to my wait and of course, the negligence that had me passing out and they agreed to write it off to their account. I angrily took my prescription and the name of the pharmacy and headed out the door. At some point, I lost the prescription and now, I am back to square one. You can be sure, I won't be visiting the free clinic again. It was scary and took me until 6:00 to actually leave which means I was there for 5.5 hours of my day! OUCH!
So, now the idea is to find a low cost clinic in my area that will see me and prescribe insulin and I really don't care if it costs me money because you get what you pay for ..I find. I am a bit nervous about finding somewhere before I run out of insulin but it can be done and I am going to try to do it. Rest assured, I am not giving up on myself again. I am also going to start looking for a place that is affordable for me to get an eye exam and new glasses. As a diabetic, I want to make sure I am not damaging my eyes.
Anyway, things are going well. I registered for my classes so I am on my way to starting my Masters Degree. All is well at home and work (same thing) and I am getting to know a few new gentlmen so that should be interesting. I hope you all have a great day and weekend! Enjoy your thursday!
~e~
Then, I was in the room for 45 minutes waiting to see any face at all before a nurse's aide came in and did a finger stick and asked for some urine. That led me to another 20 minutes or so of waiting before an actual doctor came in. Then, a nurse practitioner came in and assessed the tests and said that my sugar was high (400 ish) and she needed to do an emergency injection. Well, that took another 20 minutes to get together before the nurses aide did the injection. That puts us at about 5:15 or so. Ok, so after the injection the nurse practitioner came back in and said I should return to the main waiting room to wait for the pharmacy to get my insulin together. She gave me a bag of syringes and lancets and nudged me to the waiting room. I sat in the waiting room forever and finally thought I should take a walk back over to the pharmacy area to find out what the hold up was since Chris was still waiting at school and I hadn't eaten since 10 am. I walked down the ramp just in time to collapse and pass out from low blood sugar.
Finally when I was all back to normal, *after 6 glucose tablets and some juice* I was told that they didn't carry my insulin in there. I had waited for nothing. They said they would have to write me a prescription that would cost me about $50. I argued with them due to my wait and of course, the negligence that had me passing out and they agreed to write it off to their account. I angrily took my prescription and the name of the pharmacy and headed out the door. At some point, I lost the prescription and now, I am back to square one. You can be sure, I won't be visiting the free clinic again. It was scary and took me until 6:00 to actually leave which means I was there for 5.5 hours of my day! OUCH!
So, now the idea is to find a low cost clinic in my area that will see me and prescribe insulin and I really don't care if it costs me money because you get what you pay for ..I find. I am a bit nervous about finding somewhere before I run out of insulin but it can be done and I am going to try to do it. Rest assured, I am not giving up on myself again. I am also going to start looking for a place that is affordable for me to get an eye exam and new glasses. As a diabetic, I want to make sure I am not damaging my eyes.
Anyway, things are going well. I registered for my classes so I am on my way to starting my Masters Degree. All is well at home and work (same thing) and I am getting to know a few new gentlmen so that should be interesting. I hope you all have a great day and weekend! Enjoy your thursday!
~e~
Monday, June 19, 2006
Catching up!
Hello everyone! Today is a day of catching up. I feel like there are so many things to do around the house, in my life, toward grad school, toward my job, etc...that I am overwhelmed. As I have checked my emails this morning I have a piece of paper beside me to jot down things I remember that I have to do. The list is starting to get kind of long. There a number of things I haven't even paid attention to for weeks that NEED to be addressed. A great example is registering for my classes in Grad School. I start Grad School very soon (August 30th) and I am super excited to become the therapist God wants me to be! I really can't even wait to start on my first class and my first reading assignment. Ask me if I feel this way in year 2? :)
The program should take me about 3 years to complete and believe me, year 3 is looking wonderful. I am really ready to get into my career and start climbing to my dreams. I am also ready for whatever God has for my family. When I say family..I mean husband and children. I really want to meet the man God has for me and establish a family that is healthy and happy. I know that right now, I am just not ready for that. I wish I was but I really think that career is going to be first for me.
Well I should start attending to my to-do list. Have a great day and a great week!
