Sunday, October 17, 2004

The start of a new week, let's see...

Happy Sunday to you! Today is a dreary day in southern California. I know that sounds like a paradox but it has been raining here and it's yucky outside. I know that doesn't sound like good news but I love rain. I love that everything gets cleaned off, smells fresh, and I sleep like a baby. Also, my Indiana homsickness goes away a little when the rain comes. I have a busy, fun weekend. I ended up going shopping yesterday and spending a little extra fun money at Lane Bryant for some new cute outfits. I love to dress nice and look good and that's something I could afford this week. I take much pride in my ability to dress nice and that's something I really like.

I went out last night with Josh to Black Angus (instead of Red Lobster) and had some amazing food and good drinks and great fellowship. I ended up also going to B.J's for dessert and seeing my favorite boy in the world. Things were fun and I got to see two of my favorite friends. This morning I headed to church at Rock Harbor which was awesome as usual. I am really liking it there and find myself really motivated to go to church. I owe a lot of that to my friend Hannah also because she is accountability for me to go.

This morning in church the service is still about John 3:16 and breaking it down to further understand it. This morning we did the word "Believes" and we talked about what it means to believe in Jesus. Within the sermon, Mike Erre talked about the woman who came and poured expensive perfume on Jesus' feet. I am sure you all remember this story. He was saying how in the Jewish custom, it was not appropriate for this woman to be at this dinner party much less doing the things she was doing in adoration of Jesus. Mike Erre said something like "She broke all the rules just to be close to HIM." I loved that sentence. I decided this morning that I am going to break all of the "rules" to be close to Jesus.

I find that the reason I get distance between me and the Lord is other people and the way I am perceived by them. If I am breaking all of the societal norms to be close to Jesus, so be it. If I am putting my spiritual and mental health before others needs and desires be it. I have found that it truly is inspiring to think about breaking all of the rules or norms just to be close to Jesus. I know it is an amazing payoff and I am so excited about God changing me through being ME!

The divorce search is getting more and more intense as I look into how it has shaped my vision of God and my vision of other humans. I immediately view people to have an angle or a motive in what they are doing. Now, I know this is primarily true but there are people who truly love me with everything they are and never try to gain something from me. I am happy that those people are there for real and I am going to try to understand them and believe that they are out there. I have faith that God has something amazing for me through that transformation.

I am going to keep this blog posted on all of the ins and outs of this divorce search. I am sure that a lot of healing will come from this and more so maturity spiritually and emotionally.

Christopher gets back tonight from camp/his mom's and I am excited to see him. My week is beginning and should be not only hectic but emotionally trying. I am very excited because tomorrow I have a dental appointment (not the exciting part) and then get to see someone very special to me. Tuesday I am back to Richmond and in full swing. Please pray that I start to be able to manage my time better and get to know what's going on in my life at a gentler pace. I love you all dearly and I am praying for you. Please do the same if you think about it. ~Shalom~

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