Monday, October 11, 2004

Life = knowing who you are and what you want!

I am on day # 1 of relaxing. Christopher left for camp this morning after minimal drama. I hope he has so much fun because Lord knows his nanny will. I have spent today doing the things that I wanted to do. First of all, I worked 8 and 1/2 hours at Richmond. That is what I wanted to do for numerous reasons. I like being caught up and getting projects knocked out and also making good money! I am barely limping anymore so work is easier with all the running back and forth from office to office, chair to fax, and chair to copier. I am so grateful for a working leg.

I left work at about 5:30 and came home and busted out some car cleaning. My car was literally the most disgusting place to be. I had a flat tire last week and that forced me to clean out my "trunk of denial" and left all of that crap in the back seat. When I say trunk of denial, I say that because I had a lot of stuff in there that I didn't want to deal with emotionally. After cleaning the car out tonight I feel so much better and know that I will love driving tomorrow.

After cleaning out the car and organizing that mess, I watched my very favorite WB tv. show, 7th Heaven. I love that show because it's so based upon real life issues and the focus on the family. It's just the only clean and moral thing on anymore. While watching 7th Heaven, I cooked up some quesadillas and ate some french toast pop-tarts. Those are comforting foods and I enjoyed my hour of no cell phone and just me!

Now that 7th Heaven is over, my plan is to straighten up my room, go running (on my much better leg), talk to a friend, and read Atlas Shrugged until my eyes are heavy. My life seems a bit boring but I assure you there is no greater feeling for me than boredom right now. I needed a break and God knew that! God bless Astrocamp!

My title today says Life = knowing who you are and what you want. I wanted to make that the title because that is something I learned today. I am trying to learn new things each day and today was sincerely a day of a lot of learning. This morning I talked with a close friend of mine who is really struggling in her marriage. She is one of the most amazing women of God I have ever met and I am just so grateful to be able to hear her heart and her plan of attack when the Devil is tackling her marriage. I am getting the opportunity to witness firsthand my ministry in life. I am distinctly called to be a marriage/family therapist and I like hearing how the family dynamic works and trying to learn the ins and outs. I thought today how happy I will be to take my first family of clients and focus on their healing. It just felt good to know that God trusts me with that task!

I also learned today that it's completely ok to be full of desire. I am a girl who has a lot of desires. I am not speaking of desire as a sexual term or even a material term but an overall piece of vocabulary spanning multitudes of subjects from romance to food. I think desire can come across complex ideas like emotional health and more concrete ideas like having a house on balboa pennisula. In saying that, desire is something I have lingered on in thought today because I am having a week of erica-land. I know that it sounds selfish to say that but I am completely ok with being a selfish person these days. That is not saying that others don't matter to me but this week, they just can't!

I wanted to take this week and focus on one desire each day that I truly have for myself. Today's desire is going to be of a deep nature just simply because it's # 1 on my list right now. I am really being drawn to a deeper commitment to Christ and the abundant life that He brings. In saying that, I am desiring after God like I never have. I desire to leave a legacy of his love and show others his compassion through my work, play, love, laughter, passions, career, romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships etc... I long to live for him completely and fully and my true desire is to hear "enter in Good and faithful servant!" Seriously I am longing for Heaven right now and longing for his comforting arms. My true desire lies in the drastic pull toward holiness. I know this sounds cliche but it's the first time in my life I have ever wanted to be holy and upright. I have pretended a lot but now I know that my desire is to please Him with everything I am and stand back and allow HIS name to be glorified instead of my own.

I am going to end today's post with a prayer as this is truly a week to pray about desires and some of the other things going on in me:

Father, you alone know my heart and my desires. You know that I long after you and your character in my life. God let me be like you and show the world your awesome love for us. Allow your sweet spirit to create in me the heart and passion that you would like me to have. Take care of Christopher this week Lord and renew us both. Take my week and allow me to glorify you through my words, deeds, and behavior. Allow your life to be reflected in the man I love, the friends I carry, and the work I do. I love you Lord and give my all to you. In your holy name. Amen!

Shalom all and have a beautiful week!

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