Sunday, January 30, 2005

It's none of your business

Hey everyone! I know that the title of today's blog sounds catty and to be honest, it is! I am having problems with people getting into my business recently and hurting me with lies and horrible opinions. Well, I don't know that opinions can be horrible but you know what they say about them. I ended up not making my journey to San Deigo today to hang out with Kev. It ended up that Kev and I are going through a misunderstanding and I did not have the desire to go down there.

Yesterday I had a hard day learning new things and what people think of me. I found out I really do have a great friend in a person that I viewed as only a surface friend and I have a few relationships with people that I need to get rid of. It's crazy how people will treat you even though you have done them NO wrong. Oh well, that's life and the saddness I was speaking of yesterday. I heard from Heather today and I miss her so much. I am sure you all know that my friends, Heather and Josh, went to London for the semester. I am already missing them so much and their great friendship. I am learning how much they both meant to me.

I have been bad the last few days on exercise since I ran out of my free gym membership on Thursday. I have went 2 days with no exercise. I am so bad if I don't have something I am paying for or a place to go to keep me accountable. I really want to lose this weight though so I need to get serious. I have to be honest, I am in a state of a sorta depression right now. I am sad about a few things. I am sad that I don't have enough income, sad that Jarrid is sad, sad that Joel is hurt, sad that Britt is sick, sad that I haven't hung out with Joel in over a month, sad that my "friend" hurt me, sad that I don't have a boyfriend for V-day, sad that I have so many surface relationships with men, sad, sad, sad. I am just going to hold tight to the fact that God loves me and loves the people in my life and things will pan out. It's so hard when things look so bleak.

This week I am going into full force, find a job mode while not getting myself so stressed. I have to remember that God is Jehovah Jireh, my provider because He has never let me go without. I have plenty of friends praying for me and I know that God will intervene through their prayers! Anyway, I am pretty stressed right now but trying to remember that stress is nothing but lies from the Devil and will kill, steal, and destroy! I have to be relaxed and know God is God!

Overall, these are my thoughts for the day. I love you all dearly and if you haven't taken a gander at all the new pages on my web-page, check it out at http://www.angelfire.com/journal2/psychgrad. It's a blast!

Well here are my learning experiences and thankfulness for yesterday:

Learning January 29, 2005:

1. I am a woman of character and I will not stoop to catty things to get vengence.

2. I am going to start being discrete about my personal business.

3. I am glad I have steven as a friend, he is one of the best!

4. I love to read and forgot how enjoyable it is when I lost track of it.

5. People really do get very close to their abusers and it's hard to walk out on someone you believe in.

Thankfulness January 29, 2005:

I am very thankful for my friend Steven. Steven stands up for me, makes me laugh, affirms me, makes me feel good, makes me feel wanted, and is completely and utterly honest. I am thankful for his presence in my life for whatever season he is here for. I am thankful for his strong position in my life and the way he has impacted me on a personal level. I am thankful that I am not "falling in love" with him but rather happy loving him as my friend!

~shalom~ all and God bless~

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