~e~
The program should take me about 3 years to complete and believe me, year 3 is looking wonderful. I am really ready to get into my career and start climbing to my dreams. I am also ready for whatever God has for my family. When I say family..I mean husband and children. I really want to meet the man God has for me and establish a family that is healthy and happy. I know that right now, I am just not ready for that. I wish I was but I really think that career is going to be first for me.
Well I should start attending to my to-do list. Have a great day and a great week!
~e~
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Kidneys, Weddings, Love, and beyond
Hey everyone. I hope this Sunday finds you all in a restful state honoring the Sabbath. It finds me exhausted, thoughtful, and inquisitive. As I had last posted, I have been having some problems with my kidneys, diabetes, etc..lately. On Monday my friend and I went to the emergency room to get everything checked out only to find that I had another acute infection in my kidneys and that they are taking a nose dive yet again. You may ask me, isn't this surprising Erica? I would answer...not at all. See, when you are a diabetic who doesn't properly care for yourself, you should never be shocked at the news of damage being done. I know that many of you are frustrated with my constant lack of self-care and I feel your pain. I am frustrated with me too.
Since Monday's appointment, I have taken all of my meds including insulin, worked out every single day, and eaten moderately well. I would lie to say that the eating is under control because it isn't just yet. Next week I am working on getting a lot of things taken care of but mostly, I am going to a clinic to get some insulin prescribed plus syringes, looking into buying a new glucometer, and starting up a diabetic program that is more geared toward my life..than my demise. I have tried a number of times before to truly take care of myself regarding diabetes. I have made plans, kept journals, saw doctors etc..and never really stayed true to the plan. I am not here today to make some empty promise that I will care for myself every day for the rest of my life. I am here to say..I am working hard on loving me right now. I am taking steps that are difficult and profitable to heal and be ok with having diabetes.
I am also finding that healing is coming from other areas as well. Yesterday my friends Hannah and Aaron made vows to each other for life. I was honored to be asked to be a part of the wedding party (a bridesmaid) and it blessed my heart to know that Hannah loved me enough to allow me to stand at her side as she said vows, sit at her table to eat with her, and be a part of the most memorable day of her life this side of having children. As well as being honored, I was terrified. See, 5 years ago in July I had a wedding of my own planned. I had the dress, the tuxes, the cake, the dj, and everything else down to an art. I had the whole thing going to the very last single day of my life when my groom backed out. I was not only desperately upset but also mortified. Weddings, needless to say, are not my favorite pasttime.
When Hannah asked me to be involved with the wedding, I said yes without even a second thought as to my own healing or lack thereof. I am glad I did because healing came last night in a small dose. I was in the wedding and I didn't die. I danced and I didn't break. I was in pictures and I didn't collapse. I am stronger than I thought! I truly feel like this is a step in the right direction. Also, I came to a new place by wearing a dress in public. That was one of my 2005 resolutions and I didn't suceed in 2005 but 2006 brought the victory. I looked ok, I think and I tried my best to feel comfortable in it!
Now I say to God, where is mine? Where is the man that I so long for? Where is the man who can honor my intelligence, quirkiness, failures, successes, and beyond? I want to get married and start a family but God has other plans it seems. Please pray that I can come to some sort of peace with that! I wish I could just be ok with today. It's hard at almost 26 and no man who I can honor enough to marry.
Have a great day and Happy Father's Day to my father, your father, and my wonderful grandfather who has been gone for 6 fathers days now. I love you all!
~e~
Since Monday's appointment, I have taken all of my meds including insulin, worked out every single day, and eaten moderately well. I would lie to say that the eating is under control because it isn't just yet. Next week I am working on getting a lot of things taken care of but mostly, I am going to a clinic to get some insulin prescribed plus syringes, looking into buying a new glucometer, and starting up a diabetic program that is more geared toward my life..than my demise. I have tried a number of times before to truly take care of myself regarding diabetes. I have made plans, kept journals, saw doctors etc..and never really stayed true to the plan. I am not here today to make some empty promise that I will care for myself every day for the rest of my life. I am here to say..I am working hard on loving me right now. I am taking steps that are difficult and profitable to heal and be ok with having diabetes.
I am also finding that healing is coming from other areas as well. Yesterday my friends Hannah and Aaron made vows to each other for life. I was honored to be asked to be a part of the wedding party (a bridesmaid) and it blessed my heart to know that Hannah loved me enough to allow me to stand at her side as she said vows, sit at her table to eat with her, and be a part of the most memorable day of her life this side of having children. As well as being honored, I was terrified. See, 5 years ago in July I had a wedding of my own planned. I had the dress, the tuxes, the cake, the dj, and everything else down to an art. I had the whole thing going to the very last single day of my life when my groom backed out. I was not only desperately upset but also mortified. Weddings, needless to say, are not my favorite pasttime.
When Hannah asked me to be involved with the wedding, I said yes without even a second thought as to my own healing or lack thereof. I am glad I did because healing came last night in a small dose. I was in the wedding and I didn't die. I danced and I didn't break. I was in pictures and I didn't collapse. I am stronger than I thought! I truly feel like this is a step in the right direction. Also, I came to a new place by wearing a dress in public. That was one of my 2005 resolutions and I didn't suceed in 2005 but 2006 brought the victory. I looked ok, I think and I tried my best to feel comfortable in it!
Now I say to God, where is mine? Where is the man that I so long for? Where is the man who can honor my intelligence, quirkiness, failures, successes, and beyond? I want to get married and start a family but God has other plans it seems. Please pray that I can come to some sort of peace with that! I wish I could just be ok with today. It's hard at almost 26 and no man who I can honor enough to marry.
Have a great day and Happy Father's Day to my father, your father, and my wonderful grandfather who has been gone for 6 fathers days now. I love you all!
~e~
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Brown is a beautiful color
As you all know, I have been writing things I love about California and yesterday reminded me even more how much I love it here. I have some of the best friends that you could ever have. Yesterday, I had to go to the emergency room for some new and fun kidney issues and found out not so good news yet again. I am to the end of my rope of dealing with diabetes and kidneys. I have to start taking care of myself. I was able to be cared for by such great people yesterday that I stand in awe at God's provision for my life. I also realized who my true friends really are!
Today's thing I love about California is two fold. One is that I love my friends and "family" out here. The other is the BEACH! I have added some pix of people I love and of course, the beach! Enjoy
Here is Oscar and Christopher together yesterday..my cute brown boys!
Today's thing I love about California is two fold. One is that I love my friends and "family" out here. The other is the BEACH! I have added some pix of people I love and of course, the beach! Enjoy
Here is Oscar and Christopher together yesterday..my cute brown boys!
And the beach....
This one is just from me standing on the beach after I went for a bit of a jog this morning.
and so is this one...
This one is my new pet seagull...scuttle! Just kidding, I left him at the beach. (or her?)
This one is looking down onto the water over a rest point in my walk.
This one is what I like to call "White with foam"
This one is a look over to the houses on the hill, kinda dark..sorry
And this last one is free..a stang I saw on the way home. It was soooo hot!!!!!!
I hope you enjoyed my California love for today. More to talk about tomorrow. Please keep me in your prayers for good health. Love you all.
~e~
Monday, June 12, 2006
Life..taking shape
I sit today in retrospect. I think about how much my life has changed and I am amazed. I think about living in Indiana just surviving and living in California now and really living! I have no idea what changed when I made a move other than getting away from unhealthy relationships but I became a different woman. Today there are still remnants of Indiana-Erica but they are slowly fading away to a girl who respects where she came from but loves where she is.
Today I emailed a resume to a company in Santa Ana called Recovery Assistants Foundation which takes calls from clients and coaches them through hardship. I am hoping to gain a position there as it is good experience, good extra money, and fits my schedule. I start grad school in just a few short months and I am so excited about starting the new phase of my life. It seems that life certainly is taking shape.
I decided today that the thing I love about California is Palm Trees. This one is especially beautiful and is located by one of my favorite breakfast spots. A hole in the wall location called "The Omelette Parlor" in Costa Mesa, California. Enjoy the pic and have a beautiful day!
