Monday, October 11, 2004


Tonight I went running down in my dream land of Balboa Pennisula. I go there when I long to be alone and learn something and be with God. I went down tonight and spent some much needed time in prayer and ended up finishing prayer in the piano room of my house. As I prayed, I realized that I need so much healing. I have so much baggage from years and years of hurt and pain and disaster. I started tonight by asking God to take things piece by piece. I am praying over each thing until I feel released and powerful against it. I know that a lot of things in my life have created the monster that I am today. Ask Adolfo, he would understand the monster I am speaking of. Most of you know that I was engaged about 8 months ago. I had to leave my relationship in order to free Adolfo and myself to grow up and mature and stop hurting. I have been hurting and in pain since but also free from a lot of pain also. I love Adolfo very much still but long for his happiness and fulfillment and that just doesn't include the terrible girl I am right now.

In saying that, I realized the first thing I need to pray for healing over is my mom and dad's divorce. I have so much stuff I am carrying around just due to being a divorced kid. I love my mom and dad very much and can truly forgive their decison and some of the selfishness that I feel was exhibited, however, I have not fully healed from the damage it created. I warn all of you that no matter how old children are (1 and 1/2 years here) they do feel the damage of a divorce and do know the difference between having an intact family and a destroyed family.

I won't go into all of the damage that this "decision" created but I will say that I need prayer until I go into the next healing phase. I am going to be praying over the wounds every day until God heals me. I know that God is a healing God and there is nothing he can't do. I don't want to re-do all of this pain by being a bitter girl who takes this pain into her marriage. I am not getting married anytime soon (as I have not met my husband yet) but I truly should be in training all the time to be the woman I need to be either way. Single or taken, I need to be healed and complete and pleasing the Lord every second.

Please join with me in prayer over the pain that divorce caused not only me and my family but every family in the world who has been through it. I truly acknoweledge those couples who have made marriage work even when it's hard. Props to you! Your children will never forget it. Have a great night all and I hope this blog didn't bum anyone out but may have caused you to start praying about your own pain. ~Shalom to the highest degree~

No comments: