Sunday, January 07, 2007

A new week in a new year

So technically today is the first day of the 2nd week of the new year. I am amazed at how well the first week went. My new year is looking up except for a impending urinary tract infection I seem to be acquiring. Also, this morning I had kind of an emtional outburst with Anthony where I spoke not harshly but not sweetly and ended up crying when he left the room to take a shower. I am missing my boy so much these days. I see him a total of about 2 hours a day because 22 of them, he seems to be either sleeping or working. I feel like the quality of our relationship at some point might get harmed due to all of this work. I know that we need the money or whatever and I appreciate how hard he works but I miss him and need him sometimes. It's so true when they say money can't buy you love. The love is there and even if money is pouring in, it can really hurt the relationship. We are very happy right now but we are both missing the intimacy of our relationship and the time we used to have together. We are coming up on 7 months together and it's amazing how much we have grown in such a short time but either way, it is difficult because we are still in the newness and not seeing each other as much as we would like.

Today I have plans to finish up my room, get my school stuff ready for my new week, do a load of laundry, work out, and try not to miss the love of my life too much. I will be blogging here and there too. It's been keeping me focused in the new year and keeping me consistent. I am still doing pretty good in that department actually. We'll see how it works when I am back to work and school.

On other topics, I miss my friends. I miss going shopping with the girls, coffee, lunch, breakfast, any meal whatsoever, movies, etc... I miss just good old friend time. I haven't even had time for me since I started Graduate School. I think my next couple years are going to look like this and the strong will survive. We shall see. I really hope I am strong enough to survive it. All I can think right now is that I am ready to get married, have a place with Anthony, and start creating our family and traditions. I just want to be his wife and make him a good home. Is that wrong?

I am completely and totally in love with Anthony and my old Erica tendencies of wanting to jump right into something that I love and want is really hard to fight against. I know that time is of the essence right now and I have a degree to continue and things to do for me but man, it's so tempting to just throw my hands up and say ..I surrender ..bring me marriage. I know that right now isn't the time and even in our relationship, we aren't ready but it's tempting when you finally find someone that makes you so happy and you can't stand to be without.

Oh well, I guess I am having a hard day afterall. I know that I really need to calm down and just enjoy the Sabbath and realize that time is precious and even if I only get 30 minutes with him, at least I get that. That's easy to say but really hard to do. I only want more time with him if I get any at all. Oh well, what's new....I don't get what I want. I should be used to this by now in my stupid life.

I am down now! I have to get off here and do something good for me.


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