Normally I write in my blog as much as possible and have tons to say but words are somewhat fleeting right now. On Sunday, February 19th at 5:22 a.m. my friend Heather's mom, and someone I loved and respected very much, passed away. Tonight as I sat in Heather's room praying with her and crying over her loss and my own saddness of missing Sherrie...I realized how amazing this woman was. She raised three wonderful children and was an amazing wife to Don but was even more than that. She brought several people to know the Lord, created her own craft business, headed up tons of projects at the church, and was all around loved by EVERYONE that knew her.
As I have spent the last few days with a grieving family, I am completely and utterly amazed by their strength and dedication to their mother and wife. They are all pulling through together and with grace. I believe that Sherrie would have so proud of her family as they make decisions, love each other, and grieve their loss. I am truly proud to have known Sherrie and to continue to know the Short family.
I want to close today's post by writing a little something to Sherrie since I didn't make it here to say goodbye.
Dear Sherrie,
I truly loved you! You have been a mother to me when finding a normal one was hard for me. You have created such a beautiful daughter for me to share my life with. She is so much like you and for that, I am lucky to call her a friend. Thank you for all that you did for me throughout our short relationship. Thank you for showing me an example of godly love and sacrifice. I truly miss you already and this house isn't the same without you! It truly isn't. I will forever hold you in the highest regard.
All of my love and dance it up in Heaven! The shackles are off..and now you may only PRAISE HIM!
~Erica~
P.S. Hug your mamas today!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Raw Emotion
Have you ever been so raw that you would growl at love songs, cry over everything, and just basically feel like putting the covers over your head and not coming out? I am at that exact point in my life right now. I have had a hard couple of days. I have experienced the ending of a relationship that I was really enjoying plus finding out that certain people in my life felt differently about me than I had thought. It's such a hard place for me to be. Yesterday was the totally over commercialized, entirely made up holiday Valentine's Day and I was just plain bitter. I had all of these plans this year to heal and feel whole. I had found a man I wanted to share my special "love day" with and had purchased the appropriate cards, gifts, etc... all to have him give up on me in Vegas and not even communicate with me about it. COWARD is a great word for this occasion.
I am a million emotions all at once; bitter, confused, angry, sad, broken, distraught, stressed, grateful, relieved, scared, livid, perplexed, frustrated, aggitated, annoyed, and mostly just plain depressed. I have had some pretty hard days in my life for sure and this isn't the worst of them but it certainly isn't the best either. I shared my whole world with this boy and he completely threw it in the garbage.
The one thing that completely makes me regret everything is that I opened up with this boy about my greatest love in my life...my grandfather. I trusted him with my deepest, darkest emotion and he completely tossed it to the wind. I fear that I opened myself up more than I ever intended to and it was a mistake. I am going to be so much more careful with who I let in my heart. I am scared that I am going to shut myself off from this and never try to love again.
I made some mistakes with Avery ..that is for sure but the thing I am most proud of is that I took responsibility for my part in it. He took no responsibility at all including not keeping his word in the end. He was a pitiful coward and for that, I am truly grateful to be rid of it.
I also really owe a great thank you to my friend John who willingly took care of me on Sunday when I was scared, alone, and hurt. I appreciate when real friends come through for you. I appreciate my boys who want to kill people for me and for my girls who cry with me.
They say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all and I disagree....I would rather have NEVER loved this man or anything that he was. I am truly sorry for allowing him this deeply into my heart and life. Good bye and good riddance! I am truly raw and sad at this point and I am only blogging to hope it lets some of it out in the open.
~Erica~
I am a million emotions all at once; bitter, confused, angry, sad, broken, distraught, stressed, grateful, relieved, scared, livid, perplexed, frustrated, aggitated, annoyed, and mostly just plain depressed. I have had some pretty hard days in my life for sure and this isn't the worst of them but it certainly isn't the best either. I shared my whole world with this boy and he completely threw it in the garbage.
The one thing that completely makes me regret everything is that I opened up with this boy about my greatest love in my life...my grandfather. I trusted him with my deepest, darkest emotion and he completely tossed it to the wind. I fear that I opened myself up more than I ever intended to and it was a mistake. I am going to be so much more careful with who I let in my heart. I am scared that I am going to shut myself off from this and never try to love again.
I made some mistakes with Avery ..that is for sure but the thing I am most proud of is that I took responsibility for my part in it. He took no responsibility at all including not keeping his word in the end. He was a pitiful coward and for that, I am truly grateful to be rid of it.
I also really owe a great thank you to my friend John who willingly took care of me on Sunday when I was scared, alone, and hurt. I appreciate when real friends come through for you. I appreciate my boys who want to kill people for me and for my girls who cry with me.
They say that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all and I disagree....I would rather have NEVER loved this man or anything that he was. I am truly sorry for allowing him this deeply into my heart and life. Good bye and good riddance! I am truly raw and sad at this point and I am only blogging to hope it lets some of it out in the open.
~Erica~
Monday, February 13, 2006
hmmm...too good to be true
Yes, if you haven't already heard..this relationship thing was too good to be true. It's over because to be quite honest, I have NO IDEA. It's not good manners to break up with someone and say "it's me..not you!" PLEASE! Anyway, back to the drawing board but I am gonna say this..I trust NO ONE anymore! I hate people today. I hope all of you are ok. I am going to study for my GRE because it's what deserves my time.
~E~
~E~
Monday, February 06, 2006
Communication and how much better it is.
As everyone that reads this blog knows, I was in a VERY long relationship at one point in my life and a lot of times, I think it was time wasted but I am learning...it just wasn't. I have learned that the time I spent with Adolfo and the relationship that we had was there for a reason. I learned so much about men, communication, and mostly how to love. I know that with Adolfo I made more mistakes than really should have been accepted but either way I truly learned. Someone in my life recently said that this is where the rubber meets the road. They weren't kidding.
I am a girlfriend for the first time in 2 years and it's true, I really did learn. I am completely confident that much of what I went through with Adolfo is going to serve me well in my new relationship. I can honestly say this is the happiest I have been with a man in 3-4 years so I want to do this correctly. I want to love Avery the way he needs to be loved. I want to pay him enough attention, not be demanding, give him what he needs, and communicate effectively. I think that these things are coming out of me because of growth from old wounds.
