Thursday, July 28, 2005

People Do What Works

Today's life law was really hard for me to accept. I really didn't think there was any payoff for some of the things I did since I so badly did not want to do them. A great example of this is overeating. It seemed that all it brought was misery coupled with more weight to lose on my walk to Italy ( Dr. Phil's point in this is that EVERYTHING that you do provides a payoff or you wouldn't be doing it. My payoff for overeating is calmed emotions and easing of boredom. These things are very powerful and have taught me that no matter what I am doing, there IS a reason.

What you do in this life law is write down the top 5 behaviors that you would really like to NOT do. Two of mine were

  • Overeating
  • Be dishonest to earn people's love

I realize that the second one is kind of deep and for that, I apologize. I will break these down so you can see what I mean by payoff.


My feelings: I hate overeating. It makes me so mad at myself after I do it. I know that I don't need that amount of food but I eat and eat anyway. I always feel sick after I eat too much and it makes me feel guilty inside. I know that when I get on the scales on Saturday I am going to pay for that entire cheesecake but it doesn't stop me. I know that I will have to work extra hard on exercise in order to burn those calories but I ate the entire box of cookies anyway. Why do I do this?

Payoffs: I do this because it makes me feel better. I feel sad at times and it takes me away from my saddness. When I am really lonely, it is a good friend to me. It watches tv with me when I really need a pal. It makes my emptiness feel full at least for a minute. I don't ever feel hungry even if I feel something else emotionally. I am bored so I will go to the kitchen and get something to eat and that will make me entertained.

Being dishonest to earn people's love:

My feelings: Why did I lie to Sally today? I mean, she can either like me or else leave me alone. Why did I tell her that I ALWAYS exercise. She obviously knows I don't or I wouldn't be 100 lbs overweight. Why can't I admit my weakness to her? I don't want to lie to my friends anymore. They should love me because they love me, not because I am flawless. I mean, who is flawless anyway? I don't want to hide anything anymore but something is keeping me from being completely truthful. Why can't I just tell the story I actually live?

Payoffs: I told Sally that I always exercise because it made her proud of me. It made her like me a little more because I am diligent. She realized how seriously I work on myself and admired me. She probably thinks better of me than if I told her that I have to force myself some days to exercise. I feel better knowing that Sally thinks good of me! Whew, it's a good thing I lied to her.

Now, as you can see, these things are disturbing. I do things in my life that I wish I didn't all the time. I never quite understand why I do them at the time but lately I have been breaking them down into payoffs and I assure you, there always is one. I encourage you to take the time to break your life down into 5 behaviors you don't like and find the payoff. Only when you find the payoff can you truly break that cycle because after all, people do what works!

I hope you all have a lovely day and please check out "Erica's Walk to Italy" and help me reach my goal and pray, support, invest, whatever! Thanks my people!


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