~e~
Today I emailed a resume to a company in Santa Ana called Recovery Assistants Foundation which takes calls from clients and coaches them through hardship. I am hoping to gain a position there as it is good experience, good extra money, and fits my schedule. I start grad school in just a few short months and I am so excited about starting the new phase of my life. It seems that life certainly is taking shape.
I decided today that the thing I love about California is Palm Trees. This one is especially beautiful and is located by one of my favorite breakfast spots. A hole in the wall location called "The Omelette Parlor" in Costa Mesa, California. Enjoy the pic and have a beautiful day!
~e~
Sunday, June 11, 2006
I am a woman who wears many hats!
So today I went out with my friend Heather with a new idea...to look for things I love. We decided to go and browse which is just shopping without money. We had some good lunch at the corner bakery and I started thinking about what my "I love California" blog would be about today and indeed it is the shopping. I decided that I love how California's shopping fits every person..young and old, punk, goth, preppy, surfy, etc...and we all fit in. We have so many different styles around us at all times and everyone's welcome. I love that about our beautiful state.
Today I tried on some rad fedoras which I adore. I ultimately enjoy hats anyway but these two take the cake. I'll let you decide if black or white is my color.
Today I tried on some rad fedoras which I adore. I ultimately enjoy hats anyway but these two take the cake. I'll let you decide if black or white is my color.
The black one....
The white one....
We went into a bunch of different stores today and these were the images I captured. I think California is full of style and grace and let's be honest...amazing shopping. To the Irvine Spectrum..I salute you.
Signing off...
~e~
California..and how I love it
Hello and good morning to you. I am just doing a few things before my sunday begins. I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend. I have been pretty lazy and had plans to attend a bachelorette situation but ended up spending the day with my sick friend Heather. Heather has not been feeling well so we have been laying low. This morning I woke up with a fresh perspective and a motivation to change the way I think. I have been so gripy lately about life and to be quite honest, just bitter. I have been hurt a lot lately and it's made me into a negative nelly so to speak and I don't like that. I hate being negative so I have decided that for a while, I will remember what's good about my life and my surroundings. I am going to start with California in general.
Last night when Heather wasn't feeling well and we just wanted to do small things, we went and got dinner and afterwards my favorite dessert.....
Last night when Heather wasn't feeling well and we just wanted to do small things, we went and got dinner and afterwards my favorite dessert.....
Golden spoon is a great little frozen yogurt place here in California that has all these different toppings. It is really healthy because it is frozen yogurt and is low in sugar. It also always has different flavors available and my favorite thing about Golden Spoon, it's cheap. Last night mine was free because I had a punch card that was filled up! YAY! I just think that there are some things in life worth talking about and Golden Spoon is one of them. Today, as I live my day...I am going to try to capture something I love about California on camera so you can continue to enjoy it with me. Have a great day everyone and thanks for stopping in!!
~Erica~
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The Miracle Child
Last night I decided to stay in the house and enjoy a few items that make my night pleasant. Those items are a strawberry cosmopolitan wine cooler, kettle corn, and a movie. I had all these movies in my closet that Heather's mom had let me borrow before she passed that are G or PG-13 rated. I enjoy a good animated feature so I popped in "Joseph; King of Dreams." If you aren't aware, that movie is based on the story of Joseph in Genesis. You know, the guy with the coat of many colors. So, I sat in my bedroom eating my kettle corn, sipping on my cooler, and watching Joseph go through some pretty hard trials. I started to think about how my story parallels that of Joseph's.
Now, this is not to say I am a "Miracle Child" or have a coat of many colors or that I have saved an entire land from famine. None of those things are true. The thing that I can see in me though is that what "they" meant for evil, God meant for good. Everyone that reads my blog is fairly aware of the childhood that I endured. Most also know that I am fairly resilient and have done things with my life that one should be proud of. You would find it sad to think that I really don't see the accomplishments as much as I really should.