Today I am going to compare this to weight lifting. When you decide to start weight lifting, the first of it is painful and makes you sore for so long. You obviously love the pain of weight lifting but try to forget that for this analogy. Anyway, the more you do the weight lifting, the stronger you are. Well, that's the same with this. That first long relationship hurt me and left me very sore. I am so strong now though and I am able to lift more weight than ever. I am able to love better and stronger.
Anyway, I thought I would just jot down my thoughts on growth today so that I can look back in a year and see I have grown even more. I know that I will.
Avery, it's been so fun and I can't wait to hang out with you this week and get closer and stronger together. You are a gem and I am so glad that I can bring anything to this new relationship!
Have a great day everyone and God bless you! Also, congrats to all you Steelers fans...I knew it was gonna be them!
~E~
I am a girlfriend for the first time in 2 years and it's true, I really did learn. I am completely confident that much of what I went through with Adolfo is going to serve me well in my new relationship. I can honestly say this is the happiest I have been with a man in 3-4 years so I want to do this correctly. I want to love Avery the way he needs to be loved. I want to pay him enough attention, not be demanding, give him what he needs, and communicate effectively. I think that these things are coming out of me because of growth from old wounds.
Today I am going to compare this to weight lifting. When you decide to start weight lifting, the first of it is painful and makes you sore for so long. You obviously love the pain of weight lifting but try to forget that for this analogy. Anyway, the more you do the weight lifting, the stronger you are. Well, that's the same with this. That first long relationship hurt me and left me very sore. I am so strong now though and I am able to lift more weight than ever. I am able to love better and stronger.
Anyway, I thought I would just jot down my thoughts on growth today so that I can look back in a year and see I have grown even more. I know that I will.
Avery, it's been so fun and I can't wait to hang out with you this week and get closer and stronger together. You are a gem and I am so glad that I can bring anything to this new relationship!
Have a great day everyone and God bless you! Also, congrats to all you Steelers fans...I knew it was gonna be them!
~E~
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Superbowl Sunday yet again.
Hello everyone and Happy Superbowl Sunday! Do I care about this day at all? Not really. You see, football first of all isn't really my sport. Hockey is my sport by first choice. I love basketball and baseball too but really Hockey has my heart. Football is a long long way away from even gaining any attention from me. Just recently I learned that my boyfriend's favorite sport is ...you guessed it...football. I have chosen to start learning about it because I don't want to sidestep his interests, however, I am certain that it will never reign supreme over Hockey. By the way, please take a moment of silence for my Colorado Avalanche as they got beaten down by my enemies..the Red Wings! I was so sad so Joshua and I had breakfast this morning to grieve our losses.
Anyway, this post wasn't supposed to be about football or hockey so I will get back on topic. Lately life has been so stinkin great that I can't even comprehend it and I am a bit scared of it. I mean, it's still my life where it has bills, family drama, friend issues, and weight loss struggles but there is a happy cloud sitting over all of it. I know what you all are thinking and yes...I am in love! :)
Avery has changed the way I view my life. He is a pleasant surprise every time my phone rings with Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder. He is the upbeat to everything I do. Just when I get discouraged about something, I think about him and the worries melt away. When I am worried about the GRE, he says encouraging things to make me believe I can do it. When I am discouraged about weight loss, he reminds me of how health is beneficial. He is the sweetness in my days!
Now, you all know that I am not the kind of girl that gets too fluffy about things. I am usually the girl who talks about love very matter of factly and never really feels it. I can tell you that this boy has my heart and I can't wait to spend time with him this coming week. I feel like before relationships stopped me on my way to my goals and dreams. They distracted me in a sense. Avery does the opposite. He makes me want to achieve all of my goals and dreams and makes me believe they are 100% possible. I am so grateful to him for being that kind of man!
Avery, as you read this today, realize how much I appreciate not just our relationship and the romantic part of it. I also appreciate the man you are. I appreciate your sweet personality, your encouraging words, and mostly the fact that you are becoming my best friend. I hope that as we grow together, we can learn more and appreciate more about each other. I am going to learn all I can about you, Kenya, football and whatever else matters to you. You are worth every second of my attention and love! Have a great day today knowing your girl adores you!
Well everyone, I hope I have not grossed you out but have really inspired you toward things that matter. It looks like Erica is coming out of cynicism once and for all! Have a great Super Bowl Sunday and I love you all!
~Erica~
Anyway, this post wasn't supposed to be about football or hockey so I will get back on topic. Lately life has been so stinkin great that I can't even comprehend it and I am a bit scared of it. I mean, it's still my life where it has bills, family drama, friend issues, and weight loss struggles but there is a happy cloud sitting over all of it. I know what you all are thinking and yes...I am in love! :)
Avery has changed the way I view my life. He is a pleasant surprise every time my phone rings with Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder. He is the upbeat to everything I do. Just when I get discouraged about something, I think about him and the worries melt away. When I am worried about the GRE, he says encouraging things to make me believe I can do it. When I am discouraged about weight loss, he reminds me of how health is beneficial. He is the sweetness in my days!
Now, you all know that I am not the kind of girl that gets too fluffy about things. I am usually the girl who talks about love very matter of factly and never really feels it. I can tell you that this boy has my heart and I can't wait to spend time with him this coming week. I feel like before relationships stopped me on my way to my goals and dreams. They distracted me in a sense. Avery does the opposite. He makes me want to achieve all of my goals and dreams and makes me believe they are 100% possible. I am so grateful to him for being that kind of man!
Avery, as you read this today, realize how much I appreciate not just our relationship and the romantic part of it. I also appreciate the man you are. I appreciate your sweet personality, your encouraging words, and mostly the fact that you are becoming my best friend. I hope that as we grow together, we can learn more and appreciate more about each other. I am going to learn all I can about you, Kenya, football and whatever else matters to you. You are worth every second of my attention and love! Have a great day today knowing your girl adores you!
Well everyone, I hope I have not grossed you out but have really inspired you toward things that matter. It looks like Erica is coming out of cynicism once and for all! Have a great Super Bowl Sunday and I love you all!
