Sunday, February 06, 2005

Awareness of self is somewhat scary

I had a day off from the blog because I was out of town yesterday seeing a friend. It was an interesting day and I'll get to that but not before I write about Friday. On Friday, I made a decision that was very hard for me to make although the rest of the world will not view it as difficult most likely. I had really been thinking about applying to Graduate school and going in the fall of this year but something deep inside of me knows that isn't the right decision. I went and met with a professor at Vanguard for some quality time with her and ended up discussing my own thoughts on Grad School. She agreed with me and I have made the decision to set out another year at least.

I am going to work on getting a job in the field for the time being and working toward getting my passion for life back. I have been through some really hard things lately and I just feel like I need some more time to heal. At first I thought I would feel guilty for not getting on the ball on my education and feeling without purpose, but I have decided that only I truly know what is best for me!

Friday ended up being really great as I got to hang out with one of my favorite professors who treated me to a great lunch. I also got to see Pam, Mel, Alison, and Mary at the library and I haven't seen them for months. I missed them so much. I am hoping to get back next week to see Heather and Markita. Also, I was able to head to Office Depot and grab some supplies to start my scrapbook. I decided I would start it from now on, meaning my first page will be graduation from College. I want to start my adult scrapbook. One of my less desirable traits is that I often live in the past so I decided that this little craft would not be a part of that!

Friday evening I basically just chilled and hung out so that I could rest up for my Saturday in San Deigo. I needed the rest as I spent most of my day with my new friend Kevin. I went up to Kevin's house at about 9:30 in the morning and I have decided that toll roads are absolutely ridiculous. I mean, we should not have to pay just to drive on the road. STUPID! Anyway, Kev and I went and grabbed some lunch at Daphne's Greek Cafe, which I love. I had some Calamari with Hummus and enjoyed every bite. (Thank you Kev)

We then decided we would head to this park. We went and they were having some fishing contest and what looked to be a country music hoe-down. It was scary! I should note here that Kev is black so we stuck out pretty badly! We both decided this wasn't the place to hang out and headed back to his house so I could meet his mom. Kev's mom is the coolest and brought me much joy telling me how to drive and trying to feed me. I love nurturing parents. It reminds me of home!

We had a really great talk where Kev shared his heart with me and we went for a walk on a trail to a place with a really great view. I learned a lot about Kevin early on in the day and we had a great time together. We then went to Von's (where Kev works) and had a fun time looking for groceries. Then we spent the rest of the day getting to KNOW each other. It was a beautiful time and I ended the night by having dinner at Kev's house which was excellent. His mom is a great cook. Overall a great day.

Now, it is Sunday and I am back to the grind. I am trying to work on getting things done like dishes, laundry, cleaning, organizing, scheduling, job leads my week will be fruitful. Today is the super bowl and I am not even watching it. I am so happy about this. See you would think I would want to go to a party or watch it or something but I am happy as this is my first super bowl without Adolfo which means this sunday, I am not chained to the couch! WOO HOOO

Well anyway, that's it for today. I need to call my family now but here are my learning and thankfulness for the last few days:

Learning February 4, 2005:

1. Professors make great friends and mentors.

2. It's ok not to be ok right now and be ready for grad school.

3. I need to heal a little better and probably should start seeing someone again (therapist)

4. I miss Adolfo very much and it is for all of the right reasons.

5. Time and space are good things!

Learning February 5, 2005:

1. A drive to San Deigo can cost you $3.50 if you take the 73

2. I love a good drive if my sis is on the phone and has me singing on Speaker phone

3. I love Daphne's Hummus

4. There are these great walnuts by Diamond that are made to taste like Butter Toffee...and they are for sure going to be part of my Heaven.

5. Kevin is a great time and I loved spending my day with him!

Thankfulness February 4, 2005:

I am very thankful for Claudia Degelman. I am thankful for her knowledge, wisdom, mentoring, and friendship. I am thankful that she cares about me and my healing and encourages me in the right way. I am thankful to her for her kind words and understanding in a very difficult time. I am thankful to her for all of the things she did for me while attending Vanguard and beyond. She is truly an inspiration and someone I trust dearly! Thank you GOd and thank you Claudia for everything!

Thankfulness February 5, 2005:

I am thankful for a great day with Kevin. I am thankful that no matter what, Kevin is my friend. I am thankful for his caring and sharing heart. I am thankful that he is an honest man with many great attributes. I am thankful that he made my day a great time and made me feel wanted and needed. Kevin is a gem and I appreicate the time I had with him. Thanks Kev and thank you God!


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