Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Musts, shoulds, and can'ts

Hi everyone. How I have missed my sweet little blog the last few days. I have been so busy as of late that my blog has been neglected. My life has been on the up and up and I have been learning beyond my wildest expectations. I have been working at my new job now for a month and it's seriously the best place for me. I have two great co-workers and the love and respect of both. On Tuesday of this week, I came in the office and was pretty distraught and overwhelmed with life in general. As everyone pretty much knows, I am fighting an eating disorder with all that I have. Along with that comes the normal responsibilites of life plus the fact that I think too much about everything. My mind is destroying my life.

I have always thought beyond what I really should. I have never really learned to relax in any manner at all. My mind goes about a mile a minute and leaves me in tears, anxiety, overwhelmed, and lost! I struggle so much with my thought life and the lies that my mind weaves that I can spin myself into a tizzy fast! This is when I usually delve into the fridge..when my mind can't stop. It stops the least for a minute.

Anyway, I came into work really crazy with my own thoughts and Betsy (my co-worker) put some things in perspective for me. She said I need to start categorizing my life into three groups. The musts, shoulds, and can'ts! I think this is a really good idea for me. She said when I start to think about something and get sad, scared, anxious etc... I should decide which group it belongs in. I will operationally define the groups so you know where I am going...

Musts : Those things that are essential to my survival in any way.
-- Examples: Keeping Christopher Safe, not binging, taking diabetic meds, going to doctor appointments, doing my job, paying my bills, etc...

Shoulds: Things that I SHOULD do but are not musts.
--Examples: keeping up with my friend's lives, writing emails, blogging, working on grad school stuff, family stuff, exercising more, and the list goes on.

Can'ts: Those things that take too much of me right now and they are off limits.
--Examples: Saving Christopher from bad parenting, helping my family heal from years and years of hurt, Finding LOVE, Getting married, Losing all of this weight, and again..the list goes on

I have to focus on the things that are pressing and that's living and not dying. I am in a mess and I have to really start to care about me more than food, friends, family, etc... I am ready to live and I have to live by these three groups to do so. I love when God speaks through others, it's amazing.

Thanks for stopping in today and I missed you all so much. Please keep praying. I need it!

Much love to you all!!!!


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