~Erica~
Friday, February 03, 2006
Embracing my female-ness
As I think about a year ago, I think about a lot of things that were so hard for me. I think about how hard it was to realize my family weren't going to change. I think about how hard it was to accept loss of a broken relationship and broken friendships. I think about how hard it was to confront my health head on. Mostly I think of how hard it was to trust females. A lot of you are aware why females have been a struggle for me. Today is a new day and today I trust so many females and feel so happy about that.
I decided to dedicate today's blog to my female friends and all that they bring to my life. These notes are a clear distinction that indeed...my heart is healing.
My Britt Butt: Although you were the easiest to trust because you are my lil sister, I love you more everyday. I am so happy that we are adults together now and that you are becoming such a great person. I pray the most over your life and fulfillment of all of your dreams. You are truly so talented and bring so much to everyone's life that is lucky enough to be a part of yours. I am so sorry about the loss and hurt you have been going through but I love you sweety and I am here "always and forever." I just want to love you baby..I just want to hold you tight (LOL)
Heather: How do I possibly began to summarize all that is our relationship? I think it's a lot like a pheonix..like in Harry Potter. It had to die in order to become the beautiful thing it is today. I appreciate the friendship that has developed and the heart that you have been developing as well. God has really placed His amazing touch on your life and I am truly proud of everything you become day in and day out. I knwo that life isn't easy all the time and I am telling you..this too shall pass. I love you dear girl and thank you for everything. We are a permanent thing and I couldn't be happier about that.
Carrie: Thank you for being the best friend that Indiana could produce. I love you and your girls and your smelly husband. I look at you as an example of what I could be someday in my marriage and family. I can't wait to share my children with you the lovely way you have shared yours with me. I love you Hailey and Riley. Those kids mean the world to me and I thank you for every moment I get with them. Carrie, I love our friendship and how simple and great it is. You are a great girl and I am so lucky to have you.
Hannah: I am so excited that I am going to be a part of the most special day of your life. I am excited that you have trusted me with such an honor. Our friendship has always been pretty easy for me and I appreciate the kind of woman you are and that we are both so completely chill people. Our intensity is always ok to the other person and that is comforting. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for calling me on my crap, loving me when I was unlovable, and being a constant source of humor and love!
Heather Welday: Oh yeah, you have a new last name! I am so proud of calling you my friend. There are times when I think about what kind of person I would like to be and you come to my mind. We have both come from a crazy place and you have truly shined and shown that environments have nothing to do with developed character. A true psychological miracle in my opinion. I love you sweety and I wish you all the happiness in the world and it looks like that is what you are working on.
Pam: I love you like a mom ...you know..a normal one. I appreciate all of the normal things you have brought into my life. Thank you for bringing me medicine when I am sick, looking out for me, and always knowing EVERYTHING. I am so proud of all you have accomplished since I have known you. You are my hero Pam-cakes! I love you dearly
This blog was dedicated to my nearest and dearest females but there are plenty more where that came from...Martha Fellure, Claudia Degelman, Barron Harley, etc...
Anyway, that was beautiful and now I am girled out! To my cute boyfriend, I am enjoying every second we get and thank you for being completely wonderful and loving me for me! :) Have a great weekend ya'll
~Erica~
I decided to dedicate today's blog to my female friends and all that they bring to my life. These notes are a clear distinction that indeed...my heart is healing.
My Britt Butt: Although you were the easiest to trust because you are my lil sister, I love you more everyday. I am so happy that we are adults together now and that you are becoming such a great person. I pray the most over your life and fulfillment of all of your dreams. You are truly so talented and bring so much to everyone's life that is lucky enough to be a part of yours. I am so sorry about the loss and hurt you have been going through but I love you sweety and I am here "always and forever." I just want to love you baby..I just want to hold you tight (LOL)
Heather: How do I possibly began to summarize all that is our relationship? I think it's a lot like a pheonix..like in Harry Potter. It had to die in order to become the beautiful thing it is today. I appreciate the friendship that has developed and the heart that you have been developing as well. God has really placed His amazing touch on your life and I am truly proud of everything you become day in and day out. I knwo that life isn't easy all the time and I am telling you..this too shall pass. I love you dear girl and thank you for everything. We are a permanent thing and I couldn't be happier about that.
Carrie: Thank you for being the best friend that Indiana could produce. I love you and your girls and your smelly husband. I look at you as an example of what I could be someday in my marriage and family. I can't wait to share my children with you the lovely way you have shared yours with me. I love you Hailey and Riley. Those kids mean the world to me and I thank you for every moment I get with them. Carrie, I love our friendship and how simple and great it is. You are a great girl and I am so lucky to have you.
Hannah: I am so excited that I am going to be a part of the most special day of your life. I am excited that you have trusted me with such an honor. Our friendship has always been pretty easy for me and I appreciate the kind of woman you are and that we are both so completely chill people. Our intensity is always ok to the other person and that is comforting. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for calling me on my crap, loving me when I was unlovable, and being a constant source of humor and love!
Heather Welday: Oh yeah, you have a new last name! I am so proud of calling you my friend. There are times when I think about what kind of person I would like to be and you come to my mind. We have both come from a crazy place and you have truly shined and shown that environments have nothing to do with developed character. A true psychological miracle in my opinion. I love you sweety and I wish you all the happiness in the world and it looks like that is what you are working on.
Pam: I love you like a mom ...you know..a normal one. I appreciate all of the normal things you have brought into my life. Thank you for bringing me medicine when I am sick, looking out for me, and always knowing EVERYTHING. I am so proud of all you have accomplished since I have known you. You are my hero Pam-cakes! I love you dearly
This blog was dedicated to my nearest and dearest females but there are plenty more where that came from...Martha Fellure, Claudia Degelman, Barron Harley, etc...
Anyway, that was beautiful and now I am girled out! To my cute boyfriend, I am enjoying every second we get and thank you for being completely wonderful and loving me for me! :) Have a great weekend ya'll
~Erica~
Thursday, February 02, 2006
1 week and my life couldn't be more beautiful
Have you ever made a decision in your life and though..ahhh..yes..this is the right one. I have finally made one of those. For one week of my life I have been sharing all of my moments, hardships, love, strength, weakness, etc with one of the most wonderful men I have ever met...Mr. Avery Lakim Shabazz! There is no way you could find a better man..because one doesn't exist. Ok, maybe that is pushing it but I haven't been so happy for YEARS!