There is a scene in this movie where Joseph sees his brothers again for the first time. He is angry and just wants to punish them for the things that they did to him. In this moment, he doesn't think about his accomplishments, his new family, or even his new position as 2nd to Pharaoh but just wants to retaliate and spew his anger. How many times could I relate to those feelings? Over a million I am sure!
Right after he punishes one of the brothers by putting him in jail, accuses another of stealing from him, and overall just messes with thier heads...he is finally ready to embrace them and forgive them and realize what God's plan was. In my life, it's very hard for me to just forget and embrace the abuse that was inflicted on me as a child. Joseph was sold into slavery! Why can't I understand that if God made good out of that situation, he can also make good out of mine?
I think that one of the hardest things to accept in my life is that my parents really can never love me the way that I envision parents loving their children. They won't love me the same way that my mentors love their children or the same way my friends parents love them. It's so frustrating to feel that way every single day of my life and realize that for the long haul, I am mostly alone. Then I realize....we are all alone on this journey. We are all individuals searching for the big plan or the main purpose in our lives.
I believe with everything in me that I am one of God's miracle children. I believe that although he didn't stop the abuse that was inflicted on me, he loved me nonetheless and planned to use it to not only bring others healing but to bring me success, hope, and a future. I have decided to put a verse to my calling in God and how much he wants from me in the field of psychology and it is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
After watching the emotional and amazing transformation of Joseph's story, I am reminded that it isn't just an animated feature. It is reality. It is written on the pages of Genesis in scripture. It is a fact that he was abused, sold, left for dead and completely used his hard times to create beauty, passion, and prosperity for an entire land. I am moved and inspired by Joseph's story today. It's sad that I had to be reminded with the animation instead of the words in scripture but God will take the lesson anyway I get it.
I am ready to start storing up my grain and bringing my "land" some prosperity. Thanks for reading my lesson for today. Hopefully we are back to having our eyes open and learning things at every turn. Have a great weekend and God bless you all!
~Erica~
Now, this is not to say I am a "Miracle Child" or have a coat of many colors or that I have saved an entire land from famine. None of those things are true. The thing that I can see in me though is that what "they" meant for evil, God meant for good. Everyone that reads my blog is fairly aware of the childhood that I endured. Most also know that I am fairly resilient and have done things with my life that one should be proud of. You would find it sad to think that I really don't see the accomplishments as much as I really should.
There is a scene in this movie where Joseph sees his brothers again for the first time. He is angry and just wants to punish them for the things that they did to him. In this moment, he doesn't think about his accomplishments, his new family, or even his new position as 2nd to Pharaoh but just wants to retaliate and spew his anger. How many times could I relate to those feelings? Over a million I am sure!
Right after he punishes one of the brothers by putting him in jail, accuses another of stealing from him, and overall just messes with thier heads...he is finally ready to embrace them and forgive them and realize what God's plan was. In my life, it's very hard for me to just forget and embrace the abuse that was inflicted on me as a child. Joseph was sold into slavery! Why can't I understand that if God made good out of that situation, he can also make good out of mine?
I think that one of the hardest things to accept in my life is that my parents really can never love me the way that I envision parents loving their children. They won't love me the same way that my mentors love their children or the same way my friends parents love them. It's so frustrating to feel that way every single day of my life and realize that for the long haul, I am mostly alone. Then I realize....we are all alone on this journey. We are all individuals searching for the big plan or the main purpose in our lives.
I believe with everything in me that I am one of God's miracle children. I believe that although he didn't stop the abuse that was inflicted on me, he loved me nonetheless and planned to use it to not only bring others healing but to bring me success, hope, and a future. I have decided to put a verse to my calling in God and how much he wants from me in the field of psychology and it is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
After watching the emotional and amazing transformation of Joseph's story, I am reminded that it isn't just an animated feature. It is reality. It is written on the pages of Genesis in scripture. It is a fact that he was abused, sold, left for dead and completely used his hard times to create beauty, passion, and prosperity for an entire land. I am moved and inspired by Joseph's story today. It's sad that I had to be reminded with the animation instead of the words in scripture but God will take the lesson anyway I get it.
I am ready to start storing up my grain and bringing my "land" some prosperity. Thanks for reading my lesson for today. Hopefully we are back to having our eyes open and learning things at every turn. Have a great weekend and God bless you all!
