Responsibility

Today I had my own personal therapy and we have been working for a long time on perfectionism since it led to depression in me for so long. When I got married it got entirely worse because I gained yet another responsibility. Today the therapist challenged me to 1. give myself permission to do things that are not responsibilities, 2. decide what is my responsibility and what isn't, and 3. be observant of what I have gotten done instead of what I did not get done, and 4. give myself short term goals only and NOT long term right now.

These are so important to me right now since school starts again this Wednesday. I have a very high anxiety level and school brings out the worst in me. When I get into school I start to look around at everyone else and think that they have it together and I don't. I start to worry about deadlines and responsibilities and feel like a failure if everything isn't perfect and that means I always feel like a failure.

I have decided that this next and last semester of my life, I will not do that to myself. So, in preparation for this week I am going to blog my worries, concerns, etc... and try to chart out using my therapist's suggestions what I really need to be concerned with.

Worries/Anxieties:

1. I can't afford my books until I get my money back from school so I have no books to start school with.

2. I haven't found a second practicum site yet so I have to be ultra busy these first weeks to find a second site.

3. I have to start recording all of my sessions so that I have sessions to choose from for exit.

Those are my biggest worries and anxieties however when I wrote them down I realized they weren't even that big of a deal. Here are the steps I want to take for myself in order to be healthy.

Things I will do that are NOT responsibilites:

1. Practice my guitar

2. Watch movies that I enjoy

3. Read books that I enjoy

4. Work on Christmas gifts for next year. (This is fun for me)

What are my responsibilities for this week:

1. Do practicum hours on Tuesday between 7:30 am and 1:00 pm

2. Do case notes over clients on Tuesday.

3. Attend all classes on Wednesday

4. Attend class on Thursday

5. Attend diabetic education class on Friday

6. Attend supervision hours on Friday

7. Take care of my health daily

8. Care for my marriage daily

9. Research practicum sites and make calls to schedule interviews.

What are NOT my responsibilites for this week:

1. To be perfect with my clients.

2. To have everything in perfect order for classes that start this week.

3. To have a perfectly kept house during the first week of school.

4. To have perfect blood sugar levels when I go to diabetic education.

5. To find a practicum site on the first phone call.

6. To exercise for an hour and half each day and make sure and burn X number of calories.

Short term goals for this week:

1. Call 5-10 practicum sites to seek hours.

2. Attend all scheduled appointments

3. Do something enjoyable for at least an hour a day to relax

As sad as it is, this is what my semester is going to look like due to my natural problem with anxiety and depression. I am fighting this and really trying to focus on perfectionism becoming a thing of the past. I would appreciate any prayers you could throw my way.

Have a lovely week,

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