Sunday, January 16, 2005

A new week and noone to kill

Good Afternoon everybody. Happy Sunday to you! I am just happy that it is a new week and I love new beginnings. I am so glad God set everything up to have like beginnings and endings like a week. I like that we have 7 days to get things right and then we step it up by having a new week. I think that is how humans need to feel. They need to feel like they have a new, fresh, start! It's the same with the end of a day, the end of a year, and the end of a decade, etc...

Last night I was thinking about how much I have changed in the last year. I have had some serious breakthroughs and have grown into some serious stupidity. Isn't it funny how you can change for the better and the worse all in one huge swoop? It's sad but true. I have gotten rid of really unhealthy behaviors and picked up some new ones. I am frustrated by this but see it as, I am only 24 and I am bound to be stupid in my youth. I am going to be growing smarter every year of my life so I am entitled to some stupidity now. The minute I see that stupidity, I really want to make sure, I am changing and growing from it.

Update on my life is that I still don't have a job. I have posted a few resumes on Jobsummit. com and have looked through the classifieds. I see nothing yet and have heard nothing yet. I am tempted to go and apply at Lane Bryant in order to get the hours I need and also get a great discount on sexy curvy women clothing. It's not a horrible idea. I am also going to call Vanguard and see if I can get the job listings or visit their web-site. I paid that school enough money that they should be able to help me get a job. I am very frustrated by this whole process as I feel that I had a job and someone stole it from me.

I am still really frustrated from yesterday's weigh in but after talking to my mom, she noted that it's probably just water weight and that I have this Kidney infection which could affect my weight. Last night, instead of binging on food to make myself feel better, I went for a 2 mile walk/jog down in Balboa and came back to the house feeling great. I helped Britt with some homework over the phone and got off and fell right to sleep. I was exhausted. I am hoping to work out 7/7 days this week and see some benefit to that. I know my body is getting healthier and stronger no matter what because of my nutrition changes but I can't help wanting to wear a swimsuit this year and get into a really sexy dress. My new years resolutions are going to be embarassing if I don't get some weight off.

I am really trying to focus right now on getting myself healthy in all aspects. I want a healthy mind, body, spirit, etc... I want healthy relationships with healthy people. It's funny how I wake up in the morning still scared to death because I live out in California alone. I find this really scary and I really need to stop being so scared of being alone in 2005. I need to start working on my dreams full force and start being an Erica that I can be proud of. Sometimes I am ashamed at the things I do. But, then again, who isn't?!

Well, I should finish up this blog as I plan to start a new project today. I hope you all have a great day and if you are thinking anything while reading this, write me an email and let me know?!

Learning January 15, 2005:

1. Just when the world looks bleak and terrible, my phone rings and I feel all better knowing it's someone who loves me!

2. Sometimes mom knows the best!

3. Joel is still my favorite thing to hear on the phone. He makes me understand what I am doing and thinking and I love him for it.

4. I have changed a lot this year and I should be proud of who I am instead of discouraged at where I am not.

5. Losing weight is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do in my life. Hands down this is the hardest challenge I have in front of me!

Thankful January 15, 2005:

I am thankful for my best friend, Joel. I am thankful that Joel always remembers me and catches up with me. He is a great listener and great at giving me good advice. He tells a great story and makes me feel included in his life. He loves his friends and family with everything he is and would do anything for anyone. He is the most amazing man I know and it's amazing that he is so exactly what I need in my life. He is gorgeous, talented, passionate, driven, focused, determined, loving, caring, nurturing, strong, protective, and the list goes on. Gosh, I hate when someone is always right but I am thanking God that he gets to be in my life. Thanks God and thanks my favorite boy!

~shalom~ All

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