Saturday, February 12, 2005

perspective -- the changing of one's view

In my life lately, my perspective has really changed. I have spent a lot of time lately just thinking about things and how I feel inside. I have written out thoughts, feelings, motives, goals, achievements, etc...and found myself in more ways than one! I am trying really hard to learn the authentic me. That means I have had to wade through a lot of crap to get to the things about me that are true. I started the other night with a sheet of paper that was completely blank and wrote the word "truth" on the top of it. I began to write truths. I have a lot of lies in my life as most humans do. The lies that I have told others, the ones I have told myself, the ones others have told me, etc..and it's time to get truthful. Now there is no way to reverse all of the lies in my life and go back and tell everyone the truth but there is a way to start over and start being truthful. I know that requires a little bit of sacrifice on my part but anything worth doing, requires sacrifice (so my mom says!)

I have decided to start living an authentic life in every way. I have been working on my sub-goals very hard and meeting them daily. Yesterday I met all 4 goals and ended up spending some of my night reading into positive psychology. It's an interesting area and I am going to be reading an entire book on it. I like the idea of someone actually writing about happiness for once instead of saddness in psychology. Overall yesterday was a very fruitful day and I learned much.

Here are my sub-goals for the day:

1. Pray at least 30 minutes
2. Journal over the things I don't miss about Adolfo
3. Work out for 45 minutes at the gym and weigh in
4. Read Benner book that claudia loaned me in it's entirety (short book)

Ok, so I have already prayed and weighed in this morning as it's only 9:40 am. I am going after this to the gym to work out and will be also journaling this morning. I am moving on my goals and it's not even noon. My prayer time went really well and I felt like I reached a new level in intercession this morning with a certain person. It was nice. Also, I weighed in this morning at 238 which is maintaining for me. I need to get my butt in gear and lose those pounds. I have a goal of 35 lbs lost by the end of May and I have only lost 2 of them. I am supposed to weigh 205 when I get home to see my sister graduate. BIG GOAL...I can do it if I just stick to it!!!

Ok, so that is my day and the things that are going on with me. No word on a second job yet. I am going to look into two more places next week. Please pray for me as Christopher is off school from Feb. 21-Feb 25 and that means we don't have him. This eliminates a great deal of income for me! I need a second job like I need oxygen but I am trusting that God will be my provision. Thank you Jesus for your continued support for me! :)

Here are my learning and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning February 11, 2005:

1. I love the show starting over and I really would love to be a therapist that works with a show like that.

2. I am not settling for a job outside of the psych field. I want to be passionate about my second job the way I am about Chris.

3. I made a lot of money this pay period and I think Richard is making me more jobs to do to take care of me, what a nice man!

4. Hilliary should never add cough medicine to a sleeping aid. She starts to hallucinate (8:09...britt was not in bed)

5. I can go to Richard even with things that scare me and he will be level headed.

Thankfulness February 11, 2005:

I am thankful that Richard took me seriously when I presented a very scary situation to him. I am thankful that he is rational and level headed. I am thankful that he knows how to talk to people and be a problem solver. He is very together and has a great outlook on life and parentning. I am so thankful that he loves Chris with all that he has and works hard to raise him right and protect him properly. Thank you Richard and thank you God! :)


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