Saturday, May 07, 2005

Define your "alcohol"

Today was another big step in my life. I went back to counseling today. I am to the point where I cannot move any further in my life without help. As you all know, I have been struggling with an eating disorder for a while. Today I am 29 days clean. I am very proud of myself that Tuesday will be one month for me but unfortunately I am learning more and more about myself as the food leaves day by day. I am learning that I have certain foods that are my alcohol. They make me binge. I am trying to figure out what my poison foods and situations are.

I also am working on not caring so much about what others think about me. I am so concerned about other's views that I forget what I want. I am ultra concerned with image and it's taking over my life. I am doing things that I don't believe in or want to do for approval from others. I need something from everyone all the time. I need attention, admiration, respect, etc.. and it's getting aggravating. I need to start realizing what I need for real.

I am going to stop writing today because I need to get ready for Hannah's graduation. Congrats Hannah! Have a great day and I"ll write soon. I apologize for my quietness right now. I am journaling a lot in my private journal.

~Mosoltov~

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