Gosh, life is sad!

Well ya'll it's Saturday again and for me that is weigh in day. This week I maintained which is a plus although I would have rather lost since I worked out every day at the gym! Oh well, I have to deal with the fact that my body is different than everyone elses. Let's see what has happened since I last wrote. Well, this weekend (Sunday) I am heading down to San Deigo to spend some time with my new friend, Kevin. He is awesome and I plan to have a lot of fun. I am going to go to church with him. Yesterday I spent the day catching up with some things, web-paging, talking with friends, reading books, and relaxing. I decided that this weekend was a weekend of relaxation before I get back into a stressful mode of finding a job even if it's flipping burgers in the day time. I am really in need of a second job so I have to go full force, although I thought that was what I was doing.

My kidneys are getting healthier by the day. I am feeling much better and hope that this week will be a week to lose some weight since the infection seems to be gone and other factors seem to be clearing as well. My blog title is life is sad because I have learned that life is really sad and you just have to deal with that. First of all, my friend Jarrid's brother passed away last week. It was horrible and he was very young and I just was able to talk with Jarrid yesterday and it was such a sad conversation and I love Jarrid so much that my heart literally is hurting for him. Also, Joel hurt himself and everyone knows how much I love Joel. Also, a professor from Vanguard passed away from Cancer and you have to wonder about things like that. Also, my little sister is really sick right now with her lungs and they think mono so I don't know, maybe I am just a little stressed at the people hurting in my life.

Yesterday I also made a huge step and terminated my relationship with Jaylie, the little girl that I was mentoring. My life has thrown me some curveballs recently to the point of me not being able to invest very well in another needy human. I love her so much and it was sad to let her go but I have resolved not to be another person in her life that has disregarded her or abandoned her. I am going to keep in touch and try to be a constant in her life in a more removed way. Overall the world is filled with saddness, yet today I find myself at peace with it. I am going to spend my day just walking at the beach, reading a good book, cleaning my room, doing laundry, preparing for my trip tomorrow, doing self maintenance, and relaxing. I have a lot on my mind and even more on my plate but I can handle it.

Well, here are the last few days learning and thankfulness. Enjoy and I love you all! ~Shalom~

Learning January 27, 2005:

1. Just when you start to worry, just relax and your worries will stop happening!

2. Some people have a hard time having a serious discussion.

3. I love time with a certain boy even if I shouldn't.

4. Thursdays are such a good feeling day to me.

5. It feels good to see Christopher get a good grade and see his self-accomplished smile!

Learning January 28, 2005:

1. I got through a hard time pretty effectively recently and learned I have been growing up.

2. Christopher loves my scrambled eggs and said he could eat them everyday!

3. I love working on my web-page. It's so much fun!

4. I like family pictures, they make me feel close to my family.

5. I love Jarrid so much it hurts me sometimes!

Thankfulness January 27, 2005:

I am thankful for a semi-serious discussion I had with a certain male in my life. It felt good to know he was questioning the same things I was. It felt good to know that I had passed his mind and it might someday work out. WHo knows...I am thankful for the discussion nonetheless.

Thankfulness January 28, 2005:

I am thankful that Jarrid is able to talk to me. I am thankful that he trusts me with his inner heart and knows I love him greatly and would never hurt him. I am thankful that he really is a part of my family and that he has been given to us so greatly. I am thankful that God viewed it necessary for me to meet Jarrid Davis and share his life. I am thankful that God removed him from the situation he was in, in such a way that he lives a clean life and a productive one. I am proud of Jarrid and thankful for who he is regardless of his circumstances. I love you dear boy and thank you God!