Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My biggest fears.

We all have fears. Some of us are afraid of heights, some of spiders and snakes, some of perverted clowns (wait, that just me?) and some of us of our own bodies. My biggest fear that has been plaguing me for a while is my battle with Diabetes. First of all;

Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Also, some fears are completely irrational (probably goes back to my clown fear) and some are completely rational like not walking out to your car at night after midnight alone as a woman. My fear of my disease killing me is pretty rational. Granted it was really more rational before when I was in denial that I even had this crappy disease but today, I accept it. I accept that I am Type I diabetic and I accept that with that, comes complications if I don't take proper care of myself. I accept that being overweight is not good for my diabetes and being in denial did not serve me at all. I also accept that when I don't take care of my diabetes, I end up being depressed as well. Now, onto the fear part.

Lately, I have been losing sleep. I have been having nightmares, etc... about my diabetes and what is going to take from me. I have had a lot of fears about my kidneys not working and causing it for me to never be a mom. Instead of becoming depressed and giving up this time though, I went to the word. You won't believe what I was given in my daily devotional today:

Here are the verses that were in my devotional today:

Psalm 91: 1-16

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the LORD; He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with this wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. Just open your eyes and see how the wicked are punished. If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won't even hurt your foot on a stone. You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet! The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation."

I know that was a lot of scripture but there was so much to be said in those verses especially to the fears I have been going through. I was so calmed as I realized, this isn't my battle to fight. I can do as I need to do and give Jesus my struggle with diabetes and he is going to be beat deadly disease! Does that mean I will be cured of diabetes? I don't know....but even if I am not I know that with God's help, I will defeat it and it won't take me down or steal from me. It is time I showed my disease who my God is! They need introduced.

God was speaking to me about fear today and I hope it has helped you in some way!

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