Sunday, February 06, 2005

Deep Erica Handy

Hello everyone who checks in on me through my blog and for a change, thank you. I appreciate all of you who are avid EricaLand readers and this is how you stay up on my life. I appreciate that so much! Sometimes I will be talking to someone and they will say, oh I read that on the blog and I think, "Man, people read that thing, I should be careful what I share with it!" :)

Tonight I am writing a second time not because I am bored and can't think of anything else to do with my life but because I was moved to do so. Tonight I went and picked Chris up in Corona because that is our "half way" point with his mom. He is always a ball of fire when he gets in my car and has some new toy to play with on the way home that will literally drive me bizerk! Either way, I enjoy that time we have in the car on the way home. He tells me the stories of his weekend which usually include some new movie he has seen and some great story that happened. I love listening to him talk, watching him play with his new toy, and hearing him sing along with the music. Even more than I love all of these things about picking Chris up, I love that I drive for 45 minutes by myself and get paid to do it.

Tonight I was driving up to Corona and thinking...a lot! I was listening to Lionel Richie's cd that is all of his greatest tracks. I think it's called "The Essential Lionel Richie." That is neither here nor there. I began to listen to this cd and it holds many great songs and more so, fantasies that only a woman would understand. I think about my wedding day when it's on and how I'll walk down the aisle to the man I love. I think of slow dancing with him and being able to know that he loves me more than I could ever imagine. It was in these moments in the lonliness of my car that I realized, I am a romantic person. Lately, I have let that girl go away. I have pretended that she isn't alive. I have just tried to push her away so I can have fun but overall, these are the facts.

I am in love with the most amazing man I will ever know! I love him so much it hurts my heart. I would do anything to make sure he knows how much I love him. I would give him my heart if only God would allow it. I dream about marrying him, being with him forever, and helping him achieve all of his dreams. I think about making beautiful children with him (because they would be beautiful) and sharing his passions and letting him be the STAR! I think about how his eyes would light up when we are together and how my hand would fit perfectly in his. I am such a sap right now but seriously, these things need to be off of my heart and onto the blog where they belong. I don't care who reads this blog at this point. Read away! I needed to say that!

I think about how he makes me laugh and when he smiles, my heart melts. I think of how everything he says stays in my mind for days and weeks and now, even months. I think of how wise he always is and just knows exactly what to say. I long for the day where I will say something to help him for once. I dream of that day. I used to think I was wise, now only a shadow of that. I have no idea if this love I have in my heart will ever come to fruition, but this I know, I know how to love now. He has taught me how to love. He has enriched my life and if nothing else, has shown me the Love of God more effectively. I have no idea what to do with this deep desire of my heart other than pray about it and trust that God is in control and stop trying to control it myself.

If he is reading this now, I know he knows who he is! He knows it is him and a part of him, is glad it is. I want to say to him today....I seriously enjoy you and there is nothing that will ever make me stop loving you except God himself. Please just know that someone loves and respects you deeply no matter what. You are a precious gift from God to me! Take a bow, you are the star in my life! It's amazing to not have to take center stage for once!

Anyway, that is what was on my mind and I felt like if I didn't write it down (type it..whatever) I would burst. Now that it is over, I apologize for the sappy love story I just shared with you. Especially if you are one of my guy friends because I know you are cringing right now! If you are one of my girl friends, however, thanks for reading and getting a little tear in the corner of your eye and feeling empathy because I know you did. It's ok though, God will come through, he always does!

Well, I should probably shut up now but anyone who would like to comment to today's blog, throw me an email at

I love you all and again, ~shalom~

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