Avery has brought so much happiness into my life in just the short week we have been "official" and I can't tell you how amazing that feels. I wanted to dedicate today's blog to him and just say a few things!
Avery: It's been amazing this past week and I am looking forward to every week ahead of this one. Let's not take one day for granted. It's great when you find someone you are attracted to, respect, admire, and desire. Life is good when you are in it. I love you sweety boy and I can't wait for all that our time together will bring us!
Have a great day ya'll and find love today!
~E~
Avery has brought so much happiness into my life in just the short week we have been "official" and I can't tell you how amazing that feels. I wanted to dedicate today's blog to him and just say a few things!
Avery: It's been amazing this past week and I am looking forward to every week ahead of this one. Let's not take one day for granted. It's great when you find someone you are attracted to, respect, admire, and desire. Life is good when you are in it. I love you sweety boy and I can't wait for all that our time together will bring us!
Have a great day ya'll and find love today!
~E~
Saturday, January 28, 2006
A beautiful Saturday stroll.
Today has been a glorious day so far although my plan was to be knee deep in GRE preparation. I have not prepared for the GRE in the least but I have enjoyed my Saturday either way so far. Early this morning I got up and fixed breakfast for Christopher, who isn't usually here on Saturdays. I had plenty of time so I made scrambled eggs, toast, and sausage. He stayed here last night because he had an 80's dance. It was a lot of fun for him. So anyway, I drove him to Corona this morning and started my day when I got back with a 2 mile walk around my neighborhood. It was so refreshing and while I treked my way around Eastbluff....I talked to my boyfriend...yes you heard right...boyfriend.
I have decided that it's time to reveal the news completely. I now have a boyfriend and have since Thursday. His name is Avery and he is wonderful. I am really enjoying getting to know him and experience him in a relationship and am truly happy where I am. He is a wonderful man with character, strength, and virtue and that is refreshing as well. I really can't wait to see how it all pans out and what we find out about each other in the coming days. This could be a beautiful thing. The picture below is my man! Isn't he cute?
I have decided that it's time to reveal the news completely. I now have a boyfriend and have since Thursday. His name is Avery and he is wonderful. I am really enjoying getting to know him and experience him in a relationship and am truly happy where I am. He is a wonderful man with character, strength, and virtue and that is refreshing as well. I really can't wait to see how it all pans out and what we find out about each other in the coming days. This could be a beautiful thing. The picture below is my man! Isn't he cute?
Now, as I finish writing this blog I have to go and get my rear in gear on GRE prep. I can't put it off any longer. Also, I feel my sugar is probably low right now and let me tell you..that is NOT a bad thing. I have been experiencing days and days of taking insulin and not being able to get my sugar down. This is a good thing. I am going to go and test myself and have some lunch finally. I think that morning stroll may have broke the sugar barrier.
Have a great day as I am today and enjoy all of the things that life brings you. To be truly in love with ones day...is such a blessing after such a hard couple of years. Singlehood...SEE YA!
~Erica~
Friday, January 27, 2006
Erica...updated.
Hello everyone. I am sorry I haven't written for a bit. January has been a trying month for me. 2006 isn't looking all that much better than 2005 but I have my fingers crossed. Overall the main updates have to do with my family in Indiana and my grad school progress. My family has started moving and will be relocating to Bedford, Indiana starting next week. That is a big step for my family as we have lived in Mitchell my whole life. It will be weird to go home and visit and not be in the same town as my Grandfather's grave and my high school and all of the things I am familiar with.
Grad School preparation is going well. I have finally scheduled my GRE for February 17th. For those of who you don't know, that is the Graduate Records Examination. This exam is important to some of the schools I chose and they make a decision based on these scores at times. I am nervous about it but have spent about a year preparing so I am hoping to get a couple more weekends of studying in and go in confident.
I have ordered transcripts, gotten recommendations out, and have almost completed my application packets so things are going smoothly. This coming week I am going to start working on the Fafsa and get that done for financial aid and the rest is going to have to fall into place. I owe Vanguard a little money before they will release my transcripts so that is the next order of business.
This process has required a lot of steps and also a lot of healing in my own life before I could really step out and apply. I have begun seeing my therapist again in the new year and it's going wonderfully. I know that through this process, I will need to be working on my personal growth and strength. I have a lot of things I need to accomplish in order to be a successful and confident therapist.
A few relationships in my life have come full circle and I am working on those. I have a new boy in my life and as of yesterday (Jan 26th) we have decided to be together. That means after 2 grueling years of singlehood, I am finally a girlfriend again. I have resolved in my own mind to do this one completely different. So far, I am doing great but it's only day 2. :)
My health is again a concern but when isn't it? I have started faithfully taking insulin again and it seems it's not the right dosage since I can't keep my sugar at a low enough number. I need to choose a diabetic specialist soon and start a new diet and regime and get serious about saving my own life. I have learned that I need to love myself a bit better through this disease and see if I can manage sugars better.
I am sure there are other things to update but I must get going and start calling around for a doctor that will see a patient without insurance. :(
Have a great weekend everyone and God bless you all!
~Erica~
Grad School preparation is going well. I have finally scheduled my GRE for February 17th. For those of who you don't know, that is the Graduate Records Examination. This exam is important to some of the schools I chose and they make a decision based on these scores at times. I am nervous about it but have spent about a year preparing so I am hoping to get a couple more weekends of studying in and go in confident.
I have ordered transcripts, gotten recommendations out, and have almost completed my application packets so things are going smoothly. This coming week I am going to start working on the Fafsa and get that done for financial aid and the rest is going to have to fall into place. I owe Vanguard a little money before they will release my transcripts so that is the next order of business.
This process has required a lot of steps and also a lot of healing in my own life before I could really step out and apply. I have begun seeing my therapist again in the new year and it's going wonderfully. I know that through this process, I will need to be working on my personal growth and strength. I have a lot of things I need to accomplish in order to be a successful and confident therapist.