~Erica~
Friday, June 09, 2006
My last weekend and on to this one!
Hey everyone. Today is Friday, Thank God and everything that is holy! This week has been a long one of new projects, new responsibilites, and new emotional trauma. The blogger website has been acting up for a few days so today is my first opportunity to write about my very relaxing weekend *last weekend* and a few other choice topics. First of all, let me tell you how we have a porta pottie in our front lawn. I know that is random but there is a good story here.
We are in the middle of a huge landscape project of our entire front lawn, driveway, etc... and it is a mess. We have been under construction for 2 months and it looks like it's going to be even longer as our yard is a giant dirtpile. I have spared you the carnage but since the porta pottie has a purpose in this story, I have included a picture below. I have noticed that people use porta potties in people's yards. I have had two different people come into my yard and help themselves to our facilities shall we say. Isn't that strange. One of them is a very close neighbor. Why isn't this man attending his own bathroom I wonder? The other was a teenager walking through. I have no idea what these people are thinking when they meandor into my yard to use our toliet *in our yard* Oh my..anyway, here is the pic!
We are in the middle of a huge landscape project of our entire front lawn, driveway, etc... and it is a mess. We have been under construction for 2 months and it looks like it's going to be even longer as our yard is a giant dirtpile. I have spared you the carnage but since the porta pottie has a purpose in this story, I have included a picture below. I have noticed that people use porta potties in people's yards. I have had two different people come into my yard and help themselves to our facilities shall we say. Isn't that strange. One of them is a very close neighbor. Why isn't this man attending his own bathroom I wonder? The other was a teenager walking through. I have no idea what these people are thinking when they meandor into my yard to use our toliet *in our yard* Oh my..anyway, here is the pic!
Ok, so anyway, last weekend was my only weekend in June that I would truly be able to relax and enjoy so I did just that. On friday night me and Heather went to deidrichs just to kick back, have some Joe, and apparently listen to some mexican music. There was a live little band in there creating some fun tunes while we enjoyed our Mayan Mochas. Here are a few pics from that.
Here is Heather thinking hard about life...
Here is one of the overall environment and a small peek at the band in the corner.
This one is special. This is my Mayan Mocha and the plate which one held the delectable Raspberry white chocolate Crumble cake or something like that. YUMMMMM!
Ok, so on Saturday I went over to Heather's house and we went swimming. Yes, I enjoyed a relaxing day in the pool with Heather and a few other loved ones and we had a blast. Most of my day was spent with the cutest 3 year old that you could ever know and enjoying our attempt to not be scared of the water. It was a lot of fun until some stupid girls *teenagers* decided to drop the "F" bomb in front of cute little Jayden. NOT OK! I told them so though and man, I hope I wasn't that disrespectful to elders and my environment when I was younger. I can guarantee you I wasn't!!! Oh gosh, I am officially old to have just ranted about that.
On Sunday, I went to church, crown class, and then enjoyed the day with Heather shopping at good old thrift stores where there was some cool finds like the cool brown pumas I bought and a great Gap bag. Yes, did good for my $20. I love finding great buys and feeling like I am getting something new when I am not really. Budgets stink!
This week has been ok. I spent one day with my favorite guy friend Oscar. Here is a picture of him (cute as it gets).
I have severed some bad situations and spoke my mind and have been getting ready to be in Hannah's wedding. Oh man, this weekend is her bachelorette party and it's so weird to see one of my own totter off to the marrying field yet again. When is it my turn? Oh, I need to give up on that dream. Next weekend is her wedding so that is why my last weekend had to be relaxing with all I had to do the rest of June.
Also, big news, my friends *Carrie & Paul* are coming out to visit the last week of June for a few days and I couldn't be more excited. I love them both and it will be great to see them and have a little home come to me! I love you guys and I am stoked!
Anyway, to end my post. Here is a face I have been making a lot lately...I am exhausted and overwhelmed and just frustrated at the world around me. This face says "SHUT UP!"
