Saturday, April 02, 2005

We did it! :)

Tonight I had to write because God and I beat something huge in my life. I am trying to be the most authentic woman possible at this time and it's hard but I am going to do it. I have been struggling with food a lot lately. I have an enormous addiction to food. This problem has been real since I was a little girl. It helped me escape many many problems and for that reason, food has been a friend to me. This friend has always terribly abused me and made me an obese, dying person. By the age of 17, I weighed probably over 350 lbs. I have finally made a change and obviously now weight 236 lbs. I am proud of this weight loss but I have never let go completely of my addiction to food.

Today I made a goal to change the way I am eating and try to be a healthy person. I got up this morning and had a bowl of oatmeal (one serving) and a slice of toast with margarine. I then spent my morning catching up on things like cleaning my room, blogging, etc.... At 1:30 I went to the gym and did a bit of cardio and a lower body workout. It was intense and I was tired and hungry when I left. I basically came home and ended up talking to my mom for a bit which meant I did not eat until about 5:00. I went to Panda Express and got orange chicken, steamed vegetables, and chow mein. Probably not the most healthy choice but it was yummy. I also had a snack of hummus and pita bread and a cheese sandwich today.

Well anyway, that brings me to tonight at 9:00 which is right now. At about 7:00, I had a craving for something sweet. As you all know, I am a diabetic and a fairly bad one at that. I got in my car and had plans to head down to the grocery store to get something to eat that was sweet. I would have probably gotten donuts, candy bars, cookies, etc...whatever looked good in the aisles. That is a bad choice. Well, I got to the grocery store and there was absolutely NO parking. It was amazing to me. I viewed that as God saying it wasn't supposed to be. I decided I should probably just go and get some frozen yogurt at Golden Spoon. I began to drive into Costa Mesa when my cell phone rang and a friend was calling. We ended up getting onto the discussion on will power and how you can't lose weight without it.

I guess I don't have to say I didn't get anything sweet to eat and I am going to go to bed tonight without eating anything more. I want to get this weight off and be healthy. I want to live as the diabetic that I am. Thank you for your prayers and please continue as I am finally starting to beat this older than me problem! I need released from this eating disorder!

I was so proud of this victory that God and I had together that I had to share it!


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