Saturday, March 26, 2005

Saturday = a sensory experience!

Today is a gorgeous day in Southern California. I have been awake since 7 am and it has been a glorious day! I woke up and weighed myself since it's Saturday and I am maintaining at 236 lbs. I am frustrated with the weight loss situation but refuse to get overwhelmed because I have been sick and I am getting healthier no matter what. I layed in bed until 9:30 reading Atlas Shrugged and burned over 100 pages. I began to get hungry so I decided to get up and make myself some breakfast. I made a scrambled egg, 2 slices of toast, and a bowl of oatmeal and sat down at the kitchen table with my fitness magazine to enjoy the solitude of morning. I finished my magazine and breakfast and cleared the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher and headed downstairs to straighten my room and begin my day. Actually to begin my fantasy weekend.

I made my bed, cleaned up paperwork, and got ready to head to the beach. I drove down to Corona Del Mar and parked my car away from the beach to encourage a longer walk. I grabbed Atlas Shrugged out of my passenger seat and headed for the bench that overlooks the ocean. For a brief moment I looked at the ocean and thought of how lucky I am to live here in California. I am lucky that I have the luxury of looking at the ocean every single day. I opened my book, put my bookmark in my pocket and escaped once again into the land of Atlas Shrugged. This book gets more moving with each page so I pretty much lose any sense of reality around me.

I sat on the bench reading until I reached the new chapter mark and my butt had gotten sore from the really hard beach bench. I took my book back to the car, threw it in the passenger seat and started my leisurely stroll around Corona Del Mar. As I walked I did what I usually do, think about things that never really cross your mind in the busy-ness of a week. I noticed the intricate details of the people that passed like the fact that this lady named one of her dogs Biscuit. I began to think of how pleasant the word biscuit is to me and how much it reminds me of Indiana. (Biscuits and Gravy) I then noticed the old couples sitting at lookout point where everyone watches the sunset. I thought about the love that must have kept these people together over so many years. I then allowed every sensory experience to really reach me. I smelled the burning of charcoal which again took me home to Indiana where my mom has the most mouth watering barbecue ever.

I heard the click click of a skateboard rolling over the sidewalk and noticed the beautiful black man who was riding it and observed he was carrying on a very active conversation on his cell phone while maintaining perfect balance and riding the skateboard like it he was walking, without thought. I noticed the couples holding hands and walking that were the exact replica of what I view beauty to be, a dark man and a pale ceramic girl. I myself, am pretty pale so I appreciate the look of dark men beside a beautiful specimen such as that :)

I noticed this planter on the table of a patio I passed that was a brightly colored turtle that had an opening on his shell for the plant that inhabited it. I fell in love with him immediately and named him churro because well I like Churros! I walked past thinking how pleasant it would be if someone saw this planter and thought of me and my love for turtles. I walked past a beautiful house that was so large I could not put it into words. It seems to encompass half of a block and has children's playthings in the yard. It made me think of a perfect family and it had a flag hanging from the upper level rafters that said "Make amends with someone today." I thought that was an interesting thing to put on a flag and began to go through my rolodex of people I should make amends with.

I walked a little further and saw an enormous stairway consisting of probably 100-150 stairs that led down to the beach. I looked down for a minute and thought of how exhausting the climb up would be but decided it was worth it. I began to walk down the stairs enjoying the salty sea air that was blowing in my face which was a relief because it is hot today. I got to the bottom and looked around to see what I could see. I noticed a couple with their dog at the doggy water fountain filling himself up. I looked right and noticed a house that had a private part of the beach where there were 6 beautiful young white men playing beach volleyball. Yes, today I even saw beauty in white men. I am trying people!

I got over being down there and decided it was time for my climb back up. I looked at the stairs and groaned a little but decided on each landing, I would reward myself with a little break. I began to take the stairs and could hear my heartbeat pounding loudly in my chest and could feel my breath getting more and more shallow. I was proud of myself for taking this steps. I decided I didn't need a break after each landing so I just continued on until I reached the top. As I ascended, an old couple walked by and the lady smiled so sweetly at me and said "Good Morning Dear!" I was happy to see someone so pleasant who could attest to me actually climbing those stairs.

I walked down the beach again and noticed things around me. I looked around at vehicles and noticed three Acuras and four Mustangs. The mustangs must have been driven by bad drivers because everyone was badly parallel parked. The beautiful silver one had a tire up on the curb and I thought of the damage it was doing and cringed. There was a beautiful metallic blue Acura RSX that caught my eye and for a minute, I experienced extreme lust. I walked past it and noticed the lady in front of me was the owner of Biscuit the dog and again thought of home.

She started to run with her dogs and said hello to me since we had met quite a few times on our walk. I said how cute Biscuit was and she smiled and thanked me. I headed back to my car because my senses were overloaded. I got into my hot Cavalier that I love like no other and rolled down the window because it was so stuffy. My cd player started to play John Mayer's "Not myself" and I began to sing along and smile at who it made me think of.

I pulled away from the curb and from my amazing oasis from the dessert of the world and realized that today, I had lived my fantasy. I had taken in every aspect of the beach and enjoyed it. I had not worried about past due bills, relationships I couldn't force, friendships gone bad, or even my health or how many calories I was burning. I simply dwelled in California and realized...I am truly home!

Thanks for stopping by everyone and if you aren't in California, I hope you could smell the smells, feel the feelings, hear the noises, and mostly experience my love for my new home. I miss Indiana so much and I love and miss my friends and family there but I know I am where I belong. This is indeed my love for California, spelled out.

Here are my learning and thankfuless for yesterday:

Learning March 25, 2005:

1. Good friday is such a profound day and I am learning more about it every year of my walk with God.

2. I feel like things should be closed on Good Friday.

3. Atlas Shrugged is suprising me every single chapter.

4. I do have self control at times and I am learning to walk away from bad situations.

5. My time with God is priceless and I have to start experiencing it daily.

Thankfulness March 25, 2005:

I am thankful for Good Friday. It was the day that my Lord and Savior beat this world and all of it's sickness by taking a beating for it, getting killed for it! He did the unthinkable for you and for me! He loves us so much. Since this is my thankfulness...I am so thankful he did it for me and my sin. I love you Lord and thank you so much! *If you haven't seen the passion, this is a great time to see it*

~Shalom~

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