Sunday, August 22, 2004

A whole new perspective

Good evening everyone. I hope that your Sunday was relaxing and as much of a growing experience as mine was. Today I have been a very busy girl but also have learned so much about me and about others. I ended up going out with some friends last night and after watching Josh scrimmage in soccer at Vanguard, I went to a bachelorette party for a bride who I don't know. We went because we were invited through some people and when I got there, Hannah was there as well. Almost immediately I realized how happy I was to see her. Although I haven't blogged a whole lot about Hannah, she is very special to me. She is really a phenomenal woman of God and someone I trust with my heart and to know my deepest darkest sins. That is saying a lot as mine can get pretty dark. Hannah has been more special to me in a short time than a lot of people were that stayed a great deal. Anyway, she invited to go to Rock Harbor (a church here in So. Cal) with her and her family the next morning. I decided to do that being that I viewed it as a divine intervention into my life.

I have been thinking on (not praying about) leaving my current church. I just don't quite feel right about attending there and haven't really found my niche. Now I know that should have signaled me to pray about it but that would require me to be living a life where I could approach the throne of God. I know that I don't sound like I live this crazy sinful life but I assure you, I do. I have a lot of things that God is starting to work on in me and I am happy about that. So, I atttended Rock Harbor this morning with Hannah and her family. It was absolutely amazing. Now, the preaching wasn't spectacular, the music wasn't concert level, the seating was uncomfortable, and quite honestly the parking SUCKS...but God was there. I felt like I was being fed more than I had been in a year or more. I was so excited to be there and even more excited to go back next Sunday. I haven't been able to share this with Hannah or tell her that she had a hand in God's plan for me but I have defintely found a church that I am interested in and wishing to go back to.

Now, onto the message that the pastor spoke about. Man, I have to share this with my blogging audience because it's one of those things where God shows you something about yourself and you almost want to tell people because you are afraid you'll continue it if you don't get a hold on it. The sermon was about Commandmant # 9. This commandmant is actually the one about false testimony and normally this is a great "lying sermon." The pastor didn't use it as a lying sermon but completely put a spin on it and talked about how we use false and/or true testimony to injure other's names. I am infamous for this. I know if you guys are my friends you are aware that I am a gossip who injures other's names. Now, most of the time my stories are true because people share things with me or I somehow find out but just because they are true...doesn't mean that they should be shared. I am ashamed of my behavior in the past oh.....23 years and I am hoping to live my 24th year differently. I am very excited about stopping this behavior that literally disgusts me. Have you ever just realized who you are and completely are sickened. That's me today. BUT....I have God's grace and the ability to work on this and start over.

My forum today is to ask all of you (and I do mean ALL of you) to forgive me. I know I have said something to you or about you that would be in this realm of sin. Please forgive my ignorance and selfishness and help me by calling me on things like this. I know I am generally a more fun person when I have a story but I love God too much to put my popularity over my love for Him. Thank you for helping me out and thanks for reading this. I know it was heavy today! Love you all much and ~Shalom~

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