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Goals and aspirations ...indeed
I sit today in awe of how much stress is going on around me and how I used to get all caught up in the conflama! Conflama = Confusion and Drama. I don't engage in it anymore. My house has been pretty hectic the last couple of days with Chris and his being 13 years old. We are having so many problems with him lying, cheating, not completing assignments, bailing out, etc... and it's so frustrating. I should start by saying that Chris is very much ADHD and a lot of these behaviors stem from that but a great deal also stem from good old puberty I am sure. I have a very hard time remembering my junior high years and it's very hard for me to empathize with Chris a lot of the time.
Today a friend of mine was also involved in losing a great deal of money by robbery. I am so sad for him and really feel horrible about his loss but I also can't engage in his anger or frustration. I used to think that being a great friend was allowing yourself to get 100% pulled into the mess and I have learned that living stress and drama-free is so amazingly better for everyone involved.
I have so many goals and aspirations in my life that I recently recognized that I have to get back on track with them. I have to really dig deep and decide what it is that I want and start to really pursue that. Some of them are going to be harder than others. Some of them I can't control and some of them I can. Some of them are realistic for now, others are realistic for later. Mostly they are all important to me and need to have some attention directed toward them.
Lately I have allowed my vision to be fogged. I have allowed others to get in the way of my real desires and also have allowed the things I can't control to control me. I have a tendency to get into those places and never let go but now I am recognizing that and trying my best to turn my gears toward the life I want for myself. I decided to blog my top 5 desires today and really make a committment to me to start to make steps daily toward those 5 goals and blog/journal on them daily or almost daily.
Erica's 5 big desires:
1. To become a successful therapist/professor/writer/etc... *to be successful in my psychology career*
2. To be a healthy individual in every aspect *Spiritually/Physically/Mentally*
3. To have great relationships with family members *if possible*, friends, and romantic interests
4. To become completely financially independent in the sense that I have no outstanding debt and pay my bills on time and in full.
5. To become a wonderful wife, mother, and overall woman
These are goals I should be moving toward every single day in some way and that is my new focus. I have so much to live for..I need to start doing it.
I love you all!
~E~
Today a friend of mine was also involved in losing a great deal of money by robbery. I am so sad for him and really feel horrible about his loss but I also can't engage in his anger or frustration. I used to think that being a great friend was allowing yourself to get 100% pulled into the mess and I have learned that living stress and drama-free is so amazingly better for everyone involved.
I have so many goals and aspirations in my life that I recently recognized that I have to get back on track with them. I have to really dig deep and decide what it is that I want and start to really pursue that. Some of them are going to be harder than others. Some of them I can't control and some of them I can. Some of them are realistic for now, others are realistic for later. Mostly they are all important to me and need to have some attention directed toward them.
Lately I have allowed my vision to be fogged. I have allowed others to get in the way of my real desires and also have allowed the things I can't control to control me. I have a tendency to get into those places and never let go but now I am recognizing that and trying my best to turn my gears toward the life I want for myself. I decided to blog my top 5 desires today and really make a committment to me to start to make steps daily toward those 5 goals and blog/journal on them daily or almost daily.
Erica's 5 big desires:
1. To become a successful therapist/professor/writer/etc... *to be successful in my psychology career*
2. To be a healthy individual in every aspect *Spiritually/Physically/Mentally*
3. To have great relationships with family members *if possible*, friends, and romantic interests
4. To become completely financially independent in the sense that I have no outstanding debt and pay my bills on time and in full.
5. To become a wonderful wife, mother, and overall woman
These are goals I should be moving toward every single day in some way and that is my new focus. I have so much to live for..I need to start doing it.
I love you all!
~E~
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
My Memorial Day post!
Hi everyone. I didn't have time to write yesterday as we were in the car for 6 hours coming back from Nor-cal. I spent the weekend up north so it was eventful and also quite sad. Heather's mom passed away on February 19th so a lot of the weekend was spent in remembrance of her. It was a great weekend either way. We were able to go out on the boat with friends and really relax and enjoy our time. I thought I would write about two people who I really respected and who have passed on today in honor of Memorial Day.
