Tuesday, April 12, 2005

OA does not mean Obese Always!

Good evening everyone. I am finally getting around to writing after a few really long days. An update to everyone first on Britt and her wreck. She is officially a redneck celebrity because her deer head butting incident was placed in the paper as if it was headline news. How cute huh? She is doing really well. Her shoulder is feeling much better and she had a doctor's appointment to have her knee X-rayed today. I am hoping there is not too much knee trouble because my mom and I both have bad knees so she doesn't have much of a chance. She was experiencing some kind of allergic reaction to the deer fur as well and that has since gone away so thanks so much for your prayers. Britt is ok and moving toward recovery. Please keep praying though as she is obviously still a little scared to drive and feeling some pain.

Updates on me are much more scattered. First of all, my new job is going excellent. I love it. I have never been interested in the Health Insurance biz but it's not so bad. It's more about the wonderful people I work with though that makes me excited. I love Irene and Betsy so much and learn more from them than ever every day. I prayed for God to bring spiritual, healthy, strong women into my life and sure enough, I have two great ones every day now! I am so completely and utterly blessed to have this job and these beautiful people.

I have some big news to share with everyone and some sad news but truth to make you all aware of. This weekend was a huge thing for me. Last week on Friday when Britt was in the accident, I made a huge realization of my true self. I realized that I have an eating disorder. I binge and exercise obsessively. I made this realization and as a psych major knew I must do something about it. I logged onto www.oa.org and looked into Overeaters Anonymous and started to do some research into what might be wrong with me. I read story after story of people who were just like me. I decided to call a sponsor. I called Jay and he was so inviting and understanding about my disease and invited me to a meeting on Sunday.

On Sunday I went to my first OA meeting and realized that I am a compulsive overeater/bulimic person. I was horrified but left feeling like I wasn't alone anymore. I had another meeting tonight and was able to connect with a lot of women who are just like me and who struggle with the legal form of addiction. I was moved by their stories and I am even more moved by their love, passion, and acceptance. Now, I will tell you what I have been doing because to come clean is really a giant part of my healing.

If you were eating with me, you would have no idea the horrible disease I live with. I eat a normal breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I can make it look like I am the healthiest person you have ever seen and certainly work out more than most people my size. There is just one problem, I have to get alone sometime. In my alone time I go to Jack in the Box and order several items and take them into my quiet alone place and demolish them. My car console has 6-7 receipts from JITB and reese cup papers that you couldn't even count. My life consisted of finishing boxes of cookies the same hour I started them. How sad huh? All I would do is just exercise it off. I have a form of bulimia and anorexia that I had never known about. Today, I am 3 days "Sober" and I am just proud of my huge step.

Please join with me in prayer and help me get through this addiction to food and the binging and exercising process. I appreciate all of the people who have touched my life these last few days and I am just praising GOd for helping me to find the answer. Thanks for stopping in today and I am going to try to get back on track with learning and thankfulness tomorrow! Much love to all and please just be praying! I am truly healing ALL the parts of my self!


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