A few relationships in my life have come full circle and I am working on those. I have a new boy in my life and as of yesterday (Jan 26th) we have decided to be together. That means after 2 grueling years of singlehood, I am finally a girlfriend again. I have resolved in my own mind to do this one completely different. So far, I am doing great but it's only day 2. :)
My health is again a concern but when isn't it? I have started faithfully taking insulin again and it seems it's not the right dosage since I can't keep my sugar at a low enough number. I need to choose a diabetic specialist soon and start a new diet and regime and get serious about saving my own life. I have learned that I need to love myself a bit better through this disease and see if I can manage sugars better.
I am sure there are other things to update but I must get going and start calling around for a doctor that will see a patient without insurance. :(
Have a great weekend everyone and God bless you all!
~Erica~
Monday, January 09, 2006
I'm not telling
Lately I have come to a point where my privacy is of prime importance. I am in a place where my personal life is finally mine. I don't have all of these deep hidden secrets but at the same time, my life is not public property anymore. That feels good to me. I think that is what I needed all along.
So, the new years resolutions are going ok. I am working on about a billion things at once. I am working on my personal health, my grad school goal, my debt, and my friendships. I think that this year is going to be so much better because I have my head on for sure in a lot of aspects.
My day today is going to be spent doing errands and appointments today which is a normal run of the mill monday I guess. I will write tomorrow!
Until then, have a great day
~E~
So, the new years resolutions are going ok. I am working on about a billion things at once. I am working on my personal health, my grad school goal, my debt, and my friendships. I think that this year is going to be so much better because I have my head on for sure in a lot of aspects.
My day today is going to be spent doing errands and appointments today which is a normal run of the mill monday I guess. I will write tomorrow!
Until then, have a great day
~E~
Friday, January 06, 2006
Another day, another goal
Hello everyone and welcome to my blog for the second day running that I have been able to write in it. I have had this blog for some time and I used to just blog to death but I found that I started having an actual life after Adolfo and chose to stop doing so. I am going to be blogging a bit more in it now but only for my own sanity, not to share anything personal and big!
You may be wondering what is going on in my life and I will go ahead and fill you in on the not so personal and not so exciting details. First of all I am still working on Grad School applications and I have been so bad about putting these things off. I have really beat around the bush and it's time to get serious about it in 2006. Today's goal comes from that mega-goal. My dating life is going well. I will not be saying anything about my current relationship on here but that I am enjoying my life and I am doing fine.
My health is not at its best as I have been also putting off weight loss. Not in a huge way like eating everything I want but just not doing all the work that I know will get the job done. Again, it's time to get serious! My friends (as I said yesterday) are all struggling and scattered so I am hoping that in the next month we will see some incline in the news. I am not sure that it is going to happen, but we can always hope and pray.
Today's goal for me is going to be focused on my second major goal of the new year. Getting into Graduate School! I have decided to get all of my envelopes ready today for my applications and make a checklist for each packet therefore creating organization. That doesn't sound like a lot but it's probably an hour task down in the process. Please pray because there are just tons of things that I need to do for Grad School prep. I also need to take the GRE rather soon so please pray for money and time for that. I have applications to fill out, things to write, recommendations to get, fees to pay..etc... and it's killing me to think about everything so one step at a time.
Yesterday my goal was to drink 8 glasses of water and I sure got it done. I wasn't even floating either because I did a lot of stuff yesterday that required hydration. Hurray for me. I am getting closer to being a healthy individual. ONE DAY AT A TIME!
Have a great day ya'll and enjoy your weekend. If I don't get to write on the weekend, I'll update on Monday!
Happy Friday!
~E~
You may be wondering what is going on in my life and I will go ahead and fill you in on the not so personal and not so exciting details. First of all I am still working on Grad School applications and I have been so bad about putting these things off. I have really beat around the bush and it's time to get serious about it in 2006. Today's goal comes from that mega-goal. My dating life is going well. I will not be saying anything about my current relationship on here but that I am enjoying my life and I am doing fine.
My health is not at its best as I have been also putting off weight loss. Not in a huge way like eating everything I want but just not doing all the work that I know will get the job done. Again, it's time to get serious! My friends (as I said yesterday) are all struggling and scattered so I am hoping that in the next month we will see some incline in the news. I am not sure that it is going to happen, but we can always hope and pray.
Today's goal for me is going to be focused on my second major goal of the new year. Getting into Graduate School! I have decided to get all of my envelopes ready today for my applications and make a checklist for each packet therefore creating organization. That doesn't sound like a lot but it's probably an hour task down in the process. Please pray because there are just tons of things that I need to do for Grad School prep. I also need to take the GRE rather soon so please pray for money and time for that. I have applications to fill out, things to write, recommendations to get, fees to pay..etc... and it's killing me to think about everything so one step at a time.
Yesterday my goal was to drink 8 glasses of water and I sure got it done. I wasn't even floating either because I did a lot of stuff yesterday that required hydration. Hurray for me. I am getting closer to being a healthy individual. ONE DAY AT A TIME!
Have a great day ya'll and enjoy your weekend. If I don't get to write on the weekend, I'll update on Monday!
Happy Friday!
~E~
Thursday, January 05, 2006
oh my..here my life goes.
Hey everyone. Thanks for stopping in today. It's already the 5th day of the new year and I am overwhelmed with new things and tasks at hand. I haven't had a moment to blog since I was in California last. I did take my trip to Indiana and got to see my family and friends back home. While I was home I got a new tattoo which is on my lower back and is a Mustang Stallion with my grandfathers birth and death dates above and below. It's great and healing pretty well. Here is a photo of it.
Marcus my trusty tattoo artist is the one who did it and I have some pictures I plan to load onto my web-site from the tattoo and trip in general. Since being back, I haven't really done much but catch up. I feel like my life has been spent in the laundry room. Who knew you needed so many clothes for 12 days? I also have been spending time with my California people (at least the ones that are around) Most of my California friends are not around right now because they are at their respective homes.
My friends are all having their own struggles right now with family illnesses, impending scary moments, and even car accidents and such. I feel like everyone is really struggling right now. Today, I am just struggling to keep my eyes open. I haven't been sleeping very much and it's taking a toll on me.
As resolutions go, I have decided that I am going to do something a little different this year. I have 4 main goals for my 2006. They are the following....
