Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Fear...not my God anymore!

I realized last night as I walked at Balboa and again got alone with the God of my heart and life....I am afraid of everything. For some time, fear has been my God! Fear has penetrated the very essence of who I am and what I am made of. It has so made me into the woman I am, I have no idea how to live without it. I have no idea how to be productive, loving, helpful, or even comfortable without it. Without my fear...I am but half the person I started out being. Isn't it strange how something can live within you for so long and you don't even realize it is there but the minute you try to get rid of it, it captivates you how important it really was!

I have just recently made a choice to start shedding myself before God every single day and hope that I begin to become like him by the proximity factor. In psych you learn that people start to like each other and be attracted to each other just due to proximity. Now I know you can't take everything you learn in psych and relate it to your relationship with the Heavenly father but I am almost certain you can this! I have decided to just be around God a little bit more. Not necessarily do anything SUPER spiritual or be a perfect Christian but just chill with him and see if his character rubs off and if I am fall in love with him like i should be!?

I admit that my relationship with the Lord is far from perfect and I am working to further it every single day but I am taking steps today to be a better Erica and more than Erica that pleases God and doesn't grieve him. I am frustrated and scared of so much right now but with HIS help, I should get through it. I have no idea what tomorrow or the next day may bring but this I know...I am going to stand and wait on him...This is my life song right now,..enjoy...

Hungry I come to you
For I know you satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love, does not run dry

So I'll wait for you
So I'll wait for you

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus you're all this heart is living for

Broken I come to you
For your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know your touch
Restores my life.

So I'll wait for you
So I'll wait for you

repeat chorus...

Anyway, here are my learning and thankfulness for yesterday and I hope today you will give your fears to God and rest with him...get close and fall in love!

Learning March 8, 2005:

1. I like my alone time and being disturbed in that is really getting to me.

2. I enjoy accomplishing things and it makes me feel good.

3. Chicken with Cream of Mushroom soup baked in the oven is mighty tasty.

4. I really do desire after playing the piano.

5. I can let my fears go if only God is on my priority list.

Thankfulness March 8, 2005:

I am thankful for learning myself and getting to love the things about me that are unique. As I prayed yesterday I realized how I have great characteristics and I am full of things that God can use. Granted, I haven't always used them but I know that God has blessed me with raw material. I am thankful for the woman God created me to be and the ideal self that I have and all that I have accomplished thus far! Thank you God!


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