The first one is my grandpa, Bus Briscoe. He was the most amazing man I have ever known and truly showed me love in a way that I never knew it before. He was honorable, hard-working, smart, and sweet and made me into the woman I am today. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even eaten somtimes. I love you and miss you papa!
The second one is Heather's mom, Sherrie Short. Yesterday we were able to go and visit Sherrie at her gravesite and spend a bit of time there. Here a few pics of that
The first one is my grandpa, Bus Briscoe. He was the most amazing man I have ever known and truly showed me love in a way that I never knew it before. He was honorable, hard-working, smart, and sweet and made me into the woman I am today. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have even eaten somtimes. I love you and miss you papa!
The second one is Heather's mom, Sherrie Short. Yesterday we were able to go and visit Sherrie at her gravesite and spend a bit of time there. Here a few pics of that
Sherries Grave
Heather at Sherrie's Grave
Sherrie was like a second (or first really) mom to me. She really cared about my life, prayed for me, appreciated the good things about me, and encouraged me in all of my endeavors. Even moreso, she was an amazing Christian woman and phenomenal mother to my friend. We miss you Sherrie!
~E~
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Just all kinds of stuff
Hey everyone, this post is going to be a hodge podge of different things that have been going on in my life. You all know that I was responsible for taking care of a certain turtle this past week and I wanted to finish up Arnold's photo shoot first. He is magnificent and although my time with him is through, I think we bonded. Here are the last photos of him so you can enjoy!
Here is Arnold as I presented him with a rose, my gift to my little guy.
Here is Arnold digging in to his delicacy.
Almost done....
When he is done eating, he basically just turns and walks away! Ha ha
So my week with Arnold went very well and he really relaxed me and I think made a point about my life and slowing things down a bit.
This week I have also started reading a book called "Women who love too much" at the suggestion of my therapist. It's really good so far and I am enjoying it. I really think I needed to read it. This weekend was filled with fun stuff and unexpected events. On Friday I did something I have needed to do for some time. I had a relaxing evening at home for the most part. I ended up studying with Heather at Denny's for a bit but mostly just stayed home and chilled.
Saturday morning was a great surprise as I got to have breakfast with a great guy and we went to Tower Records together also. We had a good time although our time was short. I completely honor the moments he has and really respect the time he puts into me. Later in the afternoon, I supervised the installation of our new marble living room floor. It is absolutely gorgeous and I hope you all get to see it. Thanks to David and Enrique for doing such a marvelous job!
Saturday night, Heather and I had a great dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory (one of my personal favorites) and then headed to a Karoke bar to watch her friend Mike compete in a contest. He did a great job and really put effort into his performance. Some of the performances were really funny. Mike did "Shameless" by Garth Brooks and wore a cute cowboy hat with I sported at one point in the night. (See below)
Sunday was filled with Church, a personal finance class, lunch at the Olive Garden with a friend and then off to work. Richard is out on business this week so it's my personal duty to care for Chris and the home. I am excited to have some time to run things a bit but also I really appreciate when Richard is around. He is such a great boss!
Tonight I got to see Hannah and she seems to be relatively calm even though her wedding is not even a month away. I am in the midst of finishing up details of being a bridesmaid for the first time. I had a fitting for my dress this week, will order shoes on the first, will plan out all other things and be happy happy happy for my friend!
Overall, things are really going well. I am learning more every day to be myself and let people love me for me! I have much to offer to the right people in my life. God has such a distinct call on my life and it's time I lived worthy of that calling. Have a great day and I hope you enjoyed the blog and pix!
~Erica~
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Arnold, the calendar turtle
Gosh he is cute...enjoy
Here he is on the move and man is he speedy for a turtle.
Here he is on the move and man is he speedy for a turtle.
Here he is eating his yummy lettuce close up!
And far away....
And finally..smiling for the camera (yes I am obsessed)
He makes me smile so much. Today was an interesting day in my growth. I tried on my dress today for Hannah's wedding and I am getting excited about being able to put on feminine clothing and not feel out of place. I am hoping I will feel 100% confident at some point but today was huge because I reached about 40% confident. Yipeee...I am becoming a girl.
~Erica~
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