1. Lose Weight
2. Get into Grad School
3. Pay down debts
4. Be a good friend
These goals will be the main focus of my entire year. I have decided to work on these goals by having 1 daily resolution for myself. Today's (January 5th) is to drink at least 8 glasses of water by midnight. I know that doesn't sound especially hard but to be honest, it's a great health goal for me seeing that water is always good for your body and also flushes fat out of your system. One thing at a time this year.
Anyway, I hope all is well on your front and please write or call if we haven't spoken. I am hoping to use some time this weekend to catch up with folks via phone or email so keep those cards and letters coming!
~E~
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Thankfulness!
I just wanted to briefly write and say that I will be starting again on my thankfulness trek! I want to start blogging one thing I am thankful for each day! I think that will help me to keep my head out of my problems. Have a great day ya'll and here is today's thankfulness!
December 18, 2005: I am thankful that I was not injured badly in my car accident yesterday. I am thankful that Cavie was also not injured beyond working condition. I am thankful that I have car insurance and that Cavie will be able to get fixed. I am thankful for my boy who calmed me after the car accident. I am thankful for a great meal out with my boy where I enjoyed a great glass of wine and good seafood. I am thankful for cuddle time and Napolean Dynamite too. I am thankful mostly that I am heading home in 4 days.
~E~
December 18, 2005: I am thankful that I was not injured badly in my car accident yesterday. I am thankful that Cavie was also not injured beyond working condition. I am thankful that I have car insurance and that Cavie will be able to get fixed. I am thankful for my boy who calmed me after the car accident. I am thankful for a great meal out with my boy where I enjoyed a great glass of wine and good seafood. I am thankful for cuddle time and Napolean Dynamite too. I am thankful mostly that I am heading home in 4 days.
~E~
Another date and still liking it
Some of you know that I have been interested in a certain boy for some time. It's been a hard road for us because of some past issues for him but overall, it's been so much fun. Last night we went on another date and it went so well. We had such a good time together just eating dinner and watching Napolean Dynamite. I hardly ever have as good of a time with anyone else besides him. I am hoping I will get to see him one more time before I head to Indiana for 12 days.
Speaking of that, I am so stoked to head to Indiana this coming week. I am looking forward to seeing my friends and family again. I am a little under the weather right now with a cold or sinus problems and yesterday I got into a car accident so I am just ready to pack up my gear and head east. Just so you aren't alarmed, my car accident was just a fender bender but if any of you know Cavie...you know that is so sad to me.
I am also looking forward to the new year and making new resolutions. I know I didn't meet all 50 of my resolutions this year but I worked hard and got a few of them taken care of. I am excited to make new and more reasonable ones. I hope you are all doing ok. Have a great Holiday season and I love you all!
~Erica~
Speaking of that, I am so stoked to head to Indiana this coming week. I am looking forward to seeing my friends and family again. I am a little under the weather right now with a cold or sinus problems and yesterday I got into a car accident so I am just ready to pack up my gear and head east. Just so you aren't alarmed, my car accident was just a fender bender but if any of you know Cavie...you know that is so sad to me.
I am also looking forward to the new year and making new resolutions. I know I didn't meet all 50 of my resolutions this year but I worked hard and got a few of them taken care of. I am excited to make new and more reasonable ones. I hope you are all doing ok. Have a great Holiday season and I love you all!
~Erica~
Monday, December 12, 2005
Theres no place like home for the holidays
Hi everyone. I am sorry it's been so long since I have blogged. My life has been extremely stressful for the last month or so. Last week I was given the biggest blessing ever by a very precious family that I love. Heather's family (The Short Family) paid for my ticket home to Indiana. I can't even fathom the kindness and love they showed me by providing me a ticket to be with my family for the holidays. I am so excited about going home and I owe this family all of my excitment and happiness. :)
I just wanted to write really quickly and update everyone on my holiday plans. I am hitting the rolling hills of Indiana from Dec. 22-Jan 3
If I don't write soon..Happy Holidays!
~Erica~
I just wanted to write really quickly and update everyone on my holiday plans. I am hitting the rolling hills of Indiana from Dec. 22-Jan 3
If I don't write soon..Happy Holidays!
~Erica~
Monday, November 28, 2005
Home for Christmas
I am sitting writing my post today singing "I'll be home for Christmas" at the top of my voice. I am so longing for home. I haven't seen my mom and older sister for 7 months and my little sister for almost 5 months. I haven't seen my dad, step mom, or other little sister for almost a year. It's really hard to be so far from your family and have the fear that you might not get home for Christmas. Money is very scarce right now and with the holidays approaching is not going to get easier. I looked at plane tickets today and even this early, they are already 400 dollars each. That scares me for sure.
I always love Christmas in Indiana. I love the way that Indiana looks with freshly fallen snow on the ground and how it smells like fireplaces and cooking food and people are rushing around all bundled up to get their Christmas shopping done. I love seeing my friends and family and sharing with them and getting to see them unwrap my gifts and know that I love them so much.
I love visiting my favorite people and getting to catch up on old times with them. I love going to the grocery store with my mom to get all of my favorite foods because she cooks them all while I am home. I love the smell of my mom's cooking in our house and going into the kitchen and seeing pans and pans of fudge and seeing some crazy concoction that Hillliary found in a magazine that she created as a masterpiece. (last year was the stocking cake)
I love Christmas Eve with my Grandfather's family where I get to see just a glimpse of him again through his brothers. We all get together and do a gift exchange, potluck, and play cards and just catch up on family news. Then we go home and start to prepare Christmas dinner (me and my mama) and open one gift each. We then watch White Christmas and stay up and then the next day..the magic happens. I love Indiana at the Holiday Season. Gosh, I want to go home NOW!
HOMESICK!!!!
~E~
I always love Christmas in Indiana. I love the way that Indiana looks with freshly fallen snow on the ground and how it smells like fireplaces and cooking food and people are rushing around all bundled up to get their Christmas shopping done. I love seeing my friends and family and sharing with them and getting to see them unwrap my gifts and know that I love them so much.
