Sunday, July 24, 2005

The newest quest

I really want to know myself! I have no other desire but to truly know myself and fix the things that I don't like. It's such a frustrating journey of trying to turn around several years of bad thought processes and bad behavior. My newest quest is getting to know me and accepting the things that I am and can't change and starting to work on the things that I can. It's like the serenity prayer (God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference) That prayer is very popular in the AA program among the other programs that are for addictions. That is for a reason...there are so many people out there who confuse the two (changeable and unchangeable) and then get frustrated as they try to better themselves. I am one of those people.

I have a new project going and you might have gotten an email or call from me asking you for your help. I am gathering data from a number of people in my life so that I can see myself more realistically. Often times I either look fondly upon myself in areas I don't deserve or can not accept the things that are really great about me. I have asked several people in my life (still haven't asked everyone yet) to jot down 5 pieces of constructive criticism for me and 5 things that they admire or like about me. This is going to be an exercise of learning how to take constructive criticism as well as learning to take a compliment and realize things that are good.

I really believe that seeing myself is going to require me to be introspective, opening myself up to other people's wisdom, and really praying about seeing myself. I want to work on things that matter and that are really problems to my well-being and other's well-being. I don't want to worry about things that are an intricate part of my personality and make me Erica. I want to allow myself to be Erica and be comfortable in my own skin.

So far, I have only gotten one person's half answer back so I have several other people to contact for their answers. I appreciate everyone who is helping me or would like to contribute to me working on myself. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I hope you are all doing well and I am sorry if I have been out of the loop, trying hard to get me together. Have a great day and God bless you all!


No comments: