the quest for God-control

Upon writing yesterday I had several people read the blog and respond to me on several different levels. Some of you wrote me and felt very much the same and didn't really know how to control yourself either. Others of you gave me your own opinions and tried to guide me as well as you could. Others of you were actually invited to help me as a mentor or trusted friend and gave me wisdom immeasurable. Overall, I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to know how to control myself on a mother-board typescale. I need to be able to trust God to help me gain self-control. One of my trusted mentors pointed out something that I really wanted to share with those of you who struggle in this same area.

She mentioned that self-control is a fruit of the spirit. Fruits don't grow unless they are nourished. This is such an imperative thought to consider. I mean, if I am not nourishing myself in the Lord, how do I expect the fruits of HIS spirit to bloom?? This is such a valid point and somewhat directs me on the next step in obtaining this fruit. I looked into the verse about the fruits of the spirit last night and realized, I am not really nourishing any of these. I am not necessarily living in any of them and maybe I should be concerned about that!

I am telling you, it's hard being the kind of person who constantly thinks of things to work on or constantly thinks in general. I am a thinker and by nature, a person who is always looking to get better or healthier. I think this is good but can get a bit difficult as I try to make every one of my goals overnight. One of my hugest problems is patience with myself. I really need to try to work on being more patient with me! I am the kind of person who can accept that healing and change takes time in other people, but with me..I want it done yesterday. This self-control thing is going to take much time and much patience in myself. I am going to have to embrace having a hard time.

I don't think that there is anything new to report. No news on jobs yet. Nothing really huge happening in my life other than work and trying to lose weight. I have major focus right now on the losing weight factor so let's hope I can get it in gear. Your prayers would be appreciated.

Well, I should get going as I have a million and one things to get done today. Here are my learning and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning February 27, 2005:

1. Self control is not something that you can learn or inact without the help of God.

2. The fruits of the spirit need to be nourished just like a normal fruit would need to be. They do not come overnight to those who are worthy!

3. When I really try, I can accomplish goals that I saw as getting ahead of me.

4. I really miss Heather and Josh and they are literally two of the best friends I have ever had.

5. People do care about my opinion in their lives and miss me when I am not around.

Thankfulness February 27, 2005:

I am thankful for a trusted mentor in my life, Claudia Degelman. She was my professor at Vanguard but since I graduated a mentor and friend. She is very special to me and always takes the time to listen and really guide me in wisdom yet always helping me to understand things from my own point of view. I value her so greatly and thank God for her direct place in my life. Thank you God and thank you Claudia!

~Shalom~