I love visiting my favorite people and getting to catch up on old times with them. I love going to the grocery store with my mom to get all of my favorite foods because she cooks them all while I am home. I love the smell of my mom's cooking in our house and going into the kitchen and seeing pans and pans of fudge and seeing some crazy concoction that Hillliary found in a magazine that she created as a masterpiece. (last year was the stocking cake)
I love Christmas Eve with my Grandfather's family where I get to see just a glimpse of him again through his brothers. We all get together and do a gift exchange, potluck, and play cards and just catch up on family news. Then we go home and start to prepare Christmas dinner (me and my mama) and open one gift each. We then watch White Christmas and stay up and then the next day..the magic happens. I love Indiana at the Holiday Season. Gosh, I want to go home NOW!
HOMESICK!!!!
~E~
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Enjoying the first stage of attraction.
Don't you love those first few dates of a new relationship? I sure do. I am seeing someone new and it's really a fun time. We have been getting to know each other for a few weeks and I have found out wonderful things in this short time. We had our first date on Saturday (Nov 19th) and have our second one tonight. I am looking forward to it since we have decided to go bowling. I have a good time doing whatever with whomever but he makes things even better.
Life is going alright for me. I leave tomorrow morning to head up to Nor Cal with Heather to spend Thanksgiving with her family. I am looking forward to seeing her family and also just spending a few days supporting Heather through a rough time. I am also just looking forward to getting away from work and responsibilities to enjoy myself. I know that money will be scarce with the holidays approaching but sometimes,...you just have to enjoy your friends and family. Money is not going to matter when it's all over!
Well please pray for my new relationship that has just started and also for safety while we travel tomorrow. I will update everything when I am back. I am also going to be downloading pictures onto my web-site soon of Disneyland and me and my new favorite boy, Aaron!
Have a great day Ya'll
~E~
Life is going alright for me. I leave tomorrow morning to head up to Nor Cal with Heather to spend Thanksgiving with her family. I am looking forward to seeing her family and also just spending a few days supporting Heather through a rough time. I am also just looking forward to getting away from work and responsibilities to enjoy myself. I know that money will be scarce with the holidays approaching but sometimes,...you just have to enjoy your friends and family. Money is not going to matter when it's all over!
Well please pray for my new relationship that has just started and also for safety while we travel tomorrow. I will update everything when I am back. I am also going to be downloading pictures onto my web-site soon of Disneyland and me and my new favorite boy, Aaron!
Have a great day Ya'll
~E~
Monday, November 14, 2005
questions...unanswered.
Hello everyone. Lately life has been interesting and a learning experience to say the very least. I would really like all of you to pray who know my friend Heather Short. Heather was my college roommate and is one of my dearest friends now. Her mom has been battling cancer for some time and has had reoccurences including seizures and tumors. Just one week ago today, her mom was given 2 months to live. We know that God is God and He decides all of our fate but there is a fear that plagues Heather.
Please keep my dear friend in your prayers. This also is leading me to go up North with her for Thanksgiving and not return to Indiana until December. Please pray for her family and for Heather's heart. I love you all and I'll call you all soon!
~Erica~
Please keep my dear friend in your prayers. This also is leading me to go up North with her for Thanksgiving and not return to Indiana until December. Please pray for her family and for Heather's heart. I love you all and I'll call you all soon!
~Erica~
Saturday, November 05, 2005
The sky is falling
Hey everyone. I hope you are all doing much better than myself. Life has just been an interesting ride lately. Interesting this time is not a positive word either. I updated a few days ago about all that is going on in my life and as I read it today, it's amazing the changes a week can bring. Personally, I have gone through some of the hardest feelings in my life and outside of myself, people I love have been suffering and struggling as well. It's just a hard time I think.
I am going through a lot of things right now that don't make a lot of sense and I could really use all of your prayers for peace.
I can't write a lot today, I am exhausted. Love to you all
~Erica~
I am going through a lot of things right now that don't make a lot of sense and I could really use all of your prayers for peace.
I can't write a lot today, I am exhausted. Love to you all
~Erica~
Friday, October 28, 2005
Life...one day at a time
Hello everyone. For the past almost 3 months I have been going through painful pruning. I have not written in my blog nearly as much because I have been so busy and kind of going through things alone. I wanted to write today about the growth experiences that have been happening through this time and how amazing God is through it. I thought I would update just every facet of my life at once so that you can read the portions you are wondering about. Here goes...
Counseling: I am currently seeing a therapist and it's going wonderfully. We have been working together for about 2-3 months and it has been a very interesting experience. We are currently working through the fears of applying and going to grad school, weight loss, and family stuff.
Work: I am currently working 3 jobs and applying for a 4th. My first job and most important to me is being Chris' nanny. I have been with he and Richard for a year and almost 4 months. I have really enjoyed it with the exception of a few small details. There are always opportunities for me to exercise boundaries in that I am practically raising Chris. There is also the issue of Chris being 12 years old and going through a very rebellious stage. He is still way better, in my opinion, than most kids though.
I also am working at Rock Harbor (one of my churches) in the Nurture ministry. This is a child-care/teaching position where I teach and watch 3-5 year olds on Tuesday mornings during the mother's nurture meeting. This is one of my favorite days of the week because the kids are so adorable, fun, and they teach me more than I ever expected to learn.
My 3rd job is Vanguard's library again. Elizabeth (Circulation Supervisor) recently had a baby (Rand) and they needed me to come in to cover their short-handedness. I am basically just doing periodicals and covering where they need me.
The 4th job is a job that would be more permanent because I really love the idea of it. I am interviewing on November 8th if you would like to pray for me. It's a position at Newport Mesa (my other church) and the actual title is "Elementary Director." There is a lot to that job title but it seems very good for me and would really allow me to be involved with ministry in a real and tangible way.
Grad School: I am not that far into the application process. I have gotten a few tasks completed and currently am feeling overwhelmed. I wrote my personal statement a few weeks ago and it is in the editing process. I am working this weekend on my resume/curriculm vitae. That should be one of the easier tasks but I always make things harder than they need to be. I also will be working on the actual filling out applications process because that is something I have put off because it is so monotonous. Anyway, all of my applications should be submitted by January 1st and I should make a decision by April. Please continue praying over this step in my life.
Small Group: I am currently attending a small group on Friday nights and we are doing a book on the spiritual disciplines. I am learning that these things are crucial to my walk with the Lord. My small group is great because the people that make it up are amazing people who I bond with individually in different ways. I am so excited to see them on Fridays!
