Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Bricks and Mortar

Today I wanted to first of all tell you all about my new blog. I have a new blog that is called "Life in Lyrics." I tend to speak my life through music so I decided to start a blog that will have one song a day to tell how I am feeling, what I am going through, etc... You can find this blog at http://lifeinlyrics4erica.blogspot.com

This morning after my walk at the beach, I was driving home and turning left off of Poppy St. onto PCH. As I sat at the stop light and looked around I noticed that there was a brick wall built to the side of this plaza. I noticed that the mortar between the bricks was spewing out the sides and it wasn't done neatly. To be honest, this bugged the crap out of me. I like things neat, organized, straight, and together. This looked like a sloppy job and it made me think of disorder in my soul and the way I was feeling this morning.

I came home feeling really lonely this morning. I am having a hard time with the desire and craving for companionship and really seeking that in the Lord. I am trying to remember that God has a perfect time to bring people into my life and right now, we are in alone time. I am hurting with this but also growing as I have an attention issue. The bricks brought me to some thoughts and I kept thinking about them all the way home and even throughout the morning before I came to blog. I sat down at the computer and thought about what I wanted to say to you all today. The bricks...kept coming back.

I decided to log on to google.com and see what I could find about bricks. I read an article about how to lay bricks and one about the different types of bricks and still no clue why God was bringing me to bricks. This morning as I have sat here and thought ..I finally came up with it. The bricks are like an example of me. Each brick on that wall represents something I am working hard toward. The bricks I automatically think of are weight loss, grad school, mental health, healing emotionally, physical health, accepting diabetes, developing healthy relationships, attention, eating disorder, and the list goes on. In my perfect world, each brick would be layed down in the proper order and would be straight and perfect. Well, as you know...we aren't in a perfect world.

Now, let's talk about the mortar. As I picture it in my head, it still disturbs me to think of how they let the mortar harden in big clumps sticking out of the bricks. That's like my life. Each brick will be set and eventually will be built but what I believe God is trying to show me...is that the mortar in between may not be so smooth. My transition from being an engaged woman and being a terribly single woman has not been easy. The brick is layed and I am indeed single and I chose to leave an unhealthy relationship...but the mortar that surrounds that brick is clumpy and oozing out the edges with hurt and disappointment. It's going to be hard to build this wall and it's probably not going to be straight, perfect, and smooth but this much is true..that extra mortar that is oozing out the sides simply holds the wall even more steady.

God is so good to me and shows me things every day. I am grateful for my intellect that helps me to think through things because I might never have seen the good in that crazy looking wall. Anyway, I hope you all are doing great and I miss you dearly. On the other side of this wall, I promise to be better! :)


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