Church: I am currently still attending both Rock Harbor and Newport Mesa and loving both. I am involved with ministry, serving, classes, and various other things at both. I am loving that each new day brings a new opportunity to grow, change, and be molded at these great churches. I love the people at both churches and find myself growing in female relationships like I never have.
Romance: hmmmm...this one is always an interesting topic, isn't it? Well, I have been out of the dating game for 2 and 1/2 months now and it's powerful to see how my heart has changed. I have started really putting only good and holy things in my mind so that I don't have disrespect for men and/or myself. I only watch movies that are above rated R, same with TV, and no music that glorifies premarital sex, degradation of women, etc... I am really picky about what goes in right now. Also, I am getting to know a young man whom I am very interested in but allowing God to do all the foot work. If this is the man I am supposed to be with for my entire life, he will feel the same way I do and he will pursue me as well. I am not going to put my hands in things any further but rather hold on very tight to God's hand and know He has His best for me at heart. This man is a very nice, sweet, caring man and I am hoping to get to know him further in the coming days, weeks, months, etc... and God will do the rest! Please pray for me and said man! :)
Friends: My friends seem to all be doing rather well. I think they are all growing by leaps and bounds in their spiritual lives and those that are a constant in my life right now are people I can trust and respect. I am growing deeply in one of my female friendships and it's really helping me to become a better person. I am loving that I feel I can trust a girl more than my guy-friends now and I am growing in faith in God bringing the RIGHT females into my life. I am lucky to have a lot of women who really love me and support me!
Family: I really don't know much about what's going on with my family, other than they are all still in Indiana and doing the same things. Britt is working on finishing her first semester in college and she is not having that great of a time. I think that she eventually will find her niche in life and be fine, but until then, she is discouraged. I am trying to head home for the holidays but money is tight so I am hoping that will pan out.
Overall, this is my life. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the fall months. Since this will probably be the last time I write before ...Happy Halloween! I am not really doing anything special for Halloween except enjoying the night of cute little people dressed up in cute little costumes. Have a great one and I love you all dearly! Give me a call if we haven't talked.
~Erica~
Counseling: I am currently seeing a therapist and it's going wonderfully. We have been working together for about 2-3 months and it has been a very interesting experience. We are currently working through the fears of applying and going to grad school, weight loss, and family stuff.
Work: I am currently working 3 jobs and applying for a 4th. My first job and most important to me is being Chris' nanny. I have been with he and Richard for a year and almost 4 months. I have really enjoyed it with the exception of a few small details. There are always opportunities for me to exercise boundaries in that I am practically raising Chris. There is also the issue of Chris being 12 years old and going through a very rebellious stage. He is still way better, in my opinion, than most kids though.
I also am working at Rock Harbor (one of my churches) in the Nurture ministry. This is a child-care/teaching position where I teach and watch 3-5 year olds on Tuesday mornings during the mother's nurture meeting. This is one of my favorite days of the week because the kids are so adorable, fun, and they teach me more than I ever expected to learn.
My 3rd job is Vanguard's library again. Elizabeth (Circulation Supervisor) recently had a baby (Rand) and they needed me to come in to cover their short-handedness. I am basically just doing periodicals and covering where they need me.
The 4th job is a job that would be more permanent because I really love the idea of it. I am interviewing on November 8th if you would like to pray for me. It's a position at Newport Mesa (my other church) and the actual title is "Elementary Director." There is a lot to that job title but it seems very good for me and would really allow me to be involved with ministry in a real and tangible way.
Grad School: I am not that far into the application process. I have gotten a few tasks completed and currently am feeling overwhelmed. I wrote my personal statement a few weeks ago and it is in the editing process. I am working this weekend on my resume/curriculm vitae. That should be one of the easier tasks but I always make things harder than they need to be. I also will be working on the actual filling out applications process because that is something I have put off because it is so monotonous. Anyway, all of my applications should be submitted by January 1st and I should make a decision by April. Please continue praying over this step in my life.
Small Group: I am currently attending a small group on Friday nights and we are doing a book on the spiritual disciplines. I am learning that these things are crucial to my walk with the Lord. My small group is great because the people that make it up are amazing people who I bond with individually in different ways. I am so excited to see them on Fridays!
Church: I am currently still attending both Rock Harbor and Newport Mesa and loving both. I am involved with ministry, serving, classes, and various other things at both. I am loving that each new day brings a new opportunity to grow, change, and be molded at these great churches. I love the people at both churches and find myself growing in female relationships like I never have.
Romance: hmmmm...this one is always an interesting topic, isn't it? Well, I have been out of the dating game for 2 and 1/2 months now and it's powerful to see how my heart has changed. I have started really putting only good and holy things in my mind so that I don't have disrespect for men and/or myself. I only watch movies that are above rated R, same with TV, and no music that glorifies premarital sex, degradation of women, etc... I am really picky about what goes in right now. Also, I am getting to know a young man whom I am very interested in but allowing God to do all the foot work. If this is the man I am supposed to be with for my entire life, he will feel the same way I do and he will pursue me as well. I am not going to put my hands in things any further but rather hold on very tight to God's hand and know He has His best for me at heart. This man is a very nice, sweet, caring man and I am hoping to get to know him further in the coming days, weeks, months, etc... and God will do the rest! Please pray for me and said man! :)
Friends: My friends seem to all be doing rather well. I think they are all growing by leaps and bounds in their spiritual lives and those that are a constant in my life right now are people I can trust and respect. I am growing deeply in one of my female friendships and it's really helping me to become a better person. I am loving that I feel I can trust a girl more than my guy-friends now and I am growing in faith in God bringing the RIGHT females into my life. I am lucky to have a lot of women who really love me and support me!
Family: I really don't know much about what's going on with my family, other than they are all still in Indiana and doing the same things. Britt is working on finishing her first semester in college and she is not having that great of a time. I think that she eventually will find her niche in life and be fine, but until then, she is discouraged. I am trying to head home for the holidays but money is tight so I am hoping that will pan out.
Overall, this is my life. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the fall months. Since this will probably be the last time I write before ...Happy Halloween! I am not really doing anything special for Halloween except enjoying the night of cute little people dressed up in cute little costumes. Have a great one and I love you all dearly! Give me a call if we haven't talked.
~Erica~
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